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Updated on June 11, 2010

Self-Psychotherapy: Feel Good Session No 1 with Midnight Earl


By my "Coach Dr" Earl Wilson: Quotes that Heal with Laughter:

A laughter-a-day keeps the Doctor away (o:)

• Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
• An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
• Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
• Nowadays people can be divided into three classes -- the haves the have-nots and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
• Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
• Somebody figured it out -- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.
• A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
• A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
• A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
• Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
• An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen.
• Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.
• Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.
• Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
• Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
• For the parents of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply anervous breakdown into innings.
• He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.
• He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.
• Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till therest of the family brings the car back.
• If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
• If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
• Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
• Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.
• Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
• Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.
• One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over mole hills.
• Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
• Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
• Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
• Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
• The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
• The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.
• This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
• To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
• Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.
• You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

:: VERY F-U-N-N-Y !!!



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    • Artamia profile image

      Artamia 7 years ago from GTA, Canada

      Thank-You, Your Kindness [ MFB III ]...

      It's amazing but when I'm feeling 'blue' -- Earl Wilson book "Let's them eat the cake" - helped me "lift myself' UP...I like everything he wrote... One story was about a writer who was told to write URGENTLY an Obituary for Mr. X [let's say]... That was b4 PC era... So he runs in the morning to newspaper to show his editor the Obituary and in the Hall me saw Mr. X alive. So the reporter told Mr.X about Obituary... Mr X wanted to see/read it... and he liked his own Obituary... and when the reporter asked WHAT he should do now... Mr.X answer was "Let's publish It, because is to good to be wasted..."

      RE: Sandwich type:My friend use to answer to what to put on his sandwich:



      The great Copywriter Garry Helbert's favorite phrase:

      "We are shitty vessels"... (o:)


    • MFB III profile image

      MFB III 7 years ago from United States

      These are all very funny and quite true quips and one-liners

      my all time favorite is:

      "Life Is a shit sandwich and I never get any bread."

      A bit crude but it fits so many of those times in our lives when things just don't go our way. great hub.~~~MFB III