ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Chuck Norris Funniest Jokes and Quotes

Updated on August 15, 2015

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris Funny Jokes

Every famous website on the internet including, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, etc. are full of Chuck Norris funny jokes, facts, quotes and one liner. Now a day generating cool Meme with Chuck Norris pictures is another hot trend. I think I have made up my mind that my favorite actor is Chuck Norris. I am a long time fan of him and enjoyed all his movies.

Chuck Norris One Liner Jokes:

  1. If you take off Batman mask you'll find the face of Chuck Norris.
  2. If we say aliens in paranoia, what do aliens say? Answer: Chuck Norris!
  3. Chuck Norris has 9 balls and 7 fell to earth - people call them dragon balls.
  4. Chuck Norris is so tough that my dog can't even chew up his autobiography.
  5. Midgets are the only thing Chuck Norris is scared of, and I don't blame him.
  6. Did you guys hear that Chuck Norris got shot? The bullet's funeral will be tomorrow at 11:00.
  7. They once made a brand of toilet paper called. "Chuck Norris" they never made sales because the toilet paper took poop from no one.
  8. When Chuck Norris dies, every other country will think that we lost our ultimate weapon.
  9. Chuck Norris doesn't have nightmares of zombie apocalypse. Zombies have nightmares of Chuck Norris.
  10. Chuck Norris can not get bored, bored gets Chuck Norris and finds something else to do.
  11. Chuck Norris opens his own business, gets fired...
  12. Chuck Norris doesn't like to drink milk, he chews the whole cow.
  13. Chuck Norris doesn't have parents! He fathered and gave birth to himself!
  14. My celebrity zombie apocalypse super survival squad: Dexter Morgan, Captain Jack Sparrow, and Chuck Norris.
  15. When the Russian soldiers return back to homes they check their rooms for Chuck Norris.
  16. All Americans want to thank Chuck Norris for allowing them to participate in life today.
  17. Chuck Norris got arrested for killing his nightmares last night.
  18. Chuck Norris cannot live without reading quotes on iFacebookQuotes.com
  19. Chuck Norris is the biggest proof of intelligent life on the earth.
  20. Frank Mullen is so incredibly hard person that most facts about him are written under the name "Chuck Norris." Using his actual name too much cheapens the effect.
  21. Chuck Norris can start a world war three only in 3 seconds.
  22. If Chuck Norris was on Walking Dead, would he be the only Walker not able to be re-killed?
  23. Russia is not afraid of American army but they are a threat from Chuck Norris courage.
  24. The sound of a Chuck Norris fart is louder than the blast of an atom bomb.
  25. If Chuck Norris was so awesome, he would come in here and slam my face against writing this line without his permission.
  26. So it's happy Chuck Norris day, (Otherwise known as Veterans Day), because if he got involved it would only be a misunderstanding!
  27. The shocking fact of the night - chuck Norris is 72! No joke this is a fact!
  28. Chuck Norris gives the idea of an atom bomb to Einstein when he was 10.
  29. I forget how great Chuck Norris is in missing in action.
  30. I don't think it's possible for some people to polarize politics to the extreme any more than already done. I also didn't think it was possible for Chuck Norris to shoot a 10 under at the US Open while only using a tire iron, but he did so I guess it is possible.
  31. Chuck Norris successfully installed Windows 8 on his AK-47.
  32. Somebody asked me who would win in a fight, Meek Mill or Pusha T, I said Chuck Norris.
  33. Every time I Google Chuck Norris, it never gets less funny!
  34. The reason monsters hide under the bed is because they think Chuck Norris is in the closet.
  35. I am like Chuck Norris. I do not go on hunting trips. I go on killing trips.
  36. I make as much sense as Chuck Norris jokes. So basically, I'm random all the time.
  37. I am in some sort of rage mode; I knew the Chuck Norris inside of me couldn't hide forever!
  38. Every time a Train song comes on the radio, Chuck Norris can do one less push up.
  39. Behold. Witness my true identity... My name is, Chuck Norris.
  40. My husband is forcing me to watch a Bruce Lee movie, I don't know which one cause I'm not a fan, but in this one, in the fight scene Bruce Lee actually pulls Chuck Norris' chest hair!!! Really?! Now he is trying to convince me this is a good movie!
  41. I guess Chuck Norris invented liquor. Wrong, liquor invented Chuck Norris.
  42. Breaking news: Chuck Norris approved Lady Gaga as a woman.
  43. Go to google.com type in the search bar "where is Chuck Norris" Click the first link.
  44. Life group tonight: Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris vs. Jet Li. Who wins?
  45. The creators of Google originally wanted to call it "Chuck Norris Search". However, even knowing that this made the speed of the site a thousand times faster, they were not able to do so, because everything it searched for..... It destroyed.
  46. This boy said: Chuck Norris is my father. “I came out of his womb”…
  47. Chuck Norris doesn't need 3D glasses 'cause Chuck Norris can see in 3D already.
  48. Sometimes, the rude tones in peoples voices when they talk to me, makes me want to Chuck Norris kick them in the throat.
  49. Chuck Norris got pulled over by the police, the policeman was lucky to walk away with just a warning.
  50. Chuck Norris has bitten by world's deadliest snake again, this time; the snake dies in 2 hours, not 3 days like the last time. Chuck is fine, way to go Chuck.
  51. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. That’s where black holes come from!
  52. Chuck Norris can update his Facebook status with a public phone.
  53. Chuck Norris is the only one who made his grandmother he is not hungry.
  54. If Chuck Norris was your dad, no one would have bullied you.
  55. Chuck Norris painted my toe nails, and fractured my foot all at the same damn time.
  56. Chuck Norris is the reason nobody goes to Ennerdale.
  57. You should always be thankful that Chuck Norris has not killed you yet.
  58. When Chuck Norris files taxes, he mails a blank form and a picture of himself. He has never owed taxes, ever.

Looking for Chuck Norris?

How to find Chuck Norris?

See results

New Entries

When Chuck Norris spent time serving in the U.S. military in Korea, he was dropped off in a very dangerous hostile location. A week later when they returned to rescue him, they found a very peaceful area full of dead communist who had been beaten to death... His commander said "every one of these people have been pistol-whipped to death! Why didn't you just shoot at them!?" to which Chuck Norris explained "when I was dropped off I was told to shoot first and ask questions later... the only question I had was 'how do you shoot this thing'?!' "...

  • Chuck Norris lives with a little jet lag these days, he thinks to put into orbit in order to enjoy the World Cup in Brazil and monitor what is happening on earth!
  • Chuck Norris removes his socks first before taking off his shoes.
  • Some people wear superhero underwear but Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
  • Chuck Norris dot not live in Texas but he allows Texas to live around him.
  • Hidden under Chuck Norris's beard is a third fist.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't have to flush a toilet; he just scared the crap out of it.
  • The moon is devoid of air and life. Hopefully Chuck likes the area in Texas he moved to this time.
  • Chuck Norris is now playing in the goal, defender, midfield, striker and referee; he is reportedly looking at beating Klose's record of most goals scored in a world cup in this match alone.
  • Miley Cyrus and Chuck Norris kill people just by moving.
  • Chuck Norris was the first man to use Facebook before Mark Zuckerberg.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Sam Norris 3 years ago

      Chuck Norris is clear for clean aviation from my side.

    • profile image

      Billy Ray 5 years ago

      Watching chuck Norris videos may cause life changing results... Proceed with caution.

      Chuck Norris Dies :o But Hes Okay Now cx

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)