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Washington College Stereotypes

Updated on August 17, 2014

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Washington state is a boring land of evergreens and clouds. For those high school students that can't escape this drizzly hell to warmer latitudes the task of choosing a school in Washington is difficult. Finding the right public university in Washington doesn't have to be chance. Below I will describe the stereotypical student at each university: the University of Washington, Washington State University, and Western Washington University. If you look in the mirror and resemble one of the stereotypes I describe below, you will probably fit into that university just fine.

University of Washington

The University of Washington is an actual college where students are expected to be intelligent and study. Do you obsess over a .01 decrease in your GPA? Do you enjoy reading and writing papers? Are you of Asian decent? If you answered yes to all three questions you will fit in just fine. You will love the University of Washington's quiet atmosphere. Don't worry you won't have to party or socialize, everyone is too busy studying just like you. Drugs and Alcohol? Never! At the University of Washington you can delay the scary world of adulthood and instead embrace the nerdy lifestyle that you would be scared to abandon. If you would rather play 'zombies' with Nerf guns than talk to a person of the opposite sex then the University of Washington is the perfect university for you.

Washington State University

Are you an alcoholic? Do you enjoy acquiring permanent liver damage and attending AA meetings? There are two similar types of people that live in Pullman, Washington. Cows, and drunks that didn't have the grades or the blood alcohol level to get into the University of Washington. Unprepared to study and ready to live out the plot of animal house, the majority of people that attend Washington State are so desperate to go to college and live up to their parents' expectations they are willing to live with the cattle and endless fields of grain. After living in Pullman for more than 24 hours the few students that didn't drink before will not be sober for the next four years. Seriously, if The Shining hadn't been been set in an isolated lodge it would have been set in the crushing boredom that is Pullman, Washington.

Western Washington University

Do you sport worn out clothes and dreadlocks even though you are white and your parents have a 401k? Are you going to college to be "educated" instead of earning a degree? Do you smoke a lot of weed? Well if you do then Western Washington University is perfect for you. This quaint college is nestled in the hills next to Belligham, Washington. Just south of the Canadian border, Western Washington University's location is smack dab on the Vancouver to Seattle marijuana superhighway. Expect to shower irregularly, be called a dirty hippie, and maced by the police. Time that should be spent studying will instead be spent eating Cheetos and contemplating life. After you get that useless degree in anthropology and come home to work at Molbacks for minimum wage act like you have learned the secrets to life, even though everyone thinks your a loser.

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