ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

American Consumer Meets Matthew McConaughey

Updated on September 3, 2016
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.

Matthew McConaughey
Matthew McConaughey | Source

An honest preface

to this piece is the best way to get started. I thought it would be nice to present a hypothetical one-on-one, short meeting with Hollywood celeb, Matthew McConaughey. Easy, girls. I hate to make you cry tears of disappointment, but I simply cannot produce McConaughey "on" this page. That high-level of computer engineering has not been created. But you can ogle at his photos I have placed to the right of my text.

Any way I look girls love me
Any way I look girls love me | Source
McConaughey is a graduate of The University of Texas
McConaughey is a graduate of The University of Texas | Source

Honestly, would you buy a product based on a famous celebrity endorsing the product in a commercial?

See results

Let's get started

Since you, my treasured followers, (seriously) have lives to live and I do not, I see no point in beleaguring a long, drawn-out introduction to familiarize you with Matthew McConaughey due to the fact that you, and the rest of the females in our world know who he is.
Okay. Let us begin in a mannerable gesture of allowing Hollywood celebrity, Matthew McConaughey, to speak first.

(Five minutes of roaring applause coupled with a standing ovation).

McConaughey is visibly-humbled by your gesture of appreciation, but what's that? Did he just yawn? Could be be bored? No. Maybe he is just over-worked. Yes, that is right. He has been busy filming so many hit movies.

Shhh. McConaughey is approaching the microphone. He is about to speak.

"Alright. Alright. Alright." (more thunderous applause). "Please, awww. Thanks, shucks. Thanks so much." "As Kinnith, oops, I mean, Kenneth has told you, I am Matthew McConaughey, (more whistling, roaring applause and comments of "take off your shirt!). Thank you. Aww, uhh, where am I, oops, I mean where was I? Yeah. I am, like Ken said, Matthew McConaughey, film star, celebrity and graduate of the University of Texas. (moderate applause. A few comments of "Hook 'em, Horns.) and my movies include "Interstellar," "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "Lincoln Lawyer," "Free State of Jones," and my block-buster, "Sea of Trees," that has only made three-thousand bucks since release."
"Take a good look at me. (He takes off his shirt to another standing ovation, deafening applause). Alright. Alright. Alright. I am cut and chiseled. I am a man through and through. My talking slow can drive you or any female wild. No kidding, girls. (winks here). I have found out that I am so famous that no matter how trasy or clean I show up in public, girls love it. Even some guys are coming around to idolizing me. I am glad to be a famous spokesman for the new Lincoln MKX. I look great driving this machine to town for no reason." (sounds of gasps from audience).
"I especially like my current ad where I am dressed in expensive, tailor-made evening clothes, only the best for me, and I walk without talking to my expensive outside pool complete with the best in security because there is not a girl alive who doesn't dream of tearing my clothes off of my perfectly-built athletic body . . .awww, thanks! (no applause heard). And I just stand there at pool's edge--looking sexy, cool, and desirable. Suddenly my eyes twinkle, girls love that, and I turn around and fall into my pool that didn't cost me a dime for the pool company was glad to have me put one of their pools at my expansive mansion."
"Oh, now it is "American Consumers" turn to speak. I will stand to the side and let my worthy new friend say what is on his mind. Oh, mister cameraman, do not take too many shots of me looking hot and sexy while "American Consumers" is speaking. Okay. Alright. Alright. Alright."
American Consumers question:

"Hi, Mr. McConaughey, I am just a composite of most American consumers who spend money on products that celebrities such as yourself promote on television, and really, I have only one question."

McConaughey: "Well, alright. Alright. Alright. Let's get down to business. What's on your mind, friend?"

American Consumer: "Are we to believe that seeing you in those Ford Lincoln MKX ads will convince us that the SUV you are driving is the "best" buy for the money?"

Matthew McConaughey: "What? Uhh, well, alright. Alright. Alright. Sure. I mean, uhhh, I agreed to be seen in those ads, so if you trust me--you can trust the car I promote."

American Consumer: "Why? My point is this: Would that also be true if Ted Nuggent were driving the SUV in the ads?"

McConaughey: "Alright. Alright. Alright. I cannot answer that, mister. I know very little about that Nuggent guy, but let's talk about me: Matthew McConaughey. I look good, talk slow and fall into my pool in fine clothes so well. I cannot see why you are even asking me this question."

American Consumer: "Well, Mr. McConaughey, the economy is not that healthy for us, the working people of our nation--the people who have to work for a living . . .

McConaughey interrupts: "You saying that me falling into my expensive pool is not work?"

Moderator: "Now. Now. Matthew. No need for temper here."

American Consumer: "In comparing the men who have to drive a truck, put roofing on homes and work two jobs to just make ends meet. The people who are not wealthy such as yourself. Those people are the ones I am representing when I ask if us seeing you in a car ad would make us want to invest a lot of money in that car?"

McConaughey: "Uhhh, alright. Alright. Alright. I wish I had studied more at Texas so I could give you an honest answer. Sorry. But don't forget to keep buying tickets for the films I make, okay?"

Moderator: And with that answer, we are finished. Are you satisfied, "American Consumer?"

American Consumer: "Yes, we are very convinced. I am going to purchase a pickup truck in the television commercial with Sam Elliott talking in the background and not being the center of attention."

Moderator: Okay. Good night, folks.

And a good night to: Fulton County, Georgia.


McConaughey's "sexy" pose
McConaughey's "sexy" pose | Source

In all Fairness, I give you more places to find out more about Matthew McConaughey . . .

blog.caranddriver.com
www.bornrich.com/matthew-mcconaughey
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_McConaughey
www.imdb.com/name/nm0000190

© 2016 Kenneth Avery

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)