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Funny Excuses for Being Late

Updated on August 3, 2009

Funny Excuses

Some funny things to exccuse your self from being a few minutes late to lessons.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: Yeah, sorry, REAL bad case of the runs. I mean it was like chernoble in that bathroom. I wouldn't go in there for a few days Pheww!! I mean it was total arse-gravy and it wouldn't stop coming out, I thought someone had shoved a tube up me arse.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: Oh I'm sorry, I couldn't get a lift with my dad because he's gone on holiday with his lover Pedro to Mexico and my Mum was too wasted to drive me.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: Thanks miss, I wouldn't have guessed without you. I now know why YOU are the teacher in this shit-hole.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: Yep, I asked the muggers to be quick but they insisted on beating me a little longer than I would have hoped. I would give you their contact information but in all the comotion of the police arriving they forgot to leave it with me. Shame.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: Actually I'm here for tomorrow's lesson so in fact, I'm early.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: Am I? Really? I think YOU are early, don't you?

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: I know, my mum told me to get a job and my customer wanted a quick blowjob before school. Sorry.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: And you're ugly. Now we've stated the obvious can we get down to business or are we just going to stand here all day?

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: (Start screaming, waving their hands above head and run towards the window) Ohhhh... nooo.... I can't live any longer... I'm late... arghhhhh....(open the window) I'm going to have to jump... (pretend to start climbing out.)

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: Yes, You weren't so punctual yourself last night at dinner.I guess you now know what it feels like.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: I know, Normally I'm Soo regular. I think I might be pregnant. (starts wailing)

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: I was on time but then I saw the sign on the road outside school that said "children slow" so I couldn't rush.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: Yes, I lost my cannibis and was looking for it and I lost track of the time.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: Well, we're studying philosophy so let me make it up to you. Time is infinite, yes? So four minutes divided by infinity is 0. Therefore I've proven I am not late at all. Well I guess YOU owe ME something now...

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: There where three wasps in my bedroom so I hid under my bed for three hours until my Mum came back from work. I came as soon as I could though.

Teacher: You're late.

Pupil: YESSS!!!! PUNISH ME!!! I'VE BEEN A BAD (BOY/GIRL) PUNISH ME!! SPANK ME!!! OH YESS!!

Teacher: Are you stupid?? Can't you tell the time?? Why are you always late?

Pupil: Well, if I'm always late why don't you just start you're class later. I guess I'm not the only stupid one am I?

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    • profile image

      Sydneybae;) 

      3 years ago

      teacher:why are you late?

      Me: well mr/mrs( your teachers name)

      Someone told me to go to hell so it took me awhile and now I'm here

    • profile image

      yourmom 

      3 years ago

      Teacher: Your late.

      Student: Your still teaching your point.

    • profile image

      Ludvig 

      5 years ago

      Teacher: Why are you late?

      Me: Because you're mom is so damn hard to satisfy.

    • profile image

      Nawid 

      6 years ago

      Teacher: You are late

      Me: No I am not late, I am Nawid.

    • profile image

      ratty girl 

      6 years ago

      teacher: why are you late girl/boy?

      pupil: well you will find that this class has started to early so get your facts right

    • profile image

      Dalton 

      6 years ago

      Sorry I forgot how to be early

    • profile image

      Gary 

      6 years ago

      Teacher: Why are you late?

      Student: Sorry, there was a Snorlax sleeping the hallway. Had to go back and get my PokeFlute.

    • profile image

      Jake 

      6 years ago

      Teacher: Why are you late today?

      Student: I didn't feel like coming today. The truing officers had to drag me out from beneath the bathroom sink, lucky I wasn't them, they had to sedate me before I would come out. I think that in the struggle i ripped the guys pinky finger off. (act like your drugged up and drowsy from the sedation)

    • profile image

      kateecollins 

      6 years ago

      Teacher: where have you been,

      You: well, Disney land, the tajj mahal,Pizza Hut(al the places you've been on holiday)

      Teacher: don't be stupid you know what i meant!

      You: well you don't explain things very well and you call yourself a teacher!

    • profile image

      amanda 

      7 years ago

      funny. i luv the first one.

    • profile image

      Pattman 

      7 years ago

      i suffer from exteme apathy i was diagnosed this morning. (big word for lack of motovation,lazyiness,and just not caring). make it sound like a sevire condition.

    • profile image

      Robyn 

      7 years ago

      Best I've ever used was "Sorry, I got lost on the path of life."

    • profile image

      Harriet 

      7 years ago

      classic excuse from LOTR:

      Teacher: you're late

      Student: A wizard always arrives precisely when he means to.

      or..

      Student: Sorry I'm late I got attacked by a pokémon in the long grass outside.

    • profile image

      evan  

      8 years ago

      a wizard is never late nor is he early he arrives precicely when he intends to

    • profile image

      Caitlin 

      8 years ago

      These are fairly good. I have a few.

      Teacher: Why are you late?

      You:Sorry, I couldn't find waldo

      Teacher:Why are you late?

      Student:I got soap in my eyes, and since I couldn't see, hellen keller had to help me across the street. Believe me, NOT an easy task.

      Teacher: Why are you late

      Student: Well, you see. I woke up in the morning feeling like Pdiddy.

    • profile image

      Jill 

      8 years ago

      why are you late? "i was contemplating manifest destiny!"

    • profile image

      Tabbiiee 

      8 years ago

      One i was in teh situation: Teacher: Why are you late? Me: I said i was Waiting at a stop sign and was Waiting for it to say go.

    • profile image

      Tipperary Blu3s..x 

      8 years ago

      tell da teecha dat yho fell down a bush and ended up in wonderland :P

    • profile image

      Anya 

      8 years ago

      My parents lost the keys to my cage

      OR

      I'm afraid I can't tell you why im late.The government has sworn me to secrecy.

      OR

      I was helping little Bo Peep find her sheep.

    • profile image

      unknown 

      8 years ago

      aha this is one teacher : your late again You: well miss/sir you see i was eating brekfast when out of no where world war 3 broke down in my kitchen .. so yeah

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