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Funny Sayings by Famous People
Have You Ever...?
Have you ever said something you wish you could take back? Like for instance, "How far along are you?....Oh, you are not pregnant-I see, I was just pulling your leg...I am gonna go now"...And then you quickly walk away with your head to the ground, feeling like a total loser. Or what about, "How are you doing today ma'am?.......Oh yeah I clearly knew you were a man, just jerking your chains...Yeah I guess that's my cue to leave." Here is a great one, we do this one all the time! You have just been served that smokin' cheddar cheese & bacon burger from RedRobin, and the waiter exclaims with a smile on her face: "Enjoy your meal!" And then without thinking, you irrationally reply, "You too....I mean whenever you get to take a break I mean, of course that's what I was referring to. Then your spouse or significant other has to stop you before you make yourself look even dumber.
Come on admit it, you have all been in one, if not all of these situations before.(I have been in all three several times) Fortunately for your sake and mine, I will not be sharing any more dumb sayings we find ourselves saying. Because that way, we can innocently believe that we really are intelligent, sophisticated, and intellectual. You know the old saying, ignorance is bliss, don't you? Let's live ignorant, at least for a few minutes until reality kicks in, and we find ourselves saying something dumb again!
Rather then go on with sharing stupid sayings we often are known to utter, I will instead be sharing some very ridiculous and hilarious quotes from famous people. Why you might ask? For our sheer entertainment, that's why!
If you have just eaten a full meal, do not read this!
If you are in dire need of using the bathroom, do not read this!
If you have a bad cough or cold(the ones where it hurts to laugh), do not read this!
WHY? Because some of these will crack you up! It is so hilarious to read what some of these famous people have said; I laughed hysterically while preparing this hub(even alone in my office, with no one around I laughed, yes I laughed out loud occasionally and no on was there to share it with, so sad...) Ok, I digress! Be prepared to laugh-laugh hard; I hope you enjoy!
A Video to Kick Things Off!
"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"- Christina Aguilera Great question, I have no idea, maybe South Dakota or possibly even New Orleans....you wanna know what,(light bulb goes off) wouldn't it be kind of cool if they held it at that one place in France, *scratches head*, I am going blank...Oh yeah Cannes, that's the place! They should definitely hold it there!
"There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964"- Roger Daltrey, If only I could be that intuitve...
"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa."- Britney Spears So close Britney, so very close, just a few countries off and a different continent, but very close.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on." - Samuel Goldwyn Very true, we should be conserving paper whenever we get the chance.
"My urine? Describe my urine in five words? I don't think I can do it in five. Oh --- my year!" - Eva Longoria (when asked if she could describe her year, she heard urine) How many words does one need to describe urine? I can think of yellow and liquid...Ok done...One, two....Two words...How many words could one possibly need?
"Underwear is such an emotional thing." - Elle MacPherson Yeah! Someone agrees with me! Does it not make you cry profusely? (just kidding everyone, do not be so quick to judge, it does not make me cry...)
"Good looking people turn me off. Myself included.” – Patrick Swayze hmmmm...interesting (sidetracked: hmmm, what does these four letters make me think of? Oh, I know check out SIE's hilarious hub,Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmm - humorous inventions and occupations.
"Be very careful about your cape. Don't use it for sexual high jinks. It can get ugly--trust me. Also, be careful when flushing"-Original Batman Adam West Thanks, I will make a mental note of that!
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." - Lou Duva(boxing trainer) Wouldn't it be neat to live for a day with endless time; think of how many hubs we could publish and other hubs we could comment on.(TT, think of it, a never-ending game of tag! hehe...if you do not who I am referring to as TT, you should go check out her profile page. )
Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is." - Ron Fairley (Giants' broadcaster) I may not be very smart, but I think that will give you an exact idea(not some idea) of how old he is, correct me if I'm wrong...
"Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future." - Yogi Berra, (Baseball player) Wow, so intellectual, except for the simple fact that predictions implies a futuristic event, or there would be no event to predict.
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."- Chuck Nevitt, (North Carolina State basketball player explaining to his coach why he was nervous at practice) One of life's toughest questions: Will I be an aunt or uncle, because it is clearly dependent on the sex of the baby, hehe :)
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."- Danny Ozark (Philadelphia Phillies manager) Very close, but I think if I would have to make an educated guess, you know ball-park type guess, I think I would say more 85% mental :) (Bill you played baseball, what do you think? If you do not know Bill, check out his profile page)
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."- George Roger (NFL New Orleans Saint RB) I think someone, whom I will allow to remain anonymous, was given a different grade(a little tweak perhaps) in high school mathematics, so he could play some football.
"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them. "- George Bush Hmmm, I do not think you should be disagreeing with your opinions, seeing opinions are something you believe to be true, are they not?
"They misunderestimated me."- George W Bush I could be wrong here, but I think you added one prefix too many; do not think the "mis" should be there(speaking of mis, that makes of think of the word mysterious, which makes me think of "M"; if you do not know "M" (aka unknownn spy), check out her profile here.
"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."- Dan Quayle Isn't pollution the same thing as impurities in our air and water, you know air pollution and water pollution?
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."- Dan Quayle I am very glad you clarified this because I was definitely thinking all this time that NASA's top priority was watching the newest episode of fear factor(you know that show where the contestants have to do all these brave stunts....brave...since we are on this word, you should take some time to check out bravewarrior's profile page.
"Facts are stupid things."- Ronald Reagan Whew, boy am I glad my misconception of facts as being knowledge or information based on real occurrences, has been clarified. They are just "stupid" I guess :)
"Solutions are not the answer." - Richard Nixon (Breathing a sigh of relief) Another one of my supposedly false ideas cleared up, Thanks, for some odd reason, I thought solution meant answer. Silly me!
A Hilarious, Must Watch Speech Gone Horribly Wrong!
A Little Slice of Yummy Redemption
Since I have posted so many stupid quotes, I thought I would at least shine some decent light on our country in regards to our intellectualism as a collective whole. The least thing I can do is attempt to offer some redemption. Here are three famous quotes by famous people for you to enjoy!
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, andI'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein
"Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."- Abraham Lincoln.
"A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice"- Bill Cosby
Sorry, But It is Time to Say Farewell
I hope you have enjoyed this hilarious adventure through some of the not-so-famous quotes by famous people. Hopefully you did not laugh too hard that your organs exploded. If they did though, just make sure to call you local doctor and ask for advice. And hey, think positive! At least you weren't attacked by a bear! But, if that happens too for some bizarre reason, make you sure you check out TT's guide on how to fend against bear attacks. You will find it very helpful!