10 Ways to Know if YOU Are Destined For Show Business
Movie star, Rhonda Fleming, in 1940, endorses V-8
Here are a few "real stars," of Hollywood who "made it"
If there were such a book entitled, "Saddest Places of Life," this story would be the lead story.
Sadness is part of life. No one likes to be sad and I don't know of anyone who has prayed for God to make them sad. But sadness walks hand-in-hand with happiness every day of our lives.
This story is simply about someone like you or me, who has dreamed at an early age, of being in show business. Being famous. And a much-sought-after celebrity to appear in major motion pictures in Hollywood.
Don't give me that, "I never dreamed that routine." We all have had this or similar dreams. I admit it. I would have "loved" to left my hometown, Hamilton, Alabama, and "broke" into show business such as some of the early stars in Hollywood. But life didn't deal me the "acting" talent cards, so I just settled for what I could do and do it the best I could. Like you did.
And today, I am as unsettled at age 58, as I was at 19. But more mellow in my slow-acceptance of the fact that I will never be in a movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt; Martha Madison or even whatever animal is a star today in Hollyhwood. Never will I sit down for an interview by TIME magazine who came to my plush suite to get my thoughts on the movie I have just completed.
And finally, I know for a fact that David Letterman or Jay Leno will never "burn my phone up" with questions like, "Ken, please be my "only" guest on my show tonight," and that's fine. I can live without the fame or fortune.
But can you? I bet before you sat down to read this story, you had just hung-up the phone trying to get "a leg up" in some Hollywood film or television show because your uncle on your mother's side knew a caterer's son who lives in Los Angeles who is the first cousin of the CEO of Paramount Studios. Yeah. Great networking, pal. You best get your ticket on Southwest Airlines for with connections like this, you are bound for fame as a Hollywood star.
But maybe you should read my "10 Ways to Know if You Are Destined for Show Business," first, before you head to the airport.
1.) As a child when you hear your first song on the radio, you try your best to mimic the singer, but somehow your three-year-old voice cannot reach the levels of that of opera great, Kate Smith.
2.) As an eager teen, you seize the opportunity to "act" in the church play, but your minister, normally a mild-spoken man, tells your parents, "get this bum out of my sight," then resigns from the church.
3.) On one occasion, you tell over seventy-five relatives at your annual family reunion that you can do "perfect" impressions of Hollywood stars. You start with comic-genius, Charlie Chaplan. As you walk onto the dining table in the middle of the community center, the location of your reunion, and with all eyes watching, you slip on some unnoticed potato salad, break your leg in three places and the audience "boo's" you into shame. Some even say, "look at that show-off, making fun of that show business saying, 'break a leg."
4.) When your family can finally afford to buy a television, you set your sights on doing some "western" acting like The Lone Ranger and Tonto. But with a twist. You get your buddies to act as "outlaws," and fire guns at you with "live" ammunition to impress your parents. You end up staying in the emergency room for the night to remove the bullets. And your parents ban you from television-watching for one month.
5.) With an undying spirit, you work hard and save-up for a ticket to Hollywood to "try-out" for movie roles. One is a sure-thing. The ad says, "no experience necessary." Your eyes are wide with excitement as your turn comes to meet the producer. "Where is my script for the audition?" you ask. "What audition, you moron? This part is for the back-end of a two-person "horse act," says the angry producer and tells you to leave.
6.) After many auditions, you almost give up, but one morning a call comes from a movie studio wanting to see you for a major part in a movie. You pack your things and leave for "Tinsel Town," rent a room and meet with the movie studio the next morning. The part, to your chagrin, was for a "janitor," not for the movie, but for the studio for their original janitor was discovered a day before you arrived and given a huge role in "Gone With The Wind."
7.) Producers frown upon you for bringing your mom with you to auditions thinking that she can talk them into using you for non-speaking roles.
8.) You come close to getting a non-speaking role as an "extra," to be seen in the background of a hot, romantic film with Gloria Swanson and Tom Mix. But you are fired instantly for the croutons you are "eating" make such a loud crunch, Miss Swanson complains, "it was that hooligan there with his mouth full of salad who caused me to forget my lines," and it's back to Topeka, Kansas for you. And your mom.
9.) Now you are down to "begging" for small parts in movies such as a dog trainer who has no lines, just standing with a gentle Collie in the movie scene. But "fate" is ugly to you and causes the Collie to "go mad," and bite you several times sending you to another emergency room to spend the night taking painful rabies shots.
10.) When you are out of ideas on how to "break into" show business, you are desperate enough to take a part as "Hambone," a lively puppet who entertains with "Grump," another puppet in a two-puppet show in a hospital ward to give patients some needed-smiles.. Well, you know how this ends. "Grump," normally a kind "old man" puppet who is sometimes-grumpy and ill, beats the cush out of you and you now lay on the floor as the elderly patients let out gales of laughter at "Hambone" being such a wuss.
But hey, you "did" get some laughs. Why the frown?
Didn't you know that Hollywood icon, Howdy Doody started this way?
NOTE: although in some of the photos of Hollywood stars to your right, some are shown with cigarettes, this hub is in no way condoning or endorsing the use of nicotine--smoking, chewing, or dipping in any fashion. KENNETH.