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Farting: Wherever you may go wherever you may be, let your wind blow free
Farting: Bodily Function or Art Form?
Farting in Public
On the subject of Farting in Public. What is the correct procedure/form.
This natural function, performed by all living things is a rich source of fun.
Humans are the only species; so far, that have raised this bodily function, to an internationally recognized art-form.
Indeed whole careers have been created on the passing of wind. The release of gas in humans, comes in two sonic types.
Silent, or alternatively producing a loud report, of varying degrees of decibels.
Loud but unlikely to cause ear damage.
Flatus A short history of Gas
Whoopee Cushion prank your kids!
Fart synonyms and slang names for flatulence.
Back With A Bang Burp
Back End Burp
Back with a bang
Back Door Bank
Big Bang Is Back
Air Biscuit, the floating thereof
Cut the mustard
Crack one off
Who guffed? variants include; chuffed, huffed, puffed and of course the world famous fluffed.
Parft to denote the sound of the report
Let it rattle. As in the rhyme.
'Wherever you be let your wind blow free, In church or chapel let rattle'
Sometimes animals are blamed or used as a deflector, with a qualifying question.
Where's them ducks ?
Where's that frog ?
Phew! Is that the dog ?
The dogs are barking ?
Woman Farts In Pool
On A Theme
Fart Fuel Source
Farting performs an important function in the body, as it allows the release of trapped gases, that are created by the decomposition of food and drink in the stomach.
If it were not for this bodily function; we would be full of gas. Not a pleasant thought. Smelly farts can come about based on what we eat. The more decomposition the more gas or flatus. Onions for example.
The only other way out would be via the mouth. Now you can have bad breath but, would you want the gas that escapes from your butt coming out of your mouth? A forward burp of this nature, may not only be socially quite embarrassing, but potentially flammable flatus.
Paula lets rip on X Factor.
The smell occurs, due to a mixture of gases, including.
Methane,(flammable) Hydrogen, Hydrogen Sulphide (rotten egg fart smell) Carbon Dioxide, Nitrogen and Oxygen.
The methane can be ignited, (pyroflatulence) producing a blue flame. This should not be attempted by an untrained person. Don't try this at home.
Getting Methane out of the ground is an expensive business. We produce about 2 liters of flatus gas per 24 hours, usual at night when we are relaxed, and in bed asleep. If the average family had a method of capturing this wasted fuel source. Think of the possibilities?
We could probably be self sufficient in gas, for cooking and heating. If you have a large family you could even run the family car. The oil rich countries that we rely on, would be shaking in their boots.
Alternative Urban Mining
There are easier Methane deposits that we do use, it is trapped in the old landfill sites, all over the country. There is a large landfill site to the east of London, at Beckton. It is just down the road from the new Business & Finance district of Canary Wharf, and next door to the City Airport.
You will know when you are 'passing' through because of the 'Beckton Pong'! It really stinks! This 'free' methane resource is tapped, and sold to the local power station and recycling plants.
Having trapped wind can be extremely painful.
It is not uncommon for people to arrive at the emergency room; complaining of extreme stomach pain, only for the doctor or nurse; to insert a finger and release the pent up gas. To the relief and embarrassment of the sufferer.
We are not Amused...Harry is
Scene of the Royal Report Buckingham Palace
Social Class and Gas
Social Class. The Etiquette
Farting in public, even in front of the Queen has always been acceptable, as long as 'you' do not draw attention to the release. In polite society the form, is to ignore the noxious whiff and just hope that is passes away quickly.
Some people will leave the room to fart. Or even raise their arse from their bath water. Even celebrities are taking it seriously, as a way to connect to the masses. They want to show us their human sides.
The Social Divide
Amongst certain groups of people. We no longer call them; the lower classes as this is not politically correct. The etiquette is totally different and a great source of amusement with offenders bragging; with comments like 'better out, than in' and 'Whoa! There was something behind that one'.
Great pride is taken in producing as loud a report as possible.
In fact as recent as 1945, during the golden age of variety theater, one could go and watch internationally famous performers showing their prowess with gas.
Joseph Pujol 1857 – 1945 stage name Le Pétomane
The world famous French flatulist (professional farter) performer and entertainer made a whole career from his business end. He could fart at will, and produce a wide variety of popular tunes.
This was due to a remarkable control of his stomach muscles. I hope this has been useful and amusing for you. This usually misunderstood and much maligned bodily function, farting is perfectly normal and should be celebrated.
If you enjoyed Farting Is Back With A Bang. Share it with your friends. I'm sure they will like it too Thanks.
Le Petomaine French Fartist
- Fart Problem
I am 26/M and passing through a problem. I suffer from flatulence and have to fart frequently. I hve to fart 50-60 times daily and that is quite loud but rarely stinky. Its very embarrassing but I cannot help it. Strict dieting and excercise didn't h
- Fart - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia