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Bachelor After The Rose Part I

Updated on March 4, 2009

Are you freaking kidding me?

 

I knew that finale was too good to be true.

The lack of audience or sound of any kind made it so ominous when Jason walked onto the set. It is pretty obvious that all three of those clowns knew what was up before this all started. Why else would they have closed the set?

Ever notice that Jason always describes the women he breaks up with as "sweet"? Obviously, sweet is not what he's looking for.

Jason cries over everything. He cries every time he sees his kid. He cries when he has to make a decision. He cries when talking about breaking up with Melissa. What a baby.

It's pretty clear that there was a lack of effort on Jason's part when it came to his relationship with Melissa. Anyone who says they "talk when they need to talk" about their fiancé is not playing all-in. If you're in a long-distance relationship, you have to talk everyday. We're talking relationship 101 stuff.

After all of this, I can't believe all of Jason's crying and whining about getting his heart broken over and over. I think he has unrealistic expectations of love. News flash: It's not all sunshine and rainbows, buddy. Or in his case, it's not helicopter flights and candle-lit dinners with Robin Thicke.

Jason pointed out that he needed to sit down with Melissa before he talked to Molly. Ummm, he needed to talk to Melissa before he practiced his breakup speech on the freaking production crew! Why not put on a pretty front for the After the Final Rose episode, then break up a week later like a decent person (and like every other Bachelor/Bachelorette couple!)? There was no need-contract my foot-to break up with her on TV. Besides, what about the contract that you have with your manhood? With decency? With compassion? Or are you too much of a little puppy to stand up to the producers and do the right thing?

On the positive side, Melissa is great. If I were her, I would have knocked that fool out like I was on a VH1 reality dating show! Why did Jason say "this isn't you" when she got angry with him? It's not like her to stand up for herself? She was 100% correct in everything that she said. I could even tell he didn't want to put any effort and I wasn't even there! He's a bastard. He kept saying that is how he felt on that day. Well clown, when you say forever, it doesn't mean "until I change my mind." Melissa was mad because she only wanted to get engaged once, and he took that away from her. Good thing he changed his mind before they got married! Why did she give the ring back? He didn't pay for it. Ebay that garbage! I say, get something out of it-like a new house. That was not a cheap ring.

I love how Chris Harrison excused himself like they had any level of privacy. It's not like he took the cameras with him.

She leaves and Jason cries again. I wonder how long they let him sit there alone before bringing out his next girlfriend. We wouldn't want him to be lonely for too long-like 20 minutes.

Molly obviously knew what was up. She looked a little too happy during her video, not like a normal person watching a playback of a painful breakup. Of course there was a clip of Jason crying. This could have been a drinking game!

Molly is 24 and has never had her heart broken before. That's not a good sign. She acted like someone forced her to watch The Bachelor every week and see the man who destroyed her world. Did she sign a contract too? She was also way too happy to see him. When I see an ex, I want to throw up on him, not smile and hug. Why did Molly keep looking at Chris Harrison when Jason was asking for her back? Did she think she was getting Punk'd?

He kept saying that he doesn't want to live with regrets. That's just a cockamamie excuse to do what you please no matter who you hurt along the way.

I think Molly looks evil when she's laughs. It scares me. I can't believe she put her hand on his leg a second after he asked her back. The whole thing was ridiculous.

Had Melissa even left the building before they started canoodling like teenagers at a drive-in circa 1955? Thanks, Chris for saying all of America is absolutely floored. First of all, it's not all of America. It's just me and some desperate housewives, and we're not floored. We're enraged. Jason's speech about how he's been falling in love with her made me want to punch something. He shouldn't promise that he'll never stop falling in love with her, promises like that don't seem to hold up with this joker. He throws the words "forever" and "never" too much. Can't trust dudes like that.

Chris Harrison thinks that was a happy note to end on? What planet is he from? That was a TERRIBLE ending! "Historic" finale, my butt. Annoying finale! What was up with the triumphant movie-style music at the end? That wasn't a triumph. That was garbage!

The producers did manage to do something historic, I suppose. They took their most likeable Bachelor and crapped all over him. They should have just let him pull a Lorenzo (the least likable Bachelor), and dump the winner offscreen and get together with the runner-up.

Hate to say it, but DeAnna dodged a bullet. Jason has serious commitment issues. Watch out, Molly. One wrong step and you'll find yourself being dumped in front of millions of people.

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