40 Lessons Learned From Watching 'The Hills' (Bikini Pictures)
Watching 'The Hills' has taught me a lot about life. It's safe to say I have taken several steps towards nirvana simply by absorbing the deep and meaningful messages which are imparted in every episode.
You can learn these lessons too:
Don't trust anyone. Ever.
There's no need to grow up. Even when you're heading towards your thirties, you should still be irritated when your sister goes to a party with someone you don't like.
Silicone is your friend.
Never leave the house without make up.
Never leave your room without make up.
Never take your make up off. Period.
Having boobs is a viable work skill.
Pimping out your girlfriend is the same as having a job.
Being on reality tv makes you a singer.
Being on reality tv makes you a dancer.
Being on reality tv makes you a writer.
When your mammary glands are D or bigger you automatically become more intelligent and talented.
Hair comes in three colors: blonde, blonder, blondest.
Don't trust her. (Her being any female with mammaryglands bigger than yours.)
Don't trust him. (Him being any male with larger pecs than you.)
Boyfriends and girlfriends are disposable.
Careers come in three kinds: fashionista, fashion designer, fashion retailer
Retail is shameful in any field other than fashion.
The law does not apply to anyone with more than 10 inches of blonde hair.
The law does not apply to anyone who can fill a C cup.
Having a personal weapons arsenal is entirely acceptable.
A summer spent lying on the beach having pictures taken of you is a summer of hard work.
Nobody reads a book. Books are props for nerds.
There is no litter in the Hills.
The sun always shines in the Hills.
Money appears out of nowhere. Work is done purely for the enjoyment of playing with clothes.
It is a man's duty to look pretty.
It is a woman's duty to look pretty.
'Pretty' means an artificial concept of a human only acheivable with plastic surgery and living in the gym.
Your social circle should consist of about 15 people, all of whom are known to everyone you know and work with. Strangers should report on the activities of your friends and enemies alike.
There are spies everywhere.
Except the cameras, they're not spies.
It is totally unobtrusive eating a meal with a camera in your face. Nobody around you will notice that you are constantly trailed by a crew of 5 sweating men.
Every night should be spent at a bar.
Every night not spent at a bar should be spent at a club
Fights should be public.
New freindships should be secret, especially when 'everyone knows' about them.
You shouldn't tell anyone anything.
You should tell everyone everything.