80's Cartoon Explosion
Why is Hollywood Making This Garbage of Films Based Off Cartoons From the 80's?
Ever since "Transformers" has become a hit in theaters, rumors are abundant around Hollywood about all these stupid 80's cartoons making their way to the live action big screen. Although, the idea sounds rhetorically stupid as a lot of these cartoons wouldn't translate well onto films. However, I thought it might be fun to give my take on how well allegedly both economically and critically acclaimed these projects would be if they were to be released. I hope they get canceled, but I have a feeling they won't. Therefore, here's my official take on how each cartoon of the 80's would fair in a live action adaptation in today's era.
Now take in mind, I won't be discussing "G.I. Joe" or "Transformers" since both shows already saw a live action incarnation, so everyone should know how those turned out. My business is only to discuss the future of the ones that haven't been green lighted yet, but are in the Hollywood pipeline as we speak.
However, if watching the success of "Transformers: Revenge Of the Fallen", "2012", "Twilight Saga: New Moon", and many others has taught me one thing, it's that majority of the world are idiots. Sad, but it's the truth. Most people wouldn't know quality if it hit them in the face. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone in the world is dumb as nails, but most are. If not, then the previous films I've just stated wouldn't be so highly successful at the box office. Where as great films like "The Messenger", "Precious", "Brothers", and "Invictus" for instance would easily be more successful. However, that's why I say most of the world is surrounded by morons to say the least.
Economically: It's tough to say how well this film will do economically. A lot of this hinges on how much special effects the director decides to put into it. Whether they decide to use a bunch of actors and have them put on make up to look like the Thundercats, or use "Avatar's" rather expensive CGI approach to make the thundercats, as rumors are abundant on this one.
Critics: I doubt seriously critics will be as nice about this film as I would. I would probably just say that film sucks as we all know it will. However, the senseless bashing by Roger Ebert and many others would be funny to watch to say the least. I know I would love to read their reviews on it. Lets face it, like "Transformers", "He-Man", and "G.I. Joe" where those cartoons were solely made to market the toy lines, this one is basically made for the exact same reason. Therefore, I doubt seriously we can expect any type of real plot beyond, beat up the bad guy scenario. Plus, even in the original show there was far too many plot holes.
For those who never saw the show, Lion-O was the leader of the Thundercats. In the first episode, he was basically a kid, around 12ish I think. Anyway, he had a boy's body, and the Thundercats were traveling through space to find a new place to live after their planet was destroyed. Since the journey would take years to get to third Earth, they all went into hibernation, where Lion-O woke up with an adult body but had the mind of a child. Here's the wrinkle in that logic. Why is Lion-O the only one that has his body age? I mean seriously. The two other kids that were around Lion-O's age didn't get adult bodies, but when they woke up, they were still in kid bodies. Plus, the other Thundercats didn't age at all. I know I'm not the only person that notices or question this. Take in mind, this is coming from an ex fan of the show, so just imagine how harsh a critic would be who didn't know the show that well.
Overall Opinion: If they use the expensive James Cameron method, I think the movie might be able to get by in the box office, as most people are morons anyway for eye candy. Or if they decide to use make up on real actors. One can assume they'll just go the "Twilight Saga" method and just use hot guys and girls to play the parts. With acting skills be damned as long as they appeal to younger audiences. Besides, like I said, people are idiots for eye candy either be sexually or special effects.
Economically: Let's face it, as much as I loved Brendan Frasier's performance in "George of the Jungle", part of the reason why that film made money was because Frasier was all buffed up and half naked in most of the movie. Which undoubtedly whoever plays He-Man is going to do, so you can count the teeny bopper girls to watch this or....well nevermind..don't want to offend anyone. As Seinfeld would say, "not that there's anything wrong with it." Plus, you know Hollywood will undoubtedly create a boatload of special effects for this film and get that old hype machine wheeling for this one.
Critics: Wasn't the first film bad enough? Does Hollywood honestly think they can get this right the second time around? Even if they do get it to be faithful to the original show, this film is still going to be a piece of crap. At best, it'll be a rip off of "Conan" and "Shazam" if anything, as that's essentially what "He-Man" was.
Overall Opinion: Like Thundercats, it can get away with a lot if they hire hot girls and guys for the parts, with acting abilities be damned. However, it'll probably be freaking stupid as heck, as I doubt the film will be that good or decent.
Economically: Undoubtedly this will be marketed for kids. As films like "Alvin and the Chipmunks" have taught me, it's that when it comes to children movies, quality is almost last on the priority list when it comes to kid based films. So why should this film be any different? Just make an easy to follow plot structure, make the bad guy rhetorically cliched and moronic, and kids will love it. Parents won't care either as they just want to keep their kids happy.
Critics: This would be too easy for me to detail why critics would hate and detest this film as much as me. However, all I will say is, just make the smurfs cute enough and get that old hype machine running for it because it won't have the support of critics, I can tell you that.
Overall Opinion: Unlike the other films that are still in development, this one is scheduled to come out around the summer of next year. Sadly, after seeing that garbage "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel" become so popular, something tells me that this film will generate the same popularity as it appeals to the same fan base.
Economically: Doubt seriously, it'll do that well since this show wasn't that popular even during the eighties. However, I'm sure it'll get some press since it is marketed towards kids and if they should decide to use puppetry again, then the budget for this film will be fairly reasonable for them to see a safe return on this one.
Critics: More than likely they'll hate this one. However, seeing as this is based on Jim Henson's show, I doubt seriously it'll be that bad. Heck, even in their movies where the plots were crap, Jim Henson productions still managed to make their films decent enough to watch.
Overall Opinion: It's tough to say about this one, but I'm sure if Jim Henson manages to dig up that old magic again, they might be able to pull it off. However, that's like winning the lottery though.
Economically: Well, seeing as how this show was basically ripped off and done on the big screen by all those crappy "Power Rangers" films, I don't think this film has much of a chance to do well at all in the box office. Seriously, most of today's kids don't know who Voltron is, so they'll probably perceive it as a rip off of Power Rangers. Sad, even though it's the other way around.
Critics: A movie about an alien army invading earth, in the future, so humanity's last hope is to combined five robots into one to form the mighty Voltron. Yeah, good luck with that one. It didn't work that well for the Power Rangers when they tried it, so I doubt it'll work this time.
Overall Opinion: Well.....this film is just going to royally bomb. Sorry, but it's true.
Economically: Depending on how much special effects will be spent on this movie will be key here; not to mention how seriously the story line will be taken in this. I'm thinking this will probably be more along the lines of "Avatar", if they play they're cards right. Great cgi, but the story will be simplistic with a lot of underlining themes. Therefore, it might do well, but I could be wrong.
Critics: Probably will do well depending on how the director handles it. In the original "Robotech" saga, there was a lot of anti war themes in the show, that could be used quite nicely to create a solid story with the special effects. Plus, having a legitimate actor like Toby Maguire doesn't hurt either as he's signed on to star in it.
Overall Opinion: This could go either way. Toby Maguire does give it some clout to be hopeful for, but I said the same thing about "Terminator Salvation", when I heard Christian Bale would be in it. Therefore, I could easily be wrong. However, something tells me that Hollywood will undoubtedly get some hack like Roland Emmerich or Michael Bay, who'll turn this into a commercialized peace of crap.
Economically: Depends on who's in it besides the original four Ghost Busters. Yes, you guessed it. In a petty attempt to get a pay check; Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, Harold Ramis, and Ernie Hudson are returning to reprise their roles. According to the plot of this film, they're even going to introduce young ghost busters to help out the old guys. Gee, what fun.
Critics: Personally, I thought they did everything they could with this franchise after the last two movies. So what the heck could they possibly do for a sequel that would redeem the follies of "Ghost Busters II?" Maybe have the Ghost Busters team up with the young guys to take on a mummy or other supernatural creatures? Maybe Death himself. According the Akroyd, they've been working on the story for years. Therefore, a lot of it will depend on how original and witty they can bring back the magic of the first film.
Overall Opinion: Although the live action film was spawned to create the cartoon series originally. I felt it was important to bring it up anyway. Personally, I think they're better off letting this franchise stay dead. As I doubt seriously this film will do that well unless they get some young comedians to star with the old guys like Will Smith, Jack Black, Jimmy Fallon, and etc. Then I'd pay to see that for sure, but not so sure about this one.
Take in mind, a lot of these films are still in production, so there's a good chance they'll still get canceled. However, most of them I just can't see them doing well on the big screen, so I hope they never see the light of day. However, I could be wrong as since I have been before but something tells me, I'm not.