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"I want to be a naughty pirate, because ...." Celebrity Quotes & Movie Lines

Updated on July 12, 2015
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5 out of 5 stars from 1 rating of Movie lines & celebrity quotes
Jarod Kintz
Jarod Kintz | Source

A selection of quotes from well known people from the Baird himself to modern day celebrities, such as Lance Armstrong, Harry Styles & Stephen Hawking.

Also included within this article are a selection of movie lines and celebrity putdowns.

  1. "Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called" - Jarod Kintz
  2. "The moment the car door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery" -Rachel Vincent
  3. "If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you" -Steven Wright
  4. "Goodbyes, they often come in waves" - Jarod Kintz
  5. "When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realise I should have been more specific" - Lily Tomlin
  6. "The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more someone is going to get hurt" - Jarod Kintz
  7. "Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you'er doing" - Peyton Manning
  8. "Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking" -Dave Barry
  9. "If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell" -David Cook
  10. "Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie" -Sherrilyn Kenyon
  11. "A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real" -Harry Styles
  12. "I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues" -Franklin D. Roosevelt
  13. "I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn't it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit" -Jarod Kintz
  14. "How is it possible to have a Civil war?" -George Carlin
  15. "Never miss a good chance to shut up" -Will rogers
  16. "Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright" -Laurel K. hamilton
  17. "A boo is a lot louder than a cheer" -Lance Armstrong
  18. "Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive" -Elbert Hubbard
  19. "I had the right to remain silent.....but I didn't have the ability" -Ron White
  20. "It's supposed to be automatic, but actually you have to push this button" - John Brunner
  21. "I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye-patch, it barely covers my genitals" -Jarod Kintz
  22. "Thine face is not worth sunburning" -William Shakespeare
  23. "A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it" -George Bernard Shaw
  24. "I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here" -Lauren Myracle
  25. "Don't put your wand there, boy!.....Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know" - J.K. Rowling
  26. "Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings" -Robert Benchley
  27. "If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people" -Jarod Kintz
  28. "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the Americas Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick' and 'Colin', need I say more" -Chris Rock
  29. "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile" -Billy Sunday
  30. "Its not true that I had nothing on, I had the radio on" -Marilyn Monroe
  31. "This planet is fine. The people are f**ked" -George Carlin
  32. ""You know what I like most about people? Pets" -Jarod Kintz
  33. "A penny saved is a penny earned" -Benjamin Franklin
  34. "Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. Its the transition thats troublesome" -Isaac Asimov
  35. "Life would be tragic if it weren't funny" -Stephen Hawking
  36. "Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory" -Albert Schweitzer
  37. " I want to be happy and sad at the same time. yeah I know it sounds sappy" -Jarod Kintz
  38. "I had a dream about you last night......You were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs" -Amy Summers
  39. " I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back" -Zsa Zsa Gabor
  40. " I hate fake people. You know what I'm talking about. Mannequins" -Jarod Kintz
  41. " I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. iknew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it" -Rodney Dangerfield
  42. "A word to the wise aint necessary, its the stupid ones who need advice" -Bill Cosby
  43. "Always go to other peoples funerals , otherwise they wont come to yours" -Yogi Berra
  44. "If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?" -Jerry Seinfeld
  45. "If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public" -Jarod Kintz
  46. "Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they wont be avoided" -Mae West
  47. "Sane is boring" -R A Salvatore
  48. "What a kid I got. I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife" -Rodney Dangerfield
  49. "Don't be so humble- you aren't that great" -Golda Meir
  50. "Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy" - Albert Einstein
  51. "I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it" -Mark twain
  52. "The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I'd be ok" -Jarod Kintz
  53. "Those who believe in Telekinesis, raise my hand" -Kurt Vonnegut
  54. "I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel" -Terry Pratchett
  55. "Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight" -Phyllis Diller
  56. "Hey sometimes life is a shit flavoured popsicle" -Carl Hiaasen
  57. "Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night" -Colleen Hoover
  58. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye" -Cathy Guiswile
  59. "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on" -Winston Churchill
  60. "If I saw you hitch-hiking, I'd smile and return your thumbs up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence" -Jarod Kintz

So that was my choice of Celebrity Quotes & Putdowns.

Check out more from Jarod Kintz in his book "Emails from a Madman" available on Amazon

Youtube Video of Famous Movie Lines Below...

Check out the Youtube movie compilation below, showing clips and one liners from movies throughout the years- "You can't handle the truth" and "Show me the money"

Can you name the movies............that's right it was "you can't handle the truth" from Jack Nicholsons court room scene in 'A Few Good Men' and then "Show me the Money" which was a saying of the character played by Tom Cruise in 'Jerry McGuire'

Famous Movie Quotes....

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