50 Things A Man Cannot Do
In Response to 50 Things a Woman Can't Do
This article is a direct response to an article by another Hubpages author, phoenixgbr
His hilarious hub outlines 50 stereotypical things men think women can't do. We can do them, we just don't want to. The hub is called (sic) "50 things a women can't do.
I know you will enjoy reading it, just as soon as you are finished here!
50 Things a Man Cannot Do
- Change the oil cheaper than Jiffy-Lube can. It's easier and cheaper to let the pro's handle this one. Unless your man is an actual mechanic, you're better off letting someone else change the oil.
- Appreciate a foreign film. It's just too confusing to read and watch a movie at the same time. Too many words. Too much confusing talking in some other language.
- Send a text in under 5 minutes. Those buttons are so tiny, and I can't find the smiley face. Men have giant fingers. And most of them don't wear their reading glasses, so they can't see the letters anyway.
- Carry a child. For nine months. The car seat is heavy. The kid is heavy. The diaper bag is heavy. Men don't usually carry their children, unless forced to wear them in a backpack.
- Nurse a child. Um. No. They don't even like to be seen holding a bottle.
- Endure Pain. Ow. I hurt myself and I need immediate attention. Most men have zero pain tolerance.
- Get out of a fender bender calmly. This is clearly not my fault. You're an idiot who doesn't know how to drive. I am clearly right, and you are obviously wrong. Or a woman.
- Overlook a fart. Oops. I let another one. Heh. Heh. You said fart.
- Ask for directions. I know where I'm going and I'm going to drive around until I find it. Besides, Siri and Google Maps always tell me to go the wrong way. Just go the opposite direction of the GPS.
- Multi-task. I must focus all of my attention on a single task at a time. I cannot listen to you talk while I'm watching Sports Center.
- Resist Home Depot. I don't have a list, but I know I need something. I'll just stop for a minute. Do you want to come in or are you waiting in the car?
- Concentrate. Squirrel?
- Take a joke. That's not even funny. I don't know why you're laughing. This is just stupid.
- Carry on a conversation. Wait until the commercial.
- Pay for dinner without any strings. You don't owe me anything. Except one kiss.
- See a pretty girl without tripping over feet or tongue. Where did that wall come from? Wow! Wait. Did I say that out loud?
- Put it away until they've waited for the last drop to fall, whacked it with their finger and banged it on the wall. It's much harder to pee standing up.
- Say, "I'm Sorry". I don't need to apologize. You always take everything so seriously. I was kidding. Why do you always get your feelings hurt?
- Say, "I was wrong". I wasn't wrong. You misinterpreted what I said.
- Eat salad without complaining. Where's the meat? Why are there so many vegetables? Can we have ice cream after this?
- Drive past an Auto Zone. I need oil, if I'm going to change it. And those little tree things.
- Make a decent chocolate... anything. We need more bacon in this meal.
- Not comment on women's figures. Wow. She's smoking hot. Don't worry baby. You're hot too.
- Use the bathroom without plugging the plumbing. Do you have a plunger nearby? I think the person before me flushed a tampon.
- Let you sleep when the baby cries. That baby is crying again.
- Drink without getting obnoxious. I just burped. And did you see the tits on that chick? I'm not yelling. It's loud in here.
- Enjoy a long lunch. Why is this taking so long?
- Take a hit to the ego. He doesn't golf better than me. I was having an off day. Besides, I make more money.
- Appreciate beauty. Nice. It looks just like a sunset. Didn't we see this view before?
- Like your friends. She's a man-hating bitch. She's frumpy. She's a lesbian.
- Resist a picture of any naked woman. I know she's unattractive. But look, she's naked. Boobies. Heh. Heh.
- Enjoy a decadent dessert. Is there any more bacon? Can we put ice cream on this?
- Understand the point. I don't get what you're trying to say. What do you mean?
- Buy hygenic products. You want me to buy what? I can't do that. Sorry. But I do need to stop at Auto Zone.
- Go to the bathroom without a magazine. I'll just be a minute. But do you have anything to read?
- Sit in a room for five minutes without getting impatient. How long is this going to take?
- Go to the bar without calling 20 buddies. Hey, you wanna meet me for beers?
- Resist the mid-life crisis car. This car costs more than my rent. But you can't ride in it.
- Bellyflop with dignity. Watch my flip.
- Recognize where furniture belongs. This looks like a good place for a bean bag. And a beer sign.
- Blow into a hanky without drawing disgusted stares from strangers. Wow. That feels better. I didn't know I was so plugged up.
- Remember a birthday. Oh. You had a birthday? I totally forgot.
- Accept that you've changed. Since when do you eat sushi? Did you always listen to this terrible music? What did you do to your hair?
- Cry in public. Only girls cry. Ever.
- Let you flirt without getting insecure. Who is that guy? Why was he smiling at you?
- Enjoy a day with the family. I know we planned a family day, but I'm just going to golf nine holes before we go. And then I was going to meet the guys for beers. But we can have family day after that, if you still want to.
- Go to a ball game alone. Anyone want to watch the game with me? Come sit in here and watch this with me.
- Carry everything in his wallet. I don't need gum. You have it in your purse. No, I don't have my glasses. They don't fit in my wallet.
- Watch a chick flick without making fun of you. This movie is stupid. Where is the action? Why is she crying? Why doesn't somebody just carry a gun?
- Get this far without getting defensive. I'm not like that. This is just rude. Obviously you're a man hating bitch. Clearly, you don't know any men. And you hate them.
As phoenixgbr stated, this is all in good fun, stereotypes and all. We can take it and we can dish it out.
Laugh a little, at yourself and at each other, and remember at the end of the day, we all have strengths and weaknesses, which is why we all need each other.
While the list is in fun, there are many things that men and women do differently. It doesn't make one better than the other, just different. Those differences, when brought together, make a man and woman a great team.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2010 Deborah Demander Reno