Bad Ideas for T-Shirts
Modern technology and the First Amendment allow us the freedom (?) to put almost anything on a T-shirt. Most of the time, we end up with something good. The message is hilariously funny, or the wearer considerately identifies himself as a moron for all to see.
We at the Institute for the Painfully Obvious have painstakingly identified several Bad Ideas for T-Shirts, which we graciously present. Feel free to not use them as you plan upcoming wardrobe enhancements.
Halloween may be a suitable occasion for bad T-shirt ideas, but use these suggestions at your own risk. We assume no responsibility nor do we indemnify your fashion sense. If you think your life stinks, these shirts may somehow cause it to become stinkier.
Chuck on a Shirt
Chuck Norris jokes may be funny, but posting a semi-anonymous one-liner on a web site affords some measure of insulation from a potential round-house kick from the Karate King of Hollywood. None of us wants a beat down from Chuck Norris over a poorly chosen T-shirt.
You'll never see him coming, until you wake up in a coma. Calling him out via a chest-mounted message is almost certainly a bad idea. You can think about it, but don't do it.
Dollars on a Shirt
The United States owes 14 trillion dollars to bond holders, but for better or worse we humans cannot conceive of that much money. Perhaps T-shirt emblazoned with a 14 trillion in base-2 (binary) would be a big seller in Computer Science Departments and Star Trek conventions.
Geeks on a Shirt
Is the Internet a passing fad? Will we all someday come to the realization that reality trumps virtualization ? Until that happens, keep your thoughts to yourself lest you be vaporized by a 12th Level Purple Dungeon Wizard with extra senses and levitation power and a crush on Emma Watson. It could happen: don't ask us how we know.
Make Money on a Shirt
Ah, the biggest Internet fantasy. Putting this teaser on a T-shirt probably represents the ultimate bad idea. Every Internet denizen secretly craves the hidden secrets to Fantastic Internet Riches. Don't tease them.
Whoop, there it is. We have presented a sampling of the Bad Ideas for T-Shirts, intended to save you from potential holiday embarrassment. Accept our advice as a cautionary tale. Don't do what we do.
Show the world precisely whom you are by donning specially designed cotton outerwear emblazoned with witty aphorisms. You can't get this stuff at the mall, people.
We at the Institute for the Painfully Obvious obviously want you to be successful. It breaks out heart to witness a sentient human sporting a T-shirt without cleverness. We cry at the sight or under-dressed consumers who could easily be poorly dressed with only a few mouse clicks.
Suit up in Brooks Brothers gear. Adorn yourself with a cheap designer watch. Get a haircut from a place that doesn't have the word 'college' in the name. All these things may help you rise up the social ladder.
Rarely will words on the front of your front have a positive impact on your likelihood to score a big promotion or cut in line at Starbucks. Even a barrista has standards. A judiciously chosen logo might help: look for a fox or a lizard or a swoosh rendered in tasteful embroidery.
Proudly wear your favorite sports team, university mascot, or conspiracy theory on your oversized hoodie, but stay away from our bad idea T-shirts.