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Farting: Wherever you may go wherever you may be, let your wind blow free

Updated on January 16, 2017
molometer profile image

Michael has been teaching for many years and concluded that History is written based on selective 'facts'. Here are some of his.

Farting: Bodily Function or Art Form?

Farting in Public

On the subject of Farting in Public. What is the correct procedure/form.

  • Flatulence
  • Flatus
  • Flatulent
  • Farting

This natural function, performed by all living things is a rich source of fun.

Humans are the only species; so far, that have raised this bodily function, to an internationally recognized art-form.

Indeed whole careers have been created on the passing of wind. The release of gas in humans, comes in two sonic types.

Silent, or alternatively producing a loud report, of varying degrees of decibels.

Loud but unlikely to cause ear damage.

Flatus A short history of Gas

The Term Back With A Bang Is Having A Renaissance
The Term Back With A Bang Is Having A Renaissance | Source

Whoopee Cushion prank your kids!

Farting Slang

Fart synonyms and slang names for flatulence.

Back With A Bang Burp

Back End Burp

Backwards Burp

Bottom Burp

Back Bang

Back with a bang

Back Door Bank

Big Bang Is Back

Air Biscuit, the floating thereof

Squeeze cheese

Cut the mustard

Crack one off

Gas

Let rip

Break wind

Who guffed? variants include; chuffed, huffed, puffed and of course the world famous fluffed.

Parft to denote the sound of the report

Let it rattle. As in the rhyme.

'Wherever you be let your wind blow free, In church or chapel let rattle'

Blow off

Bit windy

Sometimes animals are blamed or used as a deflector, with a qualifying question.

Where's them ducks ?

Where's that frog ?

Phew! Is that the dog ?

The dogs are barking ?

Woman Farts In Pool

On A Theme

Trump

Trumpet

Trumpet Solo

Trumpet Voluntary

Trumping

Trumpington.

Farting Celebrities

Fart Fuel Source

Farting Definition

Farting performs an important function in the body, as it allows the release of trapped gases, that are created by the decomposition of food and drink in the stomach.

If it were not for this bodily function; we would be full of gas. Not a pleasant thought. Smelly farts can come about based on what we eat. The more decomposition the more gas or flatus. Onions for example.

The only other way out would be via the mouth. Now you can have bad breath but, would you want the gas that escapes from your butt coming out of your mouth? A forward burp of this nature, may not only be socially quite embarrassing, but potentially flammable flatus.

Paula lets rip on X Factor.

The smell occurs, due to a mixture of gases, including.

Methane,(flammable) Hydrogen, Hydrogen Sulphide (rotten egg fart smell) Carbon Dioxide, Nitrogen and Oxygen.

The methane can be ignited, (pyroflatulence) producing a blue flame. This should not be attempted by an untrained person. Don't try this at home.

Gas Finance

Getting Methane out of the ground is an expensive business. We produce about 2 liters of flatus gas per 24 hours, usual at night when we are relaxed, and in bed asleep. If the average family had a method of capturing this wasted fuel source. Think of the possibilities?

We could probably be self sufficient in gas, for cooking and heating. If you have a large family you could even run the family car. The oil rich countries that we rely on, would be shaking in their boots.

Alternative Urban Mining

There are easier Methane deposits that we do use, it is trapped in the old landfill sites, all over the country. There is a large landfill site to the east of London, at Beckton. It is just down the road from the new Business & Finance district of Canary Wharf, and next door to the City Airport.

You will know when you are 'passing' through because of the 'Beckton Pong'! It really stinks! This 'free' methane resource is tapped, and sold to the local power station and recycling plants.

Having trapped wind can be extremely painful.

It is not uncommon for people to arrive at the emergency room; complaining of extreme stomach pain, only for the doctor or nurse; to insert a finger and release the pent up gas. To the relief and embarrassment of the sufferer.

We are not Amused...Harry is

Prince Phillip Looks Guilty And Happy. The Royal Wedding Farty! 2011
Prince Phillip Looks Guilty And Happy. The Royal Wedding Farty! 2011 | Source

Scene of the Royal Report Buckingham Palace

A markerBuckingham Palace,London UK -
Buckingham Palace, City of Westminster, London SW1A, UK
get directions

Social Class and Gas

Social Class. The Etiquette

Farting in public, even in front of the Queen has always been acceptable, as long as 'you' do not draw attention to the release. In polite society the form, is to ignore the noxious whiff and just hope that is passes away quickly.

Some people will leave the room to fart. Or even raise their arse from their bath water. Even celebrities are taking it seriously, as a way to connect to the masses. They want to show us their human sides.

The Social Divide

Amongst certain groups of people. We no longer call them; the lower classes as this is not politically correct. The etiquette is totally different and a great source of amusement with offenders bragging; with comments like 'better out, than in' and 'Whoa! There was something behind that one'.

Great pride is taken in producing as loud a report as possible.

In fact as recent as 1945, during the golden age of variety theater, one could go and watch internationally famous performers showing their prowess with gas.

Joseph Pujol 1857 – 1945 stage name Le Pétomane

The world famous French flatulist (professional farter) performer and entertainer made a whole career from his business end. He could fart at will, and produce a wide variety of popular tunes.

This was due to a remarkable control of his stomach muscles. I hope this has been useful and amusing for you. This usually misunderstood and much maligned bodily function, farting is perfectly normal and should be celebrated.

If you enjoyed Farting Is Back With A Bang. Share it with your friends. I'm sure they will like it too Thanks.

Le Petomaine French Fartist

Anonymous Poll

Do You Like The Smell Of your Own Farts?

See results

Comments

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    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 3 years ago

      Hi Paula (fpherj48)

      Glad it gave you the giggles.

      I really must check in more often.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      OMG....Michael!! My handsome, sweet Michael......how COULD you literally BLOW your image to me?? LOL.....I raised 4 ALL-boy..boys. I will never understand, as long as I live, why THIS is so funny, but it was as though it was a daily competition with them! Actually, it was only one of SEVERAL activities that they used .....I swear, for the sole purpose of driving me mad. Well, it didn't work. However, it is so nice now, that they belong to their wives. Good grief, what is it with guys?

      24 years ago, I was so thrilled when my first grandchild was a precious, sweet, polite little girl.....I remember thinking, what a relief!

      Well, my luck of course, SHE'S ALSO HER FATHER'S DAUGHTER!!!

      They're all very lucky I adore them. I don't mind their horrible torture of me, for the sake of their uproar of laughter. I merely wonder, "Where did I go so wrong??"........VERY funny and you disguised it so well as educational......I forgive you. UP+++

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago

      Hello tillsontitan,

      So your family has a thing about farting, ha ha, thanks for sharing. PMSL.

      I do love this hub.

      Every new comment on it is always funny and gives me no end of laughs.

      Glad you found it 'edutational' :)

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      I cannot for the life of me understand how I missed this hub! Not only is it funny but oh so relevant to all of us!

      My family has a thing about farting (did I say that out loud). Never a family gathering without farting being discussed.

      Loved t his Molometer!

      Voted up, funny, and believe it or not, interesting.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago

      Hi Vellur,

      Just in case you missed me lol glad you found this as funny as I did writing it. It still cracks me up everytime I read it, even though I wrote it ha ha.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago

      Hi Nithya Venkat,

      It always gives me a giggle when I see what people write on this hub.

      Glad it gave you the splits lol.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      Your hub had me in splits of laughter, voted up.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago

      Hello SilentReed,

      I totally agree with your assessment of the uses of the flatus.

      Not a whiff or scandal attaches itself to your enlightened and urbane comment.

    • SilentReed profile image

      SilentReed 4 years ago from Philippines

      You don't have to be a Joseph "Le Petomane" Pujol to raise farting to an art form. Everyone has that inner power to steal the scent...I mean scene. Farting can be use as a witty repartee to the braggadocio of an obnoxious and conceited person. :)

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago

      Hi Maria Cecilia,

      It is a rare hub indeed. Farting is trending on Google lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago

      Hi Georgie Lowery,

      I am so happy that you found this funny. It always tickles me when I think of people laughing at it. It is a gas lol

      I am sure that you are far to refined, to be farting.

      Blame those spiders lol

    • Maria Cecilia profile image

      Maria Cecilia 4 years ago from Philippines

      I think this is a rare hub LOL...

    • Georgie Lowery profile image

      Georgianna Lowery 4 years ago from Lubbock, TX

      Ah yeah. I foudn this when I was looking for the Hub about the Google thing you were talking about on one of those answer thingers.

      Seriously.

      No, I can't be serious. I'm laughing so hard I'm lucky I didn't fart. This is one of the few Hubs that's made such an impression on me that I wish I'd written it. We were just talking about barking spiders this afternoon. And no, I do not like my own farts.

      Well done!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago

      OMW you poor thing lol

      Maybe your husband must be suffering from altitude flatulence.

      You know what they Royals say about farting.

      'Tis better out then it'

      lol

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      Yeah, my husband's laughing at me too! He could have written the book on farting. : )

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 4 years ago

      Ha ha Vespawolf,

      I had no idea that 'gas problems are exacerbated when living at high altitude.'

      Thanks for sharing. Sorry I have got to go. I am in hysterical laughter.

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      Hilarious! It's good to be able to laugh about something that really is funny, albeit a natural body function. BTW, gas problems are exacerbated when living at high altitude.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Ha ha. I just got it Alastar, Pffft!

      Every time I re-read this hub it has me in stitches,, even though I wrote it. It is the comments that people have made that just have me screaming. lol

      Thanks for adding to this farting dictionary lol.

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

      In the humorous mood tonight my friend and this awesome laugher( is that a werd? lol) will hopefully will do the same with the share- pffft!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Thanks Alastar,

      I'll check it out toot sweet! lol

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Just read Kelly's, Realhousewife's, hilarious and informative Dress Code hub. Perfect match for the share!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello lauragt,

      'The Gas We Pass' sounds like a great read for the bathroom lol

      Glad it gave you a laugh, thanks for leaving your contribution. lol

    • LauraGT profile image

      LauraGT 5 years ago from MA

      Love it! My kids favorite book is: The Gas We Pass. It would be nice if everyone had a more light-hearted approach to this topic! Thanks for sharing.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Horatio,

      Traffed Hmm! another great and unique addition to the farting hall of fame.

      Thank you for the detailed description of said Traf! much appreciated.lol

      The backwards version would be interesting to observe. ha ha!

      I think I will include it in the 3rd edition of the addendum of the appendix.

      Suitable accredited of course.lol!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello babithababa,

      You say it is dirty, I do not think you are farting? that is something else lol.

    • profile image

      babithababa 5 years ago

      Though dirty subject , the science was quiet new to me .So thanks .

    • Horatio Plot profile image

      Horatio Plot 5 years ago from Bedfordshire, England.

      Haha! Great hub Michael. I still use the old schoolboy term "Traffed", traf being fart backwards. As long as you don't really fart backwards!

      Good stuff.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Femme,

      It has given so many people such a giggle.

      I have a curious feeling, that a few more people will get to read it too! lol

      We all have fabulous farting stories to share lol

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

      Michael,

      I meant in the comment that I was thankful to be the very LAST reader on the WWW, lol!!

      Seems my eyes were tearing so much with giggles, I skipped making a typo and left out and entire word!

      :)

      femme

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Nell,

      lol stop farting about! that cracked me up.

      Glad it tickled you too.

      Those celebs are human too it seems? lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi billybuc,

      Good to hear that you spent your time at college productively lol producing gas! and lighting it lol. Classic.

      Thanks for sharing lol

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Oh my God! this is hilarious! haha! I couldn't stop laughing, and those videos! Its one of those questions answered! do celebs fart on national tv? lol! the funny thing was I was laughing so much, then my pc got stuck and I said without thinking, Oh you stupid thing, stop farting about! hee hee! loved it!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      My friend this may be the funniest hub I have read while at Hubpages. In fact I officially declare it to be so. I do believe I need to share this with all who form my little kingdom. FYI...we used to light them in college and found that particular act hilarious! I am not ashamed of that; in fact I am rather proud of it. :) Great hub!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Lilleyth,

      Farting is definitely back with a bang! lol glad you liked it.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Isadora,

      Glad it made you laugh.

      It tickles me pink every time I get a new comment on farting.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Femme,

      Thanks for coming over and sniffing around this hub lol.

      It has been so great hearing everyone's comments and funny stories.

      I assume that you managed to avoid shorting out your laptop lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi TENKAY,

      Lucky the office was empty lol. No pets to blame! lol

      Thanks for sharing

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Faithful Daughter,

      Silent but lingering!

      These are the ones that take everyone by surprise!

      The offender has left us something to remember them by lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      lol Hi Tammy,

      You said fart too! lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      LOL Rusticliving,

      That image is so clear in my mind now.

      Your poor monitor. Sorry, glad it made you laugh, lol

    • Lilleyth profile image

      Suzanne Sheffield 5 years ago from Mid-Atlantic

      You Brits have the most marvelous sense of humor.

    • IsadoraPandora profile image

      Jocelyn 5 years ago from Florida, PCB

      lol! Funny hub.

    • profile image

      femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

      Michael,

      Words fail to express how absolutely happy I am to be the very reader on the entire world wide web, to make it to this Hub, and the comments section. (Grin!)

      I'm equally at a loss on what exactly to say about it.

      I have a feeling, if the Royals ever see this, you'll no longer be allowed to play on the palace grounds.

      I uhmm .... wow .... I'm still reeling how you took such a subject as this, and put it together with such flair and ... and ... artful expertise?

      Pardon me, I must run for tissue. I've been choking back the laughter to the point that my eyes are streaming with tears, which are now dripping from my chin and will surely short out my laptop if I don't dry up the mess.

      femme

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Thanks Justin,

      I like to 'pop' in here, when I need a giggle. lol

      Thanks for SHARING.

    • TENKAY profile image

      TENKAY 5 years ago from Philippines

      Oh my God, you are all so funny, the hub and the comments. It's good I am alone in the office, I just farted, caused by too much laughter.

      molometer, I love you. hahaha.

      Thanks for the laughter.

      Will share this in my redgage.com account.

    • Faithful Daughter profile image

      Evi Lopez 5 years ago from Sunny Florida

      I didn't think a hub on stinky wind could be so informative.

      I have been around loud ones and soft, barely audible, ones. It's those quiet ones that I'm afraid to be around because of the smell that follows and lingers on for a long time refusing to leave the area.

      What really amazes me is when people leave the area immediately after they let one out, as if "it" would follow them out and no one would know who done it. Duh?

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Tee hee... you said fart. After raising three sons, I am no longer prudish about these things. I love your sense of humor. LOL!

    • Rusticliving profile image

      Elizabeth Rayen 5 years ago from California

      LOL..ok... now I will only admit this to my family... As I was reading this... I laughed so hard I spewed my tea all over the monitor, farting at the same time.. thank God the dog was here to blame! Thank you for a wonderful laugh! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to locate the air freshner and the vanilla/lavender candle. :p

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      Michael... coming back to share this

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello AEvans,

      Every time I get a comment on this page it makes me smile from ear to ear. Because I know what's coming lol.

      So happy that it gave you a great giggle. Even though I wrote it, it still tickles me when people tell their stories too. Thanks for sharing lol

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 5 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      LOLOLOLOLO! I read this out loud and laughed so hard! Could you imagine standing with the Queen when the sound off happens? lololo! Here in the U.S. I remember a person who passed wind in the Isle and then ran around the corner. OMG! She acted as if she did not do it! lolololo! That smell floated through multiple isles! lololo Thumbs Up! :)

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi iamaudraleigh,

      I said it all! lol

    • profile image

      iamaudraleigh 5 years ago

      LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      Deb Welch 5 years ago

      molometer - I heard a normal healthy adult can fart upto 14 a day. PU! Funny - enjoyed reading. Not so nice when it is a medical problem - I would rather hickup!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Born2care2001,

      Ha ha every time I get a comment on this hub it really makes me lol.

      Everyone has a story and I will add your term 'flatuetic' to the growing compendium that is all things fart related lol.

      I am honoured to be in your top 10 classic list.

      Glad you enjoyed it.

    • Born2care2001 profile image

      Rev Bruce S Noll HMN 5 years ago from Asheville NC

      Michael, Michael, Michael,

      You, my friend, are a stitch! If you had asked me a couple of days ago if the first hub I would read of yours would be of the flatuetic (please include my new word for stinky prose eloquently stated) I would have said you are nuts.

      But you know what? This was very creative, very well done and oh so interesting, not to mention quite gutsy!

      When someone says they are considering sharing it with their fourth grade class, I think you have something there!

      You've just made history and will go down on my classic top 10 List!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Ha ha Susan thanks for the rhyming couplet. Added to the list.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL what a smelly hub:) I have to share this little rhyme with you that one of sons friends used to say all the time...

      There's a skunk in the garden pee yew

      Somebody farted

      That's you.

      Enjoyed your fun hub....

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      justateacher lol you didn't lol you did ha ha. Why not?

      Do you know the rhyme

      Wherever you be

      let your wind blow free

      In church or chapel

      let it rattle

      Share that with you students lol

      Thanks for making my day.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      @AudreyHowitt Thank you for commenting.

      @Xenonlit Thank you for commenting.

      @vasantha T k Thank you for commenting and voting up too.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi cardelean,

      As one educator to another. Show your 4th graders this hub and they will love you forever.

      Enjoy. I can hear the shrieks already lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Sunnie Day your Dad sounds like a real character. Pull my finger lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Ruchira,

      Thank you for your lovely comments. A fine accolade indeed to be the funniest hub you have ever read. I am so proud of that.

      Share it with your friends and watch their faces lol it gets funnier.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi justin,

      Sounds like your Dad knew a thing or two lol Glad it gave you a chuckle.

    • vasantha  T k profile image

      vasantha T k 5 years ago from Bangalore

      Interesting and funny hub .Enjoyed it voted up.

    • justateacher profile image

      LaDena Campbell 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      My daughter's dog runs away whenever someone farts...she was in the same bed as my hubby too many times...

      Larry The Cable Guy talks about his grandma and her "walking farts - every time she takes a step she farts!" I thought this was hilarious - until it started happening to me - in a class of students from third to fifth grade....

    • Xenonlit profile image

      Xenonlit 5 years ago

      I bow to your greatness and laugh out loud! FUNNY and awesome.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      I know some who should be professional farters!! FUNNY hub!!

    • cardelean profile image

      cardelean 5 years ago from Michigan

      I seriously think that I'm going to share this hub with my fourth grade class. We have gas with a blast daily (actually several times a day) in my class. Very entertaining hub!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 5 years ago

      Oh my...well to be truthful I have never!...I mean it is the dog..my chair..or the something in the air..but NEVER ME!!!! hahaha Seems like there is a lot of hot air floating around..may need to change the diet abit..My dad was crude..old military guy...Pull my finger..fell for it every time..lol

      Funny Hub!

      Sunnie

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      Hi molometer,

      This is the funniest hub I have ever read...sure, it is a natural phenomenon amongst all living species but, humans have made a lot about it...lol

      the videos were hilarious.

      voted up as funny!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      there's nothing quite so odd and relieving as letting a big one rip and feeling the instant relief or the fear in needing to check your underbritches, just in case.)

      When I was a kid, if I let out a really good one, my dad would say "Whooeee" Something must have crawled up you and died!"

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      ROFL WD Curry 111

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 5 years ago from Space Coast

      Battalion . . . attennnntion! Phttttht!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello jacqui2011,

      I think your mother in law's bottom burps, at 86, may have another explanation, rather than a loss of a sense of smell.

      She probably feels she has earned the right. 'to let her wind blow free' I must agree lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Cammiebar,

      That sounds hysterical, I'll have to look it up. Thanks.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi WD Curry 111,

      ROFL the annuls of history. I like the idea of cracking one of in military school.

      Stiff upper lip and all that! lol

      I learned some history too

      'Chief Joseph (Nez Pierce) had a brother, Olikut (great war chief), who cranked off a beauty during their surrender ceremonies to the US Army'

      I had no idea? lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Thanks for the awesome GoodLady, I never had an awesome for a fart before RAOTFL.

      Your son sounds like a master of the farts and hope his girlfriend lets him share his talents with the world.

      Stick it on youtube!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello mljdgulley354,

      I can see a bright future for your grandson. It is a rare talent. That poor dog lol you did make me laugh with the walking fart lol.

    • jacqui2011 profile image

      jacqui2011 5 years ago from Leicester, United Kingdom

      Thanks for brightening up an otherwise dull Saturday afternoon. So funny. My mother in law is 86 and does many bottom burps when she gets up out of the chair. She doesn't know she is doing it half the time and I try not to laugh. I think old age must have affected her sense of smell, unfortunately mine is still intact! Voted up and very funny.

    • Cammiebar profile image

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      If you find an old copy of the Merrick Medical Dictionary and look up the word "Flatulence", you will find that the dictionary actually discusses the different types of farts--for example, the "slider". I'm serious. It's hilarious!

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 5 years ago from Space Coast

      I see this is a popular subject around here. Personally, I think the subject stinks.

      I went to military school for my secondary education. We trained the "Barking Spider". It was truly an art form and often punctuated rambling speeches by administrators. We perfected the skills required to flame up without the repercussions of a "suck back". It is no game for the uninitiated to play.

      Chief Joseph (Nez Pierce) had a brother, Olikut (great war chief), who cranked off a beauty during their surrender ceremonies to the US Army. Actually, he cranked off several good ones at appropriate times during the speech of the victorious general. He saved the coup de grass for the summation. It was such a beauty, that it is still heard today in the annuls of history.

    • GoodLady profile image

      Penelope Hart 5 years ago from Rome, Italy

      My eldest son had elaborate farting performances down to a tee (?) and we could never persuade him that they wouldn't get him anywhere in life!

      Yet his grand enthusiasms for things like that propelled him into great success. ("Social skills are one of the 7 recognized skills" his headmaster assured us.)

      His girlfriend has somehow put a stop to them, well to the fun performances of them. You can understand why.

      Great Hub. There's nothing like a farting story to get you rolling.

      Gets an 'awesome'!

    • mljdgulley354 profile image

      mljdgulley354 5 years ago

      molometer this was to funny. I have a grandson that is able to fart at will. He makes fun of grandma when she has the "walking farts". It is embarrassing though when you are in a study group, get up to walk to the blackboard and one of those silent and long ones slip out. I was glad there was a dog in the room and its owner really thought he was the guilty culprit. I didn't have to own up to that one.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi alocsin,

      Everytime I want to have a giggle, I read this hub. It made me laugh when I wrote it. It just gets funnier the more comments it gets.lol

      Glad you liked it and for SHARING.

    • alocsin profile image

      alocsin 5 years ago from Orange County, CA

      What a fun hub about a common past-time. The list of synonyms is especially interesting. Voting this Up and Funny. Thanks for SHARING.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Brett,

      Elegant for sure. All the best solutions are simply and elegant.

      It is a great way to find like minded people.

      I had been following some and intend to follow some more.

      My views have increased by at least 20% and I haven't really been that active. Maybe sharing 5 to 10 peoples hubs a day, that's all. Have you a figure in mind?

      I still only share hubs I like, just more often. makes perfect sense to me.

      We never know when people are online. It could be argued that we should be sharing continuously. Who knows how many sets of eyeballs we miss daily?

      Well done and thanks for SHARING

    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett Caulton 5 years ago from Thailand

      Hey Molometer,

      'Elegant Solution' eh, why thank you! lol.

      I just removed EVERYTHING that could be considered 'personal promotion' - I think it was mainly because I asked people to comment to create the 'club'.

      Anyway, I'm glad that the SHARING culture can continue, as it helps so many get more readers!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Brett,

      I read about the hoopla today on your hub.

      Do You Like to Share? Let's Help Everyone Get More Readers!

      It is such an elegant solution and I wondered why the hub lords would get involved. Its just sharing in a more proactive way.

      What's the harm? Some people are just 'full of gas' to get back on topic lol

      Thanks for SHARING and thinking it up.

    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett Caulton 5 years ago from Thailand

      This made me laugh so much the first time that I just wanted to come back and SHARE it with my followers.

      P.S. The SHARING CLUB is now back online under "Do You Like to Share? Let's Help Everyone Get More Readers!". It had to be re-written from a social aspect, but still includes all original and new comments.

    • soulunique profile image

      soulunique 5 years ago from Peterborough

      Yes you're right with the sweating thing. Us ladies "glow" when slightly over heated! Lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Soulunique,

      Glad you liked it. It is becoming a compendium of everything Flatus lol

      I will have to add 'bottie cough' and 'thunder clap' to the ever growing farting list lol

      Or sweat either ha ha

    • soulunique profile image

      soulunique 5 years ago from Peterborough

      I loved this hub. Made me chuckle. Two of my favourite terms for a trump is "bottie cough" and "thunder clap" haha.

      Amusing read Molometer. Your hubs are great!! You forgot to mention that Ladies do not have this bodily function!! Haha

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago

      I bet everyone is glad to see the back of Christmas, with all that extra gas from the Brussels sprouts. Farting can return to normal levels lol.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi seeker7,

      every time I read a new comment on this farting hub about some new insight into farts around the world I fall about laughing. It's back with a bang alright and the dog looking to see where it came from had me in stitches.

      The vision of you holding it in at the bus stop is priceless PMSL.

      Fart you know it makes sense lol

    • Seeker7 profile image

      Helen Murphy Howell 5 years ago from Fife, Scotland

      LMAO!!!!! This was brilliant!! There is nothing worse than standing in line waiting for a bus and you just know a 'ripper' is on the way out! I hold my arse so tight and pray 'stay in, stay in, at least until the bus reves up or something!' I've held my arse in so tight that I had muscle stiffness the next morning in both cheeks!

      I was also reading a hub about the benefits of having pets with another hubber and having a laugh about the things they do. Dogs are not too sure about what a 'fart' is. When it rips out of them, they always look at their bottom so see what it was. One of mine, when he was a pup, use to chase his bum in circles trying to find out where the noise came from!! We love our dogs to bits, but I'm afraid if anyone does let rip, then we tend to blame them!!LOL!!

      Brilliant hub + voted up awesome + funny!!

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago

      Farting Is Back With A Bang. The Royals And Even Politicians Do It

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      I was just re-reading the comments on this hub and laughing my head off on my own in my lounge and noticed that I had completely missed quite a few gems of comments out. Ready for a giggle?

      This shout goes out to JSMatthews childs comment about his silent but deadly farts.

      Are you ready... ASS GHOST!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi htodd,

      Glad you liked it. We all need a good giggle now and then.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Paul Kuehn,

      pyroflatulence is a very 'pop'ular pastime in college. Maybe we should start a league lol

    • htodd profile image

      htodd 5 years ago from United States

      Great post...Thanks a lot

    • Paul Kuehn profile image

      Paul Richard Kuehn 5 years ago from Udorn City, Thailand

      This is a really great hilarious hub. I don't mind people who fart as long as they don't do it in a car with the windows shut. When I was in college, I remember my dormitory mates lighting farts.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Pwalker,

      I too cannot believe that she would do such a thing? but hey she is human too. lol I love Paula and I think she would get a blast out of this. Don't ya think? lol

    • profile image

      PWalker281 5 years ago

      Did Paula Abdul actually have the nerve to get up off her seat and let one rip!?! And act as if nothing happened? I wonder what her table mates were thinking. Enjoyed reading this one, rated up, (very) funny, and interesting, too!

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago

      I hadn't noticed Alydar until you mentioned it.

      I literally burst out laughing at the adds placed alongside this.

      The advert machine must have had an embolism trying to work out what adds to put beside this hub lol

      Well spotted. ha ha

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Jami, well you know that when we laugh we sometimes get a report from the other end too. lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      How did you contain yourself in public lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello everyone,

      I am overwhelmed by your flatulent outbursts and feel humbled by your honesty.

      I feel like Oprah on Hiatus or is that flatus lol

      Glad you all enjoyed a good guffaw from what ever end it came from.

      Keep up the good work and our wind will lift us all up.

      I see from my anal-ytic's that her majesty has read this too. lol That Prince Phillip is such a card, don't you think?

    • profile image

      lavender3957 5 years ago

      I fart when I get nervous and don't care where I am to let it rip. It is a natural thing. so be it. Thanks for sharing.

    • profile image

      jami l. pereira 5 years ago

      you smell that?!? HAHAHA! it wasnt me !? it was the dog !! lmbo!! I loved this so much i voted it up all the way across the board and beautiful , hahahaha! :) thanks for the ... laugh ! haha! you thought i was gonna say fart huh?! lol:) have a great night!:)

    • iviskei profile image

      Kyou Capps 5 years ago from In your computer, stealing your internet.

      Love this hub! It seriously made me smile. I love fart humor like this, so the videos were an added win. xD

    • Alydar profile image

      Alydar 5 years ago from Beaufort, SC

      Omg! I love it! I read on Yahoo a couple of months ago a state here in the USA(cant remember which one) was actually petitioning to fine people for farting in public!(Dunno where they plan to go with that..what evidence is there to proove one guilty..fresh skidmarks in your underdinks upon arrest?!)

      btw, got another laugh watching what ads google posted with your article:D

    • J.S.Matthew profile image

      JS Matthew 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      I read this on my phone (Android) via Twitter. I am glad I found it again on my HubFeed so that I can comment! I have to admit, I pass gas. Sorry! Sometimes it pisses off my people (sorry for the language). I was trying to think of a new phrase for passing gas, and my kids agreed that "Ass Ghost" was appropriate for the "Silent But Deadly" (SBD) ones. I thought it was funny. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this and I am still trying to think of different phrases to embrace the art of gaseous expulsion, due to Respiration, resulting in Flatulence. I appreciate how you brought out the truth that everyone farts, even the Royals. Amen to stomach stability.

      JSMatthew~

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 5 years ago

      Thanks for the laugh. It was greatly appreciated. If only we humans could realize that in the end we are really very much alike.

    • xethonxq profile image

      xethonxq 5 years ago

      omg...I totally had to come back to this hub and get a good laugh again. I'm sitting here on the couch watching the little video clips and literally laughing out loud. My family thinks I'm nuts...but I love it!!! (how sophomoric...lol) :)

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Primpo, I couldn't have put it better myself lol.

    • primpo profile image

      Primpo 5 years ago from Brooklyn, New York

      thats too funny when you put it in that perspective.. lol great hub

    • stayabovewater profile image

      stayabovewater 5 years ago

      This reminds me of the older couple in bed having a farting competition they were both doing very well but one of them let loose and called a half time to propose a switch of sides. I'm guessing marriage really is about sharing.

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi waynet,

      I am sure it does in some countries lol

    • profile image

      waynet 5 years ago

      Lol I'm sure crack one off means something else lol!

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Amber,

      Always blame the dog, that's a rule written down somewhere lol.

      I'm happy I made you smile:)

    • Amber Allen profile image

      Amber Allen 5 years ago

      Hi Micheal

      This hub made me smile and think about the Dudley Moore film 10 - when Grandma farts and the dog yelps and runs away because he always gets the blame!!

      Amber:)

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi thoughtforce,

      I wanted to give everyone a giggle before thanksgiving and the Xmas madness, and as many of my hubs tend to be rather serious I thought I'd do something light and fluffy lol

      I think I may do more like this, it was fun.

      Thanks Tina

    • thougtforce profile image

      Christina Lornemark 5 years ago from Sweden

      What a fun hub! It is a bit odd though that something that is a normal body function should be so embarrassing. But it is, and everything that is embarrassing are also very funny! Great and unusual hub, voted up, funny

      Tina

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Rachelle, I think you will find we have documentary (pictures) evidence of the Royal Guffaws lol

      But you know sometimes even if you have a picture of someone farting they will deny it. ha ha

    • Rachelle Williams profile image

      Rachelle Williams 5 years ago from Tempe, AZ

      What say ye? You know that Royals do not fart.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      ROFL I thought you were going to say

      'and guess what I married that cutie' that would have been a gas!

      I suppose I just can't help myself and try to teach something at every opportunity.

      As you know 'teachers are born that way' I just can't help myself, it's in the genes lol

      Happy turkey day after lol

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 5 years ago from Minnesota

      I had a good laugh with this hub molometer. Only you could combine comedy and great information about farting. In college I had just started dating this cutie pie. He was building my bed in the dorms. At one point as his butt was pointing towards me, out came a loud fart. The poor guy was so embarrassed. He turned red but never said a word about it and neither did I. LOL

      By the way, check out my latest Thanksgiving hub as I mention you. Happy Thanksgiving molometer and thanks for your support and friendship here. Your awesome!

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago

      Glad to be of assistance, there is nothing like a good guffaw from either end lol

    • xethonxq profile image

      xethonxq 5 years ago

      Too damn funny!! Great hub. I actually laughed out loud when I read this one. THANKS!!! I needed a pick me up today. :)

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Billy is the man, I am a great fan of the big Yin. Must look it up.

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Have you ever watched Billy Connoly? His take on farting will have you rolling on the floor with laughter

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Rosemay!,

      Ladies don't fart! Do they?

      The popping walking fart had me rolling about, so funny.

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      This was a gas.

      A fun hub and laughed all the way through

      Laughed at the pics of the royals, the Queen is pretending she doesn't know the others. Lol

      I think the funniest is the repetative one that pops with each step you take. they just seem to go on forever. Lol

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi barbergirl,

      Glad it gave you a guilt free laugh lol

    • molometer profile image
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      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi rlaha,

      Hubert and justom are real characters aren't they. They are two of my favorite writers too.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Jen,

      Hope I didn't make you splutter over your coffee ha ha.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello aruso,

      How could I have missed the world famous 'fluff' thanks.

    • profile image

      arusho 5 years ago

      gross, but great hub! My husband used to call farts a "fluff"..

    • justom profile image

      justom 5 years ago from 41042

      Hubertsvoice-haaaaa!! How did you know I could take my teeth out? Hilarious!!

    • profile image

      jenubouka 5 years ago

      Your list of ways to say it are too funny! What a great hub to read in the morning!! Thanks once again for your wit and charm

    • rlaha profile image

      rlaha 5 years ago from Spartanburg, SC

      I am still laughing at justtom and Hubertsvoice! Haha!

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      I am guitly - I have laughed at farts... However, only you have made them truly entertaining! :)

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Justom keeping it real lol

    • profile image

      Hubertsvoice 5 years ago

      Justom, in the elevator. just take out your teeth, smile real big, eyes opened wide and let 'er rip loudly. Great fun! Great fun! This might not be a good thing to do if you are on a high fiber diet, though.

    • justom profile image

      justom 5 years ago from 41042

      Hilarious hub, when I do it and folks are nearby I simply say "I just shit my pants". Ever been in an elevator when someone lets one go? Everyone looks at each other and there's no where to run. Peace!! Tom

    • profile image

      Hubertsvoice 5 years ago

      Be careful of those blasts while writing.

      There may be something else inside, lurking, hiding.

      Yes indeed it made me chuckle,

      I laughed so hard I broke a buckle.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      lol hello Hubert,

      Farticle. love it and in rhyme

      nice one Hubert did it make you chuckle.

      I had a 'blast' writing it lol

    • profile image

      Hubertsvoice 5 years ago

      When I was young and let one pop

      I had to laugh and couldn't stop.

      Now, since I have aged,

      A special walk must be staged.

      Afraid that something else might drop.

      Nice farticle Mike You knew that I would have to respond once I read this.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Dexter,

      I am a man of many passions.

      I rant hard and fight mine and my friends corner.

      I love life in all it's absurdities and beauty.

      There is nothing as uplifting as laughter shared with friends.

      I am so happy that it tickled your ribs as that was the plan.

      Wait until you see whats getting published later you'll freak. I'll give you a hint. (The dismal science) then you'll know why I had to have a laugh.

      Happy sad two sides same coin. lol I'm sounding full of wind lol

    • Dexter Yarbrough profile image

      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      Hi Molometer! To go from a subject on teaching to the illustrious passing of gas...well!! Ha ha ha!! This was so much fun to read! Great, just great!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      @xenolight,

      The image in my mind that you have described is hysterical.

      The panic! lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      @nikashi,

      I can just imaging the scene and it did make me laugh.

      In Church or chapel let it rattle lol.

    • Xenonlit profile image

      Xenonlit 5 years ago

      It is worst of all when you are in a situation where cracking up is deadlier than farting. Something has to give, and it will either be the methane or the guffaw. We are only human.

    • profile image

      nikashi_designs 5 years ago

      Perfect flatus hub...really fun read. It reminds me of an occasion when I went to a church to listen to Mass and for a brief minute, complete silence except the very loud explosion of resonating gas, silent laugher spread like wildfire. Thanks for laugh.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Well what can I say guys,

      you have all had me cracking up.

      I have visions in my head now, that will never leave.

      The memories and experiences are hysterical and we have all been there.

      The dreaded follow through to the high jinks of exploding methane with friends add to the rich tapestry of life.

      I'm with MM on this one 'let's celebrate' our bottom burps.

      Pyroflatulence maybe we should tap into this unused energy resource. lol

    • Stephanie Henkel profile image

      Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA

      Very funny! It does make one wonder why certain bodily functions cause hysterical laughter... Thanks for the giggles!

    • My Minds Eye53 profile image

      My Minds Eye53 5 years ago from Tennessee

      My grandson says burbs come the attic and farts come from the cellar. He gave himself a bellyache laughing over his genius.

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Uh oh, the Queen is not amused. Rather without reaction at all. I have the feeling that getting a reaction out of her would take Houdini. I love the breath of "fresh air" that young royalty brings to the table. It's a gas!

    • profile image

      Longhunter 5 years ago

      I loved the photo of the royal family. It reminded me of my grandfather and that granddads are the same everywhere. Prince Harry's reaction was priceless. I laughed my butt off.

      Thanks, Molometer. Great article.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      LOL! This shout-out to farting is a total gas!! I didn't know that happened to Paula Abdul but when Nancy Grace let one loose on Dancing With The Stars the media made sure we all heard about many, many times! Voted UP!!

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      ...and should be celebrated' that is so, so funny!

      What a great fun hub, I loved it!

      Voting up

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 5 years ago

      ROFL my arse off. Did I slip one, I hope not. god I can remember pulling that stunt with some drinking buddies at a party. We all wanted to see who's arse would get singed the quickest, man that flame can sure shoot across the room depending on the speed and abundance of gas being released from the arse. LoL...this was a riot, loved the video of Paula and the pic of Prince Phillip..no one is beyond a good Fart now and then, feels great, except for the nausea of gases that sometimes follow. LoL

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 5 years ago from North-East UK

      Great hub, really funny, made me laugh. I once worked with someone who farted at work and followed through whilst wearing tight white trousers; you don't forget moments like that in a hurry. Still makes me laugh today when I think of it. Voted up.

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Riaha,

      I am so happy that you enjoyed it. It was fun to write too.

      The Royal pictures are hysterical.

    • rlaha profile image

      rlaha 5 years ago from Spartanburg, SC

      Haha! This was a hilarious post! Thanks for making my day!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Glad I tickled your fancy lol

    • brandasaur profile image

      brandasaur 5 years ago from Planet X

      Hahaha! The wacky Royal picture caught my eye, i saw this hub in my feed while scrolling and i couldnt help reading the whole hub! Thumbs up! :)

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hi Brett,

      I was inspired lol. I was in hysterics writing this hub. It's just such a funny subject and it's still making me laugh reading the comments.

      I thought the same thing about the hazards of smoking too, and the potential to burst into flames. ha ha.

      Welcome to my world lol

    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett Caulton 5 years ago from Thailand

      What the hell inspired this!? Ha ha, an insight into the mind of Molometer for sure.

      The line "A forward burp of this nature may not only be socially quite embarrassing but potentially flammable." made me laugh ... and it would sure cure the habit of smoking fast!! lol

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Ha ha, you do make me laugh.

      Glad you enjoyed it.

      Ah! the advantages of age. lol

    • profile image

      Nataliemk 5 years ago

      I was roaring with laughter (no expulsion of gases) but funny nonetheless.

      As you can see it sparked many a gaseous memory!

    • molometer profile image
      Author

      molometer 5 years ago

      Hello Mrs MK,

      You are very brave, I wondered who would be the first to comment on this hub. Might have guessed It would be you.

      Did it make you laugh as I was in stitches writing it.lol

    • profile image

      Nataliemk 5 years ago

      What about laughing, coughing and sneezing and accidentally letting one slip? Those are the funniest as there's no guilt!

      Not speaking from experience ;-) however old age will creep up on us all one day.

      Have you every been in the presence of an OAP when they let rip but maintain the flow of conversation blissfully unaware of the loud expulsion of bodily gases. I have :-(( my life will never be the same.

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