ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

50 Things A Man Cannot Do

Updated on March 4, 2019
Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives every day by sharing her joy and love of life.


In Response to 50 Things a Woman Can't Do

This article is a direct response to an article by another Hubpages author, phoenixgbr

His hilarious hub outlines 50 stereotypical things men think women can't do. We can do them, we just don't want to. The hub is called (sic) "50 things a women can't do.

I know you will enjoy reading it, just as soon as you are finished here!

Namaste friends.

50 Things a Man Cannot Do

  1. Change the oil cheaper than Jiffy-Lube can. It's easier and cheaper to let the pro's handle this one. Unless your man is an actual mechanic, you're better off letting someone else change the oil.
  2. Appreciate a foreign film. It's just too confusing to read and watch a movie at the same time. Too many words. Too much confusing talking in some other language.
  3. Send a text in under 5 minutes. Those buttons are so tiny, and I can't find the smiley face. Men have giant fingers. And most of them don't wear their reading glasses, so they can't see the letters anyway.
  4. Carry a child. For nine months. The car seat is heavy. The kid is heavy. The diaper bag is heavy. Men don't usually carry their children, unless forced to wear them in a backpack.
  5. Nurse a child. Um. No. They don't even like to be seen holding a bottle.
  6. Endure Pain. Ow. I hurt myself and I need immediate attention. Most men have zero pain tolerance.
  7. Get out of a fender bender calmly. This is clearly not my fault. You're an idiot who doesn't know how to drive. I am clearly right, and you are obviously wrong. Or a woman.
  8. Overlook a fart. Oops. I let another one. Heh. Heh. You said fart.
  9. Ask for directions. I know where I'm going and I'm going to drive around until I find it. Besides, Siri and Google Maps always tell me to go the wrong way. Just go the opposite direction of the GPS.
  10. Multi-task. I must focus all of my attention on a single task at a time. I cannot listen to you talk while I'm watching Sports Center.
  11. Resist Home Depot. I don't have a list, but I know I need something. I'll just stop for a minute. Do you want to come in or are you waiting in the car?
  12. Concentrate. Squirrel?
  13. Take a joke. That's not even funny. I don't know why you're laughing. This is just stupid.
  14. Carry on a conversation. Wait until the commercial.
  15. Pay for dinner without any strings. You don't owe me anything. Except one kiss.
  16. See a pretty girl without tripping over feet or tongue. Where did that wall come from? Wow! Wait. Did I say that out loud?
  17. Put it away until they've waited for the last drop to fall, whacked it with their finger and banged it on the wall. It's much harder to pee standing up.
  18. Say, "I'm Sorry". I don't need to apologize. You always take everything so seriously. I was kidding. Why do you always get your feelings hurt?
  19. Say, "I was wrong". I wasn't wrong. You misinterpreted what I said.
  20. Eat salad without complaining. Where's the meat? Why are there so many vegetables? Can we have ice cream after this?
  21. Drive past an Auto Zone. I need oil, if I'm going to change it. And those little tree things.
  22. Make a decent chocolate... anything. We need more bacon in this meal.
  23. Not comment on women's figures. Wow. She's smoking hot. Don't worry baby. You're hot too.
  24. Use the bathroom without plugging the plumbing. Do you have a plunger nearby? I think the person before me flushed a tampon.
  25. Let you sleep when the baby cries. That baby is crying again.
  26. Drink without getting obnoxious. I just burped. And did you see the tits on that chick? I'm not yelling. It's loud in here.
  27. Enjoy a long lunch. Why is this taking so long?
  28. Take a hit to the ego. He doesn't golf better than me. I was having an off day. Besides, I make more money.
  29. Appreciate beauty. Nice. It looks just like a sunset. Didn't we see this view before?
  30. Like your friends. She's a man-hating bitch. She's frumpy. She's a lesbian.
  31. Resist a picture of any naked woman. I know she's unattractive. But look, she's naked. Boobies. Heh. Heh.
  32. Enjoy a decadent dessert. Is there any more bacon? Can we put ice cream on this?
  33. Understand the point. I don't get what you're trying to say. What do you mean?
  34. Buy hygenic products. You want me to buy what? I can't do that. Sorry. But I do need to stop at Auto Zone.
  35. Go to the bathroom without a magazine. I'll just be a minute. But do you have anything to read?
  36. Sit in a room for five minutes without getting impatient. How long is this going to take?
  37. Go to the bar without calling 20 buddies. Hey, you wanna meet me for beers?
  38. Resist the mid-life crisis car. This car costs more than my rent. But you can't ride in it.
  39. Bellyflop with dignity. Watch my flip.
  40. Recognize where furniture belongs. This looks like a good place for a bean bag. And a beer sign.
  41. Blow into a hanky without drawing disgusted stares from strangers. Wow. That feels better. I didn't know I was so plugged up.
  42. Remember a birthday. Oh. You had a birthday? I totally forgot.
  43. Accept that you've changed. Since when do you eat sushi? Did you always listen to this terrible music? What did you do to your hair?
  44. Cry in public. Only girls cry. Ever.
  45. Let you flirt without getting insecure. Who is that guy? Why was he smiling at you?
  46. Enjoy a day with the family. I know we planned a family day, but I'm just going to golf nine holes before we go. And then I was going to meet the guys for beers. But we can have family day after that, if you still want to.
  47. Go to a ball game alone. Anyone want to watch the game with me? Come sit in here and watch this with me.
  48. Carry everything in his wallet. I don't need gum. You have it in your purse. No, I don't have my glasses. They don't fit in my wallet.
  49. Watch a chick flick without making fun of you. This movie is stupid. Where is the action? Why is she crying? Why doesn't somebody just carry a gun?
  50. Get this far without getting defensive. I'm not like that. This is just rude. Obviously you're a man hating bitch. Clearly, you don't know any men. And you hate them.

As phoenixgbr stated, this is all in good fun, stereotypes and all. We can take it and we can dish it out.

Laugh a little, at yourself and at each other, and remember at the end of the day, we all have strengths and weaknesses, which is why we all need each other.

Namaste friends.

While the list is in fun, there are many things that men and women do differently. It doesn't make one better than the other, just different. Those differences, when brought together, make a man and woman a great team.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2010 Deborah Demander Reno


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      3 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      It is absolutely a joke, based on the original post about 50 things a woman cannot do. All in good fun.

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      4 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD


      It sounds like you've found a keeper. Thanks for reading, and for commenting. I'm always glad to give someone a laugh.


    • kiddiecreations profile image

      Nicole K 

      4 years ago

      Cute! Made me laugh several times. Love your sense of humor :)

      The farting one... so true! And the stopping for directions... my hubby gets irritated sometimes when I turn on the GPS. He always says he knows the way (but usually he does, to his credit!)

      I'm thankful he's on the more sensitive side and doesn't mind shedding tears when he gets really into a movie, or is touched by a story he hears on the radio, etc.... And when we were dating, he never made me pay! :) That's a good guy right there.

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      5 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      It was meant in good fun, as a response to a previous hub about what women can't do.

      I'm not a sexist. I love men. And I have great luck.

      Namaste, friends

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      This list is ridiculous, hardly any of it holds true for any man I've dated. Sorry about your luck? Sorry about your sexism? This is coming from a fellow woman.

    • Phil Plasma profile image

      Phil Plasma 

      8 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      Your #50 was very funny when I got to it. This looks like it was a lot of fun writing, I got a kick out of reading it, thanks. Voted up.

    • Barbsbitsnpieces profile image

      Barbara Anne Helberg 

      8 years ago from Napoleon, Henry County, Ohio, USA

      @Deborah Demander...Very enjoyable fair play!

      I also enjoyed the first paragraph of your profile! Thanks for sharing these!

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      9 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      thehemu, thank you for reading. Kittythedreamer, sounds like you found a keeper.


    • kittythedreamer profile image

      Kitty Fields 

      9 years ago from Summerland

      Deborah - Voted up, funny and awesome! Really gave me a tickle this evening! A lot are very true but I do have to say my husband can change the oil for cheaper and he can also eat a salad without for the rest, I'm not so sure..I'd have to think about those a little harder! :)

    • thehemu profile image


      9 years ago from New Delhi, India

      some of these points are very hillarious but some are very very true. i really love enjoying the lunch and if i appreciate beauty then my lady would kill me. XD

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Actually I can do everything on this list except cry in public, mostly because I never get upset, or get hurt enough to cry mainly because that doesnt happen. Atleast I don't do stereotypical women things like taking an elevator to the second floor of an office building or being an awful driver. :p

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Man can drive real good...

      Its enought.

    • MFB III profile image

      Matthew Frederick Blowers III 

      9 years ago from United States

      Although I have done many of your lists of cannots, i am still laughing. Perhaps I have a softer side, or perhaps i have done many of them but NEVER as well as a woman thinks she can do them...LOL~~~MFB III

    • eovery profile image


      9 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

      Oh Funny!

      Keep on hubbing!

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      10 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Yes, maybe half... sometimes more, sometimes less.


    • Dobson profile image


      10 years ago from Virginia

      We are half the problem, wouldn't you say? Funny!

    • phoenixgbr profile image


      10 years ago


    • lisabeaman profile image


      10 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

      Good one Deborah! This one came recommended by Humagaia - so glad he suggested it! So true... so true!

    • humagaia profile image

      Charles Fox 

      10 years ago from United Kingdom

      And your point is?????????

      No: 33 I think.

      And so few!

      I'm sure there is another hub or 3 in this one.

      You could make it a fiver.

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      10 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Thanks kaltopsyd and carolina, you guys proved me wrong: you can take a joke.


    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 

      10 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Funny... and probably accurate!!

    • kaltopsyd profile image


      10 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

      Haha, I enjoyed that. So funny! Thanks for a good laugh.

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      10 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      My husband thinks no one can multitask. He doesn't realize it's just the men.

      And pds, we sometimes have to let them have their fun.


    • Pro Design Source profile image

      Pro Design Source 

      10 years ago

      Ha! #1 Change the oil cheaper than Jiffy Lube. OMG I tell him that every single time, and still he insists - so I let him.

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 

      10 years ago from Washington

      Too cute - multitask is definitely one of them! I remember Bob telling me once that he couldn't carry on a conversation because he was driving - and I was sitting next to him!

    • Deborah Demander profile imageAUTHOR

      Deborah Demander Reno 

      10 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Thanks for stopping by.

      I am glad you all enjoyed it.


    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      10 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This was a fun hub !


    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 

      10 years ago

      Number 43 especially. It seems middle-aged men look in the mirror and see themselves as the high school football player.

    • Springboard profile image


      10 years ago from Wisconsin

      Why does the classic Three Stooges line so readily come to mind after reading this?

      "I resemble that remark."

    • Wendy Krick profile image

      Wendy Henderson 

      10 years ago from Cape Coral

      Very Cute Hub!

    • snagerries profile image


      10 years ago from Singapore

      These 50 points are really true and I must admire it. Thumbs up to the great hub!

    • LeanMan profile image


      10 years ago from At the Gemba

      Most of what you mention are our assets.. What is the complaint? lol

    • breakfastpop profile image


      10 years ago

      Love this, I really do! Well done and oh so true.

    • fucsia profile image


      10 years ago

      really funny!

    • LillyGrillzit profile image

      Lori J Latimer 

      10 years ago from Central Oregon

      LOL! This is good. Tweeted and shared.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)