ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Entertainment and Media»
  • Celebrities

Charlie Sheen On Hubpages.

Updated on January 27, 2017

Philosopher Charlie.

The perfect photo which subtly encapsualtes both Fat Freddy's and Charlie's philosophy.
The perfect photo which subtly encapsualtes both Fat Freddy's and Charlie's philosophy. | Source

ABT: Frog Lickin' Good.

Tebanicline (Ebanicline, ABT-594) is a potent synthetic nicotinic (non-opioid) analgesic drug developed by Abbott. It was developed as a less toxic analogue of the potent poison dart frog-derived compound epibatidine,
Tebanicline (Ebanicline, ABT-594) is a potent synthetic nicotinic (non-opioid) analgesic drug developed by Abbott. It was developed as a less toxic analogue of the potent poison dart frog-derived compound epibatidine, | Source

GRAPHIC WARNING: Images may offend.

Getting high in South America.
Getting high in South America. | Source

Why Would He Do It?

Why would Charlie Sheen become a Hubpages writer? After his chaotic life and accusations of total intellectual incapacity he is now out to prove he has a brain. This began exactly five years ago when his life unravelled in a haze of smoke, women and fame.

His real name "Carlos" translates into English as, you guessed it, Keith!

The false surname ABT is the abbreviation of a powerful nicotine based narcotic derived from poison South American frogs.

He has now won nearly every Hubpages accolade and can now rest on his laurels as a popular and informative writer.

Music is his first love. Better make that his third love after women and smokin'.

Examine Fat Freddy's Hubs which are 90% about hard rock or watching movies that can only be appreciated while "flying Mexican Airlines" (also known as "New Jersey Attitude").

http://hubpages.com/@fatfreddyscat

Sample Titles:

A True Metal Six-Pack from Stormspell Records

An Introduction to 'Eurospy' Movies: Bargain Basement Bonds!

My Top 5 Hard Rock/Heavy Metal CDs of 2015

Whitesnake - "The Purple Album" (2015) Review

Great Bad Movies: "Zombie Strippers" (2008)

These Classic Hard Rock/Metal Albums Turn 25 in 2015!

Roger Corman: King of the B Movie!

Christmas Horror Movies: Have Yourself a SCARY Little Christmas!

"Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies" (2012) Review

"Evil Bong" (2006) Movie Review


The True Inner Carlos

The frustrated rock star now writing about rock on good old Hubpages.
The frustrated rock star now writing about rock on good old Hubpages. | Source

The Inner Charlie.

Here are some excerpts from the prodigious output of Carlos that relate to the softer side of the man. His love of cats, his fond memories of wasted youth and handy xmas decoration tips. The tiger is now becoming a pussy cat like his Fat Freddy's Cat pseudonym.

First we begin with some of his throwaway sheeny gems found in Q&A:

"How much money can be made on Hubpages?"

"Mostly somewhere between "a little bit" and "a little bit more" for most folks, though occasionally some lucky souls make it all the way up to the ladder to the fabled "butt load."

"Donald Trump just got elected. Ur thought?"

"(shrugs) we just traded one guy in a suit for another guy in a more expensive suit.The sun will continue to rise, and the world will continue to turn."

"What is life anyways?"

"Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it."

"What is your most used phrase?"

"I've never really thought about it, but whatever the phrase is, I bet it has the F-word in it....."

"What does this picture say to you?"

"It says to me that a Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner movie wouldn't be nearly as funny in live action as it is in cartoon form."{

The following are some of his practical Hub quotes:

"Deck the Halls! Outdoor Christmas Lighting Tips You Can Really Use."

"Instructions:

1. Go to your basement, closet, tool-shed or garage and retrieve your holiday lights from the spot where you carefully stored them away at the end of the season last year.

2. Wonder how the hell those damn gremlins got into your light sets yet again and tied them all into one gigantic knot while they were in storage. Spend an hour cursing and untangling the mess.

3. Carry your lights and your ladder out to the front of your house. Gaze up at your front gutters and reflect on how they seemed to be a lot closer to the ground when you were a younger man. Remember the "Ladder Incident" from a few years ago that led to an emergency room visit, and decide that you're going to just wrap the lights around your front porch railings instead."

"Mosh Pit Memories: My First (and ONLY) Stage Dive."

"In short: stage diving was stupid. But EVERYONE in my crowd of college-boy rock nerds was dyin' to try it, at least once. My chance finally came in early 1992 at a now-defunct New York City rock club called the Marquee (a short lived sister club to the legendary London rock venue by the same name) and a gig by a band called Scatterbrain. Don’t feel bad if you don’t remember them – I doubt many do – but at the time Scatterbrain were fairly hot shit due to a catchy, minor hit single called “Don’t Call Me Dude.” They played a funky amalgam of thrash metal and hard core with a touch of alternative rock that could best be described as “Faith No More with an extremely juvenile sense of humour.” Their debut album, Here Comes Trouble (1990) is a great listen to this day and still ranks as a minor classic around my house even after a quarter century. (Geez, typing that last sentence made me feel extremely old...)"

"The Scoop on Feline Pine Clumping Litter."

"Feline Pine is composed of -- well, shredded pine, obviously, plus "natural guar bean gum," which, according to the back of the box, is an "all natural fibre" that helps the pine particles clump tightly together around cat waste. The pine itself, we're told, naturally neutralizes ammonia (which is a major ingredient in kitty wee-wee and a main culprit in litter box odour), as well as the odours caused by - ahem - The Old Number Two. The Feline Pine package promises that if you "simply scoop and discard waste daily, you'll enjoy a fresher, healthier home." Of course, my inner cynic responded "Yeah, well, we'll just see about that. You may think you're tough, but you've never met MY kitty" (whom we affectionately call "Doctor Funken-Cat" behind her back)."










Fat Freddy's Cat is Latino!!

Is this a coincidence? The real Fat Freddy's Cat is from Mexico and loves to Rock.
Is this a coincidence? The real Fat Freddy's Cat is from Mexico and loves to Rock. | Source

Who or What is FFC?

A typical page from a comic book about Fat Freddy's Cat. A magazine for "hard rockin smoking dudes".
A typical page from a comic book about Fat Freddy's Cat. A magazine for "hard rockin smoking dudes". | Source

Mexican Blood

Both Fat Freddy's Cat and Charlie Sheen have Mexican roots as seen by the photos.

In order to understand where I'm coming from we have to understand where Charlie came from. If we examine the comics of Fat Freddy's Cat we can see a theme of hard rockin' and hard smoking: both tobacco and dangerously powerful ABT plus the wacky tobbaccy.


Charlie Sheen aged 15.

Carlos aged 15 after an epic attack of the munchies after he discovered Mexican Dirt Weed, Bambalacha and "bazookas". It was at this time the nick name "Fat Freddy" stuck.
Carlos aged 15 after an epic attack of the munchies after he discovered Mexican Dirt Weed, Bambalacha and "bazookas". It was at this time the nick name "Fat Freddy" stuck. | Source

Young College Stud.

A college photo of the much younger totally wasted "smokin Carlos" still battling puppy fat weight issues from his teen munchies phase. Compare the pre plastic surgery noses below. identical.
A college photo of the much younger totally wasted "smokin Carlos" still battling puppy fat weight issues from his teen munchies phase. Compare the pre plastic surgery noses below. identical. | Source
Carlos in later life after plastic surgery and extreme weight loss due to "Bouncing Powder" or "Bolivian Marching Powder".
Carlos in later life after plastic surgery and extreme weight loss due to "Bouncing Powder" or "Bolivian Marching Powder". | Source

Hard Smokin'

Fat Freddy has a tabacco habit too.
Fat Freddy has a tabacco habit too. | Source

Smokin and Rockin Cat.

As this recent secret picture of Fat Freddy's Cat shows, the author has a mild smoking habit too. Bizarrely nicotine is the drug of choice for both Charlie Sheen and his HP persona Mr Keith (Carlos) Abt.

Very few people other than South American natives use powerful nicotine derivatives like ABT and poison frogs.

If we take the time to examine Fat Freddys Cat's hubs we can see frequent mention of unorthodox tobacco consumption including chewing!

The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers.

The owners of Fat Freddy's Cat.
The owners of Fat Freddy's Cat. | Source

Will Ferrell on Hub Pages!

How I Found Out.

My suspicions began a few days after first reading so called "Mark Ewbie’s" Hubs. His stray remark prior to this on another person's Hub advertising “English lessons” had me laughing out loud here in the government state library (i.e. "If anyone wants some proper English lessons - Queen's speech and all that dear boy - then toddle off down the Busmen and Ferret watering hole and ask where "Tophole Ewbie" has got to"). This casual post led me to visually scan his hubs. On average I was getting the same amount of laughs as watching a movie by my favorite comedian Will Ferrell. For certain Hubs this averaged out to several "hard to suppress" laughs per minute, as well as several major belly laughs in a row at high points within very short time spans. I then began to seriously read his Hubs in earnest and found the same pattern occurring in almost every single Hub.

I became suspicious.

Due to a recent leg injury I had plenty of time to do the necessary research to follow up on my suspicions.

Even as I began to ruminate on these things I was still breaking into spontaneous bursts of uncontrollable laughter as I walked down the street, while brushing my teeth at home or trying to sleep! In fact I was unused to such laughter as I had not experienced it for a long time due to an ongoing family crisis. It was as if my body wasn't used to laughing any more and during these laughing attacks I had to be careful not to laugh at inopportune times to avoid choking or to appear publicly unusual. My "laughing gear" was like an old car engine spluttering to life with occasional gaseous back fires. Only Will Ferrell has ever had this comedic effect on me, or perhaps Jim Carey in his prime.

The humor I witnessed was far too distinctive and preternatural so I started examining all the nuances of so called “Ewbie’s” Hubs. I made a study of "Ewbie" humor.

Elementary

Seeing is believing

Man-Child Art and Stick Figures.

The first thing to strike me was the continuous use of stick figure drawings combined with highly advanced humor. It took a long while for this to gel: the stick figures are actually a classic form of “misdirection” often used by stage magicians. This use of childlike stick figures is of the classic “man child” mentality: exactly paralleling Will Ferrell who is noted for his whimsical childlike nature. The stick figures often contain gems of comedy hidden in their simple almost clumsy execution. Their effect is similar to Lego figures combined with humor.

I recalled that I had seen these stick figures before but didn't pay enough attention and never bothered to read the excellent humor associated with them. My mistake.

Immediately the dominoes began to fall. Although “Ewbie” was obviously a false name, and many Hubbers of course use false names, it was the combination of this (and many other things) that rapidly put me on the trail of a famous celebrity. I checked the genealogy sites to make sure, and not a single "Ewbie" has ever been recorded as a surname. As with Ferrell's "Gary Sanchez" name we see the combination of a relatively normal Christian name with a funny twist for a surname that somehow manages to tickle our funny bone. Only this time the name "Ewbie" went too far and was just a shade too unbelievable, as if Ferrell wanted to be found out.

And where is "Mark Ewbie" stationed? Euroland!! I ask the reader to now pause for just a moment, close their eyes and imagine Will Ferrell pretending to type up a Hub, trying to be secretive, and coming up with Euroland. This could have only come out of the mind of Ferrell.

“Why would Will Ferrell be doing this?” I thought to myself. The only answer could be that Mr Ferrell is doing research about the internet, blogs and social media. He wants to find out what makes people laugh. Perhaps he also wants to succeed by himself without the considerable team of writers he always has around him. What better way to get "back to one's creative roots" than to start an anonymous Hub? Ferrell has proved that he really is a one man show with his Mark Ewbie Hubpages persona.

However I needed more evidence. This can be found by anyone as Mr Ferrell’s “fingerprints” are all over his Hubs: the style and nuance of his humor.

For example, so called “Mark Ewbie’s” Hub entitled “The Funny Story of How I Became a Lesbian”. Who else but Will Ferrell could write an inoffensive but highly funny Hub about the Gay theme? Who else could be so self-effacing? What other comedian has that strange ability to make people laugh without ever being offensive? EVERY ONE of "Ewbies" very numerous hysterically comical hubs listed on so called Mark Ewbies hub account has this character.

This is a constant theme in “Ewbie’s” Hubs: inoffensive humor that escapes any hurtful or distasteful subject matter. Exactly mirroring Will Ferrell's popular good guy behavior.

Of course the great Will Ferrell has one remote streak of indiscretion: jock humor. This can be found in hubs entitled “Ten Funny Fart Gags and Gas Jokes” and “How to Remove Your Head From Your Ass”. Need I say more?

A frequent use of cute dogs and cute dog themes also haunts the films and humor of Ferrell. Sure enough we find in “Ewbie’s” Hubs several cute dog themes.

In one of his tongue in cheek questions we see the theme of “pipe smoking”, another of Ferrell’s frequent comedy props. (" Is a pipe still fashionable for men? We all know that smoking is cool. But is a pipe better than a cigarette for impressing the ladies?").

There are many other Hubs to choose from but I have listed a few more here so the reader can get the feel of where I am going with this: "Funny and Annoying Optical Illusions and IQ Tests" and "Humorous Tips for Picking Up Women In Stores" and "How to Win Internet Arguments: Best Tips for Funny Forum Fighting".

Many other facts kept occurring to me including the fact that both Will Ferrell and his online persona on Hubpages both made inroads into the internet at exactly the same time four years ago!

Need I say more?

After contacting high ranking CEO's from several film companies I was able to get what I wanted to almost clinch the deal: no comment!!

Postscript

The only possible alternative viewpoint regarding these observations is that Mark Ebwie is just another struggling Hubber with the same comedic powers of a Will Ferrell.

A part time writer who can in his spare hours write high quality work equivalent to a team of comedy writers for a legendary star?

I don't think so!

If this is the case it would be incumbent upon us to assist struggling talent.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • RandaHandler profile image

      Randa Awn Handler 5 months ago from USA

      That made me smile this snowy Monday morning! Interesting comments about Charlie and Will! And, in re to Charlie, I find it always sad when celebrities fail to make the most of the opportunities they're given in life. Especially when being in the public eye affords you a way to really change things for the better on a mass level!

    • Oztinato profile image
      Author

      Oztinato 6 months ago from Australia

      Thanks Mel

      Carlos deserves our esteem for adding some humour and chutzpah to hp.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 6 months ago from San Diego California

      I like Charlie. He's a funny guy in a humorless world. People like this have to be put on preserves and monitored for poaching. Perhaps Hub Pages is one such preserve. I find it difficult to believe, however, that he has ever run a string of Christmas lights. Perhaps one of his porn star girlfriends did the light hanging, and he sat by watching, smoking and taking notes.

      I enjoyed your ruminations. Hub Pages is full of even and odd toed ungulates who keep the grass mowed through constant chewing. Heads up, ruminating is still illegal in most states Australia is still not the 51st state, so you're probably exempt.

    • Oztinato profile image
      Author

      Oztinato 8 months ago from Australia

      Headly

      It's an interesting insight into people's reactions. Startling.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 8 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Headly.....Must agree with you 100% that Charlie is a loser. I think he's been cursed with a deadly reminder of how poorly he has led his sordid life. I thought this hub was strictly written in jest. Surely our Keith is not at all similar to Charlie. I doubt he took this seriously at all.

    • HeadlyvonNoggin profile image

      Jeremy Christian 8 months ago from Texas

      Oz,

      First off, were you not convinced just a few months ago that Will Ferrell was moonlighting on Hubpages? You must understand with the way the mind works, seeing things, patterns, that in your mind are associated with particular personalities you're familiar with, can lead to contrived conclusions that are just rubbish.

      These are just personalities that are familiar to you, so you see things that you associate with them in the world around you.

      And I can't tell you how pitiful it is to see you kissing up to the likes of Charlie Sheen. The only thing that makes him in any way 'special' is the privileged life he's lived as his father's son.

      When underprivileged people behave like him they're generally considered losers that people are ashamed to be associated with. Can't hold a job. Can't control their own urges. He's just another self-absorbed/self-obsessed asshole like the rest of us.

    • Oztinato profile image
      Author

      Oztinato 8 months ago from Australia

      Yes Venkat , "El Gato Diablo" (as the Mexicans say) is amongst us.

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 8 months ago from Hyderabad, India

      Wow! A great secret unravelled. Really, we are privileged to have him among our community! Well done Oztinato.

    • Oztinato profile image
      Author

      Oztinato 8 months ago from Australia

      The proof is incontrovertible. We are all privileged to walk in the shadow of "El Stud Magnifico" as the Latinos say.

    • Titen-Sxull profile image

      Titen-Sxull 8 months ago from back in the lab again

      Well Oz you've finally written an article I can actually agree with. The parallels are too striking! Clearly Sheen walks and types among us!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 8 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      LOL! Keith, I always had a suspicion you are a famous celebrity, incognito.......Don't know why I couldn't figure it out! It took someone as quirky as you to expose the truth. You can no longer hide.

      Anyone who likes cats....especially Mexican cats, just can't be a bad dude!

      Hope you'll be selling your autograph online now.....You can never have enough beer money! Hasta La Vista!

    • FatFreddysCat profile image

      Keith Abt 8 months ago from The Garden State

      Oh no! My secret's out! :D