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2012 A Movie Review Of Sorts

Updated on November 16, 2009


I have to admit that I wasn’t expecting all that much from this movie and although it’s not my favorite genre you discover after being with the same man for twenty-one years (or woman or cat or whatever) that sometimes your opinion doesn’t matter or that you need to allow the little choices to slip through your control freak hands every once in awhile. Such it was that we went on the opening weekend to see 2012 and here it is, 2012 a movie review, of sorts – Don’t Get Me Started!

The reason I say, “of sorts” is that really although this is going to be about the movie 2012, it’s going to also be about the whole movie industry and my feelings on these big budget extravagreen screens. Fear not, there will be no “spoilers” but then again if you’ve been to any movie recently and sat through the almost 20 minutes of previews you’ll discover that every movie is ruined by the studio itself as they show all the best bits of a movie in the trailer for it anymore. You’re only hope is that it’s been so long from when you’ve seen the trailer that by the time the movie comes out you don’t remember that you’ve seen they’ve cut off the alien’s head or something in the trailer six months prior to buying your ticket.

2012 is a basic idea…the world is ending in 2012. There I’ve said it. Though I’m not sure if it’s got an actual date on governmental or any other calendars (remember how embarrassed the “end of the world” religious set were when it didn’t happen in 2000? Loved every minute of that one.)  I don’t know that I disagree that another Ice Age or something is headed for our planet at some point. There’s a large part of me that sort of thinks it would be nice for the world to be able to start all over again (even if it means me being killed by the falling Sphinx from the Luxor hotel, since I live in Las Vegas – they always show Las Vegas in these movies and someone is always being killed by a landmark so I’m sure the end of the world will want to imitate art). And while the movie 2012 does give some scientific goodies about the plates that make the surface of the earth and its core (I was never one for science class so it all went straight over my head, they could have been using terminology about how to rebuild a carburetor and I would have had no idea the difference) let’s face it, this movie is about the special effects. But herein lays the problem, the more advance the whole green screen and computer generated film techniques get the more I find myself bored. It’s sort of like watching someone else play a video game instead of playing yourself. If you aren’t playing it yourself do you really care that your pal killed the one eyed Zorch on level four and would you watch them do it for two hours? Well I wouldn’t.

You see, without the presence of actors  - sure there are actors in this movie but they seem as though they really get in the way of New York tipping on its side going into the river or the White House getting annihilated. There’s a saying credited to W.C. Fields, that’s said, “Never work with children or animals” but if he were alive today I think he would add, “Green Screens” to that mix. You see, although I’m sure that the actors are paid well and some try their best to actually act, they are so inconsequential that I found myself rolling my eyes when they would try to give us a reason to care about the people who were being swallowed up whole by the world.  The dialogue could be from any disaster movie, whether  there are aliens attacking or the world ending I’m convinced they just take an old script, cut it up and play pick-up sticks with the dialogue until they have their script to fit in between blowing shit up. And as I sat there watching them figure out who should live or die in the new world that was being created, I decided that I wouldn’t want to live in the world with any of these people (once again, refer to my stunning death by Sphinx from the Luxor).

I miss movies where there’s some acting going on. And yes, I would rather watch Bette Davis or Joan Crawford chew up the scenery with their melodramatic acting as opposed to see another shot of the Washington monument crumbling. (And let’s remember that they had an actual set to chew up, not just a green screen to “ooh” and “ahh” in front of for two plus hours.) I do give the 2012 filmmaker credit because for once we didn’t see the Statue of Liberty sinking into the ocean or turn up on a beach from the crown up like in the old Planet of the Apes. But come on, someone explain to me why these movies cost so much to make or watch when it’s really just an army of nerds sitting somewhere with cheetahs stained fingers seeing if they can make the tidal wave really look like a tidal wave.

And before you jump on me about what artistry it takes to make the special effects, I’m sure that it does but I’m also sure someone thought screen savers with different colors of pipes filling your computer screen were art too at one point. I get that our appetite has changed as well. Before Crouching Tiger, Hidden Cables Holding Up Actors, we’d never seen people suspended in the air for twenty seconds while they repeatedly kicked the shit out of everyone from every angle but try putting that in a movie today and everyone starts to yawn. Funny isn’t it that true artistry like the Mona Lisa doesn’t make us yawn even after all these years as much as technology driven art.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when you consider that in the 1920’s there were only silent movies and by 1939 you had Gone With The Wind and The Wizard of Oz in fabulous Technicolor, the movie industry has always been one of the fastest paced moving industries when it comes to technology, I’d just like to also see some acting among the computer generated blockbusters please. Meanwhile I’m not one to lose my guy after all these years or heed my own advice so yes, I’ll be seeing Avatar too trying desperately to keep my eyes from rolling and on the screen.  2012 a movie review, of sorts – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • shamelabboush profile image

      shamelabboush 7 years ago

      I like your smart critique. I went to the opening of this movie too and I can say it's not bad at all..