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Farting: Wherever you may go wherever you may be, let your wind blow free

Updated on January 16, 2017
molometer profile image

Michael has been teaching for many years and concluded that History is written based on selective 'facts'. Here are some of his.

Farting: Bodily Function or Art Form?

Farting in Public

On the subject of Farting in Public. What is the correct procedure/form.

  • Flatulence
  • Flatus
  • Flatulent
  • Farting

This natural function, performed by all living things is a rich source of fun.

Humans are the only species; so far, that have raised this bodily function, to an internationally recognized art-form.

Indeed whole careers have been created on the passing of wind. The release of gas in humans, comes in two sonic types.

Silent, or alternatively producing a loud report, of varying degrees of decibels.

Loud but unlikely to cause ear damage.

Flatus A short history of Gas

The Term Back With A Bang Is Having A Renaissance
The Term Back With A Bang Is Having A Renaissance | Source

Whoopee Cushion prank your kids!

Farting Slang

Fart synonyms and slang names for flatulence.

Back With A Bang Burp

Back End Burp

Backwards Burp

Bottom Burp

Back Bang

Back with a bang

Back Door Bank

Big Bang Is Back

Air Biscuit, the floating thereof

Squeeze cheese

Cut the mustard

Crack one off

Gas

Let rip

Break wind

Who guffed? variants include; chuffed, huffed, puffed and of course the world famous fluffed.

Parft to denote the sound of the report

Let it rattle. As in the rhyme.

'Wherever you be let your wind blow free, In church or chapel let rattle'

Blow off

Bit windy

Sometimes animals are blamed or used as a deflector, with a qualifying question.

Where's them ducks ?

Where's that frog ?

Phew! Is that the dog ?

The dogs are barking ?

Woman Farts In Pool

On A Theme

Trump

Trumpet

Trumpet Solo

Trumpet Voluntary

Trumping

Trumpington.

Farting Celebrities

Fart Fuel Source

Farting Definition

Farting performs an important function in the body, as it allows the release of trapped gases, that are created by the decomposition of food and drink in the stomach.

If it were not for this bodily function; we would be full of gas. Not a pleasant thought. Smelly farts can come about based on what we eat. The more decomposition the more gas or flatus. Onions for example.

The only other way out would be via the mouth. Now you can have bad breath but, would you want the gas that escapes from your butt coming out of your mouth? A forward burp of this nature, may not only be socially quite embarrassing, but potentially flammable flatus.

Paula lets rip on X Factor.

The smell occurs, due to a mixture of gases, including.

Methane,(flammable) Hydrogen, Hydrogen Sulphide (rotten egg fart smell) Carbon Dioxide, Nitrogen and Oxygen.

The methane can be ignited, (pyroflatulence) producing a blue flame. This should not be attempted by an untrained person. Don't try this at home.

Gas Finance

Getting Methane out of the ground is an expensive business. We produce about 2 liters of flatus gas per 24 hours, usual at night when we are relaxed, and in bed asleep. If the average family had a method of capturing this wasted fuel source. Think of the possibilities?

We could probably be self sufficient in gas, for cooking and heating. If you have a large family you could even run the family car. The oil rich countries that we rely on, would be shaking in their boots.

Alternative Urban Mining

There are easier Methane deposits that we do use, it is trapped in the old landfill sites, all over the country. There is a large landfill site to the east of London, at Beckton. It is just down the road from the new Business & Finance district of Canary Wharf, and next door to the City Airport.

You will know when you are 'passing' through because of the 'Beckton Pong'! It really stinks! This 'free' methane resource is tapped, and sold to the local power station and recycling plants.

Having trapped wind can be extremely painful.

It is not uncommon for people to arrive at the emergency room; complaining of extreme stomach pain, only for the doctor or nurse; to insert a finger and release the pent up gas. To the relief and embarrassment of the sufferer.

We are not Amused...Harry is

Prince Phillip Looks Guilty And Happy. The Royal Wedding Farty! 2011
Prince Phillip Looks Guilty And Happy. The Royal Wedding Farty! 2011 | Source

Scene of the Royal Report Buckingham Palace

A markerBuckingham Palace,London UK -
Buckingham Palace, City of Westminster, London SW1A, UK
get directions

Social Class and Gas

Social Class. The Etiquette

Farting in public, even in front of the Queen has always been acceptable, as long as 'you' do not draw attention to the release. In polite society the form, is to ignore the noxious whiff and just hope that is passes away quickly.

Some people will leave the room to fart. Or even raise their arse from their bath water. Even celebrities are taking it seriously, as a way to connect to the masses. They want to show us their human sides.

The Social Divide

Amongst certain groups of people. We no longer call them; the lower classes as this is not politically correct. The etiquette is totally different and a great source of amusement with offenders bragging; with comments like 'better out, than in' and 'Whoa! There was something behind that one'.

Great pride is taken in producing as loud a report as possible.

In fact as recent as 1945, during the golden age of variety theater, one could go and watch internationally famous performers showing their prowess with gas.

Joseph Pujol 1857 – 1945 stage name Le Pétomane

The world famous French flatulist (professional farter) performer and entertainer made a whole career from his business end. He could fart at will, and produce a wide variety of popular tunes.

This was due to a remarkable control of his stomach muscles. I hope this has been useful and amusing for you. This usually misunderstood and much maligned bodily function, farting is perfectly normal and should be celebrated.

If you enjoyed Farting Is Back With A Bang. Share it with your friends. I'm sure they will like it too Thanks.

Le Petomaine French Fartist

Anonymous Poll

Do You Like The Smell Of your Own Farts?

See results

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    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 3 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Paula (fpherj48)

      Glad it gave you the giggles.

      I really must check in more often.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      OMG....Michael!! My handsome, sweet Michael......how COULD you literally BLOW your image to me?? LOL.....I raised 4 ALL-boy..boys. I will never understand, as long as I live, why THIS is so funny, but it was as though it was a daily competition with them! Actually, it was only one of SEVERAL activities that they used .....I swear, for the sole purpose of driving me mad. Well, it didn't work. However, it is so nice now, that they belong to their wives. Good grief, what is it with guys?

      24 years ago, I was so thrilled when my first grandchild was a precious, sweet, polite little girl.....I remember thinking, what a relief!

      Well, my luck of course, SHE'S ALSO HER FATHER'S DAUGHTER!!!

      They're all very lucky I adore them. I don't mind their horrible torture of me, for the sake of their uproar of laughter. I merely wonder, "Where did I go so wrong??"........VERY funny and you disguised it so well as educational......I forgive you. UP+++

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello tillsontitan,

      So your family has a thing about farting, ha ha, thanks for sharing. PMSL.

      I do love this hub.

      Every new comment on it is always funny and gives me no end of laughs.

      Glad you found it 'edutational' :)

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      I cannot for the life of me understand how I missed this hub! Not only is it funny but oh so relevant to all of us!

      My family has a thing about farting (did I say that out loud). Never a family gathering without farting being discussed.

      Loved t his Molometer!

      Voted up, funny, and believe it or not, interesting.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Vellur,

      Just in case you missed me lol glad you found this as funny as I did writing it. It still cracks me up everytime I read it, even though I wrote it ha ha.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Nithya Venkat,

      It always gives me a giggle when I see what people write on this hub.

      Glad it gave you the splits lol.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      Your hub had me in splits of laughter, voted up.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello SilentReed,

      I totally agree with your assessment of the uses of the flatus.

      Not a whiff or scandal attaches itself to your enlightened and urbane comment.

    • SilentReed profile image

      SilentReed 4 years ago from Philippines

      You don't have to be a Joseph "Le Petomane" Pujol to raise farting to an art form. Everyone has that inner power to steal the scent...I mean scene. Farting can be use as a witty repartee to the braggadocio of an obnoxious and conceited person. :)

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Maria Cecilia,

      It is a rare hub indeed. Farting is trending on Google lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Georgie Lowery,

      I am so happy that you found this funny. It always tickles me when I think of people laughing at it. It is a gas lol

      I am sure that you are far to refined, to be farting.

      Blame those spiders lol

    • Maria Cecilia profile image

      Maria Cecilia 5 years ago from Philippines

      I think this is a rare hub LOL...

    • Georgie Lowery profile image

      Georgianna Lowery 5 years ago from Lubbock, TX

      Ah yeah. I foudn this when I was looking for the Hub about the Google thing you were talking about on one of those answer thingers.

      Seriously.

      No, I can't be serious. I'm laughing so hard I'm lucky I didn't fart. This is one of the few Hubs that's made such an impression on me that I wish I'd written it. We were just talking about barking spiders this afternoon. And no, I do not like my own farts.

      Well done!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      OMW you poor thing lol

      Maybe your husband must be suffering from altitude flatulence.

      You know what they Royals say about farting.

      'Tis better out then it'

      lol

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 5 years ago from Peru, South America

      Yeah, my husband's laughing at me too! He could have written the book on farting. : )

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Ha ha Vespawolf,

      I had no idea that 'gas problems are exacerbated when living at high altitude.'

      Thanks for sharing. Sorry I have got to go. I am in hysterical laughter.

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 5 years ago from Peru, South America

      Hilarious! It's good to be able to laugh about something that really is funny, albeit a natural body function. BTW, gas problems are exacerbated when living at high altitude.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Ha ha. I just got it Alastar, Pffft!

      Every time I re-read this hub it has me in stitches,, even though I wrote it. It is the comments that people have made that just have me screaming. lol

      Thanks for adding to this farting dictionary lol.

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

      In the humorous mood tonight my friend and this awesome laugher( is that a werd? lol) will hopefully will do the same with the share- pffft!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks Alastar,

      I'll check it out toot sweet! lol

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Just read Kelly's, Realhousewife's, hilarious and informative Dress Code hub. Perfect match for the share!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello lauragt,

      'The Gas We Pass' sounds like a great read for the bathroom lol

      Glad it gave you a laugh, thanks for leaving your contribution. lol

    • LauraGT profile image

      LauraGT 5 years ago from MA

      Love it! My kids favorite book is: The Gas We Pass. It would be nice if everyone had a more light-hearted approach to this topic! Thanks for sharing.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello Horatio,

      Traffed Hmm! another great and unique addition to the farting hall of fame.

      Thank you for the detailed description of said Traf! much appreciated.lol

      The backwards version would be interesting to observe. ha ha!

      I think I will include it in the 3rd edition of the addendum of the appendix.

      Suitable accredited of course.lol!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello babithababa,

      You say it is dirty, I do not think you are farting? that is something else lol.

    • profile image

      babithababa 5 years ago

      Though dirty subject , the science was quiet new to me .So thanks .

    • Horatio Plot profile image

      Horatio Plot 5 years ago from Bedfordshire, England.

      Haha! Great hub Michael. I still use the old schoolboy term "Traffed", traf being fart backwards. As long as you don't really fart backwards!

      Good stuff.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello Femme,

      It has given so many people such a giggle.

      I have a curious feeling, that a few more people will get to read it too! lol

      We all have fabulous farting stories to share lol

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

      Michael,

      I meant in the comment that I was thankful to be the very LAST reader on the WWW, lol!!

      Seems my eyes were tearing so much with giggles, I skipped making a typo and left out and entire word!

      :)

      femme

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello Nell,

      lol stop farting about! that cracked me up.

      Glad it tickled you too.

      Those celebs are human too it seems? lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi billybuc,

      Good to hear that you spent your time at college productively lol producing gas! and lighting it lol. Classic.

      Thanks for sharing lol

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Oh my God! this is hilarious! haha! I couldn't stop laughing, and those videos! Its one of those questions answered! do celebs fart on national tv? lol! the funny thing was I was laughing so much, then my pc got stuck and I said without thinking, Oh you stupid thing, stop farting about! hee hee! loved it!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      My friend this may be the funniest hub I have read while at Hubpages. In fact I officially declare it to be so. I do believe I need to share this with all who form my little kingdom. FYI...we used to light them in college and found that particular act hilarious! I am not ashamed of that; in fact I am rather proud of it. :) Great hub!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Lilleyth,

      Farting is definitely back with a bang! lol glad you liked it.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello Isadora,

      Glad it made you laugh.

      It tickles me pink every time I get a new comment on farting.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Femme,

      Thanks for coming over and sniffing around this hub lol.

      It has been so great hearing everyone's comments and funny stories.

      I assume that you managed to avoid shorting out your laptop lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi TENKAY,

      Lucky the office was empty lol. No pets to blame! lol

      Thanks for sharing

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Faithful Daughter,

      Silent but lingering!

      These are the ones that take everyone by surprise!

      The offender has left us something to remember them by lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      lol Hi Tammy,

      You said fart too! lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      LOL Rusticliving,

      That image is so clear in my mind now.

      Your poor monitor. Sorry, glad it made you laugh, lol

    • Lilleyth profile image

      Suzanne Sheffield 5 years ago from Mid-Atlantic

      You Brits have the most marvelous sense of humor.

    • IsadoraPandora profile image

      Jocelyn 5 years ago from Florida, PCB

      lol! Funny hub.

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

      Michael,

      Words fail to express how absolutely happy I am to be the very reader on the entire world wide web, to make it to this Hub, and the comments section. (Grin!)

      I'm equally at a loss on what exactly to say about it.

      I have a feeling, if the Royals ever see this, you'll no longer be allowed to play on the palace grounds.

      I uhmm .... wow .... I'm still reeling how you took such a subject as this, and put it together with such flair and ... and ... artful expertise?

      Pardon me, I must run for tissue. I've been choking back the laughter to the point that my eyes are streaming with tears, which are now dripping from my chin and will surely short out my laptop if I don't dry up the mess.

      femme

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks Justin,

      I like to 'pop' in here, when I need a giggle. lol

      Thanks for SHARING.

    • TENKAY profile image

      TENKAY 5 years ago from Philippines

      Oh my God, you are all so funny, the hub and the comments. It's good I am alone in the office, I just farted, caused by too much laughter.

      molometer, I love you. hahaha.

      Thanks for the laughter.

      Will share this in my redgage.com account.

    • Faithful Daughter profile image

      Evi Lopez 5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      I didn't think a hub on stinky wind could be so informative.

      I have been around loud ones and soft, barely audible, ones. It's those quiet ones that I'm afraid to be around because of the smell that follows and lingers on for a long time refusing to leave the area.

      What really amazes me is when people leave the area immediately after they let one out, as if "it" would follow them out and no one would know who done it. Duh?

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Tee hee... you said fart. After raising three sons, I am no longer prudish about these things. I love your sense of humor. LOL!

    • Rusticliving profile image

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      LOL..ok... now I will only admit this to my family... As I was reading this... I laughed so hard I spewed my tea all over the monitor, farting at the same time.. thank God the dog was here to blame! Thank you for a wonderful laugh! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to locate the air freshner and the vanilla/lavender candle. :p

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      Michael... coming back to share this

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello AEvans,

      Every time I get a comment on this page it makes me smile from ear to ear. Because I know what's coming lol.

      So happy that it gave you a great giggle. Even though I wrote it, it still tickles me when people tell their stories too. Thanks for sharing lol

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 5 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      LOLOLOLOLO! I read this out loud and laughed so hard! Could you imagine standing with the Queen when the sound off happens? lololo! Here in the U.S. I remember a person who passed wind in the Isle and then ran around the corner. OMG! She acted as if she did not do it! lolololo! That smell floated through multiple isles! lololo Thumbs Up! :)

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi iamaudraleigh,

      I said it all! lol

    • profile image

      iamaudraleigh 5 years ago

      LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      Deb Welch 5 years ago

      molometer - I heard a normal healthy adult can fart upto 14 a day. PU! Funny - enjoyed reading. Not so nice when it is a medical problem - I would rather hickup!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Born2care2001,

      Ha ha every time I get a comment on this hub it really makes me lol.

      Everyone has a story and I will add your term 'flatuetic' to the growing compendium that is all things fart related lol.

      I am honoured to be in your top 10 classic list.

      Glad you enjoyed it.

    • Born2care2001 profile image

      Rev Bruce S Noll HMN 5 years ago from Asheville NC

      Michael, Michael, Michael,

      You, my friend, are a stitch! If you had asked me a couple of days ago if the first hub I would read of yours would be of the flatuetic (please include my new word for stinky prose eloquently stated) I would have said you are nuts.

      But you know what? This was very creative, very well done and oh so interesting, not to mention quite gutsy!

      When someone says they are considering sharing it with their fourth grade class, I think you have something there!

      You've just made history and will go down on my classic top 10 List!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Ha ha Susan thanks for the rhyming couplet. Added to the list.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL what a smelly hub:) I have to share this little rhyme with you that one of sons friends used to say all the time...

      There's a skunk in the garden pee yew

      Somebody farted

      That's you.

      Enjoyed your fun hub....

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      justateacher lol you didn't lol you did ha ha. Why not?

      Do you know the rhyme

      Wherever you be

      let your wind blow free

      In church or chapel

      let it rattle

      Share that with you students lol

      Thanks for making my day.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      @AudreyHowitt Thank you for commenting.

      @Xenonlit Thank you for commenting.

      @vasantha T k Thank you for commenting and voting up too.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi cardelean,

      As one educator to another. Show your 4th graders this hub and they will love you forever.

      Enjoy. I can hear the shrieks already lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Sunnie Day your Dad sounds like a real character. Pull my finger lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Ruchira,

      Thank you for your lovely comments. A fine accolade indeed to be the funniest hub you have ever read. I am so proud of that.

      Share it with your friends and watch their faces lol it gets funnier.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi justin,

      Sounds like your Dad knew a thing or two lol Glad it gave you a chuckle.

    • vasantha  T k profile image

      vasantha T k 5 years ago from Bangalore

      Interesting and funny hub .Enjoyed it voted up.

    • justateacher profile image

      LaDena Campbell 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      My daughter's dog runs away whenever someone farts...she was in the same bed as my hubby too many times...

      Larry The Cable Guy talks about his grandma and her "walking farts - every time she takes a step she farts!" I thought this was hilarious - until it started happening to me - in a class of students from third to fifth grade....

    • Xenonlit profile image

      Xenonlit 5 years ago

      I bow to your greatness and laugh out loud! FUNNY and awesome.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      I know some who should be professional farters!! FUNNY hub!!

    • cardelean profile image

      cardelean 5 years ago from Michigan

      I seriously think that I'm going to share this hub with my fourth grade class. We have gas with a blast daily (actually several times a day) in my class. Very entertaining hub!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 5 years ago

      Oh my...well to be truthful I have never!...I mean it is the dog..my chair..or the something in the air..but NEVER ME!!!! hahaha Seems like there is a lot of hot air floating around..may need to change the diet abit..My dad was crude..old military guy...Pull my finger..fell for it every time..lol

      Funny Hub!

      Sunnie

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      Hi molometer,

      This is the funniest hub I have ever read...sure, it is a natural phenomenon amongst all living species but, humans have made a lot about it...lol

      the videos were hilarious.

      voted up as funny!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      there's nothing quite so odd and relieving as letting a big one rip and feeling the instant relief or the fear in needing to check your underbritches, just in case.)

      When I was a kid, if I let out a really good one, my dad would say "Whooeee" Something must have crawled up you and died!"

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      ROFL WD Curry 111

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 5 years ago from Space Coast

      Battalion . . . attennnntion! Phttttht!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello jacqui2011,

      I think your mother in law's bottom burps, at 86, may have another explanation, rather than a loss of a sense of smell.

      She probably feels she has earned the right. 'to let her wind blow free' I must agree lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello Cammiebar,

      That sounds hysterical, I'll have to look it up. Thanks.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi WD Curry 111,

      ROFL the annuls of history. I like the idea of cracking one of in military school.

      Stiff upper lip and all that! lol

      I learned some history too

      'Chief Joseph (Nez Pierce) had a brother, Olikut (great war chief), who cranked off a beauty during their surrender ceremonies to the US Army'

      I had no idea? lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks for the awesome GoodLady, I never had an awesome for a fart before RAOTFL.

      Your son sounds like a master of the farts and hope his girlfriend lets him share his talents with the world.

      Stick it on youtube!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello mljdgulley354,

      I can see a bright future for your grandson. It is a rare talent. That poor dog lol you did make me laugh with the walking fart lol.

    • jacqui2011 profile image

      jacqui2011 5 years ago from Leicester, United Kingdom

      Thanks for brightening up an otherwise dull Saturday afternoon. So funny. My mother in law is 86 and does many bottom burps when she gets up out of the chair. She doesn't know she is doing it half the time and I try not to laugh. I think old age must have affected her sense of smell, unfortunately mine is still intact! Voted up and very funny.

    • Cammiebar profile image

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      If you find an old copy of the Merrick Medical Dictionary and look up the word "Flatulence", you will find that the dictionary actually discusses the different types of farts--for example, the "slider". I'm serious. It's hilarious!

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 5 years ago from Space Coast

      I see this is a popular subject around here. Personally, I think the subject stinks.

      I went to military school for my secondary education. We trained the "Barking Spider". It was truly an art form and often punctuated rambling speeches by administrators. We perfected the skills required to flame up without the repercussions of a "suck back". It is no game for the uninitiated to play.

      Chief Joseph (Nez Pierce) had a brother, Olikut (great war chief), who cranked off a beauty during their surrender ceremonies to the US Army. Actually, he cranked off several good ones at appropriate times during the speech of the victorious general. He saved the coup de grass for the summation. It was such a beauty, that it is still heard today in the annuls of history.

    • GoodLady profile image

      Penelope Hart 5 years ago from Rome, Italy

      My eldest son had elaborate farting performances down to a tee (?) and we could never persuade him that they wouldn't get him anywhere in life!

      Yet his grand enthusiasms for things like that propelled him into great success. ("Social skills are one of the 7 recognized skills" his headmaster assured us.)

      His girlfriend has somehow put a stop to them, well to the fun performances of them. You can understand why.

      Great Hub. There's nothing like a farting story to get you rolling.

      Gets an 'awesome'!

    • mljdgulley354 profile image

      mljdgulley354 5 years ago

      molometer this was to funny. I have a grandson that is able to fart at will. He makes fun of grandma when she has the "walking farts". It is embarrassing though when you are in a study group, get up to walk to the blackboard and one of those silent and long ones slip out. I was glad there was a dog in the room and its owner really thought he was the guilty culprit. I didn't have to own up to that one.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi alocsin,

      Everytime I want to have a giggle, I read this hub. It made me laugh when I wrote it. It just gets funnier the more comments it gets.lol

      Glad you liked it and for SHARING.

    • alocsin profile image

      alocsin 5 years ago from Orange County, CA

      What a fun hub about a common past-time. The list of synonyms is especially interesting. Voting this Up and Funny. Thanks for SHARING.

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Brett,

      Elegant for sure. All the best solutions are simply and elegant.

      It is a great way to find like minded people.

      I had been following some and intend to follow some more.

      My views have increased by at least 20% and I haven't really been that active. Maybe sharing 5 to 10 peoples hubs a day, that's all. Have you a figure in mind?

      I still only share hubs I like, just more often. makes perfect sense to me.

      We never know when people are online. It could be argued that we should be sharing continuously. Who knows how many sets of eyeballs we miss daily?

      Well done and thanks for SHARING

    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett Caulton 5 years ago from Thailand

      Hey Molometer,

      'Elegant Solution' eh, why thank you! lol.

      I just removed EVERYTHING that could be considered 'personal promotion' - I think it was mainly because I asked people to comment to create the 'club'.

      Anyway, I'm glad that the SHARING culture can continue, as it helps so many get more readers!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Brett,

      I read about the hoopla today on your hub.

      Do You Like to Share? Let's Help Everyone Get More Readers!

      It is such an elegant solution and I wondered why the hub lords would get involved. Its just sharing in a more proactive way.

      What's the harm? Some people are just 'full of gas' to get back on topic lol

      Thanks for SHARING and thinking it up.

    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett Caulton 5 years ago from Thailand

      This made me laugh so much the first time that I just wanted to come back and SHARE it with my followers.

      P.S. The SHARING CLUB is now back online under "Do You Like to Share? Let's Help Everyone Get More Readers!". It had to be re-written from a social aspect, but still includes all original and new comments.

    • soulunique profile image

      soulunique 5 years ago from Peterborough

      Yes you're right with the sweating thing. Us ladies "glow" when slightly over heated! Lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hello Soulunique,

      Glad you liked it. It is becoming a compendium of everything Flatus lol

      I will have to add 'bottie cough' and 'thunder clap' to the ever growing farting list lol

      Or sweat either ha ha

    • soulunique profile image

      soulunique 5 years ago from Peterborough

      I loved this hub. Made me chuckle. Two of my favourite terms for a trump is "bottie cough" and "thunder clap" haha.

      Amusing read Molometer. Your hubs are great!! You forgot to mention that Ladies do not have this bodily function!! Haha

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      I bet everyone is glad to see the back of Christmas, with all that extra gas from the Brussels sprouts. Farting can return to normal levels lol.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi seeker7,

      every time I read a new comment on this farting hub about some new insight into farts around the world I fall about laughing. It's back with a bang alright and the dog looking to see where it came from had me in stitches.

      The vision of you holding it in at the bus stop is priceless PMSL.

      Fart you know it makes sense lol

    • Seeker7 profile image

      Helen Murphy Howell 5 years ago from Fife, Scotland

      LMAO!!!!! This was brilliant!! There is nothing worse than standing in line waiting for a bus and you just know a 'ripper' is on the way out! I hold my arse so tight and pray 'stay in, stay in, at least until the bus reves up or something!' I've held my arse in so tight that I had muscle stiffness the next morning in both cheeks!

      I was also reading a hub about the benefits of having pets with another hubber and having a laugh about the things they do. Dogs are not too sure about what a 'fart' is. When it rips out of them, they always look at their bottom so see what it was. One of mine, when he was a pup, use to chase his bum in circles trying to find out where the noise came from!! We love our dogs to bits, but I'm afraid if anyone does let rip, then we tend to blame them!!LOL!!

      Brilliant hub + voted up awesome + funny!!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Farting Is Back With A Bang. The Royals And Even Politicians Do It

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      I was just re-reading the comments on this hub and laughing my head off on my own in my lounge and noticed that I had completely missed quite a few gems of comments out. Ready for a giggle?

      This shout goes out to JSMatthews childs comment about his silent but deadly farts.

      Are you ready... ASS GHOST!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi htodd,

      Glad you liked it. We all need a good giggle now and then.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Paul Kuehn,

      pyroflatulence is a very 'pop'ular pastime in college. Maybe we should start a league lol