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Don't Make Me Say 'I Told You So' - 25 Things I Wouldn't Do, If I Were You

Updated on December 11, 2012
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Life lessons. They're often learned the hard way. Experience, after all, is the best teacher. But it doesn't always have to be that way. Another person's suffering and embarrassment could be your salvation from making the same mistake. So, here's a list of 25 mistakes I'd avoid if I were you. I'm not saying I've done all of them, but I'm not saying I haven't.

Never, Ever, Ever:

* Attempt to iron clothing while you're wearing it.

* Ask, "What's the worst that could happen?"

* Pray for patience.

* Bounce or swing a baby that has just had a bottle. Since babies are constantly eating, the best bet is to just never bounce or swing a baby!

* Try to curl a Barbie doll's hair with a curling iron. (Just trust me.)

* Put aluminum foil or a Solo cup in the microwave.

* Fall in love with a musician/actor/writer/artist of any kind, if you can help it, which you can't.

* Wear high heels to the mall, to a barbecue, to an amusement park, to a sporting event, especially if the sporting event has bleacher seating.

* Wear anything that's uncomfortable. If it's falling down or riding up before you leave the house, it's going to be doing that all day.

* Feed an emu grass out of your hands - they bite!

* Sunbathe while coated in baby oil or cooking spray.

* Play dodge ball with rocks. (Don't ask.)

* Eat those yummy looking berries you found growing along the walking trail.

* Order a lemon sour, even if you love sour stuff.

* Throw a stress ball across the office, in the general direction of a co-worker.

* Trust a walk-in hair salon with a name you've never heard of that advertises haircuts for $9.99.

* Attempt to pick up the shattered remains of a Christmas tree ornament with your bare hands.

* Ask someone when the baby's due if you aren't absolutely certain she's pregnant - as in, she told you from her own mouth.

* (If you are in high school) Lament that you are not a popular cheerleader. The real world is the great equalizer. Popular cheerleaders become haggard moms too. I know, because I saw a former popular cheerleader not so long ago and she looked like crap. It was terrible. Kind of.

* Assume that someone is the grandmother/grandfather, and not the parent, of a child they are with. If you assume it, don't say it.

* Touch anything your mother tells you not to. She is not trying to deprive you of having your curiosity satisfied. She is trying to save you from dismembering, burning, disfiguring or otherwise horribly maiming an appendage you might rather hold onto.

* Go to the grocery store on an empty stomach.

* Respond to someone by saying, "That's interesting" with a smirk and a tone that implies what you really mean is, "You're stupid." Because that's asinine.

* Sneeze in the dentist's chair.

* Buy tadpoles online, unless you want to officiate a tadpole funeral.


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    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 3 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Those high heels can be a real painful experience and may even give you nightmare flashbacks years from now.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 3 years ago from Georgia

      Thank you Marilyn. I hadn't thought of a second installment, but perhaps I can think of something!

    • MDavisatTIERS profile image

      Marilyn L Davis 3 years ago from Georgia

      Good afternoon, Crystal; what a fun and informative read. It's a rainy day in Georgia and I needed a lift. This hub did just that. Will there be a new installment? With your imagination, I think you could probably advice us of several more things we had not thought of before :) ~Marilyn

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks for reading Rebecca!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks Denise!

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 4 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      Good list! It shows lots of thought. Thanks for the heads up on what to avoid!

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

      Funny! There were several that I could relate very easily to. :) I enjoyed this. UP/F and sharing it.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      I hadn't thought of that, but I'll make a mental note! Thanks for reading!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks! So glad you enjoyed it!

    • RTalloni profile image

      RTalloni 4 years ago from the short journey

      Life certainly has a way of giving us lessons when we aren't paying attention… So, if I might add to this "don't spit into the wind" hub, I suggest that no one under any circumstances ever, ever grabs an escapee gerbil with their bare hands as the teeth of these tiny creatures is extremely incredibly sharp.

    • The Dirt Farmer profile image

      Jill Spencer 4 years ago from United States

      Several of these made me lol. Shared & voted up. Enjoyed it!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      More like you dont think at all! Thanks for stopping by again!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 4 years ago from USA

      These were so funny! When you're in the moment, I guess you think, "What could happen?"

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      MJ it's OK to fall inlove with the musician I guess as long as hes willing to marry you!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks so much for the share!

    • MJennifer profile image

      Marcy J. Miller 4 years ago from Arizona

      These were so much fun, Crystal! I'm glad Moonlake shared them so I was sure to see them! I lost track of how many of these I've done. Let's just say I'm still married to the musician, and I think our old SWAT team motto was, "What can happen? What could possibly go wrong?" As for the rest, I'm not admitting anything more!

      Best -- MJ

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 4 years ago from America

      We all do crazy things don't we? There are things I would love to take back but it's to late. Enjoyed your hub voted up and shared.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Hilarious! Thanks for the contributions!

    • Billie Kelpin profile image

      Billie Kelpin 4 years ago from Newport Beach

      Very cute. The very first one got me (and so did the iron) I've got one or two:

      Never try to be your own dental hygienist (you can remove good fillings that way.

      Never try to get the last fragrance out of a piece of scented candle by putting it in a kettle on the stove and walking away,

      and the Corollary to the above - never try to put out a wax fire with water.

      Never try Vicks to stop an itchy rash on a sensitive body part - It stops the rash, but at the price of burning like heck

      Never throw a bowl of green beans in anger

      (That's all I got). PS, nice meeting you - looking forward to reading your hubs

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      I know - it's best to have a system worked out. If you feel a sneeze coming on, hold up your left hand!

    • rasta1 profile image

      Marvin Parke 4 years ago from Jamaica

      I'll try not to sneeze in dentist chair. That is the scariest one.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks!

    • khmazz profile image

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      I really enjoyed this!! Great hub! :) Voted up

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Aah...why do we feel the need to do just what our mothers tell us not to? I did that with a hot iron - my hand, not my tongue. Talk about learning the hard way!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      Loved this Hub! My Mom told me when I was a kid , not to put my tongue on a frozen ice tray. Well, I did, and my tongue stuck on the tray. She had to run cold water over the tray to release my tongue.

      Voted UP, etc.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks for stopping by! We've all had those moments where we want to fall through the floor.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks so much Lisa! I think we've all done a few of these.

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Lol! What fun read!

      If I may add, do not give compliments just for the sake of giving it. A fellow Flight Attendant, complimented a passengers' hair "nice hair, love the cut" without realizing the passenger's wearing a wig. :)

      Gotta pull her at the back galley and tell her about it.

      Great hub! Thanks for the chuckle!

    • Lisawilliamsj profile image

      Lisa Williams 4 years ago

      This is absolutely hilarious! I really needed the laugh, thank you! The funny thing is I have made more than few of these mistakes =) I voted up.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks for stopping by Marlene B! We've all done some silly things before!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      That Bill is a swell fellow! Thanks for stopping by. I will be checking out your page as well.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks Gypsy Rose Lee!

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 4 years ago from Northern California, USA

      Shamefully, I admit that I have actually done some of these. Having done them, I assure you I will never do them again. I wish I had this list at the beginning of my life. Fun and funny to read. Thank you.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Crystal, first I must say that my good friend Billybuc sent me your way. Now, I must say, I'm so glad he did. This is a riot! True, but funny. Now excuse me while I go read your profile page.....

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and funny. I loved this. You forget some like never stick a wet finger into a socket to find out if the electricity is on lol Passing this on.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Epi, I can't wait to read something inspired by this hub - I think you could have a field day! Thanks for all your support and I will stop by POETVIX's site.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Back to a classic by Crystal. I loved it the first time around and I am loving it again and as you can imagine you are giving Epi a lot of ideas for his writing material , lol.

      Poignant and bittersweet as I think back on all of the things my dear mum said to me and I've never listened or didn't pay much attention and how true and visionary she was - much later in my life .

      I love your sense of humor and your keen intelligence too and NEVER EVER not doubt that you will have a good time when you visit the hallowed hubs of CRYSTAL.

      Sending to you my warmest wishes from Colin and his sleeping pussycats and please do me a favor if you can - check out my buddy POETVIX and her new short story series - it's currently in part 7 - you will love it and thanks for that - have a happy , safe and productive weekend

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      That's hilarious! That poor woman will probably never ask that question again!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Crystal,

      Thanks for the laugh and giving me confirmation that I am not alone ;-).

      I went to a huge water theme park a few years ago when I just began showing (pregnant). If I "held it in" one could barely notice. If I let it all hang out, I looked about 5-6 months pregnant. I kept thinking all day about what it would be like if someone were to comment on my pregnancy... put strangers in long lines for long enough and you'll find out everything you need to know and more! I had a sweet lady say; "Aw, when are you due?" I replied, "Due? I'm not pregnant". You should've seen the look on her face, not to mention the bright red and she immediately apologized. I told her that I was kidding and had been dying to do that all day, thank goodness she laughed at me instead of sending me down the slide head first!

      Voted up and funny!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Ha, very funny wrenfrost56! Thanks so much for stopping by!

    • wrenfrost56 profile image

      wrenfrost56 4 years ago from U.K.

      This was very funny :) I would also like to offer 'attempt to curl your own hair with a soft bristle round brush and get it so tangled up you have to cut the tangle out of your hair'. Thanks for sharing this, very enjoyable. :)

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Amy, I'm so sorry that you sneezed in the dentist's chair. I think you're right. When you're focused on not doing something, that's often when you do it! I appreciate the comment and so glad you enjoyed the list!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thank you so much epi. I appreciate your kind words. If I am entering your territory, I think I am in for a fun ride. Also ,sounds like you really know how to enjoy a cold winter afternoon!

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I especially enjoyed the one on your "don't" list: "sneeze in the dentist's chair." I actually worry about that esp when I've committed to a long dental appointment. The power of suggestion is strong, as I sneezed right after I read that one!

      Great read done in an entertainingly funny, tongue in cheek way. Thank you for the grins and outright laughter.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Hi Crystal - thank you for making my day with this beautiful and screamingly funny and oh so true hub list - you are definitely entering epi-man territory or perhaps more to the point I am entering Crystal territory here - lol - as great minds think alike - I will share, post and link this great work which inspires me so much - lol - to the Hubpages FB group and I will send you warm wishes and good energy from lake erie time ontario canada 3:28pm with a nice cuppa tea, some bossa nova music playing and the furnace is blowing away the winter cold outside

      p.s. - I love the title by the way . I knew I was in for a good time upon reading your title - lol

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      I think experience is the greatest teacher! Thanks for the comment.

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      How did you think of so many don'ts? This really gave me a laugh. I've actually experienced a biting Emu myself, too! I also learned at an early age never to assume a woman is pregnant. : )

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks peppermintee.

    • peppermintee profile image

      peppermintee 4 years ago from Here

      Great hub! Very sage advice indeed!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks for stopping by, Mary Merriment. Love your name by the way!

    • Mary Merriment profile image

      Mary Merriment 5 years ago from Boise area, Idaho

      Very entertaining. I can agree that these are not very good ideas to try out. Thank you for providing me with a smile today!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      petenali, I will not deny or confirm whether any of this advice is based on personal experience. As for common sense, some of us have it but just forget to use it at times.

    • petenali profile image

      Pete 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Very sound advice here, possibly learned from personal experience I suspect in some cases. Common sense is just not as common as it used to be me thinks...

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
      Author

      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      CMHypno, I should have included the one about never touching anything your mother warns you not to - I also touched a red hot iron that my mom warned me about!

    • CMHypno profile image

      CMHypno 5 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      I actually didn't know that you could buy tadpoles online? Unfortunately, we all have to learn from our own mistakes and sometimes being told not to do something just makes it more attractive - like when my mother told me never to touch the red hot gas poker when I was a small child. Didn't do it twice!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks for stopping by Sharkeye. People used to always assume that my mom was my grandmother when I was a child. Even though she wasn't very old, she's always frosted her hair, and I think they assumed it was white hair. Even as a kid, I always thought it was awfully rude for them to say that out loud. And dodge ball with rocks...let's just say I know someone who has a substantial scar to prove that is not a wise idea.

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Haha! I love this. Never ask if things could worse! And yeah...dodgeball with rocks or gardening implements is not fun. If you are the target.

      So agree with not assuming someone is the grandparent of a child. My husband is 56 and when we go out he is always asked if our daughter is his grand-daughter or great-granddaughter. Depending on how he is asked, he might either get all proud and braggy, or get really angry. Best to just avoid that one or say " And who is this little guy/gal?"

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks hecate-horus! It's nice to know other people have lived through some of these situations!

    • hecate-horus profile image

      hecate-horus 5 years ago from Rowland Woods

      Yep, done some of these. I've never sneezed in a dentist's chair, but that would be funny, awkward, and gross all rolled into one! Funny hub!!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks L.L. Woodard, for stopping by and the share. Hope everyone out there pays attention to your warning regarding low-rise jeans and high-rise thongs!

    • L.L. Woodard profile image

      L.L. Woodard 5 years ago from Oklahoma City

      You've captured some of life's funniest "aw shucks" moments here and brought a smile to my face.

      There ought to be something in the list, too, about ladies (and gentlemen, too, I guess) wearing low rise jeans and high rise thongs. If you do this, please do not bend over or crouch down in a public place, like the grocery store. Of course, if you've broken the rule about not going to the grocery store when hungry, observing scenes like this may well dampen your appetite.

      Voted up and Shared.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      They do, TToombs08. We got some for our office because a co-worker loves frogs. It was not good. Those poor little guys never turned into frogs and they lived for months. I guess we should have known better.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      The actually sell tadpoles online? Wow! That's cool...and sad. :) Loved it! Voted up and sharing!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      No, not the only one, Blond Logic! Thanks for stopping by!

    • Blond Logic profile image

      Mary Wickison 5 years ago from Brazil

      I will admit to doing some of those. I won't say which though. Luckily you reach a certain age, my age, where you look back and laugh at things like these.

      This was a fun read, it is nice to know, I am not the only one who does things like this.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Haze 5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      HaHaHa, I'm still laughing. What a great list. Up and absolutely funny.

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image

      Sasha Kim 5 years ago

      LOL these are great! Sadly... I've already done a few... ^_^ Voting this up and awesome!

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks carter06. I've learned that lesson the hard way too. It doesn't matter how good it looks, if it's uncomfortable, it's not worth it.

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      Glimmer Twin Fan,

      I can eat lemons raw, I can drink lemon juice straight from the bottle, but for some reason, I really hate lemon sours! Thanks for reading.

    • carter06 profile image

      Mary 5 years ago from Cronulla NSW

      Such fun these are and often too true of us...I found myself nodding to many of them like 'never leaving the house with anything falling down or uncomfortable...some of us have to learn the hard way sometimes:)

      A really enjoyable read...lots of votes...cheers

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 5 years ago

      Very funny! But I love Lemon Sours and it never ceases to amaze me how many people wear high heels to an amusement park!

    • girishpuri profile image

      Girish puri 5 years ago from NCR , INDIA

      very interesting and refreshing hub, you make my day, voted ineresting

    • Crystal Tatum profile image
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      Crystal Tatum 5 years ago from Georgia

      Billy, I never said these were all my experiences ;)

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL....a great laugh for a Friday night, Crystal! Well done! You have had some very interesting experiences!

      Have a great weekend!