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35 Funny Excuses to Get Out of Doing Something

Updated on April 19, 2016
Me making an excuse to be weird, because it is fun!
Me making an excuse to be weird, because it is fun!
Some of the guys I used to sing with!
Some of the guys I used to sing with!

Why We Must Come Up With Excuses

You have just plopped down on your comfy recliner with a glass of your favorite wine in one hand and the TV remote in the other. You are ready to finally enjoy some relaxation time while watching your favorite TV show "Friends".

And then it happens! Your phone does the little vibration dance on the coffee table disturbing your peaceful moment, that you had hoped would last more than its measly thirty seconds. You haven't even tasted your wine or turned the television set on. You wish you could just ignore the call, but what if it is from that hot date you had the other night with Ashle...or maybe Amand...or was it Melinda?(you can't seem to remember her name, but that is all right because she was HOT).

So, you reluctantly pick up the phone and realize it is a number you know far too well. Unfortunately, it is not miss what's her name. It is your friend Billy, the one friend you have simply for the benefits. He is rich and buys you expensive toys like new cars and 60" TVs.(in fact the TV you were about to watch Friends on, Billy bought for you) But, Billy does not know this evil side to you, that you are playing him for his money. So, you are safe! But, you have to pick up his call if you want some more nice gifts!

If this call is in anyway similar to the call you received two weeks ago, you know you are in for some trouble. You remember this event far too well. The time when Billy invited you over to the Wimbledon's house, that worn down, dilapidated house which stunk of dirty laundry and rotten eggs. And of course, you can't forget that cut-throat game of UNO you pretended to enjoy.

So, why did you end up going to the Wimbledon's house? Because you couldn't think of an excuse. We all know that if we try to think of an excuse on the spot, we will get caught red-handed. It is easy to predict an excuse arising on the horizon, when someone is stuttering and pausing every five seconds.

Let's take at look at 35 funny excuses we can use on poor old Billy so we can avoid playing UNO while gagging on the smell of rotten eggs.

Gary Busey's Excuses

Gary Busey's Excuses

35 Excuses To Add To Your List

1. My brother-in-law's friend's father's grandmother's sister's aunt's turtle died, and yes, it was a tragic death. I simply can not go into the details!

2. My fortune teller advised against it.

3. I have a court hearing at the same because I stole the last cookie. What a coincidence?!

4. I am writing a love letter to my ________ (insert your crush)

5. I promised to help Ashley clean the toilet at the same time. She doesn't like doing it alone; she gets nervous that she will fall in! Some kind of toilet phobia(a weird name I can't remember for some reason...)

6. I need to spend some serious time worrying about a good excuse as to why I don't want to do anything tonight. :).

7. I do not usually go out on days that end with the letters "day". Sorry, personal preference.

8. People are blaming me for World War III, and I am trying to be a peacemaker.

9. Unfortunately there is a disturbance in the force, and it is not with me right now. I never go anywhere without the force, Skywalker strongly advises against it.

10. My plot to take over the presidency of the book club is thickening, and I must stay home to make sure everything is working out smoothly.

11. Obama is coming over tonight for some tea and crumpets. At least that is what his text stated. And like they say, never ditch the President, he likes his tea time!

12. My hamster needs a good washing! He was playing with the pigs in the mud today. Stupid hamster!

13. I am teaching my parrot to sing Adele's hit song "Someone Like You". Why? Because it is a catchy song! Sheesh, no need to judge me!

14. I need to double check all of the expiration dates on my milk. You can never be too sure. And I love my Cheerios in the morning!

15. Sorry, but I can't do anything for the next few hours. I am allowing my food to digest. You can never play it too safe!

16. I am planning on going downtown to try out the new Wendys. I hear they can make a mean burger! Did you know they had just opened up?!

17. My comfort zone and I are sipping our coffee and enjoying some bonding time. I don't like to leave my comfort zone.

18. I left my body in my other clothes, and those clothes are currently in the washer. (At least I wash my laundry unlike the Wimbledons!)

19. My socks are matching! This is an natural disaster, an emergency!

20. The ceiling tiles in my living room need to be recounted. Susan and I were having a debate on the count last night, and I must prove to her that I am right!

21. I must eat more white dots; the monsters have not turned blue yet.

22. I am being deported Friday night, sorry I will not be able to make it. Oh, the boring and lifeless event is Thursday night? I am getting deported Thursday night, that is what I meant to say. Sorry, the wine must be getting to me.

23. I have lost my lucky rat's tail. Sorry, but I never go out without it!

24. I must get to the bottom of this Cracker Jacks box so I can play with the toy. I heard it is a slinky! I love slinkies!

25. I have to go to the post office to see if I am still wanted.

26. I am trying to be less popular. Someone has got to do it!

27. I am currently working on my bucket list. And unfortunately, attending the book review party on Dr. Suess's latest book is not on my list.

28. My cat Mr. Spinkles just fell up the stairs. Can you believe it? Up the stairs?? "Mr Spinkles, I am coming, just gimme one minu......"

29. I need to study for my upcoming history test. You didn't know I was taking summer school this year? I didn't either, just started today actually! :)

30. I am observing National "Don't Go Out At All Week". You haven't heard of that yet? Really, it is getting to be very popular in Amsterdam!

31. I need to plant my watermelon seeds. Yes, I know it is the middle of the winter. Duh! I am starting ahead of the game this year!

32. I changed my lock on the door and can't get out. I hate it when that happens!

33. I made an appointment with my eyebrow specialist.

34. I have not met my daily Thesaurus quota yet. I look up thirty words every day.

And Last But Certainly Not Least

35. I am sorry, but I have to edit some hubs, respond to comments, and make sure my Hubscore and author score are satisfactory! Before I do anything, this is an absolute must!


Disclaimer On This List Of Funny Excuses

For all of you wishful thinkers, I am sorry. But, unfortunately, I am going to have to burst those bubbles of hope! These excuses will fail 98% of the time, and even that percentage is inaccurate! If you manage to use one of these excuses successfully, please let me know. I will be rewarding you with HubHugs for life!

So, if these excuses do not work, what is the point? The moral of the story is that sometimes, playing UNO may not be the worst thing after all. Just bring a gas mask to stifle the smell of dirty laundry. And you had better win the UNO game!

Song On Excuses

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    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Josh, you had me at Friends and excuses!! Seriously, I laughed so hard I am surprised I didn't wake up my girls from their naps. On the topic of Friends, #22 made me think of Chandeler's excuse to Janice about leaving the country to work in Yemen.

      By the way, I am so bad at making excuses and am way too honest that I am always afraid if I do try to make an excuse I will get caught in my own lies, so could totally relate here. But I loved this hub and your humor on this topic was truly awesome. Once again your humor never fails.

      Am voting this up and sharing of course my friend!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Janine,

      You rock! Thanks so much for the continual support! I love reading your comments. I hope Lily and Emma are not currently crying because of your laughter awaking them! :) LOL Good observation about Friends! Thanks for voting and sharing!

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Josh, again it is totally my pleasure and completely enjoyed this one as much as I have all of your others too. I love Friends and can't help but notice anything that may pertain to it. Lily and Emma thankfully are just fine and asleep. Other than bedtime this is truly the quietest time of my day!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Janine,

      Well that is good I am glad they are still sleeping. I wouldn't want Kevin shooting me a hate message on FB for waking up the girls! :) Only kidding! Thanks again Janine! :)

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Lol, he already thinks I am crazy all the time I spend on here and online in general, but seriously my 35 year old husband is inside right now killing someone while playing some War Game on PS3!!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Janine,

      That is awesome! You just cracked me up with that comment!

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      I kind of knew I would. Kevin could be my first born at times, but seriously he is just a big kid at heart I guess :)

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Josh.....very funny...and very GOOD for such a youngster!! When you get up there in years, you'll have a list a mile long.....but honestly, after a "certain" age, it's wonderful....all you have to do is Say......"because I DON'T WANT TO." UP+++

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Janine,

      I can totally relate, I don't like to grow up either! :)

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Then you and Kevin would get along perfectly :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      fpherj48,

      Thanks for reading and commenting! Glad you enjoyed it and thought it was funny! I appreciate your continual support!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      You had me at watching Friends. That was reason enough to Just Say No!:) I liked all of your excuses, especially number one!! LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Janine,

      Yes we definitely would! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Linda,

      Thanks for reading and supporting me like usual! I like number one too! Glad you enjoyed it Linda!

    • Stephanie Henkel profile image

      Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA

      Hi Josh, Yes, I can't do the dishes, because I must stay tuned... LOL! Cute hub, and I liked the intro settling in with the glass of wine and the TV remote! Voted up and funny.

      Thanks so much for the link!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hey Steph,

      LOL, the dishes can wait! :) I am glad you enjoyed the hub and thank you for the votes! And you are very welcome for the link! :)

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 4 years ago from London, UK

      A very interesting and fun read. It's hard to choose a "best one". They are all Ace. Lol. I know where to come, whenever I run out of excuses. Brilliant share.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Lady E,

      I am glad you enjoyed it! Yeah I am working on my favorite excuse to use on people! :)

    • spartucusjones profile image

      CJ Baker 4 years ago from Parts Unknown

      That was funny! I got a kick out of it! I'll have to see if I can work these excuses into my day to day routine of trying to get out of things.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Sparucus,

      You should and see what happens! I am afraid some of them won't work though :) LOL Glad you enjoyed it!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      What? You mean you don't think these excuses will really work? Bummer. I need some new excuses for getting out of things. Guess I will keep using my alien abduction excuse. :-)

      Voted up and awesome!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Jeannie,

      Hahaha ROFL Yeah I highly doubt it unfortunately :) Thanks for stopping by and voting. I have bookmar?ed your hub and will be reading it later, it looks hilarious! ?)

    • teacherjoe52 profile image

      teacherjoe52 4 years ago

      Very good. Gave me a morning laugh.

      How about: Aliens have kidnapped my brian. They promised to return it in the next millennium . Called me then. I'm sorry, what's your name again?

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Teacher,

      I'm glad you glad you had a good laugh. That would make a great addition. Thanks. Have a great day.

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 4 years ago from Florida

      josh3418... just spoke to billy..he was p.o'd about your using him for expensive gifts, so forget the Viper, he was going to give you for your B-day....and good-luck picking up "chicks" with your 1963 Falcon..

      Loved your hub and I'm checking out the others asap...cool attitude !

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Another great list. thank you

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      kj force,

      ROFL Thanks for that hilarious comment! Thanks for cehcking out my hubs!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mhatter99,

      Thanks bud, I appreciate it!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      While rotating crops, include checking the harvest time as well...usually takes about 2 days! Hilarious, especially number 1. Voted up and sharing.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Michelle,

      Haha, great addition, I will add that to my hub, thanks! Yoy made me LOL for real :) Thanks for voting and sharing, glad you enjoyed it!

    • mollymeadows profile image

      Mary Strain 4 years ago from The Shire

      Making notes here, Josh. BTW, mind giving me Billy's phone number? For a new TV, I could be tolerant. After all, they say everybody's got a little dirty laundry....

      Funny hub!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Molly,

      Thanks for reading my hub, and glad you enjoyed it! However,I can't give you his number for Billy is no loner with us, mwhahaha...only kidding...what, did you just think to yourslef that I killed the poor guy? Of course not, he gives me cars ant TVs! LOL

      Thanks for reading and commenting Molly!

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 4 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      my god really a funny hub....thanks for sharing ...nothing can be much wiser to kick start a day than your this hub...lol...you know what, I am in the office and can't stop laughing....God help me....ha ha ha......

      voted up and shared......

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 4 years ago

      Hillarious! Those are great excuses Josh. How about you are busy with your pal's female best friend? Like just teaching her how to shop at walmart? You are indeed original and made us laugh hard by the line.

      Lord

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      My favorite one is #25. These excuses made me laugh. #1, #17, #18 are pretty funny too. Voted up awesome and funny.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      dghbrh,

      You are welcome for the share! Oh no, I hope that I don't get you in trouble! :) lol

      Thanks for voting and sharing too, much appreciated!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      lord,

      Glad you enjoyed it! And buys with your pal's female friend is a priceless addition. And teaching her how to shop at Walmart, I see what you did there! LOL, good one! Thanks for the kind commenbt, and I am glad you had a great laugh!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Marlene,

      Thanks for your continual support! Yes,#25 is a good one! :) Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the votes, now you have to try some out and let me know how it works out for you, LOL :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Your welcome Josh. I will. lol

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Marlene,

      Sounds great! Lol. I need to try some too. I don't really care too much for UNO rofl.

    • pennyofheaven profile image

      pennyofheaven 4 years ago from New Zealand

      You made me laugh big time! Number one is by far the funniest! Thanks so much!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Penny,

      Glad you had a great laugh, yes I enjoyed #1 as well! Hope you can find some success in trying out some of these excuses! :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Josh, do you know that I love to play UNO. I found the cards in my garage the other day. Lol

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Email me when you get a chance. I wanted to ask you something. mmmarleneramirez@aol.com

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Marlene,

      Yeah it's not a bad game really :) Just emailed you.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Thanks.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      You certainly have the force with you...laughed from beginning to end. One excuse is funnier than the next. I must say I don't think I'd want to go to Wimbledon's house either!

      Keep writing like this and you'll be the next "comedian of the year"!

      Voted up, funny, and totally awesome!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mary,

      Aww I just love your comments. You are too kind! I am glad you had a good laugh. And yes the Wimbledon's house is kinda creepy! Rofl. Thanks for voting Mary!

    • Shanique E profile image

      Shanique E 4 years ago

      Josh you are awesome!! I laugh all the way through you know i will be using some of these excuses!!LOL

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Crop rotations! That is a good one I CAN use...and something like that takes a long time so I could use it all week! LOL

      Very funny Josh!

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      As the mother of three now grown sons, I can tell you I thought I heard everyone of these. If they had heard about #33 I am sure they would've tried that one too. Joining Hubpages will give you plenty more excuses to get out of doing things.. writing a hub, leaving Tammy fan mail... Very clever. :)

    • beaddve1800 profile image

      beaddve1800 4 years ago from Toronto

      funny hubs!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Shanique,

      LOL. Glad you enjoyed it and had a good laugh! Remember if you are able to use these excuses, hubhugs! :)

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      How do you come up with all these funny things?! A wonderful and enjoyable hub. Thank you for entertaining me and putting a smile on my face! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Kelly,

      Thanks for reading, and yes rotating crops does take a long time! But, the beauty of it is that you can milk it like you said as well! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Tammy,

      Lol, yes us boys are pretty evil when it comes to giving excuses! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      beaddve1800,

      Thanks, appreciate it!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Made,

      I don't know, they just come to me LOL. Glad you enjoyed them, now you have try some! :)

    • handymanbill profile image

      Bill 4 years ago from western pennsylvania

      Funny Funny Funny good hub, but I don't think any of them are usable. But one can always hope.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Bill,

      Nope, probably not, but yes, we can always hope! :)

    • shea duane profile image

      shea duane 4 years ago from new jersey

      I may use a few of these!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      shea,

      Go for it! :)

    • profile image

      kelleyward 4 years ago

      Josh, where were we at HubPages without you???? I love everything you write. I wish I could have an outlook on life like you have. My favorite was "I need to spend some serious time worrying about important world issues." It's that true? In fact as people get older they seem to have no problem coming up with excuses for everything. Loved it! Shared it! Kelley

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Josh

      Smiles are wonderful but laughs are even better. Thanks for providing both.

      I hate to indoor paint so to get out of it, I deliberately do a crappy job. It works great. I've rarely get asked to help now.

      Great write Josh.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Kelley,

      Aww thanks for your kind comment! I really appreciate it and you! Glad you loved it and thanks for the share, you are too kind!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Beckie,

      That is too funny, thanks for sharing! :)

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Oh for heaven's sake, save Mr Sprinkles and leave that seat down...

      I know what pic I am going to suggest for your interview... you are one witty dude!

      Voted UP & FAB... and that is no excuse! Hugs, Maria

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Maria,

      I will try to leave that seat down! :) And I am glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the compliment! Yes, use that picture! :) Thanks for the votes :)

    • Lot Rillera profile image

      Lot Rillera 4 years ago from Philippines

      so funny and interesting Josh . I like # 33. I made an appointment with my cuticle specialist.

      its almost the same excuse I have if I don't feel going out. I just said, its my pedicure day, my nails are becoming dark because I just plant flowers and my nails needs to retouch! LOL,.....great hubs Josh ! voted up and shared !

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      LOT,

      Thanks for reading and commenting, yes #33 is a good one to use! :) Glad you enjoyed this hub and had a good laugh! Thanks for your continued support!

    • Lot Rillera profile image

      Lot Rillera 4 years ago from Philippines

      josh, in addition to that , I like your first picture ! looks great and made me laughed ! LOL.................

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Lot,

      LOL Thanks, I love that picture as well! :)

    • pennyofheaven profile image

      pennyofheaven 4 years ago from New Zealand

      If I can remember them for sure! It brings to mind my nephew who had three invisible friends when he was growing up. They were 'nobody', 'I don't know' and 'someone else'. Far easier being a kid and making out these people actually existed haha.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Penny,

      LOL, thanks for that story, too funny! :)

    • profile image

      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Josh

      To not burst out laughing while using one of these excuses would be extremely difficult.

      7. "I do not usually go out on days that end with the letters "day". Sorry, personal preference." ROFL

      Voted up across the board.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Sue,

      Yes, it will be difficult! LOL Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the votes! :)

    • First Colony profile image

      First Colony 4 years ago

      I'm still trying to figure out why Ashley would hire YOU to help fold when she explicitly told me that I would be helping her. Sheesh!

      Very funny Hub.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      First colony,

      Haha, awesome comment! Too funny! Thanks for stopping by!

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 4 years ago from Clinton CT

      Sigh. You are such a dork. It's really endearing you know! LOL :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Julie,

      I think I am going to take that as a compliment? Lol

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 4 years ago from Clinton CT

      yes!!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha lol :)

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      Funny stuff. I particularly liked the excuse that you changed your locks and you can't get out! Damn... hate when that happens! LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Baebergirl28,

      Thanks for reading and yes, I liked that one too! :). I'm not sure if it would actually work though, maybe you should give it a go. Lol

    • John Sarkis profile image

      John Sarkis 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Very funny....

      I still remember my favorite of all when Marsha (The Brady Bunch) asked Craig how to get out of a date and he replied "just say something suddenly came up, it always works for me."

      Voted funny

      John

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      John,

      Clever response, I remember that now that you mention it! :) Thanks for reading and voting! have a great day!

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

      Okay, Josh, the excuses are amusing, and the hub premise is good. One thing, however, continues to puzzle me. If Billy is so rich that he buys you cars and other expensive "toys", why does his house smell like rotten eggs? Where are the maids/housekeeper/butler, etc.?

      By the way (in spite of my confusion), I voted Up and Funny.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Jaye,

      The Wimbledons are friends of his, LOL But thanks for sharing your concern :) Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed it!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      Really funny! lol! loved number 15, I think it was! staying tuned to the tv and waiting for the surprise! haha!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Nell,

      Thanks, I enjoyed that one as well! :)

    • brenda12lynette profile image

      brenda12lynette 4 years ago from Utah

      I'm not usually this creative when I try to bail out of stuff. I need to steal some of these!

    • neeleshkulkarni profile image

      neeleshkulkarni 4 years ago from new delhi

      forget the excuses, just send me Bill's fone number.I have for years wanted to have a friend who will buy me television sets and cars.I will make all the excuses on your behalf and turn up every time he wants you.So he gets taken care of and you can look at Friend's while I get my stuff.

      and btw while you are at it send me the number of Susan/amanda/Ruth or whoever it was - just make sure she is hot.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Brenda,

      Yes, you should try some of these excuses out! If you are able to use some of them successfully let me know! LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      neelesh,

      LOL, awesome comment! I will be sure to give you Billy's number and what's her face's number! ROFL

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I really, really want to use #11 for an excuse, but it really isn't an excuse, it's reality! :))

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Linda,

      If this was true, I would be hopping on a plane right now, for the first available flight to Florida! That way, I could kill two birds with one stone! I could hang out with Obama and go to Disneyworld! Well, you would be there too, so that is also a plus. LOL

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 4 years ago from Oakley, CA

      I'm sorry, I have an appointment with the third coming....or was it the third encounter? Oh, there's the spaceship, now!

      Voted uuuuuuuuppppp!!!! See you on Mars!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Lizzy,

      Haha ROFL, thanks for an awesome comment! LOL

    • cyoung35 profile image

      Chad Young 4 years ago from Corona, CA

      Fricken hilarious!!!...I definitely will be using some of these. Thanks for the good laugh.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Cyoung,

      Glad you had a good laugh! :)

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

      So funny! I actually may try a couple of these. They might not work, but they will definitely make my friends think I'm crazy and that may work...haha!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      catgypsy,

      Thanks for that hilarious response! LOL Yes, they will probably not work. But who knows until you try right? :) Take care now!

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 4 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Very cute, Josh. It makes me think of Seinfeld. Elaine was advising Jerry on how to avoid his friend Al. She said tell him "you don't have have any clean underwear and can't leave the house" or "you have multiple personalities, you're not Jerry, you're Dan!"- That was a funny episode. Male Un-Bonding. :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Aubrey,

      I love Seinfeld and I know what episode you are talking about! Awesome observation! :)

      Take care and have a great rest of your weekend!

    • Jason Marovich profile image

      Jason Marovich 4 years ago from United States

      So true, Josh. I spend a lot of time on the computer and telling people that I'm busy writing online garners a lot of eye rolls. So I started making up other excuses (need to wash my hair, need to walk the dog, whatever) until I saw the movie, The Social Network. Now, when I don't want to be disturbed, it's, "Can't. I'm wired in." Oddly enough, it works.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Jason,

      That is a great excuse! :) Thanks for stopping by and hope you enjoyed it!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      I am still laughing after reading some of your suggestions. I can see using some of these with invites I get at times. Love the "days" ending one - that would be a great one anytime. I enjoy your humor and wit!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Teaches,

      Thanks for your awesome feedback on this hub! I enjoyed writing it and yes, they can be used in any circumstance! :) I can not guarantee they will work, however! LOL

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

      Josh - you have obviously given some of these excuses a lot of thought - seeing your eyebrow specialist...really :o) Loved it.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Julie,

      Thanks, I had a lot of writing this one! :)

    • jainismus profile image

      Mahaveer Sanglikar 4 years ago from Pune, India

      Really funny excuses.... Thank you for sharing.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      jainismus,

      Thanks, glad you thought it was funny!

    • rahul0324 profile image

      Jessee R 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Exceedingly funny brother ....

    • profile image

      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Hi Josh,

      Congratulations on your hubbie award! Well deserved.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Rahul,

      Thanks so much buddy! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hey Sue,

      So good to see you! Thanks for the congrats! :)

    • robbinsm profile image

      robbinsm 4 years ago from Chapel Hill

      "I have an appointment with my eyebrow specialist." Too perfect!

    • rutley profile image

      rutley 4 years ago from South Jersey

      Love it! Here's a couple for ya...Been in many places but never in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. I've also never been in Cognito, I hear no one recognizes you there! I've been in Sane, they don't have an airport, you have to be driven there!

      I also am scheduled for a root canal at my OBGYN!

    • writinglover profile image

      Jennifer 4 years ago from Lost...In Video Games

      HA! I love them all! Thanks for the laughs! I needed them.

    • Shinkicker profile image

      Shinkicker 4 years ago from Scotland

      Voted up and funny

      Great sense of humour Josh. I wonder if I can use some of those excellent excuses ... and get away with them LOL

    • viveresperando profile image

      viveresperando 4 years ago from A Place Where Nothing Is Real

      You made my morning, voted funny! Got hub about a list of excuses.....why on your day off and you get a call from work and you..... ignore it? giggles... would love to see one like this, love your sense of humor... :) Let me know if you do the other one? giggles gonna tweet your list if you don't mind?

    • tiffany delite profile image

      tiffany delite 4 years ago from united states

      funny! i think i am going to use some of these excuses on my kids for the next few days when they ask me to do something! they are going to think that i have lost my mind...again! blessings...

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      Today is my lucky day. I am coming across all of these hubs with a laugh a minute in them. I can't read too long as I am seeing that eyebrow specialist and the rest of the day I will be watching the grass grow.

      Will there be a part 2? have a lovely Saturday ps :)

    • profile image

      Temcosse 4 years ago

      Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates. make your pc run like new

    • LevitaG profile image

      LevitaG 4 years ago

      This is refreshingly hilarious and witty, love this!

    • jimmyglaughlin profile image

      Jim Laughlin 4 years ago from Connecticut

      Funny stuff! I have NEVER used any of them.......maybe!

    • Nicole S profile image

      Nicole S Hanson 3 years ago from Minnesota

      Lol, very funny. Great excuses, I will have to write some of these down!

    • profile image

      Bob 3 years ago

      Wow man that was good

    • profile image

      smile 3 years ago

      ha very funny i liked the first one nice going it really helped a lot LOL

    • tlcs profile image

      Trudy Cooper 2 years ago from Hampshire, UK

      Very funny and enjoyable hub, smiled all the way through! Well done.

    • profile image

      Carrie 2 years ago

      lol cheers Josh for the excuses, I would like to use them just for the pure sake of using them haha

      All the best

    • profile image

      ellabella 18 months ago

      lots of help

    • GalaxyRat profile image

      GalaxyRat 7 weeks ago from The Crazy Rat Lady's House

      Worked for me. ;)

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