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Disney Princes Who Were Total D-Bags

Updated on February 26, 2016

Happy Ending? What About the Beginning?

We have all watched them; fairy tale movies with seemingly happy endings. But when was the last time you thought about these purportedly healthy relationships? Did these damsels in distress ignore major red flags that likely led to drug addiction, eating disorders, infidelity, and premature death? Let's check it out.

Prince Charming-Cinderella

He never deserved her. If Prince Charming was so charming, he would have remembered Cinderella's face instead of finding a random foot to stuff in a glass effing shoe. Can't remember the face of the only cute blond in the kingdom? What a dbag.

She would have been better off sweeping up the floors for her step-family while going to college and making something of herself. Instead, she settled. Girls, don't be Cinderella. Don't settle for a dbag who can't remember your face the next day.

Prince Eric-The Little Mermaid

Prince Eric; the flaming Ginger, Ariel, resuscitates you. Re-effing-suscitates you and you can’t remember her face? How about that apple red hair that no one else in your fairy tale world has? Ok, I know you ‘almost died’ and shit but you made EYE CONTACT with her. What. The. Actual. F.

Instead you believe it’s some dark-haired, dark eyed chick you've never actually seen before, because of her voice? Whaaaat? Ariel gave up her fins, family, and voice for you! You sir, are a dickwad. I hope she spends all your money and leaves you for your best friend.

Snow White's Dude

Listen, this is like a DateLine Real Life Story. This questionably straight dude met her like twice, he sang with her, caught some birds with her…and then disappears. Next thing you know, he is staring at her through a glass coffin dreaming of kissing her. Um…was she not attractive enough when she was, oh, say ….Alive?

And everyone is totally alright with letting him tongue-molest her while unconscious. Ok, it apparently ‘saved’ her (air quotes)….because…true love. Eck.

Plus, didn’t anyone think it was weird that he was wearing lipstick BEFORE he kissed her? Red Fn Flag. The deleted scenes probably included him lathering her up with lotion and lowering her down into a hole.

Sleeping Beauty

Just gonna leave this right here.

Beauty and the Beast

Typical controlling abusive ‘boyfriend’ we all warn our friends and daughters about. This bag of douche forces the Beauty to be his servant and mistress, possessively proposes to her every day, and only allows her out of the castle if he can sneak spy on her with a magic mirror.Gross.

Then, in the worst case of Stockholm Syndrome in a kid’s story, when she sees he is in trouble, she runs back to him and professes her love for him. Puke.

Beauty, have some respect for yourself. Beast, learn how to treat a woman. I hope she cheated on you with the candlestick. Jerkface.

Thanks Disney, for every bad dating decision I've ever made.

Want to defend the mens' actions? Or add a few of your own? (Men, I know you have a couple chicks you wanna add to the list) Join the convo below.

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    • Tara Mapes profile image
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      Tara Mapes 18 months ago

      Thanks for reading, glad to entertain ..(and shatter Disney myths). :)

    • RJ Schwartz profile image

      Ralph Schwartz 18 months ago from Idaho Falls, Idaho

      This is great - shattering the Disney myth - thoroughly enjoyed it

    • Tara Mapes profile image
      Author

      Tara Mapes 18 months ago

      Hahaha Say Yes To Life, I love your spin! Much more interesting indeed!

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 18 months ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      Actually, Disney cleans up a lot of the original fairy tales. In “The Little Mermaid”, after marrying the prince, Ariel feels like she’s walking on knives, but since she has sacrificed her voice, she can’t cry out. Worse yet, after a year she is supposed to die. Her sisters try to save her by telling her to kill the price with a magic knife, so she can return to the sea world, but she refuses, so she dies and becomes a “daughter of the air”.

      Sleeping Beauty is even worse. The prince rapes her repeatedly, and she gives birth to two children. One accidently tries to suckle her finger, which removes the poison that makes her sleep. She awakens, and they live happily ever after (except what if she was a shrew?).

      As for Cinderella, I heard the prince got so sick of her he committed suicide by drinking furniture polish. Rather than being a terrible ending, it was a beautiful finish. LOL!

      Let’s see if we can come up with some enlightened fairy tales in this day and age…

    • Tara Mapes profile image
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      Tara Mapes 18 months ago

      Thanks for reading!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 18 months ago from Queensland Australia

      You were spot on with your assessment of these Princes, Tara. I could never understand how Prince Charming couldn't recognise or remember Cinderella's face as well. If it had been a masquerade ball...fair enough, but it wasn't. If my memory serves me the "Frog Prince" may have been the best of the bunch, but I'm not sure that was even a Disney movie. Fun hub.

    • profile image

      Jason Louda 18 months ago

      To be fair, the heroines all suffer far worse fates in the literary versions.