Epic Rap Battles of History: Interesting Raps
In the article Internet Rap Battles I wrote about a new Internet collection of videos which involved people who were famous in pop culture for various reasons having rap battles against other people who were famous in pop culture for various reasons. And the combatants did not have to be technically real for these videos. In this article, I will show and talk about more or less the same thing, but these videos were different in a variety of ways. Some videos, like the one where Justin Beiber had a rap battle with Ludwig van Beethoven, had two prolific musicians from different era say how much one was better than the other, but with a more obvious winner. Another interesting rap video that looked interesting was the battle between two individuals who were prolific in a different genre, the rap battle between writers Dr. Seuss and William Shakespeare was fairly interesting in that the dialogue matched the literary style that was used in both of the authors' respective books. And even famous groups of people were made to battle each other through rap music. One particular group, the Ghostbusters, had to do verbal battle with the Mythbusters. These rap battles had people who were from different time periods do battle with each other through song. One of these combatants, or even both of them, could be based on deceased people. Even famous groups from both reality and fantasy could meet each other and rap about who was better between the two. And it is entertaining to watch.
Justin Bieber vs. Beethoven
In the article Death Battle: Unexpected Outcomes I talked about how some famous people, like Justin Bieber, got to be a part of different Internet parodies because of their popularity. In Justin Bieber's case however, most parodies involving him were mostly negative. Epic Rap Battles of History continues the idea of making Justin Bieber look bad in one of its rap battles. Against the musician Ludwig van Beethoven. Of course, in typical Epic Rap Battles of History fashion, "Justin Bieber" had to open with verses that insult Beethoven while praising himself. Lyrics were:
Look what the cat dragged back from the dead!
Man, it looks like Chewbacca wiped his ass on your head!
I'm the next Michael Jackson! You smell like Betty White!
Here's some aspirin: You're catching Bieber Fever tonight!
Because my voice is incredible and your music is terrible,
Who even listens to classical anyway?
Even Elise wants to do me, and now that you're right next to me,
I can understand why they used a dog to play you in the movies!
But Beethoven had his own verbal counters to Justin Bieber's rap:
Sit down, son, and let me give you a music lesson!
Ask Bach: I've got more cock than Smith and Wesson!
Never say never? You'll never be forgetting!
I've crafted masterpieces that will last throughout the ages!
Your music gets you b****** on your Facebook pages!
I'm committing verbal murder in the major third degree!
My name is Beethoven, m***** f*****! Maybe you've heard of me!
Not the Saint Bernard version; I'm the real O.G.!
You wanna trade blows? You can't even hit puberty!
And Justin Bieber countered again about how he was popular among the masses today while Beethoven was not as popular and suffered deafness due to his music. With lyrics like:
I got Kim Kardashian in my bed backstage.
When's the last time your music got anybody laid?
I've got a concert in five, so there's not much time left.
What else can I say? Your own music made you deaf!
Ultimately, Ludwig van Beethoven has the last bits of lyric for this rap battle that ended with Justin Bieber obviously beaten. With lyrics like:
I would smack you, but in Germany, we don't hit little girls,
And I'm glad I'm deaf, so I can't hear that piece of s***, "My World"!
There's a crowd of millions waiting to hear my symphonies!
You wanna be a little white Usher? Here, show them to their seats!
Which was both hilarious and awesome for people who disliked Justin Bieber's music.
Dr. Seuss vs. Shakespeare
Dr. Seuss was an author famous for creating a long series of books for children. William Shakespeare was famous for creating plays that eventually became books of older children to read. Both of them also had characters who talked with strange wording. Dr. Seuss employed a unique dialogue through rhymes to entertain children. William Shakespeare wrote plays that used unusual rhymes, but that was mostly because he was from a different era in time. Needless to say, Shakespeare's rap was mostly him talking in the style of his plays. For example:
Come bite my thumb! I hope you know the stakes!
I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades,
Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks?
I hath been iambic on that ass, ye *******! My rhymes are classic!
Your crap is drafted by a kindergartner high on acid!
Ye ******. You're an old white Soulja Boy who has no swag,
And no gonads. Egads, it's so sad!
And to top it off, you're not a doctor.
I've never seen a softer author!
You crook, you. I bet you wrote the Twilight books, too!
Dr. Seuss, being famous for making characters who talked in rhyme, actually did not rap in this rap battle. The Cat in the Hat did. And it had some bits of insulting that confusing dialogue of Shakespeare's plays. Lyrics included:
I would not, could not, on a boat
Read any of the boring *** plays you wrote!
Even Horton doesn't want to hear you,
And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you!
You bore people to death!
You leave a classroom looking like the end of Macbeth!
I entertain a child of any age!
You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page!
How you gonna battle with the Cat in the Hat?
Little kids get scared when I step on the mat!
You think your ruffled-neck *** gonna rap to that?
I got a best selling book about me coming back!
Shakespeare, also famous for changing how his characters talked in their verses, also tried changing his rapping style. And included some criticisms about Dr. Seuss's characters. In this part, the lyrics were:
I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces.
Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features.
You're pathetically predictable.
You think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter
And some ghetto Muppet creatures.
The Bard is in the building. It's a castle, I'm a boss!
I bet I'm Parliament. I'm positive I'm killing it.
I'm iller than the plague. I've never caught or cholera,
A baller baller, on some cricket bowler business
While you're sitting in the bleachers!
For a final piece of rapping, Dr. Seuss decided to employ even more characters to his rap. Lyrics included:
You rap fast, you do. Yes, you rap fast, it's true.
Now, let's see how you rap versus Things 1 and 2!
Things 1 & 2:
Oh, no, we'll smash your globe!
Yo, you may have wrote the script, but now we running the show!
You can take your fancy words and send 'em back home to your mama!
Break our foot off in your ass with our feetie pajamas!
Man, we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs!
We'll break offa your legs! Make no mistake, we in a rage!
All does not end well when we bust out our cage!
You getting upstaged, Bill. Yo, you just got played!
Overall, this was an interesting rap battle where one of the characters did not have to rap directly to their opponent. Which was awesome on some levels.
Ghostbusters vs. Mythbusters
Sometimes a rap battle did not consist of raps insulting the opponent, some raps could start with saying how great the person rapping was. One good example was the rap battle consisting the groups from Ghostbusters and Mythbusters. As a way to make this rap battle unique, the characters here emphasized how great they were. In one example used by the Ghostbusters:
Are you tired of two geeks in mustaches
Who can manage to be boring with explosions and crashes?
If you, or the Lorax, wanna bust like we do,
Give us a call. We're ready to defeat you!
Ghostbusters, flow crushers, get the job done!
Spitting out the lyrics like, "We got one!"
Get the people moving like the Statue of Liberty!
Try to beat us in a battle? Man, you gotta be kidding me!
The delivery of Stantz stands straight like my main man's slinky!
I collect spores. Tell him 'bout the Twinkie.
Like your show, it's all fluff and filler.
I'll kick your hiney, man. I'm a savage killer.
Almost immediate, two of the main characters best associated with Mythbusters had their own lines, which referenced the scientific nature of their show. Their lines started with:
Wow, your raps are just too wack to handle!
Let's do it like we do on the Discovery Channel.
Your science is preposterous; the opposite of competent process,
And in this episode, we'll give you a synopsis,
Starting with the vacuum cleaners strapped up on your back!
It's a fact: positrons don't react like that!
You built a laser grid with no safety switch,
And Walter Peck was right: that's some shady s***!
Good thing you work in a firehouse, 'cause you just got burned.
You are poor scientists, and that's confirmed.
And, as an added bonus, the Mythbusters even incorporated other cast members that left the show to have their own rhymes. With differing effectiveness. Lyrics were:
Ghosts aren't real, but it should be said.
It's time to bring the B-Team back from the dead.
(Hey!) Things are getting scary when Tory, Grant and Kari
Come harder than Ray when that ghost popped his cherry!
We reject your flows and substitute our own!
Why'd you stop? I couldn't think of a rhyme.
Well, just say the first thing that pops into your mind.
Which was immediately followed by one particularly well-known character from the Ghostbusters movies. His lyrics included:
Yo, raise up, it's Stay Puft; I stay fluff!
Blaze chumps and flip Kari butter-side up! (Hey!)
I smother Ghostbusters in fluffernutter. I don't play!
Show these dweebs how to rock a beret! (Hey.)
I live so large, you can't harsh my mellow.
Just one step took me out the ghetto!
You best be afraid of my marshmallow flows,
'Cause Big Puft just turned all you bitches to toast!
Rap battles. Come for the rhymes, stay for the references.