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Defeating Your Morning Pee

Updated on May 5, 2012

You just woke up; it's freezing in your room, luckily for you, you're in your nice warm cozy bed, it's the weekend, there's no need to get up. Suddenly, you're overcome with a tingling sensation in your bladder, something needs to be released. YOU HAVE TO PEE! This isn't shocking your body has been asleep for at least 10 hours, of course your bladder is full! What do you do? IF you get out of bed you will be bum rushed with the freezing surrounding temperatures, but you really need to go! It's starting to hurt!

Ahhh...the morning pee, no greater enemy or adversary than this. How can you defeat it? Self-control, determination, craftyness, or plain old laziness here's what to do.

1.) "The makeshift toilet" (easy for guys skilled for ladies) - Lucky for you that gatorade bottle from the gym is lying on the floor within reach. Grab that thing and go to work, if you're a guy you may remain laying, if you're a girl, you may have some finesse work upon you. Release the bladder demons and resume being a bum, just make sure you cap off that bottle or keep it spill proof if the cap is missing.

2.) "Travelling Eskimo" (easy for all) - blankets are movable for a reason, no need to not take the warmth with you! Grab that comforter, favorite sheet, or old blanket your great grandmother knitted before women were allowed to have lives, and walk your way to the bathroom. For guys a simple front opening allows for easy toilet access, ladies may need blanket adjustment end or bunching up so it doesn't go in the toilet. Either way, make use of your blankets mobility and return to the warmth of your mattress.

3.) "Forget Pee Nots" (only for those with strengthened pelvic and kegel muscles- you can tighten these bad boys up but "holding in pee" in repetitions.)- Hold onto that pee! Show it who's boss! Don't let a impatient bladder control you, hold it in and become that bladders master so you can pee or not pee on command. Yeah, how do you like me now?

4.) "Desperado" (For extreme cases)- This is for very extreme cases of laziness and bum-ness. Let it out, we have laundry machines for a reason so we can wash stuff. Pee all over that bed! In your pants! Who knows maybe you'll enjoy the warming moisture of your clothes and bed! Just make sure you wash those sheets, and clothes, and shower at some point or else you'll be extra stinky!! (if you really do this, you are extremely lazy, and or I hope you have a physical disability that is causing this, if so invest in a catheter)

I hope this was helpful! Thanks

And next time you gotta go, you know what to do, to defeat your pee!

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