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Junkie Celebrities

Updated on October 13, 2009

Drugs? What Drugs?

What do Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan, and so many of their starlet peers have in common? Why, they are celebrity junkies of course!While most junkies are regarded as being rather disgusting and pathetic, celebrity junkies somehow mange to avoid most of the stigma through a combination of wealth and make up. A celebrity junkie tends to be a young woman in her late teens or early twenties who lacks adequate parental supervision or guidance, but has a great deal of resources and time to devote to partying and drug taking. In this article we explore the various facets of this most fascinating and tragic phenomenon of our time, the junkie celebrity.

The Deep Confession

Almost every celebrity junkie at one time or another speaks out about how terrible drugs are. They curse them, and vow to fight the noble fight.

Here's an example of such a confession from Lindsay:

"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so."

All this happens about 5 minutes before they once again shoot up, get a line ready, or mix themselves a cocktail that should by all rights be lethal; but most probably won't be, this time. The deep confession is almost inevitably followed by the next stage - the rehab bounce.

The Rehab Bounce

A true junkie will attend rehab briefly several times. Favored rehab facilities have names that are more apropos of kindergartens. 'Promises', and 'Wonderland' are two prominent facilities that have had their reputations well and truly trashed by failing to make even the slightest impression on their famous celebrity patients. During these stays the junkie will be contrite initially, but within a few days/hours they are likely to have found a way to mix cough mixture with nitrous to make a whacky rehab cocktail, and have slept with one, if not several of the other patients. Less than a fortnight after Lindsay made the above statement, she failed a drug test whilst in rehab. Ooops.

The Rap Sheet

Any celebrity junkie worth his or her salt has a rap sheet that will include numerous possession charges, as well as DUI's, and the occasional assault and battery charge. Though the sheet may be relatively long, the jail time won't be, due to the next celebrity junkie factor...

The Get Out Of Jail Free Card

Junkie Celebrities will get away with almost anything. Think Lindsay Lohan and Pete Doherty. Lindsay faced two DUI and two possession charges, but somehow ended up receiving only one day in jail (a day of course that equates to about two minutes real time, if that). Pete Doherty has been hauled before the magistrate for various insane and violent acts more times than anyone can count, but yet all he ever gets is a slap on the wrist before he is once more released to carry on as he was before. Paris' sentence was relatively harsh, but perhaps she should be thankful for it. At least she seems to have cut her ridiculous behavior out for a while, unlike others such as Winehouse and Lohan who continue to indulge in drugs, even whilst in rehab.

Finis

What becomes of these young celebrity junkies?

Some die like River Phoenix or Kurt Cobain, others merely grow old and fade away, like Courtney Love. Neither fate is pleasant.

Like tragic figures in some Greek play, they stand before us as symbols of sex, and glamor, and eternal youth, yet the reality is that they are sad, misguided young people who are simply lacking someone to tell them no. These are some of the brightest and best young talents that Hollywood has discovered. What does it say that they are left to self destruct in a whirl of flashing cameras as they desperately seek attention like a toddler waving it's latest finger painting, except more often than not, they wave their privates, desperated clutching on at snippets of fame. A fame which in turn feeds upon their young lives, leaving them haggard and broken, often before they can legally taste alcohol.

And then there are people with real problems.

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