10 Reasons to Know if You are a Zombie
I place the blame
on film producer, John A. Russo, the man who is credited for the 1968 classic, Night of The Living Dead. What a creative man. And what a cultish trend that this one film started.
Since that time almost everywhere I look and everywhere I go I can see unwanted glimpses of zombies here, zombies there, and films (on the way) "I Was a Teenage Zombie," "Planet of The Zombies," and "Escape From The Planet of The Zombies."
It's enough to make me sicker of what could have been a film left alone in its popularity. What I am getting at is that us Americans may be so entertainment starved that we will fork over a hefty $24.00 for two general admission tickets at the local cinema ducomplexagram, with 20 screens all showing zombie-related films while throngs of teens and twenty-something's gather to be seen enjoying these fictional presentations.
Not this guy. I am going to keep my 63-year-old body at home. After all, all who love zombies, did you know that a "zombie" or the "undead" is a paradox? Sure. You remember this English lesson in high school or were you (like me) with your mind dialing up some scheme to get with "Mary Beth Wilcox" the head majorette with a shady reputation?
If you have ever
wondered if you or any of your family members might be of a zombie background? No, I do not think that this is a silly question. Everything is possible in this unstable year of 2017. Oh, you disagree? Then tell me how and why the Atlanta Falcons beat the Green Bay Packers to reach Super Bowl LI?
If you are of the secretly-wondering about if you or family members being from a zombie past life, just relax and read the following 10 reasons to know for sure if you might be a zombie.
- You find yourself ignoring what your wife, children and coworkers are saying to you?
- For some mysterious reason, you have a craving to get out of bed at 2 a.m. each morning and go parading around your neighborhood (in your PJ's) stumbling through the doors of strangers' homes.
- Blood has taken on an entirely new attraction for you. (e.g. you cut your hand on purpose while carving a perfectly-baked turkey that was going to be served to your family at Thanksgiving).
- You love it when your eyes both glaze over and you stare into space for hours on end.
- Friends and your grieving wife have to search for you many nights during the week only to find you in a different cemetery.
- Eating regular food is not as exciting for you as eating a raw ribeye steak.
- Instead of talking sensibly to your wife (if you talk at all) you just glare at her and growl deep down in your throat.
- The family dog or cat is terrified of you when you get home from work.
- Your neighbors for the most part a family who does not judge anyone, are now looking at you with fear in their eyes when you wave at them as you go on your morning stalk, errr, I mean job.
- Your boss catches you trying to coax a coworker to fire a gun at you to see how many shots it will take to knock you down and then see if you can get up and continue to walk again.
Note to the married ladies: I do not want to be the source of alarm here, but one or two of the above reasons can be used to identify your husband. To keep you from panic, I will not tell you the ones I am referring to, but chances are . . .you might be married to a zombie.
See you soon--but only if you prove to be a real human.
Good night, Adrian, Michigan.
Watch carefully. If you see a glimpse of any of your relatives who you do not associate with for some strange reasons, you might be a zombie.
© 2017 Kenneth Avery