35 Funny Excuses to Get Out of Doing Something
Why We Must Come Up With Excuses
You have just plopped down on your comfy recliner with a glass of your favorite wine in one hand and the TV remote in the other. You are ready to finally enjoy some relaxation time while watching your favorite TV show "Friends".
And then it happens! Your phone does the little vibration dance on the coffee table disturbing your peaceful moment, that you had hoped would last more than its measly thirty seconds. You haven't even tasted your wine or turned the television set on. You wish you could just ignore the call, but what if it is from that hot date you had the other night with Ashle...or maybe Amand...or was it Melinda?(you can't seem to remember her name, but that is all right because she was HOT).
So, you reluctantly pick up the phone and realize it is a number you know far too well. Unfortunately, it is not miss what's her name. It is your friend Billy, the one friend you have simply for the benefits. He is rich and buys you expensive toys like new cars and 60" TVs.(in fact the TV you were about to watch Friends on, Billy bought for you) But, Billy does not know this evil side to you, that you are playing him for his money. So, you are safe! But, you have to pick up his call if you want some more nice gifts!
If this call is in anyway similar to the call you received two weeks ago, you know you are in for some trouble. You remember this event far too well. The time when Billy invited you over to the Wimbledon's house, that worn down, dilapidated house which stunk of dirty laundry and rotten eggs. And of course, you can't forget that cut-throat game of UNO you pretended to enjoy.
So, why did you end up going to the Wimbledon's house? Because you couldn't think of an excuse. We all know that if we try to think of an excuse on the spot, we will get caught red-handed. It is easy to predict an excuse arising on the horizon, when someone is stuttering and pausing every five seconds.
Let's take at look at 35 funny excuses we can use on poor old Billy so we can avoid playing UNO while gagging on the smell of rotten eggs.
Gary Busey's Excuses
Gary Busey's Excuses
35 Excuses To Add To Your List
1. My brother-in-law's friend's father's grandmother's sister's aunt's turtle died, and yes, it was a tragic death. I simply can not go into the details!
2. My fortune teller advised against it.
3. I have a court hearing at the same because I stole the last cookie. What a coincidence?!
4. I am writing a love letter to my ________ (insert your crush)
5. I promised to help Ashley clean the toilet at the same time. She doesn't like doing it alone; she gets nervous that she will fall in! Some kind of toilet phobia(a weird name I can't remember for some reason...)
6. I need to spend some serious time worrying about a good excuse as to why I don't want to do anything tonight. :).
7. I do not usually go out on days that end with the letters "day". Sorry, personal preference.
8. People are blaming me for World War III, and I am trying to be a peacemaker.
9. Unfortunately there is a disturbance in the force, and it is not with me right now. I never go anywhere without the force, Skywalker strongly advises against it.
10. My plot to take over the presidency of the book club is thickening, and I must stay home to make sure everything is working out smoothly.
11. Obama is coming over tonight for some tea and crumpets. At least that is what his text stated. And like they say, never ditch the President, he likes his tea time!
12. My hamster needs a good washing! He was playing with the pigs in the mud today. Stupid hamster!
13. I am teaching my parrot to sing Adele's hit song "Someone Like You". Why? Because it is a catchy song! Sheesh, no need to judge me!
14. I need to double check all of the expiration dates on my milk. You can never be too sure. And I love my Cheerios in the morning!
15. Sorry, but I can't do anything for the next few hours. I am allowing my food to digest. You can never play it too safe!
16. I am planning on going downtown to try out the new Wendys. I hear they can make a mean burger! Did you know they had just opened up?!
17. My comfort zone and I are sipping our coffee and enjoying some bonding time. I don't like to leave my comfort zone.
18. I left my body in my other clothes, and those clothes are currently in the washer. (At least I wash my laundry unlike the Wimbledons!)
19. My socks are matching! This is an natural disaster, an emergency!
20. The ceiling tiles in my living room need to be recounted. Susan and I were having a debate on the count last night, and I must prove to her that I am right!
21. I must eat more white dots; the monsters have not turned blue yet.
22. I am being deported Friday night, sorry I will not be able to make it. Oh, the boring and lifeless event is Thursday night? I am getting deported Thursday night, that is what I meant to say. Sorry, the wine must be getting to me.
23. I have lost my lucky rat's tail. Sorry, but I never go out without it!
24. I must get to the bottom of this Cracker Jacks box so I can play with the toy. I heard it is a slinky! I love slinkies!
25. I have to go to the post office to see if I am still wanted.
26. I am trying to be less popular. Someone has got to do it!
27. I am currently working on my bucket list. And unfortunately, attending the book review party on Dr. Suess's latest book is not on my list.
28. My cat Mr. Spinkles just fell up the stairs. Can you believe it? Up the stairs?? "Mr Spinkles, I am coming, just gimme one minu......"
29. I need to study for my upcoming history test. You didn't know I was taking summer school this year? I didn't either, just started today actually! :)
30. I am observing National "Don't Go Out At All Week". You haven't heard of that yet? Really, it is getting to be very popular in Amsterdam!
31. I need to plant my watermelon seeds. Yes, I know it is the middle of the winter. Duh! I am starting ahead of the game this year!
32. I changed my lock on the door and can't get out. I hate it when that happens!
33. I made an appointment with my eyebrow specialist.
34. I have not met my daily Thesaurus quota yet. I look up thirty words every day.
And Last But Certainly Not Least
35. I am sorry, but I have to edit some hubs, respond to comments, and make sure my Hubscore and author score are satisfactory! Before I do anything, this is an absolute must!
Disclaimer On This List Of Funny Excuses
For all of you wishful thinkers, I am sorry. But, unfortunately, I am going to have to burst those bubbles of hope! These excuses will fail 98% of the time, and even that percentage is inaccurate! If you manage to use one of these excuses successfully, please let me know. I will be rewarding you with HubHugs for life!
So, if these excuses do not work, what is the point? The moral of the story is that sometimes, playing UNO may not be the worst thing after all. Just bring a gas mask to stifle the smell of dirty laundry. And you had better win the UNO game!