Dream Cast of Dancing With The Stars...Circa 1993

On a challenge from a friend, I’ve been going through the casts of Dancing with the Stars and sorting the “real” from the “faux” celebrities.  While I was at it, I realized how many of the participants were insanely famous in 1993 (and not so much in 2003). 

Unfortunately, Dancing with the Stars wasn’t on American television until the summer of 2005 and pop culture’s definition of a “star” had gotten a little skewed.  However, if these 11 actors/athletes/singers had been on the show a mere twelve years earlier, it would have been the Olympics of Who’s Who of Hollywood.   I realize these people would never have had the time to actually compete when they were at the peak of their careers, but this is my fantasy team and I’ll do what I want!

The list only includes contestants from the first 10 seasons of Dancing with the Stars, and I’ve included which season they participated.  If you don’t see your favorite totally-rad celeb from the early 90’s, then maybe you should start a Facebook campaign to get them on the show.  Just make sure they aren’t in rehab or scheduled for a hip replacement. 

Joey Lawrence was at the peak of his fame in 1993, starring as the dimwitted-but-super-fly brother on the successful series, Blossom.  That year, Lawrence released his self-titled debut album which spawned the hit song “Nothin My Love Can’t Fix.”  Dancing would have been a great place to promote his career, if he had time to squeeze it in—the dude barely had time to put a shirt on back in those days.  Can’t you just imagine him doing the Cha-Cha to “Nothin My Love Can’t Fix”?  Yikes.

Melissa Joan Hart was the star of Clarissa Explains it All from 1991-94.  Her participation, along with her future co-star of Melissa & Joey, would have attracted the coveted 12-24 demographic.  If you think she was too young at the time, she was actually born in 1976 so you can do the math.  She’d be the equivalent to those Disney kids who keep popping up on Dancing now.  Plus, can you imagine the kind of outfits she would have worn?  Forget sequin and feathers, combat boots and tights all the way!

Another teen heartthrob from the early 90’s, Mario Lopez, better known as A.C. Slater on Saved by the Bell would have had teenage girls clogging up the phone lines  (imagine this show with no text votes!) in 1993.  By the time he was actually on the show in 2006, he had pretended to forget all those amazing dance scenes from his days on the Bell.  The beloved series ended in 1993, and would have given him an opportunity to stay in the spotlight, and to avoid the dreaded Saved by the Bell:  The College Years.    

Just so the 1993 imaginary season isn’t only made up of teenyboppers, who better to add family appeal than Dr. Quinn herself?  The inexplicable popularity of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman would have drawn a huge audience to Dancing.  The show was nominated for four Emmys in its inaugural season, thus giving Jane Seymour some street cred.

Back in the early 90’s, before anyone knew who that little Miley girl was, Billy Ray Cyrus was the sexiest thang to ever rock a mullet (to the ladiez who were into that back then).  His #1 single, “Achy Breaky Heart” topped the charts in 1992.  Billy Ray pretty much vanished from popular culture existence (making a few country records along the way) until reappearing as the ultimate stage dad.

I couldn’t choose just one of these stars of Beverly Hills, 90210.  My inner pre-teen would have loved to have seen Brenda Walsh and Kelly Taylor do battle on a dance floor in 1993 (Go Brenda!).  This match up would have been particularly interesting since Doherty was eliminated first in season 10, and Garth made it all the way to 4^th place in season 5.  Even though in reality, it was Ian Ziering, who was the first one from the series to appear on Dancing with the Stars in season 4, these two would have been much more entertaining. 

Joey McIntyre’s boy band, New Kids on the Block was on a downward spiral in 1993, but a show like Dancing with the Stars would have been just the ticket to keep him in the spotlight.  Although I’ve always felt that boy band contestants had an unfair advantage learning dance routines, the playing field would have been evened-out by NKOB backlash.

Toni Braxton’s self-titled debut album hit the charts in 1993 featuring the hits “Another Sad Love Song” and “Breathe Again.”  When she appeared on Dancing with the Stars in 2008, she had filed for bankruptcy once, been involved in legal dispute with a former manager, and canceled her Las Vegas show due to health problems.  She was eliminated 5^th in season 7--just think how much further she would have gone in an imaginary 1993 season.

Monica Seles is a Grand Slam Tennis Champion, and almost every season of Dancing with the Stars has been dominated by professional athletes.  Unfortunately, she was eliminated 2^nd in her season, due possibly in part to her lack of publicity at the time.  This was not the case when she was the Number 1 in the world in Women’s Tennis in 1991 and 1992.  Sadly, she suffered an awful attack the following year, which kept her out of the game for two years.  However, she would have fared much better on Dancing if she competed during the peak of her popularity instead of after her retirement from her sport.

Kathy Ireland was well-known to Sports Illustrated Swimsuit readers in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s, as she appeared in the magazine thirteen times.  Supermodels often compete on Dancing with the Stars, and Rachel Hunter was also considered for this list.  However, in 1993 Kathy Ireland started her reign as the Queen of K-Mart, by attaching her name to a line of socks (that beats being Mrs. Rod Stewart, I suppose).  Ireland was eliminated 3^rd in season 9, but I think that pervy SI readers would have kept her around longer during her modeling heyday.