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Dancers and traffic

Updated on December 10, 2014
340 meters from my home
340 meters from my home

So where do I start? I was excited to return to base this afternoon after finishing my class because of a recent addiction to games on my 7" Android tab. And after a small chat with a lady classmate named >no name here<, I proceeded to the school's exit and grab an apparatus to deliver me home. Upon sitting down on the mobile apparatus, I had extracted another apparatus from my bag. It must be placed in the ear and your smartphone in order to free yourself from the evil that I was to encounter 3 kilometers away.

Once I had reached the Banawa/Guadalupe crossroad, I was stunned to find that 2 CITOM officers had placed a "No Entry" sign right at the main entrance/exit into Guadalupe. And I thought to myself: "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna go cross-eyed". And if my memory serves me right, I think I remember making an "I'm screwed" expression. The reason I involuntarily did that is because CITOM have an uncanny ability to cause traffic anywhere they patrol. And when I say traffic, I mean traffic. Heavy traffic. Bumper-to-bumper traffic. The sort of thing where you like to scream or yell out loud, "I mean, shit, stop wasting our time, you evil F******." In fact, the traffic was so galactically immense, ALL entrances into Guadalupe had been clogged as tight as a kung fu grip. And guess how long it took to travel 10 feet? No, really, guess. Oh, alright, alright, I'll spare you the agony and suspense. 5 minutes. Great merciful good King George! This is close to blasphemy! Is it not? I mean, if Beelzebub could cause an opportune time to cause a hell-on-Earth scenario, here it is, staring at me in the face. And thankfully, all the while, I had my handy dandy headset on because, had I not, I most definitely would have been mumbling, complaining and as hotheaded as the Sun or Betelgeuse and as temperamental and moody as a lady on her monthly.

Whilst on this long, perilous and dangerous voyage on the return trip to headquarters, I began to reminisce and contemplate. I remembered back in high-school that I had a crush on a lady named >no name here< who eventually joined a Satan worshiping cult group. I'd been invited once but never returned. The preacher or minister, or whatever you call the person who preaches, didn't seem right. She had an ominous thing about her. When I shook hands, I felt a slight electrical surge about in my arm. A short while later, I smelled something of sulfur. Call me superstitious if you'd like, but I know what I smelled and felt that evening.

Another reminiscent event I had experienced was the first time I entered a plane bound for the United States of America back in 2012. Oh, dear, I remember it like it was yesterday. Who doesn't forget their first time? You're either terminally unhinged or need to see a shrink immediately. I remember Cebu Pacific on that fateful July day of 17. At 2:30 in the afternoon, the Public Address system had announced that passengers must board. And, by golly, I remember my heart racing at approximately 9,000 rpm. There was a 15 minute delay on the tarmac, though because of something and another something. And around this time, I was cut off due to a rude, obnoxious and pompous driver in a black Toyota Hilux. Thankfully, I was in such a good, joyful and cheery mood by this time, that I didn't bother yelling it out. I simply said casually, "J***A**". And I don't think I intended to actually say it.

Innit cool what a traffic jam can do? It sure can bring out your true colors. I know from experience, trust me. The Philippines is one of those countries where everyone wants a car yet the roads aren't big or large enough to accommodate them all. Someday, some rascal in politics is going to say, "Oh, fie! We've so many cars, we'll have to issue an order that cars that are 5, 10, 20 and 30 years old aren't allowed to run". That'd be swell. Except that our car is about 8 years old.

As I sat there in open-mouthed astonishment and gaped at how much carnage the CITOM can do, I wondered about what caused it. You see, this time of year, people are getting ready for the Feast of Santo Niño this January and so, logically, some of these evil pillocks are out and about making the CITOM cause such finality upon us. What's so important about them? They're just dancers, for God's sake. They're people who have no meaning in life and pretend to be young forever, like the Hippies of the 1960s. So it's ok if they cause all traffic all day because they feel they're oppressed. I mean, what's dancing going to do? That's why I put this under Entertainment, mind you. Yes, it looks great. I can't dance all too well, I'm afraid. And I appreciate people who do, but I mean, come on! Can't you find anywhere else to dance and show us how good you are at dancing and leave us all in peace? Peace! PEACE! That's one word I'd like you perilous sods to understand. And understand carefully. People want to go home. People have assignments to finish. People have deadlines to meet. People want to start cooking and eating for their loved ones and some are in a hurry to get to work on the dreaded night shift. And here you are, people with no possible foreseeable future wrecking it all for the simple reason that you want us all to see how good you are. I don't mind it at all. But I do mind that you'd just find someplace else to do it in. I refer to the road of Guadalupe. It's only 4 lanes, for crying out loud. And a residential area too. A perfect spot to show yourselves off. Of all the roads you evil sods chose to dance in, you couldn't have chosen M. Velez street or Fuente Osmeña Boulevard or Jones street or even South Road Properties? You had to choose Guadalupe. And at a crossroads 340 meters from where I live, too. I remember a Toyota Avanza revving it's engine in a desperate attempt to get home and away from the chaos that had erupted. Sure, there were about 100 or so people watching but everyone else wasn't. This isn't funny at all. No, it isn't. For the price of having only 100 or so people and/or spectators watch your glorious presentation, several thousand are dying to get back to their humble abodes and.... do what ever it is that they do when they do it. That doesn't sound like a good ratio at all. In fact, if anything, it's a bad one. No glory in it at all.

I hope to the Almighty that this is never repeated on the morrow. Because they've already caused enough havoc. What more do they want?

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