10 Ways U-Know Yunho Destroys Lives of Other Men
You know how some people, total strangers, come into your life and you realize that even when they pay no attention to you or don't even know you exist, you still can't ignore them because they are simply ruining your life without even trying. Jung Yunho or U-Know Yunho is one of them. Yes, I am talking about THAT Yunho, one of the two KINGS of Korea's music industry (the other one being Max Changmin).
I am not even talking about the millions and millions of girls and women who devote their whole life and earnings to the music of Dong Bang Shin Ki.
I am talking about the men, these pathetic creatures who really had nothing to do with The King U Know Yunho but still become victims simply because they happen to have been born in the same planet as The King Yunho. I know you are going to ask how on earth is The King Yunho destroying lives of men he doesn't even know. Here are ten ways:
#1 Tall and Handsome
Let's just get this out of the way. I mean, we have seen The King Yunho in almost every situation. He sweated like a pig in every concert and show they have done. He has been filmed right out of bed. He has been followed around even when he is doing simple errands. Yet, we have never seen him ugly, not even a single time. I mean, it's one thing to be tall and handsome but to be tall and handsome all the time? It's hard enough for mere mortals like me to look decent after five hours of hair and make up and just wakes up looking stunning.
What chance do we have?
#2 150 IQ
Men's IQ is consistent with their age and here is The King Yunho marching in with 150 IQ! What the fudge! I can hardly multiply anything after 5 and he is technically qualified to be a member of MENSA? This guy is just too much.
He needs to realize that an ordinary guy has an IQ commensurate to his waistline. Now that women are well aware that hot men can also be rich, women will just expect too much. Yunho, you are creating trouble.
#3 Hapkido Blackbelt
So he is not satisfied to be just smart and good looking. He just had to be badass too. Seriously, this guy's got to stop.
Before The King Yunho, women were perfectly okay with the fact that, IF they are lucky, they will end up with a guy that is either smart, badass or handsome but they have long accepted that it is almost impossible to find all three in one man. Then this The King Yunho comes marching in, making women realize that it is actually possible for one man to have all of those.
Yunho, you're all making us look like a bunch of impotent goats.
#4 Poison Just Won't Kill Him
So, he is great in dancing, great in singing, smart, handsome... and also immortal.
This freakin' anti-fan gave him a bottle of drink with poison and the ever-trusting Yunho just drinks it only to realize there is poison in it. He was rushed to the hospital, the anti-fan was arrested and Yunho didn't die.
That's not the most painful part. He actually goes to the police to tell them he has no plans in pressing charges and forgives the person who gave him poison.
Dear Yunho, in the mortal world, when someone punches you, you punch back. When someone tries to kill you, you try to kill the person back. That's just how things work in the normal world.
BUT NO... The King Yunho decided to be this classy and forgiving, not to mention, immortal person. What's wrong with eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth? What's wrong with giving what you receive?
Now women are going look for someone handsome, smart, badass and kind.
#5 Fights for His Dreams and Succeeds
After his father lost his job, he had the maturity to work for his own money and not burden his parents with his finances. To think he was barely into his teens when he decided to pay for everything for himself, it's pretty awesome. I mean, awesome for him it sucks for us, mere mortals.
That's wasn't the last time odds went against him. When he told his father he wanted to be a singer, his father so disapproved of it that his father threw him out of the house. He went back to working three jobs and sleeping wherever there is a flat surface. He swore that a day will come when he can walk back into his father's house and offer him the success he has achieved.
Why? Why? Why do you have to be so stubborn and pursue your dreams and actually succeed?
We mere mortals follow our parents. When they say don't do it or we get kicked out of the house, we listen to them. But no, you have to rain on our parade too. You just had to go out there and succeed and make your father proud. You just had to.
#6 Takes His Mom as His Date to His Career's Biggest Events
Really, The King Yunho? Really? I can hardly bear my mom when we are shopping for pants and here you are bringing her as your date in your career's biggest events. So, while the millions of girls and women around the world are looking at you and going 'awwwww', we are getting phone calls from everyone we know blasting at us for being parasites.
Nice job, The King Yunho.
#7 Does Not Talk Thrash
Right after the traumatic break up of the 5-piece Dong Bang Shin Ki that left about 5 million girls around the world with a broken heart from which they haven't recovered, The Kings Yunho and Changmin took a two-year break. When they made a comeback, they seemed to have been given the freedom to talk about the incident to their hearts' desire because The King Changmin made some classy but meaningful remarks about it.
The King Yunho, however, said very little. In the show Taxi, he mentioned that the five of them are friends and each has a talent. They all deserve to succeed and that he wishes them well. He refused to talk thrash and has never done so 'till this day.
You see, mortal men talk thrash. It's quite fun especially if you are succeeding in pissing off the other party. Why? Why does The King Yunho have to be so classy? Why??????????
Someone teach The King Yunho some thrash talking skill.
#8 Mad Dancing and Songwriting Skill
So, I thought I finally found a weak point on this walking perfection named U-Know Yunho. I thought, 'well, you can't write a dang song' and here is one fan fitchslapping me with a song called November With Love and other songs that were apparently written by The King Yunho. I listened to the dang songs expecting some crappy pop song and, instead, I got one of the most poetic songs I have listened to from Korea.
As if dancing like a modern Michael Jackson is not enough, he just had to be good in songwriting too.
Say what you want about Lee Soo Man but there is no denying that if it wasn't for him, there will be no Dong Bang Shin Ki. It is his money, brains and resources that made it possible for DBSK to be DBSK as a duo or a five-piece.
The King Yunho recognizes this and he is the kind that sticks it through with people that helped him. Despite the hatred of the world, he is constantly reiterating his loyalty to Lee Soo Man. He stood his ground and made it clear that he respects that man and will stand by him. Now, that's loyalty.
Yunho demonstrates the same behaviour with his friends. Leeteuk talked about how he felt uncomfortable with Yunho when Yunho started to become successful but Yunho was the one that reached out to him and made constant efforts to keep their friendship that started even before they debuted.
Then there is Son Ho Jun who swore to Yunho's undying devotion to his friends. Despite his busy schedules, Yunho makes it a point to be there in his friends' important dates such as birthdays.
He even does not mind letting the public know about it too.
He is smart, handsome, badass, kind and now, he is sweet too. I really believe he is out to make men's lives miserable.
#10 Builds Schools for Poor Children and Get Others to Do It Too
While celebrities are going around writing checks to some charitable organizations, The King Yunho goes something that has a long lasting effect like building a school and he gets his fans to donate too. Instead of just asking his fans to buy tickets for their concerts and merchandise, he gets them to do something meaningful.
Since Yunho made majority of the donation to build the school in Ghana, it has been named after him.
And here are men like me having trouble getting our parents to name our dog after us.
Bonus: Beats the Best Members of Running Man, Ambidextrous, Linguist
Here is the supposed two best members of Running Man, Kim Jong Kook (the Commander) and Song Ji Hyo (the Ace) an arm's away from Yunho as they chase him to rip off his nametag. Yunho didn't just run away, he managed to win the game and beat the whole cast of Running Man using his speed and strategic thinking.
There is also the famous cheating that Daesung did against The King Yunho in family outing and he still managed to win.
He is also ambidextrous (can use both hands) and speaks fluent Korean and Japanese.
There should be a law that makes it illegal for women to look, listen or think about The King Yunho. The freakin' guy is just setting the standards too high. He is kind, smart, good looking, talented, devoted son, devoted friend and badass. And he even has a cute dog! Can someone please come up with something that's wrong with him? Someone please... anybody?
Now every woman in the world is going 'why can't they all be like Yunho?'.
I think all the men in the world should come together and sue this guy because he is making us all look like a dead single cell life form.