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Chuck Norris Funniest Jokes and Quotes

Updated on August 15, 2015

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris Funny Jokes

Every famous website on the internet including, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, etc. are full of Chuck Norris funny jokes, facts, quotes and one liner. Now a day generating cool Meme with Chuck Norris pictures is another hot trend. I think I have made up my mind that my favorite actor is Chuck Norris. I am a long time fan of him and enjoyed all his movies.

Chuck Norris One Liner Jokes:

  1. If you take off Batman mask you'll find the face of Chuck Norris.
  2. If we say aliens in paranoia, what do aliens say? Answer: Chuck Norris!
  3. Chuck Norris has 9 balls and 7 fell to earth - people call them dragon balls.
  4. Chuck Norris is so tough that my dog can't even chew up his autobiography.
  5. Midgets are the only thing Chuck Norris is scared of, and I don't blame him.
  6. Did you guys hear that Chuck Norris got shot? The bullet's funeral will be tomorrow at 11:00.
  7. They once made a brand of toilet paper called. "Chuck Norris" they never made sales because the toilet paper took poop from no one.
  8. When Chuck Norris dies, every other country will think that we lost our ultimate weapon.
  9. Chuck Norris doesn't have nightmares of zombie apocalypse. Zombies have nightmares of Chuck Norris.
  10. Chuck Norris can not get bored, bored gets Chuck Norris and finds something else to do.
  11. Chuck Norris opens his own business, gets fired...
  12. Chuck Norris doesn't like to drink milk, he chews the whole cow.
  13. Chuck Norris doesn't have parents! He fathered and gave birth to himself!
  14. My celebrity zombie apocalypse super survival squad: Dexter Morgan, Captain Jack Sparrow, and Chuck Norris.
  15. When the Russian soldiers return back to homes they check their rooms for Chuck Norris.
  16. All Americans want to thank Chuck Norris for allowing them to participate in life today.
  17. Chuck Norris got arrested for killing his nightmares last night.
  18. Chuck Norris cannot live without reading quotes on
  19. Chuck Norris is the biggest proof of intelligent life on the earth.
  20. Frank Mullen is so incredibly hard person that most facts about him are written under the name "Chuck Norris." Using his actual name too much cheapens the effect.
  21. Chuck Norris can start a world war three only in 3 seconds.
  22. If Chuck Norris was on Walking Dead, would he be the only Walker not able to be re-killed?
  23. Russia is not afraid of American army but they are a threat from Chuck Norris courage.
  24. The sound of a Chuck Norris fart is louder than the blast of an atom bomb.
  25. If Chuck Norris was so awesome, he would come in here and slam my face against writing this line without his permission.
  26. So it's happy Chuck Norris day, (Otherwise known as Veterans Day), because if he got involved it would only be a misunderstanding!
  27. The shocking fact of the night - chuck Norris is 72! No joke this is a fact!
  28. Chuck Norris gives the idea of an atom bomb to Einstein when he was 10.
  29. I forget how great Chuck Norris is in missing in action.
  30. I don't think it's possible for some people to polarize politics to the extreme any more than already done. I also didn't think it was possible for Chuck Norris to shoot a 10 under at the US Open while only using a tire iron, but he did so I guess it is possible.
  31. Chuck Norris successfully installed Windows 8 on his AK-47.
  32. Somebody asked me who would win in a fight, Meek Mill or Pusha T, I said Chuck Norris.
  33. Every time I Google Chuck Norris, it never gets less funny!
  34. The reason monsters hide under the bed is because they think Chuck Norris is in the closet.
  35. I am like Chuck Norris. I do not go on hunting trips. I go on killing trips.
  36. I make as much sense as Chuck Norris jokes. So basically, I'm random all the time.
  37. I am in some sort of rage mode; I knew the Chuck Norris inside of me couldn't hide forever!
  38. Every time a Train song comes on the radio, Chuck Norris can do one less push up.
  39. Behold. Witness my true identity... My name is, Chuck Norris.
  40. My husband is forcing me to watch a Bruce Lee movie, I don't know which one cause I'm not a fan, but in this one, in the fight scene Bruce Lee actually pulls Chuck Norris' chest hair!!! Really?! Now he is trying to convince me this is a good movie!
  41. I guess Chuck Norris invented liquor. Wrong, liquor invented Chuck Norris.
  42. Breaking news: Chuck Norris approved Lady Gaga as a woman.
  43. Go to type in the search bar "where is Chuck Norris" Click the first link.
  44. Life group tonight: Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris vs. Jet Li. Who wins?
  45. The creators of Google originally wanted to call it "Chuck Norris Search". However, even knowing that this made the speed of the site a thousand times faster, they were not able to do so, because everything it searched for..... It destroyed.
  46. This boy said: Chuck Norris is my father. “I came out of his womb”…
  47. Chuck Norris doesn't need 3D glasses 'cause Chuck Norris can see in 3D already.
  48. Sometimes, the rude tones in peoples voices when they talk to me, makes me want to Chuck Norris kick them in the throat.
  49. Chuck Norris got pulled over by the police, the policeman was lucky to walk away with just a warning.
  50. Chuck Norris has bitten by world's deadliest snake again, this time; the snake dies in 2 hours, not 3 days like the last time. Chuck is fine, way to go Chuck.
  51. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. That’s where black holes come from!
  52. Chuck Norris can update his Facebook status with a public phone.
  53. Chuck Norris is the only one who made his grandmother he is not hungry.
  54. If Chuck Norris was your dad, no one would have bullied you.
  55. Chuck Norris painted my toe nails, and fractured my foot all at the same damn time.
  56. Chuck Norris is the reason nobody goes to Ennerdale.
  57. You should always be thankful that Chuck Norris has not killed you yet.
  58. When Chuck Norris files taxes, he mails a blank form and a picture of himself. He has never owed taxes, ever.

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When Chuck Norris spent time serving in the U.S. military in Korea, he was dropped off in a very dangerous hostile location. A week later when they returned to rescue him, they found a very peaceful area full of dead communist who had been beaten to death... His commander said "every one of these people have been pistol-whipped to death! Why didn't you just shoot at them!?" to which Chuck Norris explained "when I was dropped off I was told to shoot first and ask questions later... the only question I had was 'how do you shoot this thing'?!' "...

  • Chuck Norris lives with a little jet lag these days, he thinks to put into orbit in order to enjoy the World Cup in Brazil and monitor what is happening on earth!
  • Chuck Norris removes his socks first before taking off his shoes.
  • Some people wear superhero underwear but Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
  • Chuck Norris dot not live in Texas but he allows Texas to live around him.
  • Hidden under Chuck Norris's beard is a third fist.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't have to flush a toilet; he just scared the crap out of it.
  • The moon is devoid of air and life. Hopefully Chuck likes the area in Texas he moved to this time.
  • Chuck Norris is now playing in the goal, defender, midfield, striker and referee; he is reportedly looking at beating Klose's record of most goals scored in a world cup in this match alone.
  • Miley Cyrus and Chuck Norris kill people just by moving.
  • Chuck Norris was the first man to use Facebook before Mark Zuckerberg.


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      Sam Norris 3 years ago

      Chuck Norris is clear for clean aviation from my side.

    • profile image

      Billy Ray 5 years ago

      Watching chuck Norris videos may cause life changing results... Proceed with caution.

      Chuck Norris Dies :o But Hes Okay Now cx