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Flatulence Quotes: Gas Prices May Rise but the Humor is Low.

Updated on October 4, 2008

"He that lives upon Hope, dies farting."

-Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

Poor Richard's Almanac

I'm so hungry I am farting fresh air.

-Bumper Sticker

"I thought blowing gas would offend God so I let it rip in the vestibule after service."

-Peter Griffin (The Family Guy)

"You are never too old to enjoy fart jokes. Always remember that."

-Peter Griffin (The Family Guy)

"Do not move back and forth on your chair.

Doing so gives the impression of constantly

breaking, or trying to break, wind."

-Desiderius Erasmus (1466-1536)

"Retain the wind by compressing the belly."

-Desiderius Erasmus (1466-1536)

"Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness."

-Sir Robert Hutchinson

"Inspiration: A peculiar effect of divine flatulence emitted by the Holy Spirit which hisses into the ears of a few chosen of God"

-Voltaire quotes (French Philosopher and Writer. One of the greatest of all French authors, 1694-1778)

"Every schoolmaster after the age of forty-nine, is inclined to flatulence is apt to swallow frequently and to puff"

-Harold Nicolson (Persian born English Writer and Author, 1886-1968)

"We can't start escaping at a time like this. ... I don't have time for flatulence and orgasms!

-Horatio Jackson (from the movie 'The Adventures of Baron Munchausen)

"I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also, females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by

age seven they are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from this well into their 80s."

-Dave Barry

"His whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. ..."

-Bill Lee (from the movie 'The Naked Lunch')

Gas: The new fuel

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