4 Stupid Ideas I Had When I Was Little
When 1 Thought Leads to Another
Ah! Valentine's Day. A day for lovers and romance and chocolate and flowers. But, as I sit at home with nothing much better to do, my mind starts to wander from one idea to another. This is my train of thought for this day and this hub:
Valentine's Day→relationships→engagement→marriage→children→growing up→things I did as a child
(As Mr. Darcy would marvel, women can really take a leap in thought from admiration to marriage. It's almost instantaneous.)
I came up with a lot of ideas, albeit strange and sometimes really stupid. All people have had their own little ideas and theories about the world around them as a child, so I know I'm not alone in this. But maybe--just maybe!--I am. At least I know that I had spit in the face of Occam's Razor repeatably in my younger days.
There Are Actually 23 Letters in the English Alphabet
Many people know that there are 26 letters in the alphabet: 5 vowels, 20 consonants, and 1 that can't decide ('y'). And almost every child made the same conclusion that there are 23 letters. Start singing the alphabet song and you'll know exactly what letters aren't in existence and which one is.
I'm talking about the mysterious letter Elemeno!
Kids sing the alphabet song and say "LMNO" as fast as they can which results in Elemeno. This goes into the question "Where is Elemeno on the letters poster?" and it is explained that that one letter is actually four.
This is when my confusion really took hold. I thought that there really was the letter Elemeno and that someone was just trying to mess with me, saying that it is four letters instead of one. Then I thought that it was a secret letter and only came out everyone once in a while when you become really good at reading. And because of it being a secret letter, it was hidden by "LMNO". It was a big conspiracy, although I didn't know what the word "conspiracy' meant.
Kinda Like This Without The Christmas Feel
My Hair Wasn't Tangled By Me
I've always had long hair. The only time I didn't was when I was a wee baby and it was still growing out, of which my mother made use of glue and ribbons so people knew I was a girl. Yet every morning I woke up and had to brush my lovely locks to get rid of all the little tangles that had mysteriously appeared over night.
How did they come to be? I thought that when I slept, I didn't move and nothing was touching my hair to cause it to knot. There could only be one explanation in mind.
Little elf-ish people that lived inside my head. They came out of my ear at night when I was asleep and rolled around and played in my hair. These people just had way too much fun and didn't care about all the problems they were giving me in the morning when my mother brushed and 'gently' pulled through my hair. They probably laughed at me each day, for all I knew. Jerks. At least I got the last laugh when I blocked one of their exits by sleeping on my side.
Of course, I eventually realized that it tangled because I was a restless sleeper. But who isn't when they are 6? I guess, however, that I rather have someone else take the blame for my misfortune than except the simplest explanation.
The Little Elf-ish People In My Head Did Other Things, Too
Once the idea took hold of these little elf-ish people came out of my head at night, I began to wonder what they do during the day. Of course, they didn't sleep. Sleep was only for little children with a bed time and for parents who had more than two kids. And it wouldn't be efficient or even necessary for these little elf-things to exist only to tangle hair at night.
I then decided that they controlled my thought process. They helped me learn, memorize, and think about anything and everything. I was like their little gundam that had blood and could function alone. But there were there to help me sort through all that I needed to do.
They didn't do all good things through. I didn't just learn to add, subtract, dance, sing, and play. They also made me hit myself in the lip with bull-whip I found, cut myself while trying to whittle with a steak knife, and convince me that I should chop down a tree with an ax but then decide that was a bad idea (considering my track record already). They weren't exactly proactive or efficient, but at least they did something else besides mess with my hair.
Buying Big Things
I understood at a young age that you needed money to buy toys and food. You went to a toy store and a food store for them. It was very obvious, since I went to those places with my mother. But what about couches, refrigerators, houses, and cars? How do you get those things? They cost so much and you can't actually go to a "house store".
Now, I had been to car dealers and had seen refrigerators and couches in some stores before. But my parents had four children. Whenever they were going to buy something big like that, we weren't anywhere near them. They couldn't talk and do their business dealings with four mischievous kids running around, needing constant supervision.
I knew that cars and houses cost thousands of dollars, although I didn't know the exact meaning of how much a thousand dollars actually was. So I thought that my parents had a hidden mass of money left to them by a darling old God-father (we're not Catholic) or inheritance by a grandparent, because that is what happened in television shows and movies. Then they went to a specific store to buy.
Houses were the same, although they didn't move. You went to a store, they told you about the house, and you would pay for the whole thing right then and there. Couches were the same, although I know it is now much more likely to pay for a couch upfront. But the main thing was, you didn't save the money for it or work for the money. You just got it from a distant relative and went to work just because you needed to escape from your four rambunctious kids.
Makes Me Shake My Head
Yea, these were some pretty strange ideas to have. This is especially so since I have become an adult. Elemeno happened because of language and how language is perceived. There aren't any little elf-people living in my head, controlling me or tangling my hair. And big purchases require loans and a whole lot of paperwork.
But hey. I still like my childhood ideas better than reality.