ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Beware The Indian Auntie

Updated on November 12, 2009

The Indian Auntie is a fearsome creature. She is usually married, with a dot of red paste on her forehead to prove it. She is generally overweight, her sides seeping out over her colorful sari, her neck bulging with flesh. She eyes you with unbroken scrutiny on a train, breaking her intense gaze only when she dozes of and begins to snore. When she awakens again, her unflinching stare is once again fixed on you.

The Indian Auntie rarely smiles. It is not in her nature. Rather, her face is fixed in a permanent expression of disapproval. She disapproves of young boys and their antics. She disapproves of young girls who wear dark lipstick. She disapproves of married couples who hold hands. She disapproves of old women who beg. She disapproves of Westerners across the board. She probably disapproves of her own husband, though she could never show this in public. She takes her disapproval of him out on everyone else around her.

The Indian Auntie grunts when she eats. She shovels huge handfuls of food into her mouth, her fingers dripping with rice and curry. She is ferocious about food, and it is at mealtimes that the Indian Auntie forgets to disapprove of everyone, and shows that she is capable of a remarkable, single-pointed concentration. Nothing can break her attention at mealtimes. She grunts and tears her way through one plate of food, and then loads up another. The Indian Auntie is an admirable eater.

The Indian Auntie is an unparalleled gossip. In a scenario typical to this breed, she and other Indian Aunties will gather together on a public bench and watch. Their favorite object of scrutiny seems to be the Western woman, though an attractive young couple, or perhaps a group of squealing young Indian schoolgirls will also do the trick. When such an object of scrutiny passes by, the Indian Aunties will hush up their gossip for a moment, and all crane their necks to watch. Their sudden silence is noticeable and unsettling. As the respective object passes their bench, a deep air of disapproval seeps out from the clustered Indian Aunties, permeating the atmosphere with a strange, inexplicable stench. Then, once the object has passed fully by, and the Indian Aunties can crane their necks no further, they will whip back into position and begin shouting, gesturing, and pointing. There is no doubt whatsoever as to their verdict: Object Is Condemned. Unwavering Disapproval To Be Henceforth Applied.

The Indian Auntie likes to make one wait. If she has somehow secured a position of power, she will use it to her fullest advantage. Perhaps she is responsible for taking cash at the post office. Rather than accept one’s extended bills, she will actively ignore said person, and chatter away to the clerk next to her, despite the fact that he is busy and not listening to her. When one clears one’s throat and holds the bills out further, she will shoot a poisonous look in their direction, and proceed to file her nails. When one begins to fan oneself with the cash, and look around in obvious impatience, the Indian Auntie will acquire a smug, satisfied expression, and begin to pick lint off her sari. When one says fuck it, throws down the money, and walks out the door, the Indian Auntie can be heard to splutter in anger and begin to speak in rapid, disapproving Hindi. In such instances, one should not be bothered about the ten rupees that one has just lost because the Indian Auntie would not make change, but rather skip down the street, happy to be out of such nefarious company.

However. There are rare, strange cases when an Indian Auntie acts entirely out of character. Most such cases are undocumented, and in all probability, legend. Reports have surfaced from various parts of India claiming that an Indian Auntie, for instance, made way for a crippled person in line. Other alleged cases involve an Indian Auntie giving food to a hungry dog. Again, such cases are rarely documented, and tend to come from unverified sources. But this author was indeed witness to such a strange, unprecedented case not long ago. A cruel Indian Auntie with a penchant for violently wringing out her laundry and then hogging the whole drying line presumably had a burst of kind-spiritedness after ten days of meditation (along with this author), and did something entirely out of character. She smiled. And when an Indian Auntie smiles at you, the entire world changes.

(More writing at: sosofresh.wordpress.com)

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Peter Dickinson profile image

      Peter Dickinson 7 years ago from South East Asia

      Lovely Sarah. In my youth there was a whole group of Indian Aunties living behind me. Ayahs by name but Aunties all. Your description conjured up the memories.

    • profile image

      ralwus 7 years ago

      Don't think I would like them much. We had our own version of these women when I was young. Mostly Baptists.

    • Feline Prophet profile image

      Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

      Haha, that's a pretty accurate description, Sarah. I can only hope I don't grow up to be the archetypal Indian Auntie!:P

    • Feline Prophet profile image

      Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

      Haha, that's a pretty accurate description, Sarah. I can only hope I don't grow up to be the archetypal Indian Auntie!:P

    • Artemus Gordon profile image

      Artemus Gordon 7 years ago

      Growing up where I did there were not too many Indian Aunties but we had our own version.

    • maudine_05 profile image

      maudine_05 7 years ago from United States

      cute and funny..

    • iqbal88 profile image

      iqbal88 7 years ago

      awesome

    • mega1 profile image

      mega1 7 years ago

      hysterical! My Indian Auntie was actually from Alabama and she used to order her husband about as in "Roberts, honey, bring me mah puhse!"

    • profile image

      Sheila 7 years ago

      Indian Aunties = Catholic nuns who taught me throughout grade and high school.

    • profile image

      Samantha 7 years ago

      worst article i have ever read about indian aunties... i strongly contradict.... They have high moral values and ofcourse some drawbacks... Who is PERFECT ????

    • sarahtrudeau profile image
      Author

      sarahtrudeau 7 years ago from India

      Samantha, are you an Indian Auntie?

    • profile image

      Sam 7 years ago

      LOL!

      True!

      Quite a realistic description with a touch of good humor.

      Well done!

    • profile image

      Shankar 7 years ago

      I like the style of your article, but it is an absolutely ridiculous description of aunty. Try a google image search of "Aunty" (of course with safe search off) and anybody can tell that you are wrong ! If still not convinced search for aunty pictures on exbii and you will realize how much demand there is for the desi aunty !

    • sarahtrudeau profile image
      Author

      sarahtrudeau 7 years ago from India

      I'm talking about the fat, mean aunties.

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 7 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      Mine was an Indian mother-in-law. I couldn't please that woman, no matter what.

      Thanks for this hub, I loved it!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

      This was a funny hub. Am sure every culture has such specimens. LOL

    • NaomiR profile image

      NaomiR 7 years ago from New York

      Indian Aunties sound like one of my late aunts who hated everyone... amusing hub.

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 7 years ago from Great Britain

      I found this had me laughing out loud. My neighbours already think I'm crazy for visiting India as often as I do. My Indian friends who I visit in Pune, will also find it hilarious. Thank you for bringing back memories of my last visit.

    • prasadjain profile image

      Dr.S.P.PADMA PRASAD 7 years ago from Tumkur

      The humourorus style could be appreciated,but not the content. There are so many Indian aunties and grannys who sre just spending their days in work and only work, which the western ladies can never do in their lifetime.In 80% on Indian homes, aunty manages everything and men do not bother about such home maintanance.Many of Indian aunties lack delicacy in their work , and that is because of their workload.Many Indian aunties are affectionate and tolerent. Those who win their heart by their work and character, can understand them.This is the otherside of the personality.

    • C.V.Rajan profile image

      Disillusioned 7 years ago from Kerala, India

      While I should accept that it was quite amusing to read your narration and your keen sense of observation, as an Indian, I should say that there was an excessive amount of stereotyping (of course, that's what makes a write interesting?!).

      What Prasad Jain has said above is a lot true.

      But you should also know that 99% of these Indian aunties

      - would have been virgins when they married

      - would be 100% loyal to their husbands and divorce will be an unthinkable word to them, whatever be the limitations of their husbands

      - they will not have their children of past and their husband's children of past playing with "their" children of current wedlock

      - Though they are Hindus (and assuming that you are a Christian and having faith in Bible), you will find many of the man-woman relationship qualities that Jesus Christ eulogizes (that are too difficult to trace in present-day western "culture")will be very much in them.

      As many commentators said above, every country most likely will have their own clan of aunties with peculiarities related to their culture. In several western jokes, I have seen similar characterization in mother-in-laws.

      During a visit to Newyork, I have personally seen one lady waitress in a restaurant who was fitting to your descriptions and characterization with suitable peculiarities attributable to American aunties.

      To conclude, as a piece of humor, your article is enjoyable. If it has a slant or intent to criticize or judge Indian culture, it is not fully justified.

    • sarahtrudeau profile image
      Author

      sarahtrudeau 7 years ago from India

      I am not trying to criticize Indian culture at all- I was just having fun. Also, there are 'Indian Aunties' in every culture- I just happen to be in India now, so I'm calling them out here ;)

      Thanks for the thoughts, Prasadjain and C.V. Rajan.

    • sjideasetc profile image

      sjideasetc 7 years ago from So. California

      I have many Indian friends and somewhere they are all Aunties. Although none have all of the traits that you described most have a few. You have exaggerated it to include "all" but this is truly hilarious reading. I won't show it to the Aunties and risk their wrath.

    • sarahtrudeau profile image
      Author

      sarahtrudeau 7 years ago from India

      Thanks, Sjideasetc, for not risking their wrath... I've already attracted enough of it here ;)

    • FGual profile image

      FGual 7 years ago from USA

      Let me tell you, there are many hispanic aunties just like you describe. Maybe even meaner. Good article.

    • Mr Nice profile image

      Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

      Hi sarahtrudeau,

      Interesting & funny hub. I visited India few years ago & to my knowledge. What I find out, Indian aunties are the married Indian women not loyal to their husbands.

      Most of the times these aunties are not satisfied in their marital relationships, and therefore they are looking for other men.

      I do not know the other reasons but it is common in India that men are looking for these aunties. These aunties treat them good & the men don’t have to pay for it. It is like killing two birds with one bullet. This is an open secret in India because everyone knows but no one talks about it.

    • sarahtrudeau profile image
      Author

      sarahtrudeau 7 years ago from India

      Hello Mr. Nice ;)

      Yes, it seems that there are several different types of Indian aunties... the hot young ones, and the mean old ones, who I wrote about. I never came across the alluring ones, just the nasty old mean ones.

    • profile image

      Becky 7 years ago

      THIS IS SOOOOOO TRUE!!!!!!!!!1

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

      A great hub and thanks for sharing.

    Click to Rate This Article