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Fifty Shades Darker (2017)

Updated on February 24, 2017
Stevennix2001 profile image

Steven Escareno is an amateur film critic that writes about movies in his spare time.

Stevennix2001's Rating

2.5 / 10

Pros:

  • The cinematography work was great. I loved how it managed to setup the erotic atmosphere for the film itself; especially during some of it's love scenes.
  • Eh. At least the actors were trying this time to be more passionate during the sex scenes, so "A" for effort.
  • A lot of the subplots they introduced seemed interesting, and probably would've developed into some interesting stories if the film didn't brush through them all far too quickly, before they could develop.

Cons:

  • Apart from the sex scenes, the acting for the most part sucked. Jamie Dornan still can't act for s***, when it comes to these movies.
  • Each subplot had an interesting premise, but they all ended way too quickly before they could develop into interesting stories.
  • The story for the most part is predictable.
  • There's a few plot holes that don't make any sense. For starters, if one of Christian Grey's former sex slaves was so obsessed with him to the point that she stalks him, and even tries to intimidate Anastasia Steele over it, then how in the hell did she manage to get married for awhile after they broke up? And why is it that after her husband died, she immediately goes to stalking Christian Grey? Did she not love her husband at all? And if that's the case, then why would she marry him to begin with if she was just going to obsess over Christian Grey?
  • Pretentiously silly dialogue.
  • While the bits of Christian's backstory is a nice touch to explore, it's a shame most of it takes a backseat to sex scenes.

Fifty Shades S***tier

If there's one thing that the "Fifty Shades" films have helped me realize, it's the fact that I must be something of a masochist. A man who derives pleasure from painful experiences, as I can't help but love writing reviews about bad movies like this. Granted, they're horrendous to watch, and while writing reviews for great films are a treat, I'd be lying if I said I didn't prefer to write reviews on bad ones more. Why is this so one may ask? It's simple. I love to complain. I love sinking my teeth into something that truly deserves it, and "Fifty Shades Darker" definitely deserves every criticism it gets.

Sure, "Fifty Shades Darker" tries to tell more of an elaborate story on our young lovers, Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, while delving into his past a bit more. However, for every subplot that's introduced, it gets swept under the wayside far too quickly before it ever develops. Rarely ever mentioned afterwards, as the majority of the film is nothing but non stop sex. In fact, over eighty percent of the damn film shows them having sex, so it might as well be deemed softcore porn at this point. Why even bother calling it a film?

But since this movie shamelessly promotes itself as an edgy exploitation film, I am forced to view it as such. At face value? The movie is garbage.

At one point, Anastasia's boss is constantly hitting on her, and even threatens to fire her if she refuses to sleep with him. Now, you'd think this would lead to an interesting love triangle for the film to explore, but nope. The instant he threatens her, she runs to Christian. He calls the CEO of the company to have her boss fired, and she's promoted up to take his place, as everything works out. And then of course, we also have one of Christian's ex slave girls that wants him back, after her husband died. Apparently, she's obsessed with him, which begs the question...how did she feel about her husband? Did she ever love him at all?

Granted, I know it's established in the film that she never got over him, when Christian dumped her, but if that's the case, then how the hell did she get married to someone else? Was he nothing more than an elaborate coping mechanism for her, while she secretly fantasized about Christian when they were together? And when he died, the first thought she had in her head was to stalk Christian Grey, so he'd take her back? Um..damn. I don't know whether to pity her, or pity her dead husband, who obviously isn't going to be missed by his widow.

However, it gets resolved immediately, when Christian finds out about it. Sure, Anna gets confused, and thinks that maybe she can't give Christian what he needs. But like all the other subplots in this film, it gets resolved far too quickly before it can ever develop into anything worth exploring.

And in a roundabout way, that's "Fifty Shades Darker's" problem in a nutshell. Now, I'm not going to delve into every subplot this film introduces, but every time one is setup to where you think it might lead to an interesting story, it ends far too quickly before you can ever see that story evolve into something grand.

It's been said that behind the scenes that E.L. James wanted more creative control over the film series, which is why Sam Taylor-Johnson didn't direct the follow up, "Fifty Shades Darker", and how she allegedly wanted more sex scenes. Well, it looks like she got her wish, as almost the entire film is nothing more than sex scene after sex scene, with little to no story at all.

And while the sex scenes are better than the ones from the last movie, where you can tell both actors are trying to put more passion into them, the romance still feels forced half the time. Not to mention the fact that Jamie Dornan still can't act. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a fine actor in other projects that he's done, but in the "Fifty Shades" film series, he comes off as a wooden character that has little to no emotion, when he talks.

Apart from the cinematography, the intense sex scenes, and the various subplots that attempt to give you more of a story than the previous one, "Fifty Shades Darker" is nothing more than softcore porn with a budget.

Don't get me wrong, I get why women like this film series, as it does cater to a lot of their fantasies. Plus, Jamie Dornan is a good looking guy, so I can see why women would love this movie.

But if you're looking for a love story with a bit more of a plot to it, then you won't find it here. However, if you're okay with that, then maybe you'll like how laughably bad "Fifty Shades Darker" is for what it gives you. But for me personally? I wouldn't spank this film with a ten foot pole; let alone watch it again.

© 2017 Steven Escareno

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    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 3 months ago from England

      LOL! love your take on the film! and no, sorry but not all women like it. In fact I think its the biggest load of well sh@@t ever! As you said he can't act to save his life, and no he is not attractive! In fact he is the blandest man I have ever set eyes on! he could sit next to me on a train and I wouldn't know it was him! as for her, well one word, generic! LOL! and yes that dialogue! not watched this one, but saw the trailer 'I will come out for dinner because I am (pause) ...hungry! Jeesh! great review!

    • Stevennix2001 profile image
      Author

      Steven Escareno 3 months ago

      Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was talking about all women in general. I mostly meant the women that do like the "Fifty Shades" franchise, but I can see what you're saying, as I probably could've worded it better in my review. Anyways, thanks for stopping by. :)

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 3 months ago from England

      LOL! no, sorry not criticising, your review was great! just saying, from my point of view, and a couple of friends that we think its 'pants' as we say in England! LOL!

    • CYong74 profile image

      Cedric Yong 3 months ago from Singapore

      I've been struggling with (as you put it) masochistic thoughts and resisting going to the cinema to "investigate" this. Your review grants me strength and now it's a little easier for me to continue saying no.

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