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Attention Hollywood: BRING BACK THE REAL MONSTERS, not Charlie Sheen
I WANT REAL HOLLYWOOD MONSTERS
Okay. Charlie Sheen is NOT a monster. This is for all Sheen fans. But factually, Sheen, like most everyone, has committed some 'monster-like' things that we will not discuss here. This story is not only a tribute to Real Hollywood Monsters, but a plea to all major and powerful Hollywood studios, film directors and producers to please bring back my 'real' monsters.
How can I adequately present my inner-feelings of appreciation in words about real Hollywood monsters? Oh, I could say that I like these icons of terror. Or I might scribble that these true stars of the cinema actually helped to mold my life and spark my imagination. But I feel that no words or thoughts that I may manufacture in my mortal state would fittingly pay these 'monsters' the tribute that they richly-deserve and help the powers-that-are who rule Hollywood filmmakers to give us, the true horror fans of black and white horror movies, the correct remakes of such staples as: The Wolf man; Dracula; Dr. Frankenstein's monster; Creature from The Black Lagoon and many more. But these I have listed, are THE leaders, the foundation of a world that I literally loved to get lost in on Friday and Saturday nights when drive-in movie theaters were popular.
When school was over, I would head home with my heart racing, flash through dinner and get ready to go and pick up (in my '64 Chevy) a special girl, we will call her, "Janet," and make our way to our local drive-in named, Ford Drive-In which was owned by a Mr. White Bedford. Bedford was a master movie promoter in the drive-in theater game and everyone in my hometown of Hamilton, Alabama loved him. Bedford wore a small black hat, white shirt, and black slacks. His gravel-edged voice would come over the speaker at the entrance of his drive-in and say, "You might as well come on in. Them posters there will not entertain you like what I've got on tonight and our snack bar, you can't beat it folks!" And Bedford was right. His snack bar items were so delicious, that most teenagers (me included) and people in their 20's, would frequent Ford Drive-In just to have supper at his establishment. The burgers, hot dogs, nachos, popcorn, and other treats were just that good.
But for me, it was the highlight of my week to get to watch one of Mr. Bedford's flicks such as: Doctor Frankenstein; The Werewolf Returns; Dracula Strikes Again and more. With "Janet" at my side and our snacks on our laps, we would enjoy a Friday or a Saturday night to its fullest and I AM referring to the movie, not the making out which to be honest, we did do later. Fact is, there weren't many teens that DIDN'T make out in my day when we had Ford Drive-in to help spark the romantic atmosphere inside our cars.
Why did I love the Hollywood 'monsters' of my day? The reasons are almost limitless. To me, these monsters represented a true evil, not a shady version of today's monsters like the stars of Twilight, which are, vampires, right? But these vampires are falling in and out of love just like regular teens with overactive hormones. Where is the evil and biting of pretty girls' necks? That, friends, IS true horror. To see Bella Lugosi slither into a darkened room and cast his eyes upon a sultry girl in mid-undress, and silently suck the blood from her veins while she tries in vain to "resist" his over-powering moves.
And what true black and white horror movie hasn't drew up in a knot when on the screen pops out of nowhere a skeleton that once belonged to a famous surgeon who was accidentally-electrocuted by the state for a crime he did not commit and now he is seeking revenge on those who sent him to the grave. I tell you this type of horror movie had "that special something" that Freddie Kruger, Jason Voorhees, and Michael Myers don't have or never will have--shock effect. In their movies, which are so predictable, and sometimes with an underlying comedy plot line, that you know ahead of time where and whom they will strike. That is no fun for me. At all.
Black and white horror flicks and true Hollywood monsters were just that--TRUE in every sense. These great movies were not a mix of love, comedy and then some horror, but these films were pure horror one-hundred percent. This is why I believe that walk-in and drive-in theaters prospered so much in the 50's and even in the 60's. I won't give Netflix, HBO, Cinemax and Starz the free plug (and credit) that they think I will give them for being the reason that drive-in movie theaters went south. I am a loyalist to the bitter end. Even if I am the only remaining fan in the world who loves black and white horror movies. I will stick up for and be true to the only form of entertainment that is entertainment, horror movies and true Hollywood monsters.
I have nothing against love story movies, drama flicks, westerns or war movies, but give me a break. Aliens that look like alligators? The only reason I liked Aliens, the first installment, was Segorne Weaver, because of how hot she looked fighting the alien in her underwear. Come on, guys. Admit it. That's why you liked Aliens too. I have to say this in all fairness, Aliens was THE ONLY modern horror film that I enjoyed.
Now that I've brought in the girls to horror movies, I found a lot of entertainment at seeing fully-clothed girls and women being chased by the Creature From The Black Lagoon or even The Mummy and these girls were so convincing in their 'screams' that sometimes I was tempted to scream with them to help them outrun the monster. Oh, I confess. I did have feelings for some of the girls who appeared in the Creature from The Black Lagoon film for she wore a pair of shorts that defined shorts for girls. She didn't expose any other part of her anatomy, just her legs that fella's, that was a plenty to blend with the creature who lived underneath the sea and had a thing for chasing pretty girls to take them to his lair. Lucky creature!
But along with being a loyalist, I am a realist too. And I have long since accepted the cruel fact that black and white horror movies with 'real' Hollywood monsters is a day that has materialized, matured and now has become faded---except with some of the cheap cable systems in our country that might feature one of the movies with the skeleton, Werewolf, Mummy or Dracula only to draw viewers to see their sole sponsor: Happy Bob's Car Bonanza whose cheap ads are funnier than most professional stand-up comics. Yes, I am hard to admit that I will never see a true Hollywood 'monster' movie again at my other haven, the drive-in. By the way, the location of Ford Drive-In today in Hamilton, Alabma, is nothing more than a storage lot for some construction company. Sad if you ask me.
In closing, just let me say to the 'monsters' I have used in my artwork and story subject that if someone in Hollywood who has any sense of creativity when it comes to what is horror and what is not horror and decides that it is time to bring back some of you REAL horror creatures, I promise you that I will gather up my three grandkids, Alexis Cameron, John Gabriel and Annabeth Nash and we will find the nearest theater where we can see you, the real stars of the black and white horror movie era.
And forget about the snack bar in 'this' theater that you will be appearing. Nothing could ever replace the snack bar at the Ford Drive-In. And I know that in life I cannot get everthing thing I want, so my grandkids and I will bring out own bologna sandwiches, Slim Jim's and Oreo's.