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A Cat Food Diet for Humans: Pros and Cons
In these times of belt-tightening and making ends meet, it sometimes comes down to doing without something. You may have to go without that satellite TV service, replacement Swiffer pads, a cell phone, a DVD featuring Adam Sandler, and who knows what else.
Still, we all have to eat…there’s no getting around that. If you’re on a budget, it becomes a bit of a challenge to come up with healthy meals every day. It sometimes seems that most of the stuff at the supermarket is just too darned expensive. Why not opt for the next best thing: a cat food diet.
I know what you’re thinking. This sounds nuts…but just because it’s intended for your little ‘Sunshine’, don’t go around wondering if you’ve lost your marbles. Well..ok, just a wee bit. But hey..a cat food diet’s got a few things going for it:
- The salmon is rich in Omega 3
- It keeps your brain alert for dangerous situations
- You’ll learn to speak a new language: Catanese
- You get smaller portions, keeping that waistline down
- You’ll save a bundle on packaged foods and soft drinks and coffee
- People may show more affection towards you, stroking your hair and such
- You’ll develop an even closer bond with your own cat
On a more serious note…
You might be thinking…oh, if I’m gonna eat like a cat, I’m gonna need some milk. This is a popular misconception. Actually, most adult cats are lactose intolerant, even though they’ll happily lap it up. Only to have a runny event later in the litter box. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to experience the same thing yourself. Ok..back to the nonsense…
Despite the fact that your food cupboards will start to look just like the supermarket shelves, you’ll know there’s real value in your purchases. While this might seem like a limited array of choices, it’s all a matter of degree. You’ll be getting various kinds of meat and meat by-products, various kind of fish, mineral ash etc. In other words, nothing you wouldn’t find in a normal, everyday hot dog, for instance. You can probably turn off the fridge too, since you won’t need to keep anything refrigerated.
Don't Try This at Home...
Cons: The Downside to a Cat Food Diet
You’re probably also thinking to yourself..hey timorous, there must be a downside to a cat food diet, and you’d be right. A healthy human diet requires a wider variety of stuff than you’d get just from cat food. You might also miss those treats like cookies, and pizza and soft drinks. You may also find your behaviour becoming a little strange:
- Licking your hands and other parts of your body
- Becoming terrified of vacuum cleaners
- Sitting at the window, staring at the outside world for hours on end
- Yowling at your own image in the mirror (…maybe not so different for you)
- Picking at the sides of chairs and sofas with your fingernails
- Chasing imaginary creatures around the house
- Sore knees, from trying to lap up water from a bowl on the floor
- Sleeping half the day
Ok, maybe a cat food diet is not for you…
There are other food ideas you may not have considered, but others have, apparently. Many people have some strange food fetishes. You’ve probably tried some weird food combinations in your childhood, just to see what might go together. Like celery and peanut butter, eating pizza and chocolate at the same time…or drinking the juice from tinned peas. Some people even like tapioca, or…maybe fish eggs.
Yep..one person’s gross is another person’s delight. Go figure.
Here’s some food ideas from http://chowhound.chow.com:
“ finally got my fix for deep fried shrimp heads recently. But it seems that my friends and family do not share this seemingly obscure taste of mine for the feelers, eyeballs, antennae, head and carapace of an amaebi (sweet) shrimp.”
“But I don't know anyone who actually eats the whole lobster head. I suck on the antennae and dig around inside but I don't eat the eyes or the shells. With shrimp you do eat the whole thing, shells, eyes and all.”
“I recall being at a local festival and the person cooking the crawfish was a well known local cardiologist. Most people eat them like lobster - just the tail. He showed me how to suck the head. (no laughing!) You literally suck the brains out. Well, maybe they don't have brains, just head innards. I can't say it was addicting, but it was OK. I think crispy fried would be good. Like salt shrimp - shell and all. yum.”
by Sweet Pea
Then there’s food fashion…
Designers are always coming up with original ideas, some of them quite bizarre. Food fashion is starting to gain some weight. I’m sure you’ve either seen or heard of the meat dress worn by Lady Gaga. I won’t reproduce a photo of it here...you can easily find it on the internet.
However, here’s an interesting idea.
Well…I seem to have gone off-topic a bit…
My apologies. So it’s time to get back to some cat nonsense. Here’s one my favorite Monty Python sketches, entitled “Confuse-a-Cat”
One final note
This article is intended strictly as humor. So don’t take these recommendations seriously (except the cat/milk issue).
Although you could eat cat food, it’s not recommended to do so more than occasionally, and for very short periods. Just stick to a proper diet..ok?
This article ©2011 by timorous+