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Ali The Bachelorette ep 6: Giving New Meaning To The Word Turkey
Read My Thoughts On Rated-R Here
- Ali The Bachelorette Justin: Rated R for Ridiculous
Theres always been something a little off about that wrestling shadester, Rated-R. It was pretty obvious that something would end up going awry for him at some point. He was voted Most Likely To Have...
Wrestling With Drama
The Bachelorette travels took the group to Turkey this week for some romance. I think they chose these locations based on countries where the dollar is strongest. Otherwise, it’s pure nonsense (no offense, Iceland and Turkey, but what?).
The first thirty minutes of the episode was dedicated to drama with Rated-R and his philandering ways. I had so much to say about it, I had to write a separate article. You can check it out. Basically, he pulled a Wes and had a girlfriend the entire time he was on the show.
Ty Your Shoes
Ali and Ty went on their first solo date to a bath house that is usually reserved for men only. I hope they used Clorox before they arrived.
During one of Frank’s interviews, he declared that Ty and Ali are just friends. Cut to those “friends” steaming up the bathhouse with their kissins and rubbins. When they would come up for air, Ty would call Ali “sweet” which led to more making out. Very deep.
Later, Ali asked a million questions about Ty’s divorce, which he was surprisingly open and yet confusing about. He explained that when he got married he thought he would time warp back to the 1950’s and his wife would stay home and bake while he went to work. For some crazy reason, this didn’t really jive with his wife’s expectations. You’d think that’d be something they would have discussed before they got married, but ya live and ya learn. Oddly, Ty added that he didn’t mind that his wife had a job—thus negating everything he said ten seconds before.
After spending some time out in the world after his divorce (which occurred less than a year ago, so he had tons of time to learn about all about himself), Ty can appreciate a motivated woman like Ali now—ya know, the kind of girl who quits her job to be on a reality TV dating show. What’s not to appreciate?
Ali is concerned the she’s not as “traditional” as he is, but she is willing to give him a chance because he was open with her. She gave him a rose and then they made out some more.
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Gettin' Oily For The Final Group Date
Poor Craig was stuck on the final group date, thus setting a Guinness World Record for Most Dates With Four Or More Other Men And One Girl. There was no rose to be given out on this date, and so they started out drinking huge mugs of beer so they could all bring their sloppy A-game.
Like all of my Saturday nights, four greased-up Turkish guys came marching in with their own drumline. In the most logical turn of events, Chris L, Kirk, Craig, and Roberto had to challenge these Professional Olive Oil Wrestlers to a match. To this, Chris L replied “This is not fun.” Can’t make that kind of stuff up.
In case you’ve forgotten, Kirk is completely ripped under those clothes (and excessive makeup—who keeps jacking up his face?). Even so, all the guys got slammed around by the oily pros. Then the real challenge came, they had to wrestle each other for a chance at one-on-one time with Ali.
Initially, Craig was not into it at all. He’s a lawyer—he wrestles people with his brain every day, but his body…not so much. A switch in his mind—or libido—flipped into full gear and he was determined to fling his competitors right back to the United States. It came down to Roberto and Craig, and we all know who Ali was secretly wishing would win, but Craig’s sheer determination brought him to victory.
During their alone time, Craig and Ali didn’t seem right together. He was having the time of his life, and she was enjoying her new friend but there were no sparks. There was no smoochy-smoochy—and that girl will make out with anybody!
Let's Be Frank
For the second solo date of the episode, Frank got his second go-round at a Turkish bizarre. Who knew they were so into pistachios in Turkey? This show is so educational.
Frank declared that he wants to be Ali’s “shopping partner”—I think that’s a different show, buddy. They had a hilarious encounter with a carpet salesman, whom Frank compared to a used car salesman. He was relentless, and Frank was adamant about not buying a rug that day. The carpet guy kept throwing in free stuff and Frank walked out with a brand-new Turkish rug for his living room. The funny part is that he had to lug it around for the rest of the date. Do they not have a traveling PA to take care of that kind of crap?
The date continued at a cistern where they ate on an island. Frank told Ali that he wants to only propose to one girl and get married once in his life. Gotta be careful about saying that stuff, Melissa said the same thing on Jason’s season and we all know how that turned out. It doesn’t matter because Ali has got the serious diggings for Frank-o.
Side note: Frank, I really like you, but a thumb-ring? Seriously? Come on!
Frank Gets A Rose
There was no cocktail party because Ali already knew that she had zero feelings for Craig. That was pretty obvious and not dramatic at all. Craig actually seemed overly upset, which I believe was his ego talking. He had only spent like 10 minutes total with the girl!
I’m extremely annoyed with how much the “This Season On The Bachelorette” previews gave away. Boo that noise!
Quotes of the Week
“I’m so glad that turkey is gobbling his way back to Canada right now.”-Craig about Rated-R
“What’d you do in Turkey? Got naked and wrestled another man.”-Chris L
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