Disney Princes Who Were Total D-Bags
Happy Ending? What About the Beginning?
We have all watched them; fairy tale movies with seemingly happy endings. But when was the last time you thought about these purportedly healthy relationships? Did these damsels in distress ignore major red flags that likely led to drug addiction, eating disorders, infidelity, and premature death? Let's check it out.
He never deserved her. If Prince Charming was so charming, he would have remembered Cinderella's face instead of finding a random foot to stuff in a glass effing shoe. Can't remember the face of the only cute blond in the kingdom? What a dbag.
She would have been better off sweeping up the floors for her step-family while going to college and making something of herself. Instead, she settled. Girls, don't be Cinderella. Don't settle for a dbag who can't remember your face the next day.
Prince Eric-The Little Mermaid
Prince Eric; the flaming Ginger, Ariel, resuscitates you. Re-effing-suscitates you and you can’t remember her face? How about that apple red hair that no one else in your fairy tale world has? Ok, I know you ‘almost died’ and shit but you made EYE CONTACT with her. What. The. Actual. F.
Instead you believe it’s some dark-haired, dark eyed chick you've never actually seen before, because of her voice? Whaaaat? Ariel gave up her fins, family, and voice for you! You sir, are a dickwad. I hope she spends all your money and leaves you for your best friend.
Snow White's Dude
Listen, this is like a DateLine Real Life Story. This questionably straight dude met her like twice, he sang with her, caught some birds with her…and then disappears. Next thing you know, he is staring at her through a glass coffin dreaming of kissing her. Um…was she not attractive enough when she was, oh, say ….Alive?
And everyone is totally alright with letting him tongue-molest her while unconscious. Ok, it apparently ‘saved’ her (air quotes)….because…true love. Eck.
Plus, didn’t anyone think it was weird that he was wearing lipstick BEFORE he kissed her? Red Fn Flag. The deleted scenes probably included him lathering her up with lotion and lowering her down into a hole.
Just gonna leave this right here.
Beauty and the Beast
Typical controlling abusive ‘boyfriend’ we all warn our friends and daughters about. This bag of douche forces the Beauty to be his servant and mistress, possessively proposes to her every day, and only allows her out of the castle if he can sneak spy on her with a magic mirror.Gross.
Then, in the worst case of Stockholm Syndrome in a kid’s story, when she sees he is in trouble, she runs back to him and professes her love for him. Puke.
Beauty, have some respect for yourself. Beast, learn how to treat a woman. I hope she cheated on you with the candlestick. Jerkface.
Thanks Disney, for every bad dating decision I've ever made.
Want to defend the mens' actions? Or add a few of your own? (Men, I know you have a couple chicks you wanna add to the list) Join the convo below.
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