ARE AUSTRIAN MEN LIKE DONALD TRUMP PRONE TO THE DREADED HAIR GENE POOL?
YUP, THAT'S ME, THE AUTHOR OF THIS ARTICLE POSING AS AN AUSTRIAN MAN!
TRUMP TALKS WELL, BUT DON'T MENTION HAIR!
MY FATHER THE ITALIAN-AUSTRIAN!
DONALD TRUMP WITH MY YOUNGER SISTER WHO RUNS A CLUB IN FLORIDA
EVEN MY EX BROTHER IN LAW IS ITALIAN, WHICH IS GOOD IN MY FAMILY!
TRUMP MAY BE A HAIRY AUSTRIAN, BUT HE'S ALSO THE ILLUMINATI!
AUSTRIAN HAIR REMOVAL REMEDIES MUST HAVE WORKED?
Many asked me to explain myself when I stated that "Trump is a very hairy guy, and that is so with the majority of Austrian men. They are hiding their hairy bodies and pores, or they are getting rid of the hair pronto. I may have stretched it a bit in saying "the majority of Austrian men are hiding their hairy abs," but there is something to my screwy theory. Just read on and judge for yourself. This article comes from my own life experiences written in my blogs of yesteryear before anyone else even knew what a blog was. I am also of Austrian decent on my father's side, so I have something to add to the madness of the World right now.
On the other hand, there's. Arnold Schwarzenegger, a prime example, what a physique. So where is he hiding his hairy pores? Then again, Arnold's genetic markers may give him a more classic smoothness and less hair. If his father was not the dominant gene pool, which looks as if that's the case (just look at his hairless face, still like a baby). Ahhh, so it's his his mother's genetic markers he inherited ... thus ex Gov. Muscles inherited mommy's thin blond Austrian hairs instead. Lucky him or he's got a darn good laser hair removal doctor.
My own father, grandfather and both my brothers were so hairy, that they went out of their way to rid themselves of their hair, except on their head, where there is none. I call it the "DREADED BALDING HAIRY BODY GENE OF AUSTRIA". Hair clogging up their honkers, their ears, their their backs and legs - making them snore and sneeze as they try to cut it away with the clippers.until the occasional nose bleed sends them to the laser tech - "get it out, please!."
Don't forget their ears and butt cracks too (yup, even there). Pores on the body produce blond thin feminine hairs. No, no, no. Most have it wrong. Listen to one who saw, listened and asked. "Instead of the blond thin hairs, they get the huge, ugly, black, strong, pointy bushels of hair that clog up those poor little pore into a 'boil'.
My father had his barber shave off all the excess hair he hated like the plague. I saw up close for years how my dad, a rich 'ladies underwear manufacturer, dealt with his own hairy body. It was easy to see it frustrated him, but I was intrigued watching him deal with it, looking in the same mirror as he was, as he'd occasionally wink at me after his saving cream was all over his face, giving him a sweet, but sad clown face. Sometimes he'd look at me and frown, but smile with wide brow-raised eyes.
Then I think of how Trump himself goes way, way out of this world to make sure he is covered up, bronzed and plugged! When will we see him in a bathing suit? A golf shirt (seeing as he owns a few)? I say "NEVER, NEVER. no, not Donald Trump. In a bathing suit? Can't see it.
Even way back in the early Seventies Trump was all covered and in a suit and tie/ You could not see his chest. It's not exactly a blur for me, because of my biographical memory. I distinctly remember him in our social circle at that time. And then years late I realized it was him. Although I was a little girl of 10, it seems just last week I was standing around at one of my mom's parties before she put on opera soundtrack records and cracked the ceiling and some crystal glasses.
At that time, my mother was re-inventing herself over and over, so i got very confused. It was her way of life, and I think my father got a bit confused, but too late. He was already too far in to the way my mother (whom writer Truman Capote called "His Snow Queen) was rolling. She who only wore white or light beige, loved Gucci and wore Chanel #5 like it was going out of style.. My parents saw each other every 4 days on and off for 11 years when we lived at the UN Plaza in New York City during the early Seventies when Trump was just coming up as a Real Estate mogul.
My family had just moved into a swanky new building with the likes of Johnny Carson and wife Joanna (#1), Robert F. Kennedy and Ethel with their brood of (then) 9 kids, David Susskind talk show host with his two kids whom we had play dates with, and many other dignitaries who worked at the UN Building next door. There was even a secret long hallway that led from our building all the way to the underground garage of the United Nations. As young children of 12, 10, 8 and 6 respectfully,my older brothers, younger sister and I found ourselves in an interesting, ever changing, most exciting atmosphere and playground.
And what a place for to playground. It gave me the ability to see both sides of the tracks, and for some strange reason, I wanted to be on the other side of those tracks. Maybe if I had not been so overwhelmed after being sent to a junior high school far from our district and having to endure bullying by so many ethnic kids, I would have even more able to accept my family crest, but I couldn't and I wouldn't and I began to rebel and push against it, which put me in direct odds with my mother, who was a social giant butterfly that reinvented herself so many times that it spooked me. She sang opera like a pro. She could play any song on the piano, but preferred singing the whole soundtrack to the opera "Madam Butterfly" without her thick Brooklyn accent dragging her along.
Comparing it all with Donald Trump's family life, I just wanted to give my credentials for my views: I think the reason he and his present wife have been together so long and seem to really hit it off, and are still together with no real concrete cheating rumors, is that she too is from a “hairy” country and I’ll bet she even let’s her hair hang out when they are not together, or in the spotlight together. I can see her standing in the bathroom and not shaving her armpits, or letting her facial hair grow out, or maybe she lets her hair grow out and doesn't get it plucked just out of a sheer desire of “I want to let it all hang out until my husband gets back!"
Hmm, sound odd? It could be true. Austrian, hairy genetic markers present and dominant. My father was hairy to his bones and wanted to be Italian. He shaved religiously. I’d stand by the sink in his bathroom watching him turn from Austrian bald, hairy fat guy, to slim, clean faced and arms Italian guy with a fake mustache and a toupee.
My favorite part of his ritual was when he applied the “bronzing creme” (although I'm sure Trump has makeup people doing it for him, but it's the same concept) and transformed himself into a half Kennedy, half Italian Mafia guy, but when he put the fake mustache and toupee on, he reminded me then of the popular actor Rock Hudson.
He also resembled an Italian version of actor Steven Weber (whose dad Stuart Weber was my mom’s first ever husband in real life.) In fact, I noticed a distinct sameness in some of their features. Yes, there was a resemblance between Weber and my dad, their eyes were closer together up on the nose rim … another Austrian genetic marker. They both had the same chin and facial symetrics and features. And they both seems to have the personality traits too.
Even Adolph Hitler was a hairy, Austrian man, as was his own father Alois Hitler. ANYONE out there ever see a photo of him in a bathing suit or short sleeved shirt? Oh no, just Eva Braun. Have you ever seen Hitler showing his chest in any photo or reel? I think not. Yes, he fought like an Apache Indian in World War I, so he had to have the strength of his hair to survive and keep him warm after years of harsh outdoor fighting in a foxhole. He said he loved it. So his hair saved him even if he did get a blast of mustard gas…Oh, and he was an evil cuss, we all know that.
In closing,, Austrian men are prone to hairy bodies and I’m sure Trump has tried many things om the past, but his bronze creme and hair hiding and plucking will rear its ugly (black)head(s) as he ages. I remain flexible, and this article is partly written in jest. Don't take life and words too serious, I wrote this for myself anyways.