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Nostradamus, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears

Updated on October 13, 2009


Unlike many other famous celebrities of the modern age, Nostradamus never released a sex tape. In spite of the horrific aftermath of the Paris Hilton Sex Tape, Nostradamus appears to have failed to predict that particular event. Perhaps the sheer horror of that event was too much for him to handle.

Okay, so Britney and Lindsay and Paris have really been done to death haven't they. It's time for the dedicated celebrity/entertainment writer to go further afield for celebrities of note. When I say further afield, in this case I mean back about 500 + years, to the days where pharmacists were known as apothecaries, and Nostradamus wrote his book of predictions.

Although Nostradamus is incredibly dead by today's standards, he is, none the less, quite the modern celebrity. His book of predictions, titled simply 'Les Propheties' (that being French for 'The Predictions' ) has caused quite a stir as many feel that his predictions have come true. Unfortunately, when one reads the prophecies, one soon discovers that Nostradamus dropped the simplicity at the title, and then proceeded to write screeds of text that barely makes sense, which would explain why so many people feel that he is so very accurate. After all, if you can read the future and tea leaves and in the movements of planets, then words should be much more easy to interpret.

Nostradamus' apparent ability to predict the future is also enhanced by the fact that his prophecies deal almost exclusively in disasters, which conveniently, we humans are incredibly good at creating. Times haven't changed all that much since the 16th century, only the weapons have gotten bigger and shinier.

In spite of the fact that many of his works are nigh nonsensical, he is none the less credited by many scholastic types for predicting the following events: The French Revolution, Napoleon Bonaparte, Adolf Hitler, World War One, World War Two, the nuclear attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

This just goes to show that academics can be as star struck as any gay man crying about a fallen pop idol.

Leave Nostradamus Alone! Leave him alone RIGHT NOW!


Nostradamus did not give birth to two children, shave all his hair off, and lose custody of them. He did however lose his wife and two children to the plague. Not to be outdone by a virus, he later remarried and had three daughters and three sons.

Nostadamus - Not An Age Progressed Picture Of Paris


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      peter emmanuel 

      7 years ago

      Prophecies belong to the prophets who receive a revelation from God! Accuracy in a line of prophecy makes us believe such prophet to be ecclessiastical. His prophecies weren't that accurate save been near true..... Let's call him a man wiv a beautiful mind who saw but a little of the future.... As I believe such little being revealed to him by God.... For real prophecies, we'll stick with our good old ever true Bible


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