- Entertainment and Media
ChiChi Chamois and the Dance of the Seven Chamois Leathers (Updates Added)
I would like to introduce ChiChi Chamois a wannabe alias accidentally spawned from a truly great hub: Party Time Is On It's Way! - Here Are 16 Ways To Recognise Signs That He Is Just Maybe Cheating On You.
During the course of conversation at that hub, it was stated that she, ChiChi, must prove herself to be worthy of having a hub alias as others have done in the past. It was also suggested that she perform a dance, The Dance of the Seven Chamois Leathers. Actually, the word 'leather' wasn't used in the original suggestion, I just don't have the slightest clue how to make a French word plural. Anyway, not knowing how other people have proven an alias or character worthy of development and notice, I've decided it would be best to turn her dance into a hub and perhaps performing such a dance will earn her the worth of being her own entity.
Warning: While there is no nudity displayed in this hub, there is some very Harlequin Romance Novel-like language involving 'heaving bosoms' and things of that nature. So if you are under 18 or if you are currently taking heart medication, you should probably leave. I cannot be held responsible for corrupting young, developing minds nor for potential heart attacks in those with weak hearts who might not withstand the verbal seduction of said heaving bosoms.
** Some newsbreaking updates follow the original content of this hub!**
It’s probably important for you to know just a little about the conversation that gave me the desire to create ChiChi. After plenty of great comments about the topic of the aforementioned hub, something small was said that I happened to find very humorous and the opportunity presented itself (or not) for me to add a little drama to one of my comments:
“…said with one lonely tear rolling down my cheek and dropping onto my still heaving bosom from sobbing uncontrollably, then sliding into my supposed cleavage that is only an illusion made possible by Victoria's Secret”
Someone else posted a comment that included lots and lots of funny, sultry drama:
“He held her close and tight, her deep breaths creating a dramatic rising and falling of her bosom as the sinew appeared in his neck, pulling her closer, closer, her defenses weakening like a sandcastle in the wake of lust, his mouth finding her sweet, full lips as his tongue gently explored the warm, moist interior of her pie hole, until she exclaimed in feminine servitude, "Accckkk.""
The twists and turns of that fun hub are many that move swiftly from sharing serious cheating experiences and tip offs to talking about recipes, car parts and chamois leathers, and back to examples of cheating spouses, but I think it's time to move forward with the dance.
On with the dance!
ChiChi slowly and seductively moves to the middle of the hub drawing one hand lightly up her somewhat hairy but soft thigh (hey, she’s French) as she walks barefooted over the cool floor. She slowly scans the room through long, perfectly curled false eyelashes and whispers in a blatantly fake French accent, “My nem is ShiShi <she pauses to lick her full, juicy, collagen filled red lips> I will donce for yew ze donce of ze sevooon shammiezz.”
One of her slender hands motions for the hub music to begin, and soon the deep, dark, brooding voice of Jim Morrison fills the room with her carefully chosen song, "Light My Fire."
She turns her back to the crowd and begins gyrating her full but not too full hips slowly from side to side. ChiChi then gives a casual yet provocative glance over her delicate and softly rounded shoulder causing her long raven hair to sway and gently caress the small of her back when she immediately spots several pulsating manhood specimens. ChiChi saunters slowly over to these sinewy specimens of manhood with their hot manly muscles bulging like boulders beneath the polyester fabric of their leisure suits and begins stroking the soft chamois that tightly encases her bosom which is now heaving hard and heavy like a drunken sailor’s stomach after a night of slamming tequila shots.
Suddenly ChiChi notices that the lighting isn't creating quite the illusion necessary to display the alluring cleavage she will soon pay a surgeon very dearly to have. She angrily snaps her fingers at the lighting guy, points to where her cleavage should be and says, "Grrr yew beeeeg boobie!" "Feeeex it!"
Not one to waste time, she pulls some recipe cards out of her chamois and hands them to several women, then she quickly rips the chamois free from her body and a fan belt bounces to the floor. A wicked smile forces its way through her overly plump and permanently pouting lips (also made possible with a fat redistribution procedure). With cat-like fluidity, she snatches up the fan belt and suddenly turns and flicks it towards two men in the front row smacking them both sharply and swiftly on their legs. Both men jump up and scream, “ACK! Where were you hiding that fan belt?”
ChiChi's future now depends on you. While she has already been contracted to perform at various bowling alleys across the country when they feature disco bowling night, she would like the opportunity to heave a bosom or two around the hubs.
Speaking of bosoms, her plastic surgery expenses are getting out of hand, and her Botox injections are getting more and more expensive with the economy collapsing and all. She only needs one or two more breast augmentations, preferably the double-lumen, triple-decker type, then she can fire the lighting guy and stop spending all her money on Victoria's Secret undergarments both of which are presently desperately needed to keep the cleavage illusion alive.
Thank you for your support.
Since it only takes 5 votes to pass a motion on hubpages, ChiChi is now considered a hub alias, and she is very appreciative of this high honor. Don't worry, she won't be thrusting her hot, heaving silicone-filled bosoms in hubs where it's not considered appropriate. She has just a tad of tact tucked somewhere under that tiny chamois which quite often gets ripped ruthlessly from her womanly body by heavenly hunks of man meat.
Her first project is to install a log flume ride in CR's now expanded shower on the other hub. This idea came quite unexpectedly as ChiChi thought to herself..."hmmm, ze flume singie is mooch like ze poopshoot, no?"
Thank you again, and new visitors may still feel free to vote.
ChiChi’s accent may hopefully sporadically improve since she recently ordered a special French dictionary from Amazon. It’s the unabridged, new and improved "French Accents for Dummies" special edition. This should prove to be particularly helpful since she can’t read French, and this book provides a close description of how to phonetically pronounce each English word in a fairly reasonable French manner. I just don't know if she will take the time to read it - even if she does, she sometimes forgets she's French when in the midst of slamming shots of tequila with rugged sailors on shore leave.
Also, if anyone knows of a more compact type of breathing, bosom heaving apparatus, it would be greatly appreciated. It would need to be something small enough to tuck away in the delicate folds of a woman's womanhood. All this bosom heaving is taking a toll.
It's come to ChiChi's short attention span that more tools are necessary for her trade. She is publishing her wish list here in hopes that donations will follow. If you are able to make a donation, then please do NOT leave any items on her dressing table because it's already full with:
"lipstick, cinnamon stick, dip stick, nail polish, nail polish remover, nail polish inhaler, face powder, body powder, booty powder, flea powder, perfumes, colognes, fake eyelashes, feminine personal deoderant, Desinex, Cruex (for jock itch), shampoo, conditioner, scratch-n-sniff advertisements, face cream, anti-aging cream, wrinkle cream, hair coloring, hair spray, extensions, wigs, colored contacts, unused razors, unused Nair, unused chin hair tweezers" and too many other things to mention here. The full list can be viewed in the comments section.
The current list of much needed tools includes:
- The audio version of "French Accents for Dummies" because...while her bosom makes for a wonderful book rack, the frequent heaving of her bosoms makes reading impossible. Plus she can barely read - the result of dropping out of school in 3rd grade per the suggestion of her teacher who had trouble controlling her precocious advances.
- A new book with information about how to look more introspective and smart. She would really like to have one with lots and lots of pictures (refer to specific reasons stated in the first request).
- Edible undergarments. She's running low on these since her apartment was vandalized by a cowboy who left half-eaten edible undies scattered around. The sad thing is that she wasn't wearing those delectable edible treasures at the time said eating was happening.
- Cases upon cases of pre-made butter tarts. ChiChi is very hungry because she doesn't know how to cook. She's already had to eat a cat due to uncontrollably violent hunger pangs. These tarts will also come in handy to ensnare fleetingly coy jackalopes with huge antlers.
- A cattle prod - not to be confused with a probe which might also come in handy.
- Spurs - the kind you can wear with no shoes.
- A case of "oozing sexuality." She just ordered some of this, but it's quite likely she'll go through a case in a day. It's not easy for a fake French chick to allure and entice unsuspecting men to help her get her groove on.
- A case of "room owning glow" so that she can own a room much like that cowboy man with the cow pie smelling boots who teases her relentlessly. The spray variety that fits neatly in her heaving cleavage would be best. You never know when you might need to own a room on the fly.
We will be adding more items as necessary.