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50 Things A Man Cannot Do

Updated on August 3, 2015
Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives everyday by sharing her joy and love of life.


This hub is a direct response to one written recently by phoenixgbr

His hilarious hub outlines 50 stereotypical things men think women can't do. We can do them, we just don't want to. The hub is called (sic) "50 things a women can't do.

I know you will enjoy reading it, just as soon as you are finished here!

Namaste friends.

Battle of the Sexes

  1. Change the oil cheaper than Jiffy-Lube can. It's easier and cheaper to let the pro's handle this one.
  2. Appreciate a foreign film. It's just too confusing to read and watch a movie at the same time.
  3. Send a text in under 5 minutes. Those buttons are so tiny, and I can't find the smiley face.
  4. Carry a child. For nine months. The car seat is heavy. The kid is heavy. The diaper bag is heavy.
  5. Nurse a child. Um. No.
  6. Endure Pain. Ow. I hurt myself and I need immediate attention.
  7. Get out of a fender bender calmly. This is clearly not my fault.
  8. Overlook a fart. Oops. I let another one. Heh. Heh.
  9. Ask for directions. I know where I'm going and I'm going to drive around until I find it.
  10. Multi-task. I must focus all of my attention on a single task at a time.
  11. Resist Home Depot. I don't have a list, but I know I need something. I'll just stop for a minute.
  12. Concentrate. Squirrel?
  13. Take a joke. That's not even funny. I don't know why you're laughing.
  14. Carry on a conversation. Wait until the commercial.
  15. Pay for dinner without any strings. You don't owe me anything. Except one kiss.
  16. See a pretty girl without tripping over feet or tongue. Where did that wall come from?
  17. Put it away until they've waited for the last drop to fall, whacked it with their finger and banged it on the wall. It's much harder to pee standing up.
  18. Say, "I'm Sorry". I don't need to apologize. You always take everything so seriously.
  19. Say, "I was wrong". I wasn't wrong. You misinterpreted what I said.
  20. Eat salad without complaining. Where's the meat?
  21. Drive past an Auto Zone. I need oil, if I'm going to change it. And those little tree things.
  22. Make a decent chocolate... anything. We need more bacon in this meal.
  23. Not comment on women's figures. Wow. She's smoking hot.
  24. Use the bathroom without plugging the plumbing. Do you have a plunger nearby?
  25. Let you sleep when the baby cries. That baby is crying again.
  26. Drink without getting obnoxious. I just burned. And did you see the tits on that chick?
  27. Enjoy a long lunch. Why is this taking so long?
  28. Take a hit to the ego. He doesn't golf better than me. I was having an off day.
  29. Appreciate beauty. Nice. It looks just like a sunset.
  30. Like your friends. She's a man-hating bitch.
  31. Resist a picture of any naked woman. I know she's unattractive. But look, she's naked.
  32. Enjoy a decadent dessert. Is there any more bacon?
  33. Understand the point. I don't get what you're trying to say.
  34. Buy hygenic products. You want me to buy what?
  35. Go to the bathroom without a magazine. I'll just be a minute. But do you have anything to read?
  36. Sit in a room for five minutes without getting impatient. How long is this going to take?
  37. Go to the bar without calling 20 buddies. Hey, you wanna meet me for beers?
  38. Resist the mid-life crisis car. This car costs more than my rent. But you can't ride in it.
  39. Bellyflop with dignity. Watch my flip.
  40. Recognize where furniture belongs. This looks like a good place for a bean bag.
  41. Blow into a hanky without drawing disgusted stares from strangers. Wow. That feels better.
  42. Remember a birthday. Oh. You had a birthday? I totally forgot.
  43. Accept that you've changed. Since when do you eat sushi?
  44. Cry in public. Only girls cry. Ever.
  45. Let you flirt without getting insecure. Who is that guy?
  46. Enjoy a day with the family. I know we planned a family day, but I'm just going to golf nine holes before we go.
  47. Go to a ball game alone. Anyone want to watch the game with me?
  48. Carry everything in his wallet. I don't need gum. You have it in your purse.
  49. Watch a chick flick without making fun of you. This movie is stupid. Where is the action?
  50. Get this far without getting defensive. I'm not like that.

As phoenixgbr stated, this is all in good fun, stereotypes and all. We can take it and we can dish it out.

While the list is in fun, there are many things that men and women do differently. It doesn't make one better than the other, just different. Those differences, when brought together, make a man and woman a great team.


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    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 12 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      It is absolutely a joke, based on the original post about 50 things a woman cannot do. All in good fun.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 2 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD


      It sounds like you've found a keeper. Thanks for reading, and for commenting. I'm always glad to give someone a laugh.


    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole Kiddie Granath 2 years ago

      Cute! Made me laugh several times. Love your sense of humor :)

      The farting one... so true! And the stopping for directions... my hubby gets irritated sometimes when I turn on the GPS. He always says he knows the way (but usually he does, to his credit!)

      I'm thankful he's on the more sensitive side and doesn't mind shedding tears when he gets really into a movie, or is touched by a story he hears on the radio, etc.... And when we were dating, he never made me pay! :) That's a good guy right there.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 3 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      It was meant in good fun, as a response to a previous hub about what women can't do.

      I'm not a sexist. I love men. And I have great luck.

      Namaste, friends

    • profile image

      hmm 3 years ago

      This list is ridiculous, hardly any of it holds true for any man I've dated. Sorry about your luck? Sorry about your sexism? This is coming from a fellow woman.

    • Phil Plasma profile image

      Phil Plasma 5 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      Your #50 was very funny when I got to it. This looks like it was a lot of fun writing, I got a kick out of reading it, thanks. Voted up.

    • Barbsbitsnpieces profile image

      Barbara Anne Helberg 6 years ago from Napoleon, Henry County, Ohio, USA

      @Deborah Demander...Very enjoyable fair play!

      I also enjoyed the first paragraph of your profile! Thanks for sharing these!

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 6 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      thehemu, thank you for reading. Kittythedreamer, sounds like you found a keeper.


    • kittythedreamer profile image

      Nicole Canfield 6 years ago from the Ether

      Deborah - Voted up, funny and awesome! Really gave me a tickle this evening! A lot are very true but I do have to say my husband can change the oil for cheaper and he can also eat a salad without for the rest, I'm not so sure..I'd have to think about those a little harder! :)

    • thehemu profile image

      thehemu 6 years ago from New Delhi, India

      some of these points are very hillarious but some are very very true. i really love enjoying the lunch and if i appreciate beauty then my lady would kill me. XD

    • profile image

      LOLWRONG 6 years ago

      Actually I can do everything on this list except cry in public, mostly because I never get upset, or get hurt enough to cry mainly because that doesnt happen. Atleast I don't do stereotypical women things like taking an elevator to the second floor of an office building or being an awful driver. :p

    • profile image

      LeX 6 years ago

      Man can drive real good...

      Its enought.

    • MFB III profile image

      MFB III 7 years ago from United States

      Although I have done many of your lists of cannots, i am still laughing. Perhaps I have a softer side, or perhaps i have done many of them but NEVER as well as a woman thinks she can do them...LOL~~~MFB III

    • eovery profile image

      eovery 7 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

      Oh Funny!

      Keep on hubbing!

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 7 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Yes, maybe half... sometimes more, sometimes less.


    • Dobson profile image

      Dobson 7 years ago from Virginia

      We are half the problem, wouldn't you say? Funny!

    • phoenixgbr profile image

      phoenixgbr 7 years ago


    • lisabeaman profile image

      lisabeaman 7 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

      Good one Deborah! This one came recommended by Humagaia - so glad he suggested it! So true... so true!

    • humagaia profile image

      Charles Fox 7 years ago from United Kingdom

      And your point is?????????

      No: 33 I think.

      And so few!

      I'm sure there is another hub or 3 in this one.

      You could make it a fiver.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 7 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Thanks kaltopsyd and carolina, you guys proved me wrong: you can take a joke.


    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 7 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Funny... and probably accurate!!

    • kaltopsyd profile image

      kaltopsyd 7 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

      Haha, I enjoyed that. So funny! Thanks for a good laugh.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 7 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      My husband thinks no one can multitask. He doesn't realize it's just the men.

      And pds, we sometimes have to let them have their fun.


    • Pro Design Source profile image

      Pro Design Source 7 years ago

      Ha! #1 Change the oil cheaper than Jiffy Lube. OMG I tell him that every single time, and still he insists - so I let him.

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 7 years ago from Washington

      Too cute - multitask is definitely one of them! I remember Bob telling me once that he couldn't carry on a conversation because he was driving - and I was sitting next to him!

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 7 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Thanks for stopping by.

      I am glad you all enjoyed it.


    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 7 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This was a fun hub !


    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 7 years ago

      Number 43 especially. It seems middle-aged men look in the mirror and see themselves as the high school football player.

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 7 years ago from Wisconsin

      Why does the classic Three Stooges line so readily come to mind after reading this?

      "I resemble that remark."

    • Wendy Krick profile image

      Wendy Krick 7 years ago from Maryland

      Very Cute Hub!

    • snagerries profile image

      snagerries 7 years ago from Singapore

      These 50 points are really true and I must admire it. Thumbs up to the great hub!

    • LeanMan profile image

      Tony 7 years ago from At the Gemba

      Most of what you mention are our assets.. What is the complaint? lol

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      Love this, I really do! Well done and oh so true.

    • fucsia profile image

      fucsia 7 years ago

      really funny!

    • LillyGrillzit profile image

      Lori J Latimer 7 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      LOL! This is good. Tweeted and shared.