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Grab Bag of One-Liners to Start Your New Year

Updated on March 19, 2011

Quotes are Quotable


-Start the day with a smile, you'll see how fun it is to go out of tune with the rest of humanity 


- Drugs cause amnesia and something else that I can not remember.

- Intelligence chases me, but I am faster.



- If you are willing to lend a hand, you'll find it at the end of your arm.

- An Optimist is one who thinks he can solve a traffic jam by honking.

- A Smile is the second best thing you can do with your lips

- These days it takes much talent to commit original sin.

- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then it gets worse.

- Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all its students.

- There are three types of people: those who can count and those who do not.

Quotes Can Be Funny and Enlightening

- I heard you speak so well, I thought you were dead.

- He who is born poor and ugly that has great potential to grow is to develop both.

- Money does not bring happiness, but once the first leaves, the second follows.

- The important thing is not to win but to lose another.

- The problem of fair is that they are bribed by both parties.

- Women are the translations: If you are faithful, hard to be as beautiful and, if they are beautiful, hard to be so faithful.

- If you can not convince them, confuse them.


Quotes Can Never Be 'Original'

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding some, making a false diagnosis and then applying the wrong remedies.

- Love lasts as long as it lasts.

- Do not leave for tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

- Experience is the name we give to our blunders

-One thing is true-- that repeat offenders do not go changing ideas.

- Only the geniuses are modest.

- Flee the temptations, but slowly, so that they can catch up. .

- If you have a clear conscience, it is merely a symptom of a bad memory.

- The absolute truth does not exist and this is absolutely true.


- Work like you do not need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like nobody's watching.

- That each day is a rebirth, with new hope

- When you need to say something, your words are better than your silence.

- If you love something, set it free, if he returns to you is yours, if not--it never was.



- The important thing is not who has made us but what we do with what they have given us.


- Never take life too seriously.  (You will not come out of it alive.)


- It is better to be silent and let them think you are an idiot than to speak and prove it.

- Some marriages end up well, others last a lifetime.

- Always remember you are unique ... Just like everyone else.

- Every man wants to be the first love of a woman, every woman wants to be the last love of a man.


- You have to work eight hours and sleep eight hours, but not at the same time.


- I do not suffer from insanity ... I enjoy every minute.

- No matter how often a married man changes jobs ... he always follows the same boss.

- Every 'last time' was the time before.



- The women who have 'no luck' with men does not know how lucky they are!

- How long can it be a minute depends which side of the bathroom door you are on.


- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.


- Only the geniuses are modest.

- Some students will just go to the racetrack and see that even the horses fail to finish their career.

- If money could talk to me it is saying goodbye!

- If you have nothing to do, please do not do here.

- If at first you do not do well, skydiving is not for you.


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