Prone to Flatulence or Why Farts can save the world!
I can take myself too seriously
Ok so if your reading this you are one of the few that got past the title and looked away with disgust. But please bear with me I feel I do have something to say about the subject which may reflect on it in a new light. If not then why not read anyway to see how I have attempted to make farts appealing. But lets be honest this piece will not get read by many, those that do read it will read it with a mild curiosity perhaps sparked by the title.
So why write something which you suspect will alienate the reader before they even start?
As someone with aspirations of writing great pieces of literature and interesting topics of discussion I spend a great deal of time in my mind searching for illuminating topics. I have considered writing about the economic crisis facing the euro zone and billions of Euro's used to bail out Greece. I have considered discussing the rising rates of obesity that are sweeping the globe like some pandemic of sugary fat.
But then I thought there is plenty of time for all that and plenty of better writers than I to tackle it. So let me put aside my serious hat for a moment or two and discuss what is really on my mind, why it is farts are such a big part of so many lives? Why do I (now in my thirties) still snigger and laugh and why do I still feel shamed when I fart myself?
We will be doing nothing quite as sophisticated as discussing why some people are more prone to flatulence than others or discussing diet tips to avoid it. There will be many articles regarding these issues from qualified health professionals, of which I am not one. Although you may wish to avoid excessive eggs and beans or so have I been told.
Farting through the ages
Humiliation it stalks us all
Humiliation is something we have all experienced, if you have got to adulthood or even to being a teenager and have yet to feel that blush on your cheeks and that desire to curl into a ball and hide then you have lead a very sheltered life indeed. Of course our humiliations are all different, some of us have accidently exposed our anatomy or misspoken to the wrong person at the wrong time or perhaps taken a terrible misstep that has led to a comedic fall into a pond. We all live knowing that our next humiliation could be around the next corner. No one is spared the grasp of humiliation, even the beautiful people and hollywood stars are not immune, magazines feature them tripping, stumbling and making general fools of themselves on a regular basis. Humiliation is a great leveler.
There is of course one particular humiliation we have all shared an unfortunate ill timed fart. What can be more embarrassing than "dropping" one (if you will pardon the expression) in a job interview or on a date or even over a nice family meal? The humiliation is often doubled by the accompanying smell that often arrives shortly after the preceding sound. Oh the horror we experience when we realize that all eyes are pointed at us that there remains no doubt that you are the perpetrator of that stale unpleasant smell.
Do you laugh at farts?
Fart, according to wikiepdia (Which rarely lets us bloggers down) is one of the earliest words in the English Vocabulary and is considered unsuitable to use in an informal environment. But used it is, a lot! I? think we have established we all do it (although I am sure there are some who will deny it) and i think if we are honest we all laugh when others do it and all feel ashamed when we do it.
Why is a Fart Shameful?
If we really think about it, it isn't. It is a natural process no more shameful or unpleasant in the long term than a sneeze or cough. But yet the shame remains, if you are unfortunate enough to "Lay a stink egg" (sorry I could not resist) in a meeting or during a formal occassion it will most likely haunt you days and you will re-experience your shame whenever you cross the path of those that witnessed, heard, smelt it.
He/She who smelt it dealt it!
Defense mechanisms exist in us all for protecting ourselves from such embarrassment be it denial or purely to act as though ignorant of the offending smell. Of course neither work and will seldom do anything but to amplify our humiliation further. This is where humor comes in!
As with many things children can show us the way. Children live their lives unencumbered by the baggage of life, the lessons learned about what should embarrass us and what should not. That is why children giggle with wild abandon when they or anyone else farts, why they will deliberately use farts to break tension and to make friends laugh or even to make new friends. "Beans, Beans the musical fruit the more you eat the more you toot" Just one of many thousands of fart jokes and rhymes you will find throughout the world and on every playground.
Onomatopoeia and the many words for farting
A word I confess I seldom use in speech because of the difficulty in pronunciation I seem to have with the word. But when discussing farts it is hardly possible not to make use of the word. There is such a broad a variety of words used for farting some of which seem so apt and perfect that it was if they were created by the sound itself.
Here is a reminder of a few
- Bottom Burp
In the interests of not being too crude we will avoid delving into the realms of some of the more colorful terms that are used by many. You will find those elsewhere on the internet in common supply.
Farting Can save the world!
Ok so farting can not save the world, but as flippant and silly as this article is it is something that binds each and everyone one of us. We will always feel embarrassed when we have unfortunate badly timed flatulence and most of us will always laugh when it happens to others. But each and every one of us will take our turn at either side of the experience and there is not many topics you can say that about.
Your not serious?
No, none of this is serious. I do not expect us to bond over farting nor do I expect you to learn anything meaningful from this. But anything that make make us laugh when the world seems like a dim and gloomy place surely must be helping in its own little way to help save it. Isn't it! I better go I think someone dropped an air biscuit in here!