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Creepy Toys – Were These Supposed to Be Fun?

Updated on July 22, 2014

Teddy Ruxpin

This bear had a strange look on his face. He kind of looked like he wanted to kill you and eat your intestines or something. You’d put a cassette into him and he would talk while the cassette played. Clever, I guess. A talking stuffed bear.

I think just about every kid on the planet was weirded out by Teddy Ruxpin. Unwrapping one at Christmass was likely to cause screams of panic. They should have put a toilet paper dispenser in his back, because he made me crap myself.

If you were like me, you would put this bear in the closet and leverage some heavy stuff against the door.

The Commercial Got It Right. When You Think Teddy Ruxpin... You Think Frankenstein.

Baby Stabs-a-Lot

This doll was just beyond weird. I can’t believe they sold this in stores. Nah, they never sold this. Just kidding. What are you, stupid or something?

Okay okay, the rest of these are real, though.

Furbies

Okay, they are scary looking. That’s for sure. There are urban legends that these things would keep talking even without any batteries inside. I believe it. This thing looks like it was manufactured at Satan Enterprises, LTD.

Sometimes they would go on randomly in the middle of the night, too. Basically it was like your own private version of the Exorcist… batteries not included.

Baby Wee Wee

Nothing like a doll that has an uncontrollable urination problem. I’m seriously at a loss for words at this point. The doll pees. It also has a realistic penis that moves. I would show it, but I’d probably get arrested. How did this ever pass as okay? They even had commercials. I’d show those, but I’d probably get arrested.

My larger point is… how did the creators of this not get arrested? I would so get arrested.

My Size Barbie

Did you ever sleep next to a 3 foot tall plastic woman and feel safe? It’s very weird. I feel like the thing is going to come to life and attempt to strangle me while I sleep. The whole idea of a small plastic person just standing there watching me just… man it creeps me out.

What sadistic parent would buy this for their kids? You’d have to have Munchausen By Proxy to be a parent and buy this, because it would force your kid into years of psychiatric therapy. If you hear screaming coming from the bedroom... you'll know what it is.

She does come to life though.

And she will haunt your dreams.

The Hitler Doll

Uh. No comment here, really.

Who would buy this for their kid?

Waste of money. Can't they just buy a cheap Charlie Chaplin doll and dress him differently like everyone else does?

I mean... um... this is sick!

You Can Get One Now If You Want. Kinda Neat to Put In the Guest Room. Hehe.

What the hell is that??!
What the hell is that??!

Doll That Helps You Reenact Scenes From the Movie Alien

Did you ever want a doll that could help you with the Alien stomach bursting scene? Well, now they make one.

What on Earth is this doll?? That is so damn disturbing. I’m going to have nightmares… I need to stop writing this page.

Erwin the Little Patient

Prepare your kids for a life of serial murder ala Jeffry Dahmer or John Wayne Gacy with this wonderful toy.

Your child will have hours of fun learning to open people up and take their guts out. He’ll probably try to do this to the cat eventually, but don’t worry about that.

Such fun!

Pole Dancer

The only doll that prepares little girls for a future in stripping. No further comments necessary. There is another product that comes with an actual pole and an instructional video – for children.

What is wrong with people these days?

Do You Want Some of These Creepy Toys? You Can Buy Some of Them on Amazon.

Are These Toys Creepy?

See results

© 2014 Luke

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    • Theophanes profile image

      Theophanes 3 years ago from New England

      Well, we all knew Barbie wanna-bes would be stuck with pole dancing, I mean that plastic Type A has taken every other job on the planet.... has't left much for her competition...

      I had a Toilet Train Kelly doll.... given to me as a joke... came complete with toilet and incontinent doll! Also I had one of those stuffed dogs that had a Velcro stomach that puppies popped out of. I wasn't really disturbed by the puppies coming out, more so the shoving them back in. "No Fluffy! You're damned to eternal pregnancy! HA HA HA!"

      Creepy toys always existed (check out Howdie Doodie sometime - holy crap is that a scary doll) but they are a lot of fun. Thanks for the chuckle.

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