Five Reasons Britney's Life Is Better Than Yours
Britney Spears has been having a real hard time of things lately. Surely you've noticed. There's been the head shaving and the shameful VMA performances, and the loss of custody of her children, and the panty omissions and the rest of it. But in spite of all of this Britney's life is still better than yours. Even if you're Oprah Winfrey (who is known to have the best, the most enlightened, the most excellent life of all time, except for Britney of course.)
Britney Is Very Friendly
She may be madder than the proverbial hatter, but Britney is still a very friendly and bubbly girl. Britney is so friendly that she often ends up in the sack with people she barely knows. Occasionally she marries them with disastrous results. You're probably standoffish. You probably don't make friends as easily as Britney. When was the last time you met a couple of girls at a hotel pool and ended up swapping bikini's with them within just a few minutes? Uh huh that's right, Britney does that sort of thing all the time. You're practically a social retard compared to her.
Britney Can Get Naked Any Time She Wants
According to Britney's ex bodyguard, Britney habitually just strips down when the mood takes her. It doesn't matter who is there or who she is. She apparently does it at work, or at home, any time she feels like whipping off her panties and running around naked, she just does it. I bet you don't do that. You'd probably get fired if you just stripped down at your job (unless you're a stripper, in which case Britney's life is only better than yours in four ways. You totally rock.)
Britney Doesn't Have To Live With Her Kids
Be honest. Every now and then you wish you could just send your kids to go live with Kevin Federline, don't you. If you don't have kids, you probably still wish you could send other people's kids to go live with Kevin Federline. Like when one is screaming on a plane, or in a restaurant. Britney doesn't have to deal with that.
Britney Has More Money Than You
Because Britney did all her hard work in her childhood and teens, when the rest of you were off riding bikes and watching television and stuffing your face with stolen candy, she has way more money than most people. That means she has time to go completely batshit insane and still be earning money from royalties from work she did before she was even legal. Yay Britney.
Britney Is Insane
Britney lives in her own little world and there's nothing you, or any rehab center, or any judge, or anyone on the planet can do about it. She speaks in her own made up language to the children, she dresses to her own bizarre bare ass code, she drives over the feet of photographers, and she gets away with it all because she's Britney. You would be trying to work your way out of a straitjacket right now if you tried that.