- Education and Science
What type of person are you? [with test]
Personality type test
Do you want to find out what type of person are you based on modern psychology terms? You can discover which of following types are you: Be Perfect, Be Strong, Please Others, Try Hard or Hurry up and also find out how you can overcome the bad things about them and make them work for you!
Personality types - Drivers
The famous psychologist and author Mavis Klein has been working as a group, individual and family therapist for over 35 years and managed to successfully treat many of her clients. Out of that experience she has developed a theory of 5 personality types which she published in her book "How to Choose a Mate". This theory is now widely acknowledged and used in therapies by psychologists all over the world. This is a story about these types, their meaning, also a test to see what are your types and as well the ways we can use them to help our self-development and progress. So let's start.
There are five types of personalities: Be Perfect, Be Strong, Please Me/You, Try Hard and Hurry Up. These types are the ways in which our ego defends us from pain. They are "instructions for successful life" that we get during our childhood. As such, they are messages that we get from our parents/guardians or any other authorative persons in our early life. These types are also sometimes called "drivers" because they are what drives us, as you will later see. Every person has these drivers and it is not unusual to have even 3 or 4 of them, but most people usually find that they have 2 which are dominant. Now, let's start talking about each type alone with some practical examples to follow.
This type usually occurs in families where parents are always unsatisfied, over-disciplined, strict and rigid, often in faimilies where one parent is a serviceman, over-commited to a religion, or a fanatic of any kind. These parents send their children a message "Don't ever be satisfied, it can always be better". The child understands and sees this message as "Whatever I do is not good enough, so I am not good enough". This type of person tends to always look and strive for perfection, so he is always unsatisfied, he always finds shortcomings and bad qualities in others, the Be Perfect always wants everything to be organized and in proper order, he always doublechecks if the door is locked and so on... Be Perfect lacks the permission to be satisfied.
It is also important to mention that this type doesn't necessarally occur in only these circumstances, it may be the case that the parents are happy and satisfied, but are also perfectionists, and again they send their child the message to be perfect, but in a better way, so that he is not always unsatisfied and unhappy, but again he loves everything to be perfectly organized and tidy, he looks not only for shortcomings, but as well for the virutes in others and etc. But for now, we will just focus on these brief explanations of each type and typical families in which they occur because they are a good example to catch the whole story and its point.
Later, in Overcoming your drivers module, I will say more about how to overcame the original drivers, move up and not make them waste our energy and make us unhappy, but how to overcome them and use them to help us.
This type is characteristical for families where parents are modest, brave and stoical. They send their children a message "Don't ask for yourself" which child gets as "Be Strong, withstand". These persons never complain or whine, they are always more caring about other's needs more than their's. This type is usual with oldest children who had to take care and responsibility of his/her younger brothers and sisters.
This type is frequent in families who always care about what others say, what neighbors think and say about them. So, they want to show that they are polite and good to everyone. They send children the message "Act properly, meet the expectations", which the child understands as "Don't be authentic". They act how others want, try to please them as much as possible, for example, they help old people across the road, congratulate the birthday to everyone, and so on. This is also typical for artists' families because the point of their work is to show something to the audience, to please them.
Try Hard parents say to their children "Work hard in order to succed in life", little child gets this as "I'm not good enough" and has the ban on success and everything is hard for him. So, whatever he does, if it's not right, he needs to try even harder to do it, but he fails again. These type's main characteristic is that they don't finish jobs/things, it is enogh for them just to try hard and if they don't succed it's ok because "They are no good". These persons, as persistent and comptetitive they are, they lack self-confidence and fail to fulfil their whole potential. This type can also occur in families of successful parents, but who are jealous of their kids.
This is characteristic late-borns, children who are born later. Their parents always say "Hurry up, hurry up", so child thinks "I do not belong anywhere". They are always in a rush, panicking, trying to get somewhere, and they can't say No to anyone because they want to be everywhere, to feel like they belong somewhere.
Three great books you should read, I would especially recommend "Games people play" if you haven't been reading any non-fiction literature yet.
Here you will find a more extensive story about drivers, the ways you can improve them, how they manifest in relations between people, especially in marriage and etc.
This is a must-read book of modern psychology, it is an introduction to transactional analysis, and for me personally the book that influenced me the most and helped me to understand that "we always get what we really wanted to get" from other people and also helped me to focus my energy on "getting the good things I want " and how can I get them more easily.
The author tells us in what positions can we be relatively to others based on what's our point of view on life, other people and ourselves. A great book for explaining why we need self-confidence!
Answer yes or no to each question as quickly and spontaneously as possible. If you are not sure and can't decide between these to, then choose the Unsure answer.
Overcoming your drivers
Before I say what are the ways to overcome bad things about drivers, I would first like to clarify a few things.
The five types mentioned earlier don't always have to develop in exactly those family conditons and environment. It is only one example which is meant to describe the whole story in a cleaner manner, to catch the whole point more easily. So, for example, the Be Strong doesn't have to appear only with oldest children, it can also be present with the younger child, who is, for example very responsible and caring, so he decides to carry a burden and also helps his older siblings and parents never complaining and showing weaknesses, trying to "be strong".
The second thing about the example mentioned in the module above is, as you probably noticed, that the types are described in a negative manner, I mean Be Perfect is represented as a person who doesn't know how to be satisfied, Try Hard like someone who never finishes anything, Hurry Up like an always in panic man and so on... So, the point is that these are all still "not upgarded" drivers, basic ones-which need to be "upgarded" in order to become helpful and useful to us, otherwise they will still be resiudal and will prevent us from going forward
Now, we get to the part How to overcome these difficulties with drivers. Saying first what is "wrong" with each type, or what is each type "missing". So let's start and also say what is to be done to overcome these missing parts.
Be Perfect is clearly missing the permission to be self-satisfied. So, he has to learn how to be satisfied with himself, and try to look not only for other's flaws, but also for their virtues, what they have that he doesn't. Then he will learn to look for good details, not only bad, he can then offer great organization and become, for example, a great team-builder.
Be Strong is missing the permission to seek for himself because he has a fear against rejection. He has to learn to ask for himself, knowing that he won't always get what he asks for, but he has to learn to ask for himself. When he learns to that, he can then offer people trust, people will believe him. Be Strong is the one who leads the team, a captain who takes responsibility, he is marvellous in a crsis.
Please Me/You lacks the permission to be authentic, to be himself. So he has to gain that permission, he has to say what he wants, then he can offer flexibility and understanding. With that flexibility and ability to freely say what is good and what is bad, Please Me/Yous can tell on the spot, for example what someone should wear, what looks good on him and so on. Please Me/Yous are therefore artists, successful merchants and traders...
The best thing for him is to do what he would have never done. He needs to finish jobs, to gain the permission for success. If he first learns to finish something, even in the worst possible way, he could offer great persistence. People with this attribute are the ones who work tirelessly, for example, code troubleshooters, they are so persistent to find even minor mistake in thousands of lines of code.
Hurry Up belons nowhere because he doesn't know how to say "No" and wants to be everywhere in a second. He has to learn to say NO, then he will also learn how to say "Us", so he will belong somewhere. If he learns to say No, to learn that he can't be in three places at the same time, he will be realistic about his own abilities. He then offers great efficiency, he is legitimized in professions involving great speed, motion and risk-taking decisions.
Be Perfect - attention to details, wants everything to be organized and in proper order, doublecheks everything. Needs to gain permission to be satisfied, to look for other's qualities as well. offers great organization
Be Strong - never asks much for himself, doesn't whine or complan, tries to look strong all the time. Needs to learn to seek something for himself, to ask for what he needs, offers reliability
Please Me/You - excessively cares about what others think and behaves to satisfy their needs, when he comes to a visit, he says he would drink whatever, instead saying what he really wants. Needs to say what HE/SHE wants, openly say what HE/SHE thinks. Offers flexibility and understanding.
Try Hard - is on first sight diligent and persistent, seeking for competitivness, but is unconfident and never finishes anything. Has to start finishing jobs, start doing what he would otherwise never do . Offers great persistence.
Hurry up - never gets on a meeting on time, always is too early or too late, tries to get everywhere, is often in a hurry, likes crowded places, speed and rush. Has to learn to say NO, to gain the right to belong somewhere. Offers great effectivness.