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Celebrity Weight Loss Tips

Updated on October 13, 2009

If celebrity culture has taught us anything, it's that being thin (albeit with large breasts) is very important if you're a woman. Celebrities seem to be able to lose pounds at whim, getting pregnant, blowing up to the size of a small whale, and being back to their pre baby weight in just a week. The weight loss secrets of Hollywood's finest have long been a hot topic of discussion amongst the mere mortals who gaze upon these lovely creatures with respect and awe. But now, with the findings of scientists who have been intensively studying celebrities for the past three decades, you too can lose weight like a celebrity!

Just follow these tips to have a celebrity hot body!

Run From The Paparazzi

Celebrities burn a great deal of calories every day just running from the paparazzi. Even though you might not be chased by thirty grown men with cameras everywhere you go, there's no reason why you can't pretend that you are. If you've been delusional enough to think that all those Twinkies won't go straight to your hips for all these years, it won't be too much of a stretch to pretend that you're being hounded through the streets. Don dark sunglasses and a heavy wig if it makes you feel better about the exercise, and simply sprint from store to store on your next outing.

Fight Angelina Jolie For Your Man

(Apologies to Angelina Jolie on this one, personally I think the Angie, Brad, Jen thing was way over done. Brad Pitt was a grown man who evidently met a woman he felt he was more suited to and decided to follow his heart by being with her and not America's Coffee House Sweetheart. It doesn't reflect badly on Jennifer Aniston, and it is impossible to 'steal' someone's man anyway, men aren't possessions, they are humans capable of making their own choices about who they want to be with.)

But if you're not one to believe in all that reasonableness, then you need to protect what's yours, most notably, your man! Every woman you pass by in the street is a potential threat to your relationship, so make sure to pre-emptively kick the ass of any female you meet over the age of 10 and under the age of 80.

Photoshop Yourself

If you're feeling that you look a little dumpy in the family Christmas picture this year, why not Photoshop yourself? You can have a perfect body, it's only a few mouse clicks away! If all else fails, paste your head onto someone else's body. Of course, this could cause problems when you're required to appear in person, but there's absolutely no shame in using a body double for those sensitive times when you have to bare some skin, such as when wandering along a sun soaked beach, stepping in and out of the shower, or making love to your spouse.


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      9 years ago

      Surgery: Instant Weight Loss

      If nothing works for you and if you have the budget for it, you can go for some surgery .However, you should try to avoid this as much as possible if you can as this can lead to a lot of risks.

      The good thing about surgery is that the results are instant, although there would be some fallbacks such as scars and difficulty on moving at some points. Take note that your dream of losing weight does not get achieved after the surgery but long after since after this, you would still have to do a lot of maintenance. If you don't maintain what you have achieved through surgery, then you would just be as fat as you always have been.

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      10 years ago

      hahaha a nice and funny article;)


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