5 of the "Best" Bad Movies

Bad things are my guilty pleasure. I'm in love with the campy, the tragic, and the ludicrous. I read crack fan fiction. I follow stupid people on Twitter. Last but not least, I watch bad movies. It's sad that nobody else I know seems to appreciate my love for the fantastically horrible. I do know that there's plenty of people out there who do, though. This one's for you, guys. Stay awesome!

I'm sure you've heard of this one if you're reading an article like this, which is the only reason why I put this at number five on the list. Troll 2 is the most fantastic movie ever made, no question about it. The dialogue. The way the actors deliver the lines. The costumes. Nilbog. It's all just too much. If you haven't seen this for yourself I recommend--with enthusiasm--that you go see it. I don't even think a Mystery Science Theater riffing could make this one any better. In fact, it might even ruin it's magic. I won't reveal a single thing that happens, because part of the fun is when you're just all like, "Did that really just happen? WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"

I'll only say one word: corn.

Once again, a wonderful film that's only this low on the list because I'm sure anyone who watches these kinds of movies for fun has seen it. There's a spoon framed on Johnny's Desk. Lisa is tearing him apart, and I just can't get enough of that sweet, sweet Sestosterone. There's plenty of underwears and Scotchka to go around, but no "room" anywhere that's more special than the others. If you can get your hands on The Room, I insist that you watch it. Like Troll 2, it's a bit hard to find. There are theater showings every now and again, and I hear they're a riot. Check and see if you can find one in your area, bring a load of plastic spoons, and I guarantee you'll have a blast.

Okay, guys. You're going to need Mystery Science Theater to get through this one.

The camera angles in this one are laughable. I'm serious. There are several closeup shots of women where they've got the camera angled slightly behind her head and into her hair. She's standing there delivering lines and all you can see is her hair and a sliver of her face on the right edge of the screen. The first ten minutes of the film are nothing but landscape passing by to a high pitched woman wailing 60s music. I have no idea why any director would choose these angles. The focal point of the shot is just...somewhere freaking halfway off the screen. Whenever there's a head shot of an actor talking it looks like they just stuck the camera two inches from their face. The line from Mystery Science Theater's riffing of movie is so true.

"Every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph."

The dialogue is so clunky, and it sounds like no one was actually thinking about what they were supposed to be saying as they said it. You know, the standard Bad Movie Stuff. I applaud Joel and the Guys for sitting through this horror so the rest of us could enjoy making fun of it, too. If anyone other than a professional tried watching the vanilla version of this they'd end up needing a lobotomy.

Also, there's a scene where women in nightgowns wrestle to upbeat music.

This sci-fi flick has way too much narration, but even though you'll think it's cheesy you'll also be grateful that it's there. The dialogue is unintelligible. Listening to the narrator is the only way you'll be able to follow what's going on, goofy as it is. There's also lots of dialogue. So much that there's pretty much all there is. It's harder to fail at, "show, don't tell" in film. The makers of Monsters-a-Go-Go have managed it. Want to watch a film about a bunch of people talking about things happening when it could just show those things happening? This is your movie.

Monster-a-Go-Go is so overexposed that characters' faces disappear into glowing orbs of white light. I mean it. Once again, Mystery Science Theater put it perfectly.

"Boy, is it ever a white day. It just might be the whitest day yet."

Not to mention the scenes at night that take place in total darkness. Literal, total darkness. The screen goes pitch black.

This is a surreal movie watching experience. They're cornering the monster and he just disappears. Then the narrator says, "There is no monster."

What? WHAT?

This little gem was once called, "Tell Your Children."

Anyone more familiar with marijuana use than a typical FOX News viewer would find this film laughable. The way the people get high and start rolling around in the floor screaming with laughter. The way they all start killing each other. How the kid runs over a guy after one joint, and this one dude puffs on his all like, "HEEEHEHEHEHEHEHE, my weeeeeeeeeeeeed!" with wide and hungry eyes.

It's like an SNL skit.