"Charlie McCarthy" Would Never be Guilty of Saying These Things (Did you Catch the pun?)
a ventriloquist, or ventriloquy, is an act of stagecraft in which a person (a ventriloquist) changes his or her voice so that it appears that the voice is coming from elsewhere, usually a puppeteered "dummy". The act of ventriloquism is ventriloquizing, and the ability to do so is commonly called in English the ability to "throw" one's voice. That's just about as simple as this amazing talent can be when used by ventriloquists such as Jeff Dunham who has wowed audiences from Comedy Central to sold-out locations nationwide in noted arenas.
arguably, the late Edgar Bergen, with his sidekick, "Charlie McCarthy," were the best known of the early ventriloquists who made sizeable fortunes and fame with performing such acts as talking with the "dummy," while drinking water or smoking a cigarette without moving a lip.
But let's get real. For every Edgar Bergen there are three who were so self-deceived that they bombed so bad that even their real names were never mentioned. When a ventriloquist flops this bad, he or she is about one notch away from being put on a "Black List," which does not exist anymore.
Let's Not be Naive
about ventriloquism. This art, if you will, is tough work. And mentally draining having to write and produce new material and acts ever so often and working as a ventriloquist can be a hard burden to bear if you are in this to make a living or be a noted celebrity being seen on most successful talk shows with Jimmy Kimmel, Late Night with then-David Letterman and others.
This is Cliff Robertson
the actor who starred on The Dummy on Twilight Zone and is still considered by today's standards one of Robertson's best efforts.
Now Let's Discuss
"Charlie McCarthy," Edgar Bergen's sidekick and eyeball a rather telling piece about something that I have never ventured into publishing. The hub is not a nasty story. Nor is it considered risque. But I will tell you what it is: "Charlie McCarthy" Would Never be Guilty of Saying These Things.
"Hey, idiot, out there in the second row. Yeah, you. Do you think that I am really a first cousin to a lumber yard?"
"Hey, the other idiot sitting in the seat adjacent with you in the same row. I would appreciate it if you would not refer me to "Woody," as in Woodpecker!"
"I despise termites, buddy. I cannot tell you just how deeply that I wish termites did not exist."
"I confess, Chicago! I am really a Communist. I only tell what my "boss" tells me to say."
"Thank God, there are no more Twilight Zones. I despised those shows as deeply as termites."
"Hey, you idiot with the mouth open as wide as The Brooklyn Bridge! You feel like breaking me into sticks and building me a cabin in the woods?"
"Hey, Mr. Ventriloquist. I know that I can be annoying, but please do not force me to drink lighter fluid and stick a lit cigarette into my mouth."
"You folks know a golfer by the name of Phil Mickelson? Last weekend he was playing on a major tournament and lost his driver and had to use me to drive his ball 250 yards!"
"I am really a famous celebrity. But last night a couple of birds were confused and built them a nice nest on my head."
"Hey, idiot sitting there in the third row! Do you mind if I were to just nail your left jaw like Mike Tyson did when he was able to fight?"
"Got a question for you. Why does that Jeff Dunham use "Walter" and old white man, but never a brother?"
"My boss really takes good care of me. Before every show, he makes me gargle with rubbing alcohol."
"One time last month my boss and I were taking a day off and my boss had to attend a meeting about my contract and his cleaning woman loved to drink and ended up putting a shine on my head with Pledge."
"Next week, my boss and I have a very controversial act. I am going to give my boss about five Sominex and fall asleep and then I will talk for the entire remainder of that concert."
"I have great news. I started a new group of people working in Hollywood. The group is called, "Ventriloquists' Sidekicks. That's right. But I am only a 'splinter' group!"
"Hey, I got a bad gripe here. Why did you never see any dummies in old television westerns?"
"I got a confession, folks in New York City. Did you know that I found out that my pioneer cousins were used to build a home for Abraham Lincoln?"
"Speaking of famous Presidents, I also found out that my second cousin was a set of George Washington's teeth."
"And if that's not scary, those folks in Holland make wooden shoes! I am not going on tour in that place. No, sir. I am not going to be someone's Sunday slippers."
"Hey, I found out something else, folks! Me and Smokey Bear are close buds!"
"I was out with my boss (over here) last week and we were just taking some time to exercise and do some walking, so just before I started to walk into this huge forest, I heard a few thousand trees 'barking' so loud that I went home."
"I was sitting with my boss this morning having breakfast in this fine restaurant and this customer, a very rude customer I might add, had the gall to walk up to my table and ask ME what 'I was talking out. My boss, if you didn't know it, has a deep problem."
© 2017 Kenneth Avery