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Dancing With The Stars Season 8

Updated on November 8, 2010

I had absolutely no interest in watching this season of Dancing with the Stars until I heard Melissa from The Bachelor was joining the cast. I can't apologize for not having any interest in Denise Richards (it's not Complicated, you're boring). Plus, the rumor that Holly Madison was also replacing the snooze button named Jewel piqued my interest.

I don't know anything about ballroom dancing. This is only the third season of this show I've watched, and I don't think you reach "expert" level until you've absorbed at least five seasons. It's kind of like how I didn't receive my law degree in the mail until I watched ten seasons of Law & Order. As far as dancing goes, I'll have to default to the judges. Personality judgment, on the other hand...well, leave that to me.

I'm kind of glad I decided to go against my better judgment and tune into the first episode. Where else would I learn that Lil Kim watched Dancing with the Stars in prison? That's vital information, especially for a family show to be dispensing. What a great role model! See kids, if you're just sitting around in prison, make a goal or two. You never know what will happen when you are released. It was very inspirational, especially when she dedicated her dance to all her sisters still in the clink. How considerate of her! At least she danced to one of my all-time favorite songs, "Nasty" by Janet Jackson. Can't get mad at that. I like how Derrick had to hold her back when Tom Bergeron made the Rikers joke. Is your sense of humor still locked up?

Belinda Carlisle can't handle the spins? Didn't she used to do a truck-load of drugs every Tuesday afternoon? Now she can't handle the Go-Go around? Ok, worst joke ever! She certainly doesn't seem as exciting as she was back in the old days.

I dug Lawrence Taylor's smack talk about Jason Taylor. I never liked that dude. Can't trust the pretty, pompous ones! Even though LT has a lot less energy than Warren Sapp, I hope he sticks around a bit. Of course, I'm biased since he is a fellow Tar Heel.

Steve-O is very caucasian, for anyone who may have missed that minor detail. They had to partner him up with Lacey-anyone else would be afraid of him. He may be a Jackass, but at least he's got a little family-inspiring story. Everybody loves a rehabber! His performance was something out of a nightmare circus. It made me nervous.

How MTV is this season? You've got Lil Kim straight out of the pokey, Steve-O transitioning from rehab, and the naked guy from the Sex and the City movie. Not to mention, of course, Hugh Hefner's ex-lady friend, Holly. Naked is the new black!

Gilles Marini, AKA Sex and the City guy, only thinks he's the least recognizable celebrity. Take off your clothes and a lot of women (and gay men) would be able to pick you out of a line-up--especially if everyone else is still clothed. Anyway, he's got a fan base there. What does Jewel's husband have? Was I the only one who thought everything Bruno said in Marini's criticism was really inappropriate? Dripping with innuendo...this is a family show, right?

I'm pretty sure that Julianne and Chuck are going to break up. Dudes rarely like it when girls make them take ballroom dancing lessons. Let alone having their girlfriend as the teacher. Besides, couples on reality TV don't exactly have the greatest track record. Speaking of Newlyweds, why did Chuck and Julianne dress like it was their wedding? I hope that made him uncomfortable; I'd respect that. At least they danced to a break-up ballad. She got on my nerves when she kept defending him like he's a child by repeating that he was nervous. Great television = they break up, but they have to keep dancing together until getting eliminated in the very last episode. A girl can dream, right?

I guess to make Holly more appropriate for this show, they labeled her a "reality star." She showed her lady bits in Playboy more than once, and is the former girlfriend of the biggest pimp in America. Don't demote her accomplishments! I think she deserved style points for her performance. Technique is for ugly people. I hope she sticks around, I like her. It was obvious that she's willing to go for it and try. She allowed her partner to fling her around the dance floor like a ragdoll. I think Len was testing the waters by winking at her during judging. Maybe she's interested in a new older gentleman caller?

How much does this show spend on spray tanning? Samantha Harris alone looks like she's gone swimming with those girls from Sunset Tan a few too many times.

I was skeptical about Mr. Jewel AKA Ty Murray AKA King of the Cowboys. Then he said "you're never completely ready, it just becomes your turn." I'm sold. He's kind of adorable. He has such a better attitude than "manly man" Ted from last season. He's funny and endearing off the floor, but really uncomfortable while dancing. It was cute when he said the judges were fair after they told him he sucked.

Olympic athletes have a bit of an advantage because they are used to really strict workout regimes. I think gymnastics will either help or hurt Shawn Johnson. She'll be able to remember the routine with no problem. However, gymnasts are so stiff in their movements, especially in their floor routines.

Steve Wozniak did not need to wear so much pink. It was interesting to watch a genius at work--using visualization to learn the routine. Obviously, he's operating on a different level. Karina was practically naked during their performance, and he was wrapped in a boa. What the crunk master? He seems like an entertaining fella.

David Alan Greer is hilarious. It was really funny to see Kym not catch what he was throwing down. It made me laugh that he pointed out the weight loss because that's what all the stars always harp on when they're on that show. I'd like him to come out in a unitard for the Paso Doble. Just an idea!

Denise Richards is the most annoying human being. Obviously she has issues. She likes bad boys because they boss her around and she can't think for herself. She's going to cry a lot and I have no tolerance for that. I hope she goes home--soon.

I hope that's the last time they play Melissa Rycroft's rejection clip. Ok, she got dumped on TV--we get it already! I think she's a really good dancer, and that's why I want her to stay on the show. Serious question: did they make her bedazzle her tattoo or was that supposed to be pretty? It looked ridiculous. I love that Bruno called Jason a loser. Good eye, tiny Italian man!


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