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11 Thoughts on the X-Files Trailer
On Monday night, sandwiched in between Gotham and Minority Report, FOX finally gave the world exactly what it had wanted. Well, at least the nerdy section of the world. Yes, after months of waiting, we were finally treated to the first trailer of the X-Files revival that actually was a trailer (no offense to those fifteen second spots FOX aired a few months ago, but come on. That’s like order mozzarella sticks and getting only one). And man, on a scale from one to LUGER WON THE TITLE, this was a solid “She’s alive, can you die now?” (come on X-Files fans, you know where that quote is from!). I mean, it had everything you wanted; Mulder, Scully, aliens, cryptic messages written on the back of dusty cars, WALTER SKINNER ROCKING A GOATEE! Overall, if this wasn’t a success, than nothing is. Of course, there’s more to it than that, and luckily, I’m here to look into it. And after watching the trailer a couple of times now, I’ve come up with about eleven thoughts on what I saw. Why eleven instead of ten? Ask the Nostalgia Critic. Alright, enough babble. Let’s get rolling shall we?
(Note: if you haven’t seen the trailer, click here to do so. Kind of makes the column easier to understand!)
1. Colonization hasn’t happened yet. I mean, I suppose it’s possible the aliens have already started and either a) no one knows about it or b) this miniseries is all going to end up being one giant fever dream of Mulder’s before he’s killed and cloned. It’s possible. That said, the opening shots of nukes, alien DNA and a woman giving birth to an alien, all while Tad O’Malley (Joel McHale, aka Jeff Winger) describes the colonization process (almost word for word quoting Alvin Kurtzweil’s speech from X-Files: Fight the Future by the way) seems to signal that it hasn’t come to pass yet. What does that mean? Did something prevent colonization in 2012? Did the aliens just wake up and hit the snooze button? Is there a new Syndicate that bought the world more time? I need to know these things!
2. O’Malley is the reason The X-Files are back. One thing that was made pretty clear is that the former Jeff Winger is responsible for Mulder getting all gung ho again about solving the conspiracy. So much so that O’Malley (described as an “internet news anchor”) evidently takes a chopper to Mulder’s secluded home to offer him a chance at finding the truth. How swell of him. There’s just of course one problem.
3. I think I trust Edward Furlong to stay clean more than I trust O’Malley. Did you hear the way O’Malley described himself in those clips? Maybe it’s just years of watching McHale play one of the funniest characters on TV, but I’m not buying him as loyal to Mulder. And hey, it’s not like Mulder’s track record in trusting people in these situations is exactly great. Remember when Deep Throat through him off the trail of the truck in E.B.E.? That scoundrel Senator Richard Mathis? Krychek? I could be wrong, but I could easily see O’Malley turning out to be one of those moles the Smoking Man always used to have. Plus, of all the people, why would this guy convince Mulder to start looking again? Unless of course, Mulder never stopped looking. Which brings us too…
4. There’s a new Deep Throat/X esq character. I mean, who else could that old guy Mulder meets in D.C. be? And judging by the way the two talked to each other, this wasn’t the first time they’ve spoken, which means that this is either an older character who is completely unrecognizable, or a new one. I’m leaning towards a new one. Did that man look like Krychek to you? One of the Lone Gunmen? X? Deep Throat? Someone else I can’t remember? Whoever this is, it’s pretty clear that he knows the score, and that he’ll confirm the truth if Mulder “puts the pieces together.” Which, let’s be honest, has to drive Mulder up the wall. How many times has he been told that he’s close to putting it all together? Hell, how many times has he “seen” something, as he claims? I cannot wait to see how this show ends, if only to see what Mulder does with himself afterwards. He’s either going to die, or he’s going to become a much more violent Harvey Dent from The Dark Knight.
5. Did they really not do anything with Mulder’s office since 2002? Seriously, that room has just stayed empty except for tumbleweeds and the I Want to Believe poster littering the floor? What are you doing F.B.I.? I get that it’s the basement and being sent down there was pretty much the bureau’s way of designating you for assignment, but come on. That’s perfectly good office space there! Plus, wouldn’t they want to wipe the stink of Mulder away from that room by taking it back? This is why I don’t work for the government.
6. Scully is still a doctor. Speaking of people who don’t work for the government, Dana Scully! And unless she just likes sadly chillin alone in what appears to be an Intensive Care unit, it looks like she’s practicing medicine full time now. Can’t say I blame her; who wouldn’t prefer helping humans over fighting off aliens and the strangest creatures ever?
7. Things are chilly between Mulder and Scully. And I mean chilly. Like, chillier than Mulder was when he had to save Scully from being abducted in Fight the Future. It’s not surprising, and not just because I’ve read quotes from the cast and crew about them no longer being together at the start of this revival. Did anyone really expect their relationship to survive when one of them is searching for normalcy and the other is searching for extraterrestrial beings like nothing else in the world matters? Of course there was going to be an unfortunate split. Hey, at least it’ll be fun seeing the two start to fall for each other again as the mystery unravels. And come on, you know its happening. As fun as it would be to have the two as uber platonic friends again, I don’t know if I can stand anymore of Scully being skeptical. Good God woman, how much more do you need to see?!
8. SKINNER’S ROCKING A GOATEE! And what a glorious one it is! I gotta tell you, there was no happier moment for me than seeing Skinner again. Is there a more underrated X-Files character than him? He was captivating, he was cool; hell, I even enjoyed the man when he seemed like he wanted the world to drown in a big ball of fire (which, judging from his usual annoyed expression, seemed often). Just great to see him again and also great to see that he looks exactly the same aside from the goatee. If Mitch Pileggi is reading this right now, great choice my man. Great choice.
9. Is that Gibson Praise in the military garb? I could be the only one, but I was pretty intrigued by the multiple shots of that geeky young military dude who was seen carrying a body (alien body?). Why? Because he could conceivably be the grown up wunderkind who always winds up being the key to something Mulder is doing. I can’t say its Gibson for sure, but man; I don’t know who else it could be. And hey, that would be welcome, as Gibson and his all knowing abilities (isn’t it great to have alien DNA in you?) are pretty much the only thing Mulder has working for him. And that was just when the kid was younger; he’s probably halfway between Super Soldier and Alien Bounty Hunter by now.
10. Not many of the usual suspects were seen. Aside from Mulder, Scully, Skinner, possibly Gibson and the guy I’m going to discuss in a minute, there weren’t exactly many familiar faces here. The Gunmen were nowhere to be found (though they are apparently going to return). Some people thought they saw a shot of a dude who looked like Krychek, but I didn’t see anything. Pretty much go down the list; Marita, X, Deep Throat, John Doggett, Monica Reyes, Jeffery Spender, baby William, the Alien Bounty Hunter, all of them were missing from here (though like the Gunmen, Reyes will return at some point too. Sorry mizfan). Certainly I wouldn’t doubt some will appear, and I certainly understand why some shouldn’t. But man, isn’t it a little disheartening? Then again, I may just be the only one who wants to see Krychek again. Man was brilliant; brilliant I tell you!
11. THE SMOKING MAN IS ALIVE! Every semi-sad thing I sad in the last section; throw it out. ALL IS FORGIVEN! The X-Files was always at its best when its main villain was at the controls, and him returning now is no different. Here’s the tricky thing though; how is this man even alive? A reminder, the last time the Smoking Man was seen was when he was vaporized by a missile in the series finale. It’s kind of hard to come back from being vaporized my man! And hell, even if he somehow did survive it, am I really supposed to believe he wouldn’t have succumbed from lung cancer in the years since? Please. The only solutions I can think of is the show just forgetting season nine ever happened (which aside from baby William wouldn’t be a bad thing), that the aliens have cloned the Smoking Man or that this revival is going to turn out to be one last glimpse of what could’ve happened before Mulder is killed and cloned as part of colonization. Is it wrong that I’m slowly talking myself into that ending?
And I’m spent. I’ll be back later with the continuation of my Twin Peaks character countdown. Till then, hit me with some DUCHOVNY!