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Five Secrets to Successful Shopping with Your Man

Updated on October 26, 2011

I hear and read frequently about how difficult it is for men and women to come together on the issue of shopping or going to the mall. Men hate shopping, period. Women love shopping, and it's an activity they'd really like to be able to share with the man they love, an opportunity to spend time together in an environment that gives women joy. The problem is, men hate it so bad that if they get stuck going shopping with their woman, they make her miserable the entire time. They snarl and grumble and drag their feet, frankly sometimes they act like children. Women have been forced to either go shopping alone without the man they love, or to make him go anyway and then just try to have fun somehow despite his piss-poor attitude. This rarely pays dividends.

Fortunately I have the solution that you need. The Five Secrets to Successful Shopping with Your Man will solve your shopping troubles once and for all. With these secrets, your man will not only be able to endure shopping trips at the mall with you, he will enjoy them. And you will, for the first time in all of human history, be able to take a man shopping and, not only have him along to carry stuff, but actually have him engaged in the outing with his best, fun-loving self fully manifest the entire time, with no sulking, no sniping and no running off for the nearest TV store looking for a game. In short, shopping becomes fun for you.

I will preface this with one conditional: like relationships in general, these strategies require effort. Nothing worth having is easy, and some of these things are going to require that you push past your traditional comfort zone. At least at first, until you get used to it. But, enough of that, let's get to it, shall we?

http://www.hickoryfarms.com/
http://www.hickoryfarms.com/
Ice cream... Mmmmmmm.
Ice cream... Mmmmmmm.
See's Candy rules.
See's Candy rules.

Technique 1: Samples

Alright, in order to break into this slowly, I'm going to start with an easy one. Ladies, men are ravenous animals, right? All they want to do is eat, sleep and have sex. Well, what better way to get your man to the mall and like it then to make sure he gets to eat stuff?

You can't just go into chick stores the whole time when you are at the mall. And, contrary to what you might think, guys don't want to browse through the "man" stores either. Guys don't browse. So all those attempts to appease him by taking him through the sporting goods stores or electronics stores in the past, walking through the aisles... yeah, that wasn't helping you; you were just prolonging the misery. So stop.

Take him sample browsing instead. For every two chick stores you drag him through looking at horrible crap that no guy will ever care about, take him into a Hickory Farms, a See's Candies or a 31 Flavors ice cream. Get him some samples. Let him feed his animal desire to, uh, feed. Don't let him fill up, just sample. If he buys something, fine, but don't let him eat it until you get home if you can help it. Just samples. You'll want to save lunch for its own diversion after the eighth or ninth store. And, whatever you do, don't browse, don't comment on how such-and-such basket would be nice for Aunt Grace down in Abilene. Just seek and destroy the samples and get out.

To maximize the benefit of this strategy, you must be enthusiastic and have fun with this experience. Any provocative eating techniques on your part will enhance the experience for him and make his returning with you next time more likely.

Technique 2: Cleavage Patrol

As long as we're talking about provocative things, it's important for you, the chick, to remember that you are the one perpetrating a shopping trip on your man. Being as this is an unnatural condition for males, you need to press past your comfort zone a little and help him find joy in your shopping world.

The simple fact is, when you bring your man to the mall, he is practically blowing out his neck muscles trying not to get whiplash looking around at all the spectacular cleavage going on in that place. Frankly, all that restraint is painful and miserable, and it only makes the one thing at the mall that guys do enjoy ironically unsatisfying.

So, ladies, you play too. I call it the Cleavage Game. It requires nothing spectacular, just a simple 1 to 10 scale will suffice. Since you know he's looking, just relax and help him enjoy the only real fun the mall has to offer him. So, as you approach a pair of sweet young women walking towards you in low cut shirts, just say to him, "Eight and Six," as they walk past. At first he won't know what you're talking about. But, you just smile and say, "I saw you looking at them, and, I don't blame you. The one on the left had great cleavage. The other one was just ok."

At first he'll be in shock, but, as long as you can convince him that you are sincere and not luring him into some kind of insidious woman trap, eventually he will start to believe that you really are the woman of his dreams. From then on out, he will be able to have fun with you at the mall.

"Six," you say as you walk by.
"Six," you say as you walk by.
"I didn't think hers were worthy of a grade," you say she goes past.
"I didn't think hers were worthy of a grade," you say she goes past.

Once you've established the game, all you have to do on your part is every so often toss out a number when some busty, open-bloused woman happens past. You don't even have to pay attention all the time. He'll do most of the work and you can just browse at the stuff you really came to see. Just remember to toss a number out every once in a while if you notice some woman along the way. If you miss one and he calls you on it, just tell him you didn't think hers were worthy of a grade. He'll love you for it. Trust me.

(There is a more risqué version of this game that includes looking up through glass panels if your mall has an upper deck with transparent railing materials, but I'll leave that for you to figure out and incorporate as you choose.)

Technique 3: Perfume for Fun

Ok, now it's pretty certain you're going to end up at a cosmetics counter eventually as they are the gravitational equivalent of black holes on women. Unfortunately, most men are ready to kill themselves at this point. There really is no more miserable experience than this because the cosmetics counter is NEVER anywhere near any possible diversion for a guy.

But, you can fix that.

Instead of just asking your man to tell you if he likes how something smells in the air or on your palm, roll up your sleeve and hit your forearm good. Let him smell that. He'll figure, "same as usual" at first.

Then, open up your top button on your blouse and spritz your cleavage. Ask him how that smells too, be a dirty girl for once. Tell him that perfumes smell different on different parts of your skin.

In fact, if you really want to get him going, say, "Hmm, I wonder if it smells the same on her," as you point to the hawt chick working behind the counter that's helping you. "Do you mind?" Of course she won't because that's her job. So, start with her wrist. She'll hit it with perfume and then you can give her wrist a sniff. Go slow as you do this, remember your man is watching. Then, real casual like, while you're still holding her arm in your hands, tell your man, "what do you think?" and indicate her arm.

Give her a chance to bail out, but she won't, and he gets to sniff her too. Now THAT is giving, my friends, and don't you want to give to your man, since he is giving to you by coming along to the mall? Of course you do.

You might even ask the hawt chick if she minds a cleavage spritz too, on the same "different parts of the body" principle from before. Watch how happy your man becomes when you make this request. The odds are she's going to say "no," but now your man knows that you were thinking of him rather than yourself.

Anyway, you get the point.

Technique 4: Buy Him Something Secretly

Ok, this is simple. When you're training your dog to do tricks, to do things you want your dog to do that it would not otherwise have done on its own, what do you do? You give it treats, right? Right. Men (animals, as we discussed earlier) are no different. So buy him something. You must not promise this in advance. It has to be a surprise, and no the food and candy from number 1 up there don't count.

And the "treat" doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just, something. It can even just be like a squirt gun at that one weird store you went into or the little alligator on a stick that opens and closes its mouth when you pull the little trigger on the other end. Just something. (Yes, these sound like toys and this idea is very similar to how you would treat a child, but I believe "childish" was also mentioned in the introduction up above.)

Choose when you give it to him carefully, whether in a moment his enthusiasm seems to be waning, as a pick me up, or when you get home as a surprise. Just remember, you have to reward him with his treat close enough to the "trick" that he associates the gift with the activity. Man memory isn't much better than dog memory when it comes to this kind of associative process.

Technique 5: Lingerie

Alright, on the topic of treats and buying him things, and by now you may be noticing a certain theme to these strategies, here's the last, and perhaps at this point, obvious one.

So, when you go into places like Victoria's Secret, Fredericks of Hollywood or wherever else. You need to try stuff on and let him check you out. This may require you cast off some of your modesty, obviously. Another great trick, if you can find a store that does it, is to have the women there try stuff on too. You have to allow yourself to be enthusiastic about this, because he, in the name of not pissing you off, will probably not be able to drool and say the stuff he would have said if you weren't there. So it's up to you to make this entertaining for him with your genuine appreciation for how stuff looks. If you must, think of it as "acting" until you can internalize the fun (just as you are hoping he will internalize the fun of coming to the mall).

The bottom line is, the experience is up to you. If you want to share these moments of shopping joy with the man you love, you're going to have to put a bit more effort in. I know, you may be thinking, why can't he put more effort in? Why can't he stop dragging his feet and acting miserable instead?

Well, here's the part you're missing. He came with you. He didn't want to. He wanted to stay home and watch the game. YOU made him come. So, you have three choices.

  1. Let him stay home next time.
  2. Drag him along and you can both be miserable.
  3. Put some effort into making the experience fun for both of you.

Enthusiasm is the Key

The ultimate success of these techniques really depends on the effort mentioned in number three. For these techniques to work, you will notice that each of them required enthusiasm on your part. You have to make him believe you truly care about the things he truly cares about at the mall. Remember, you didn't like his lack of enthusiasm for shopping in the past, right? His sulking half-assed attempt to be a part of the experience? Well, if you want him to be enthusiastic about the trip, you have to be enthusiastic about the parts of it that will make him be, well, enthusiastic too.

I hope this helps to bring you and your man together and enables more quality time for you both. Good luck and happy shopping.

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    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Hope it pays off. lol

    • Typhoon profile image

      Typhoon 8 years ago from North America

      Required reading material for the girly, going to pass it along. Thanks!

    • countrywomen profile image

      countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

      SB- I really like this hub and mentioned this article here: https://hubpages.com/community/10-ways-to-become-e...

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      You're welcome. Hope it helps when you find him. Good luck on that too, btw. :)

    • noor tony profile image

      noor tony 8 years ago

      Iam not married yet,but i will try it with my man dream to avoid boring him.thanks for this nice hub

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      SwP, I think that's generally the consensus. It's best to leave your man at home. Frankly, we are too immature and lack the attention span for a "proper" shopping trip. Be, like that guy you saw, we do light up in certain departments.

      Trekkiemelissa, I'm glad you got a laugh out of these antics, and thanks for letting me know. :)

    • Trekkiemelissa profile image

      Trekkiemelissa 8 years ago from Illinois

      This hub is definitely entertaining. I couldn't help but laugh. Great Hub.

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA

      Very entertaining hub and the part about the cleavage patrol is true.  There was a guy waiting for his girlfriend, right out side of her dressing room door at Victoria Secrets.  He seemed really close and interesting in shopping right then LOL.  Personally I like to go shopping by myself because it gives me time to look at what I want to look at without someone saying "Are you ready"?

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Hah, you did. Yeah, I should have put that there. Guess I still can, you know, because... better late than never. :P

    • sixtyorso profile image

      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      Should your comment not be on the useless sayings hub Shades?

      Gotcha!

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Better late than never, Sixty.

    • sixtyorso profile image

      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      Ah Ha! Found this thread but I am two days late! I feel like Idiana Jones on the last crusade aways arriving after the cavalry has left!

      Oh well got my two bits in if this thread kicks in again.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Yeah, Christoph, how'd that work out for you? lol

      Marisue, come on now, you know you want to try out my fun reindeer games come Christmas time. :P And yes, I may have a nutty gene or two; I come from a long line of nuts.

      Yeah, Gary, it seems to be hit or miss on the ladies loving it, but it's seriously solid stuff for us guys.

    • garywgoldstein profile image

      garywgoldstein 8 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      perfect for the ladies out there, they'll sure love this. :) and for us, gentlemen

    • marisuewrites profile image

      marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

      ahmmm I'm thinking after readin this maybe I don't want to shop with him after all, he takes his cell and I take mine and we meet in the middle, quite happy with our outing, no one has to nag and he can oogle to his heart's content as long as I don't see it. LOL you are a nut!!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Good night, all.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      I think I'm gonna call it a night as well...*yawn*...

      My bed is calling me. :)

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      I went ahead and published it Christoph, hope it goes over well, I am off to bed. and we will discuss that invitation, later.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Well, I NEVER...got my personal invitation. Can I expect it soon. And, to Shades, I have said, "clean my oven" many times, only like this, "Clean my oven, be-atch!

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Goodnight Shades, sweet dreams!!!

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Marriage does have a certain sensual tragedy thing going on like that in some ways. At least in moments. 

      Anyway, I'm off to bed for real this time.  G'night people.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      No actually, because it doesn't matter, he sees me naked all the time. I am not shy in front of him, He has probaly seen parts of my body that I am sure I haven't seen. He's probably tired of seeing it.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Hmmm..we could always create a forum...or a hub that we can keep in the top 100 called something like mental regurgitation.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Damn, I bet your old man keeps a case of tequila on hand and one in the garage in case of an unexpected national quarantine.

      (HP needs a frickin chat room. This hub hopping is insane.)

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      *glares at Shadesbreath*

      Well then...I guess it's time for the ol' chastity belt!

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      LOL, when I am on this medication I really don't need a margarita, It's like a frickin roofie, just ask my husband. LOL Thanks Shades for the new margarita. You know that song Tequila makes her clothes fall off, I think that song was written about me.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      /slowly slides Gwendy a new margarita

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      *slowly takes away Gwendy's margarita*

      I can see it's dangerous to leave you home alone for the night...

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      /grins at Spryte's excellent spelling skills.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Ok Spryte, we got to keep those man whores in line. I think a little tough love will help to keep them under control.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Gwendy...can I poke the holes in the box AFTER we put them in it? *evil grin*

      I got me a fireplace poker here that should do the trick...and if you give me free rein to do so, I shall apply it with great fervor!

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Keep dreaming on ten uses.

      Speaking of uses, I wonder if I can get my wife bust out with one use.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Shirley, I think I can pack them in a big box, and I guess I better pokes some holes in the box, you know protecting my investment and all. And if you think you can get ten uses out of them in one go then have it.

      an orange julius and pretzel sounds great Spryte.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      I feel like an object, it's just so degrading. I don't see how people can live like this every day.

      Oh, wait, no I don't. :P

      And yeah, I'm glad to have that damn baby gone. Welcome back Christoph Really. :)

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Cool...can we stop and get one of them buttery, salted really bad for you pretzels and maybe an Orange Julius?

    • Shirley Anderson profile image

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Wow Gwen, a frequent flyer card! That's great, I'm excited! Does it have to be ten separate orders, or ten uses?? I mean, like, if I use them ten times on one order, does that count? You said uses, right up there ^ see? I could get a freebie with every order that way. Make my um, entertainment dollar, stretch a little farther.

      So, how do you ship them? In a big box with holes so they can breathe? I don't think Chris' hat or Shades brain will fit.

      See, now this is shopping!

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Shirley, you do get the hubbers discount, and you can also have a frequent user card and for tenth time you use them you get a use free. I will send them out. You don't want Sven and Tvelve, Look how sexy Christoph is again, and how can you resist that big brain shades has going on?

    • Shirley Anderson profile image

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      chrIStoPh, yOu TypE fuNnY

      It's okay Spryte, self cleaning ovens make it not too bad.  Re the bamboo torture, I'm okay with switching it up to sticking a hot poker in my eye, if that's any better.

      Sprtye and Gwen - THANK-YOU for the svelt Svedish guy(s).  I have been a little tense lately.  As Gwen's looking to make a few bucks, I'm hoping for a hubber's discount.  AdSense doesn't pay a lot, you know.  When might I expect him (them)?

      Wait!  I just scrolled up and found Sven & Tvelve....cancel my order, I'm going direct.

      Thanks for the affirmation of my femininity, Shades!

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      I missed out on the fun again. I have really bad timing lately. Shirley, I might share, but as I said before I am pimping them out so it will cost you.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Shirley, you definitely aren't a man because no man ever uttered the words "clean my oven" much less had an impulse to do so. So, you're femininity is safe.

      And BT, some things are worth being arrested for.

    • B.T. Evilpants profile image

      B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

      I'm in favor of these ideas. You can't beat ice cream and cleavage. Unless, of course, you combine them. Then again, you could get arrested for that.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Wow Shirley...I'm not a big fan of shopping either...but I might have to reconsider doing it if cleaning an oven or bamboo torture are the only other choices. *wince*

      You definitely need some Swedish relief...so of course Gwendy and I will be very happy to share...uh Sven and Tvelve. LOL!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      ShirLIE ANderSON: TwO"S comPANY, thrEES A parTY.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      WeeE give the hinEY lick maneUVer tOO.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I must be a man 'cause I HATE shopping. I'd rather stay home and clean the oven, or have bamboo shoved under my fingernails. Ugh! Unfortunately, none of your suggestions really seem like they'd work for me. So I guess that means I'm only partly male.

      I like the whole mail order thing....get what I need or want without leaving the house. Hey, Spryte and Gwendy, you willing to rent out that Swedish male masseuse?

      Another great article, Shadesbreath!

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      OMG! Thanks a lot you two! The boss just ran in thinking he was going to have to give me the Heimlich maneuver as I started choking on a lifesaver from laughing.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      YAh, and they don't caAL me Tvelve foR NoTHING EEther.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      YaaAH. They don't caAL me Sven fOR nothING!

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Hey Gwendy...wanna go halvsies on a hot Swedish male masseuse? :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Hmmm. Half off. That reminds that once a friend of mine and myself were sick of having problems with chicks, so we were just going to "buy" one from the Phillipines. We couldn't each afford our own, so we were going to go in "halvsies".

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Oh, thanks.  See, only shopper people would know that.  And, well, Christoph has to be the free one because I do have my pride.

      'Course, what "bogo free" really means is that we're both just half off.

      /tosses a softball out there

      Ok, back to work for me.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Shades, bogo is buy one get one. I will try, but I can't make any promises.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      wth is "bogo" free?

      And by all means you may pimp me out, just try to keep the client list limited to hawt chicks. No dudes allowed.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      ...Shade and Christoph = BOGO Free? :)

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Shades, I agree with you. I am having a problem pimping a certain product. I do get a lot of catalogs, and I love too many products. Guess that's why I can't decide. I think I have finally decided on one subject and I am sorry to say to you all that I will be pimping you guys out. Hope you don't mind. Sorry.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      I can't wait to see which one you ultimately go with Shade.

      Christoph - In your current frame of mind...I'm a little frightened by what you might produce.

      Gwendy - You are telling me that the most biggest shopaholic that I know can't find a product to write about? :) Perhaps you should concentrate on all the catalogs you receive in the mail... hehehe.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Well, you get enough of those going, you might still make a few bucks, Christoph. 

      And yeah, Gwendy, the potential for humor is there, but I don't know if I could sustain the joke long enough to make a hub out of it.  Still thinking.

      I guess my problem is I just don't hub to sell crap.  I did sales for twenty some years and probably going get stuck selling again since I can't pay all my bills writing (because we live in an evil world where there is no value placed on the arts) and that makes writing hubs for the purpose of just pimping more crap for people to buy difficult to find inspiration for.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Not much is up. I'm still reworking my keywords on existing articles. It's making a small difference so far (Of course in some places I could say my traffic as quadrupled - meaning it's gone from 2 a day to 8 - Ha! Still, it's better than seeing zeros.  Me hates me some zeros! As for the product hub, I know what I'm going to do but have only just barely started.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Shades, Thanks for the advice. I have started three now and can't bring myself to finish any of them. I am having trouble getting info on these topics and just really am not motivated. I tried Sprytes way and got my ass handed to me in bridge, now I'm juts hoping something will pop into my head, I'm almost ready fpr the margarita though. The hub on Advil as a drinkers friend would be funny.

      Christoph, I will be glad to see you back to normal.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Hey Gwendy, write a product hub about your favorite margarita mix or something.

      I'm thinking I'm going to try to pimp my friend's website, since anything else I write about is just going to make someone else money that I don't know. Although, I was thinking about writing a hub on Advil as the drinker's friend or something. Still not sure.

      Sup Christoph.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      LOL! At the moment, all I can see is a diaper clad freak bouncing in the saddle on a pony, whipping it into a frenzy...and it's rather frightening.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      He's across the Rio Grande and Galloping your way faster than a pony express rider with a pack of Apache on his hind end. Yeee Haw! Giddy Yup!

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Morning babyface :) I'll be so glad to have my favorite cowboy back this evening.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Just groovy, gwendymom. Getting ready to do some writing, but procrastinating.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Hi Christoph, how are you today?

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Mail call! Hello everybody.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      I guess I shouldn't drink a margarita, being that I am taking care of kids. They are down for a nap but I am sure parents wouldn't be too pleased. Guess no vodka either. Damn my luck! I guess I can try it your way and give my brain a little tough love. Maybe I can come up with something, I hope.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      LOL! Whenever I hit a brick wall...I will hit the save button on my writing and then back away from it slowly. If I force something it just comes out sounding forced. Go figure! :) What I do to recharge is play hand after hand of solitaire on my computer until my brain screams..."Okay okay you win!!!"...and then coughs out an idea that it had been hoarding.

      It's all about tough love with the brain...

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Lucky you. I haven't been motivated to write anything in the last week or two. I don't seem to have any inspiration. the first one I tried ended up looking like a christmas list for friends, that I might use later, and the second is about bra shopping, but I'm just not having any fun with it. Maybe I just need think harder and drink some alchohol. Waiter, where's my margarita?

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Gwendy - I actually wrote something last night...just unintentionally. My subconscious is rather sly it seems. I didn't want to write a product hub, so it said...okies, how about writing about THIS then...and I said...ooh, that sounds like fun. And then when I was done...I was like all..."HEY! You tricked me!!" And my subconscious was all smug....

      I still have to edit it, but I will have it up either tonight or tomorrow night.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Hey Spryte and Shades, Have you guys come up with a topic for the hubmob yet? I have tried a couple of different ones and am not happy with my results, just wondering if you guys are having the same problem?

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      :P

      Gargling's for sissies...Flankenstein.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Woah, Spryte, get some Scope on that morning breath first. Sheesh.

      G'morning Gwendy.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      morning sleepy heads.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      LOL! I just love waking up to you guys...

    • Shadesbreath profile image
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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      /blows whistle and throws a yellow flag on Sixty

      "Unnecessary use of puns. Fifteen yard penalty. Repeat first down."

      :P

      And, as far as "no holds" and "flanks" go, I have to say, the way Spryte describes it, that's the exact area containing the love handles, which, technially speaking, are the "love handles" area for, uh, some of us, adn therefore no-holds is probably not exactly the right term. lol

    • sixtyorso profile image

      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      Perhaps we should have a hub. "What really attracts me to the opposite (or same duh) sex". A no holds expose of our vicarious and not so vicarious vices. Spryte flank indeed. Thats a lot of area to cover. Or have you simply just outflanked us all? Or is that you Misty I am Mystified.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Guys, still feeling rough, but have written a hub dedicated to 'Lady' and what happened, and why, if you have time to read it. Cheers.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      That sucks about Lady, Misty...hang in there. We've missed ya!

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Aww. :( No worries, Misty. We'll be here when you get back.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Hi Guys,

      Sorry I didn't check in yesterday. Had a lousy day as I had to help put my Mum's elderly greyhound to sleep at her home. Spent most of the day in a right emotional mess (Lady was very special to all of us and lived with me for two years of her life). Needless to say I didn't come near my computer at all and simply opted to drown my sorrows in copious amounts of sherry, cider and wine. Will try to get more active in a day or so. Catch up soon guys. :)

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Gwendy, believe it or not, I have been to very few strip clubs in my life.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Jewel's sounds like your old man is a lucky, s.o.b. And, there's lots of cleavage in that game anyway, might as well set it up before hand, eh?

      Gwendy, I don't go to them, to be honest, at least not since I was like 20 or 21ish. My wife can't stand the idea, for one, so there's no point pissing her off for no reason, and, tbh, I could never help wondering what had gone so wrong in their lives to bring them to having to work in such a place. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a total perv, but something about those places is just so degrading.

      I realize that some modern feminists will rail at me for being an a-hole for saying that because stripping for money in dive bars is an example of women excercising their freedom now, but, all that aside, I don't really buy it. So, yeah, I looked at their faces. (I looked a boobs and ass too, but, until I was a few beers in and didn't care how tragic their circumstance was) I had a tendency to really kind of not enjoy it much at all.

      And it was Helen's face that launched a thousand ships, not her tits or ass.

    • jewels1977 profile image

      jewels1977 8 years ago from Nashville, TN

      These are good tips. My husband hates to go shopping with me. I do however povide him with ample cleavage (of my own) on a daily basis. I also do not mind if he checks other cleavage out. It is fun for both of us ;)! And enthusisam really is the key! We always end our visit to the mall with a trip to the video game store. Never in my life did I think cleavage and World of Warcraft would be the best aphrodisiac!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Damn straight.

      Shades: You'll need to send me an email address. You can't enclose photos through the hubpages contact thing. So send the address you want me to send it to in a private email (so all these gals don't get it and start emailing you incessantly) and I'll send it to that address.

      Hi Gwendy!

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      hmm, when you are at the strip club are you looking at faces?

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Bravo, and she doesn't even have to be knock-out beautiful... just interesting looking.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      I'm with you CW, if a woman's got a face that could make Amtrak take a dirt road, I don't care what the body looks like, I'm on the first train out.

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Gwendy, you forgot "Face men." I look at that first, then the rest of the package. Call me shallow...

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Yay!!! I'm off to make a lemon meringue pie for sweetie...bbl

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      I got FIRST post on it. I win.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      *dusts off hands*

      There...the "sorta poker" story is up. I'm feeling damn prolific this weekend...

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      I wouldn't have kicked you out for that. You'll have to do a lot worse.

      And yeah, Christoph I'd love to see that thing, see if my idea is too generic to bother with.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      :P

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      thankyou, thankyou, thankyou, tha...oh. Whew. Thanks! If I ever do it again, may I get diaper rash, become colonic, and have head lice!

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      LOL! Christoph...you can stop the self-flagellation. Besides, Shade will probably get annoyed with all the spryte,spryte,spryte very soon and kick us out of his hub for littering. :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spyte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, sprtye, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, I wish that damn cut n paste was working, spryte, spryte, sprtye, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryted spryte, sprryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, why did I have to pick such a high number?, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, sprtye, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, 948 to go, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, spryte, 940 to go, ....

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Ok guys, I have to go. I'll be back later, have fun!!!

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      I don't know, I was trying to think of a good excuse and couldn't come up with one. I even thought of trying to blame it on medication, but I can't. I guess it's just a mystery.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      LOL! I wouldn't have given up...but it hasn't been just you and Christoph. It's rather funny and damn...there has to be a reason for it, doesn't there? I mean, I don't mind being compared to Misty...it's a lot better than being compared to some others...and I like her lots...but damn...can anyone tell me why??? That's all I want to know is WHY? And why isn't she called spryte...hmmm?

      /ridiculous rant off

      :)