Bachelor Brad Second Chance ep 8: Hometown Hijinks

Brad traveled to Washington State to see where Chantal calls home.  She lives 4 streets away from her parents and goes over to their house all the time.  This could lead to some interesting conversations later, since Brad has made it clear that he’s not moving for anyone, so they best be likin’ Austin.

Chantal lives alone in a house with three cats and a prissy-lookin’ sweater-wearing dog named Boca.  Chantal warned Brad that Boca might bite him, but they became quick besties.  High maintenance creatures love tha’ Womack!

Brad mentioned that he lives in a small apartment in downtown Austin, so if Chantal shows up with all of her animals, he’ll need to move.  Easier said than done.  Who wants to trade bombtastic 6^th Street for a crier and her personal petting zoo?

Chantal’s parents are clearly ballers; they live in a shack similar to the Playboy Mansion--made me wonder if dinner was catered.

Brad and Chantal’s dad had quite the bromance brewing, as they shared their feelings about absentee fathers and being self-made millionaires.  They hugged about 12 times throughout the visit.  Obviously, Chantal is into guys who are exactly like her dad.  Freud!

Next up, Brad hit northern Maine to visit Ashley’s hometown.  Before Brad could even ask “how ya doing?” Ashley utters his least favorite word, “disconnected.”   Not a smooth move, sister.

They went to Ashley’s first place of employment to eat fries with cheese and gravy.  As Brad reached for a fork, Ashley shoveled the goo into his mouth like Cameron Diaz and A-Rod at a football game.

Throughout the date, both Brad and Ashley rambled about how much they loved it there and Brad even went as far as to say “I could live here,” especially when paying for vegetables on the Honor System.  Let’s be real, there’s a reason Ashley lives in Philly—and it probably has something to do with the 11-month long winters and the abundance of leering Canadians. 

Brad showed his multi-linguistic skillz by responding in Spanish to the French-speaking waitress.  He never fails to impress.

Ashley comes from a family of huggers, and I mean that they are grossly overly affectionate. 

Her father let the cat out of the bag:  Ashley isn’t an actual dentist.  Meh.  I was actually more concerned with the fact that her brother (or whoever that random dude was) might be Michael Shannon from Boardwalk Empire hiding under a baseball hat. 

Ashley’s mom was the real treat.  She apparently has liked all of Ashley’s boyfriends, which is never a good sign.  The creepy meter went off the charts when she asked if they could sleep over.  The words “family bed” were being quietly whispered. 

Before Shawntel’s hometown segment started, there was an actual commercial for her family’s funeral home.  Something unsettling about that. 

For a romantic introduction to her life, Shawntel took Brad to the funeral home to demonstrate all the fun tools she works with on a daily basis.   Welcome to Chico….

Shawntel showed him his potential resting place, and you could hear his mind screaming “Are you trying to put me there sooner or later?”

Their date reminded me of the terrifying part of the movie, Scrooged, where Billy Murray is experiencing his own cremation.  Not my idea of a fun Saturday afternoon.    

Why does Brad always say he wants to see/hear more when he doesn’t?  For some unknown reason, he agreed to lie on the embalming prep table.  She seemed completely oblivious to his horror.

Finally, Shawntel took Brad to meet her family and her dad said “no rose for you” when Brad told him about his time on the embalming table.  Is he psychic too?

The whole date was awkward because Shawntel had to break it to her family that she would not take over the funeral home if she ended up with Brad.  Perhaps that is something she should have run by them before she went on a reality show looking for an engagement ring. 

The real low point (even worse than the whole embalming table fiasco) was her father slapping a guilt trip on Shawntel that put all Jewish mothers and Catholic nuns to shame.  He told her that while she was off on some silly TV show, her high school teacher’s son died and she was desperately needed at home.  Even I felt guilty for watching the show, like somehow I was making strangers in Chico cry.

The good news is they don’t have to do a follow-up to My Girl because Shawntel is the real-life Vada Sultenfuss. 

What is up with The Bachelor producers reuniting parents with their children in parks?  How many times did Jason run towards Ty in a park for the cameras?  Let’s try to get a little more creative, shall we.

The date with Emily was the only one that Brad showed up to with a gift.  Of course, he was trying to bribe a 5-year-old girl into liking him, so it made sense.  He’s never dated a single mother—might I suggest watching Jerry Maguire for some tips?

Poor Ricky is not only super shy, but seemed freaked out by the cameras.  After an awkward opening, Brad finally broke the ice with the kite.  Something happened in the car between the park and Emily’s house because Ricky and Brad were besties by the time they got home. 

Little Ricky has got the most Bad-A playroom, and they played Candy Land (my fave game).  Will Emily adopt me, please?   Ricky drew a picture for Brad, and he looked so excited running the stairs to say goodnight to her.  Adorable.

Then Brad reminded us why he’s single.  He had a mental freakout and refused to kiss a more-than-willing Emily, but she took matters into her own hands and squished their faces together.  The lady wants what she wants and she knows how to get it.

Brad liked Ashley’s family best--I guess he’s into family sleep time.  Ultimately, Shawntel got the boot.   Seemed like an easy choice, not because she took him to a funeral home, but because he didn’t want to take her away from her family obligation only to reject her a few days/months later.

At this point in the game, it’s ok to cry when you don’t get a rose.  Especially when Brad’s the light at the end of the funeral tunnel….not like the God light, but ya know, the figurative light. 

Emily

Chantal

“I don’t handle death well.”-Brad

“If you feel comfortable, you can lay down.”-Shawntel

“I could eat him up”-Emily

Ashley

Emily

Chantal