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Funny Sayings By Famous People Pt 2

Updated on June 27, 2012
Source

Are You Ready?

If you have read the first hub in this series, you will know that you are in for a hilarious adventure ride into the world of stupidity. If you have not, it is all right; I will grant you permission to read this one. Just make sure to read the first one after you are done; and be forewarned my security guards are watching your ever move with the newest and best technology(yes I really do have two security guards who protect their real identities by using aliases such as billybuc and TToombs08). Sorry, back on track again....I am going to be sharing with you some more stupid quotes by famous people which will in return, make you out to be very intellectual. Doesn't that sound amazing! Finally at least for a moment, we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are a smart by reading stupid quotes uttered from famous people(you know the ones who get paid to look professional in front of people?) I mean if we say stupid things, which I am sure we all do from time to time(for me, on a daily basis), why don't we get a commission?

Anyway, kick off those shoes, plunge into your most comfy chair and relax! Enjoy these hilariously stupid quotes from famous people!


Barack Obama
Barack Obama | Source
Barbara Boxer
Barbara Boxer | Source
Gib Lewis
Gib Lewis | Source

Presidency

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago" - Dan Quayle So close Dan, I mean if we took out the minor, and albeit very minor issue which is the fact that Chicago isn't a state! Yeah that issue.


"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - Dan Quayle Again Dan, so close but yet so far off, like trying to be rinse out a dry sponge, off. I mean think about it, doesn't the definition of success imply that there is no failure.


"Now, we used to have the best infrastructure in the world here in America. We’re the country that built the Intercontinental Railroad, the Interstate Highway System."- Barak Obama I may not be the smartest guy on the planet, but I think Obama meant to refer to the Transcontinental Railroad, seeing that the Intercontinental Railroad is nonexistent, but who knows.


"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." - Barbara Boxer I think it is clearly understood by all that their lives will never be the same again, but thanks for trying to inflect on us your wisdom!


"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that." - Bill Clinton Too late Bill, too late...




"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized." - Gib Lewis, (Texas Speaker of the House, to a group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day) I am sure that just really made their day!

Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey | Source
Brooke Shields
Brooke Shields | Source
Alicia Silverstone
Alicia Silverstone | Source

Media

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields So intuitive, except for the fact that it's pretty obvious, please someone correct me if I am wrong!



"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel I think someone is forgetting the simple fact that television requires electricity.



"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." - Miss Alabama (in the 1994 Miss Universe contest, when asked if she could live for whatever would she... ) Usually I can come up with a witty response in a heartbeat; I think the reason I am struggling is because there is nothing else left to say.



"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Great idea Mariah let's just say whatever we want without even giving it a second thought. I mean it's not like your comment was totally rude or anything like that....Oh wait, except for the fact that it was nothing but rude!



"I feel my best when I'm happy."- Winona Ryder Wait really? You too? I feel the same way! Let's hang out some time over coffee and doughnuts and become friends, seeing that we have so much in common...



"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." - Alicia Silverstone Do you have an internal editor, you know that thing we call a brain that monitors whether or not something makes sense? And you get paid to speak lines? Man, am I glad they give you the script, so you don't have to make up your own words.








Greg Norman
Greg Norman | Source
Tom Lasorda
Tom Lasorda | Source
Bill Peterson
Bill Peterson | Source

Sports

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." - Bill Peterson (Florida State Football coach)Now this man can really count, I mean he can make it all the way up to 1, that's pretty impressive if you ask me!


"Okay, everyone, now inhale... and then dehale!" - Maury Wills (LA Dodgers captain)What is up with famous people messing up on the prefixes?! I mean think about it, it's not that difficult. Do you know your basic antonyms, the ones you learned back in elementary school? Up and down, left and right, in and....."fill in the blank" OUT!


"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite" - Murray Walker (sportscaster) Once again an epic fail in the synonym category!


"I was glad to see Italy win. All the guys on the team were Italians." - Tom Lasorda (former coach of the dodgers)Ah! Dashing my beliefs against the rocks! You mean to tell me that all this time while I was thinking that the Italian team was made up of Portuguese, that I was wrong! I am gonna go cry in a corner now; Look what you have caused!


"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - Greg Norman (golfer) Now this guy is a clever one to say the least...oh wait...spoken to soon...almost forgot that mother and father are synonymous with parents, silly me!


"In a sense it's a one-man show... except there are two men involved, Hartson and Berkovic, and a third man, the goalkeeper." - John Motson (soccer commentator) Wow, so close except for the fact that when you mentioned the other two aspects of the "show" you went from having one man to having three...again simple mathematics...Maybe the problem is not the famous people, but their Mathematics teachers! If only they had Bill as their teacher!




Enjoy Some More!

Source

Please Don't Cry: It's Contagious!

Well my hub friends, and those of you who happened to find this hub while skipping down the fast lane of HubPages, I hate to say it, but it's about that time! It is time to say goodbye... Yes, that means it is time to springboard back into reality and think before you speak. Time to get back to work and stop that uncontrollable laughter. I hope I have not broken your heart, those of you who wanted a gazillion more quotes to read...Think of my fingers please, they are tired and would really appreciate a nap!

And remember those of you who have not visited part one of the series, look on your right hand...see that little red circle...(it may or may not be a laser that will follow every step you make)

Well that's all folks!

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Josh, these are hilarious! You really have found a great niche here and you do it so well. I'm watching the birth of a literary giant! I bow to your expertise! I walk in the shadow of your greatness. I.....oh, never mind....nice job, nephew! Thanks for the mention!

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      This hub will live forever because you will live forever because you are a team...a team of one and you care about the hungry, starving, unemployed actors and actresses in Africa having to fight over lines with flies while being hungry and then the goal tender came in and they had an earthquake and all those dead people are really upset because now they can't live forever and they can't have coffee and donuts with Winona and Dan Quayle, the great succeedor.

      Well done. :) You and Bill are tag teaming it today with the comedy routine! lol and thank you for the shout out, but I'm not guarding your body for the price of a mere comment and shout out, nope, no sir, I want cold, hard cash...and not those American Dollars, either, they are practically useless. I want Russian Rubles. Or a cheeseburger. I could really go for a good cheeseburger. I wonder if the burger stand is open yet...

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      God, TT, I want a cheeseburger. How about you get me one then drive it over for your Big Brother? Come on buddy!!!

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      On my way...be there in a week. :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Aww thanks uncle Bill, wow bowing to my expertise, a little far don't you think, but thanks so much for the visit and nice compliment! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      TT, I wish there way to voted your comment like a hub, because I would definitely vote it up as funny, I love how you compiled several of the quotes in a mini-story lol, I a crying! lol

      Thanks for stopping by, and sorry fresh out of rubies, all ready sold them to an infant in a stroller, he seemes like he would use them diligently and responsibly...

      Thanks for the compliment mom! :)

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Rubles...not rubies :) silly. :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      ahh, shoot there goes my cleverness right down the freaking drain lol

    • writer20 profile image

      Joyce Haragsim 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

      At least was more funny then your first one. But that maybe just me.

      Voted up and interesting.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks for stopping by Joyce :)

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 4 years ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      Thanks for another afternoon of laughs.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      You are welcome, anytime! :)

    • blessed365 profile image

      Vicky C. 4 years ago from New England

      I'm going to try to dehale now. LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, ok sounds good, great advice! :)

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      this was great! thank you

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      You are welcome! :)

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      This is hilarious! LOL!! Great job again J for making Hubland a nice happy community :)))

      Cheers to J!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks for the encouraging compliment M :) It was a lot of fun!

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      Well Miss Alabama is pretty deep isn't she hehe! I especially like your own comments after the quotes. Well done, good series :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks very much Christy! :)

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Ok, Fairy Godson, now I'm REALLY offended you mentioned me in Dan Quayle's stupid quote in part one! I demand a do over!

      Otherwise, nice job!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha thanks for stopping by fairy godmother! :)

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

      My jaws ached from laughing. I can't wait to get to work and (after all my work is through of course, LOL) open this up to share with my co-workers. Oh heck, I'm sharing it now with my followers! Better than the first-can't wait for the third!

      Up and hilarious. Oh, my...how I would also love to be 'that skinny'...just not with all the flies and death and well, you know what I mean...

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      I am glad you enjoyed it! I loved writing these hubs but what I enjoyed the most was coming up with my witty responses! :) Hopefully you had a few laughs! :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Voted up funny and clever.

      You mean there's another explanation for men behaving badly around women? I thought it was part of their DNA. Lol.

      Miss Alabama's reply almost sounds like a tongue twister.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Lol for real, her reply makes no sense whatsoever! :) Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for voting doc! :)

    • mandarmk9 profile image

      Mandar Karandikar 4 years ago from Ratlam, India

      You made me laugh once again Josh. Thank you so much.

      Voted up and all that......

      Mandar

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks so much mandar! :)

    • rahul0324 profile image

      Jessee R 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      I feel like... I will die laughing... i laughed so much through this hub ... oh god... I am unable to write..

      Just fabulous.. superawesome ... amazing... stupendous

      LOLOLOLOLOL

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 4 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      lol its hilarious :-) voted up and shared .......

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, glad you had a good laugh Rah! Haven't seen you in a while, good to see you buddy! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks dghbrh for the read, vote, and share! :)

    • Deep Metaphysical profile image

      Deep Biswas 4 years ago from India

      Miss Alabama was the best. Not in a negative way, I think she was into something, deep, in a light way! :P

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Deep, yeah I hear ya! :)

    • profile image

      Sueswan 4 years ago

      "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel

      ROFL Thank you for the laughs, Josh :)

      Happy 4th of July!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Youa re very welcome Sue, glad you had some good laughs! Happy 4th to you as well!

    • sharonchristy profile image

      Sharon Christy 4 years ago from India

      Funny hub! ;) LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Sharon, glad you enjoyed it! :)

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