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American Consumer Meets Matthew McConaughey

Updated on September 3, 2016
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.

Matthew McConaughey
Matthew McConaughey | Source

An honest preface

to this piece is the best way to get started. I thought it would be nice to present a hypothetical one-on-one, short meeting with Hollywood celeb, Matthew McConaughey. Easy, girls. I hate to make you cry tears of disappointment, but I simply cannot produce McConaughey "on" this page. That high-level of computer engineering has not been created. But you can ogle at his photos I have placed to the right of my text.

Any way I look girls love me
Any way I look girls love me | Source
McConaughey is a graduate of The University of Texas
McConaughey is a graduate of The University of Texas | Source

Honestly, would you buy a product based on a famous celebrity endorsing the product in a commercial?

See results

Let's get started

Since you, my treasured followers, (seriously) have lives to live and I do not, I see no point in beleaguring a long, drawn-out introduction to familiarize you with Matthew McConaughey due to the fact that you, and the rest of the females in our world know who he is.
Okay. Let us begin in a mannerable gesture of allowing Hollywood celebrity, Matthew McConaughey, to speak first.

(Five minutes of roaring applause coupled with a standing ovation).

McConaughey is visibly-humbled by your gesture of appreciation, but what's that? Did he just yawn? Could be be bored? No. Maybe he is just over-worked. Yes, that is right. He has been busy filming so many hit movies.

Shhh. McConaughey is approaching the microphone. He is about to speak.

"Alright. Alright. Alright." (more thunderous applause). "Please, awww. Thanks, shucks. Thanks so much." "As Kinnith, oops, I mean, Kenneth has told you, I am Matthew McConaughey, (more whistling, roaring applause and comments of "take off your shirt!). Thank you. Aww, uhh, where am I, oops, I mean where was I? Yeah. I am, like Ken said, Matthew McConaughey, film star, celebrity and graduate of the University of Texas. (moderate applause. A few comments of "Hook 'em, Horns.) and my movies include "Interstellar," "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "Lincoln Lawyer," "Free State of Jones," and my block-buster, "Sea of Trees," that has only made three-thousand bucks since release."
"Take a good look at me. (He takes off his shirt to another standing ovation, deafening applause). Alright. Alright. Alright. I am cut and chiseled. I am a man through and through. My talking slow can drive you or any female wild. No kidding, girls. (winks here). I have found out that I am so famous that no matter how trasy or clean I show up in public, girls love it. Even some guys are coming around to idolizing me. I am glad to be a famous spokesman for the new Lincoln MKX. I look great driving this machine to town for no reason." (sounds of gasps from audience).
"I especially like my current ad where I am dressed in expensive, tailor-made evening clothes, only the best for me, and I walk without talking to my expensive outside pool complete with the best in security because there is not a girl alive who doesn't dream of tearing my clothes off of my perfectly-built athletic body . . .awww, thanks! (no applause heard). And I just stand there at pool's edge--looking sexy, cool, and desirable. Suddenly my eyes twinkle, girls love that, and I turn around and fall into my pool that didn't cost me a dime for the pool company was glad to have me put one of their pools at my expansive mansion."
"Oh, now it is "American Consumers" turn to speak. I will stand to the side and let my worthy new friend say what is on his mind. Oh, mister cameraman, do not take too many shots of me looking hot and sexy while "American Consumers" is speaking. Okay. Alright. Alright. Alright."
American Consumers question:

"Hi, Mr. McConaughey, I am just a composite of most American consumers who spend money on products that celebrities such as yourself promote on television, and really, I have only one question."

McConaughey: "Well, alright. Alright. Alright. Let's get down to business. What's on your mind, friend?"

American Consumer: "Are we to believe that seeing you in those Ford Lincoln MKX ads will convince us that the SUV you are driving is the "best" buy for the money?"

Matthew McConaughey: "What? Uhh, well, alright. Alright. Alright. Sure. I mean, uhhh, I agreed to be seen in those ads, so if you trust me--you can trust the car I promote."

American Consumer: "Why? My point is this: Would that also be true if Ted Nuggent were driving the SUV in the ads?"

McConaughey: "Alright. Alright. Alright. I cannot answer that, mister. I know very little about that Nuggent guy, but let's talk about me: Matthew McConaughey. I look good, talk slow and fall into my pool in fine clothes so well. I cannot see why you are even asking me this question."

American Consumer: "Well, Mr. McConaughey, the economy is not that healthy for us, the working people of our nation--the people who have to work for a living . . .

McConaughey interrupts: "You saying that me falling into my expensive pool is not work?"

Moderator: "Now. Now. Matthew. No need for temper here."

American Consumer: "In comparing the men who have to drive a truck, put roofing on homes and work two jobs to just make ends meet. The people who are not wealthy such as yourself. Those people are the ones I am representing when I ask if us seeing you in a car ad would make us want to invest a lot of money in that car?"

McConaughey: "Uhhh, alright. Alright. Alright. I wish I had studied more at Texas so I could give you an honest answer. Sorry. But don't forget to keep buying tickets for the films I make, okay?"

Moderator: And with that answer, we are finished. Are you satisfied, "American Consumer?"

American Consumer: "Yes, we are very convinced. I am going to purchase a pickup truck in the television commercial with Sam Elliott talking in the background and not being the center of attention."

Moderator: Okay. Good night, folks.

And a good night to: Fulton County, Georgia.

McConaughey's "sexy" pose
McConaughey's "sexy" pose | Source

In all Fairness, I give you more places to find out more about Matthew McConaughey . . .

© 2016 Kenneth Avery


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