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Frasier: The funniest lines from the sitcom Frasier

Updated on June 5, 2014
Frasier Logo. Copyright of Paramount Network Television and NBC
Frasier Logo. Copyright of Paramount Network Television and NBC

Frasier Synopsis

Frasier, a spin-off from Cheers, was an American sitcom made by Paramount Network Television that ran for 11 seasons from 1993 until 2004 on NBC. It is one of the most successful spin-offs in sitcom history and re-runs are still broadcast in the United States and many other countries around the world.

The Main Characters in Frasier

Character
Role
Actor/Actress
Doctor Frasier Crane
A Psychiatrist who works as a presenter on a phone-in show delivering psychiatric advice
Kelsey Grammar
Doctor Niles Crane
A Psychiatrist who works in private practice
David Hyde Pierce
Martin Crane
A retired policeman who lives with Frasier
John Mahoney
Daphne Moon
A Physiotherapist who looks after Martin and lives in Frasier’s apartment
Jane Leeves
Eddie
A dog (Jack Russell Terrier) who belongs to Martin
Moose
Roz Doyle
The producer of Frasier’s radio show
Peri Gilpin

Funniest Lines from Frasier

I could list the series and episodes each line came from, as could many others, but I prefer to avoid the padding and have listed them in no particular order. I have set the scene where I thought a little more explanation was required before the lines were delivered. Hopefully you will enjoy some or all of them as much as I do.

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Niles: (after being turned down for a date) “Well her lips said no, but her eyes said; read my lips”.

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Daphne: “And who might this be?”

Frasier: “That’s Eddie”

Martin: “I call him Eddie Spaghetti”

Daphne: “Why? because he likes pasta?”

Martin: “No, because he’s got worms”

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Frasier watches another one of Niles’ seat dusting routings in the café.

Frasier: “I’d forgotten what a weird little person you are”

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Daphne: “Donny had to fly out to Florida to his grandmother. She’d do anything to come between us”

Martin: “What’d she do this time?”

Daphne: “She died”

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Daphne: “Last night Roz insisted on taking me to a bar called - The Sure Thing”

Niles: “How flattering – They’ve named a bar after her”

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Frasier: “I’d order dad the crab cocktail but I’m afraid the irony would be lost on him”

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Daphne: “Why is it easy to love our families yet so hard to like them?”

Frasier: “Well Daphne, that is the kind of question that makes life so rich, and psychiatrists richer”

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In the coffee shop and Niles has had enough of arguing with Frasier over Christmas.

Niles (to Frasier): “Why do you have to make everything so difficult?”

Frasier: “Niles, I’ve got news for you. Copernicus called and it turns out you’re not the centre of the universe”

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Frasier: “As usual Frasier has to save the day”

Martin: “As usual Martin has to hear about it”

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Later in the coffee shop after Frasier and Niles accidentally set fire to Martin’s chair and drop it off the balcony of his apartment.

Niles: “Hey dad. Taking Eddie for a walk?”

Martin: “Yeah, I was afraid if I left him home Frasier would set him on fire and throw him off the balcony”

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Frasier: “When did she find the time to put that scarf in my briefcase I only had it out of sight when I was in the barber’s chair”

Martin: “Well that would have given her about fifteen seconds”

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Daphne reveals during her interview to be Martin’s carer that she is psychic.

Frasier: “We’ll contact you. If not by phone then through the toaster”

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Niles (and Frasier): “Dad are we strange?”

Martin: “You’re not strange you’re just special”

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Frasier: “So Niles. You’ll never believe what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors”

Niles: “Roz, you’re moving”

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Niles: “Pigeons. I don’t like pigeons. They have no respect for public art”

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Daphne: “What’s left for us in Seattle? Ex wives, ex fiancés. A tangled mess of bitterness and hurt feelings”

Niles: “Yes but an excellent symphony and world class dining”

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Martin: “Boy things have really changed since my day. Back then if a girl got in trouble her family would send her away to relatives in another state, and if anybody asked they just lied and said she had gone to Europe. Then when she came back they’d raise the baby as a sister. Not like today, back then we had morals and values”

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Following the sound of a “gunshot” Frasier opens his bathroom door to find Niles covered in Hot’n’Foamy foam.

Martin: “You know what must have happened? My Hot’n’Foamy must have exploded”

Daphne: “He was a detective you know”

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Frasier: “I asked dad to pass me a bran muffin. He said, what’s the magic word? He wasn’t very amused when I said - Rest Home”

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Frasier phones Roz from a restaurant.

Frasier: “How do you know if you are on a date?”

Roz: “Are you alone?”

Frasier: “Yes”

Roz: “Then you’re not on a date”

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Niles: “What’s that perfume you’re wearing?”

Daphne: “Leave it to you to notice – it’s Obsession”

Niles: “No it isn’t – I’m just curious”

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Martin: “I used to think there was some sort of mix up at the hospital when Frasier was born. Of course when Niles came along, it shot that theory to hell”

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Niles: “They’re such a charming couple. They remind me of Maris and I when we were happy”

Frasier: “Really, I must have been sick that day”

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Frasier: “I just met a girl”

Daphne: “So did she”

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Martin (to Frasier): “At least I had a real job. Half your listening audience hears voices already, the other half talks to themselves. If you don’t show up, who’s gonna notice”

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Niles: “If my life gets any worse I’m phoning hell to ask about their exchange programme”

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Frasier: “Sorry to drop by unannounced. I know how annoying it is to drop by without calling first”

Niles: “Don’t worry. I used to do it all the time”

Frasier: “That’s how I know”

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Roz (to Frasier): “There’s nothing wrong with pampering yourself on your vacation, after all you do work three hours a day”

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Niles: “Maris is unable to have pets. She hates anything that loves her unconditionally”

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Finally my own favourite

Martin is showing Frasier his new trainers.

Martin: “They light up when I walk away”

Frasier: “Doesn’t everyone”


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@ 2013 Brian McKechnie (aka WorldEarth)

Who is your favourite Frasier character?

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    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      hilarious lines ! I don't watch Frasier often but with these lines, I am going to download the comedy variety show and watch them for sure. Thanks !

    • World Earth profile image
      Author

      Brian 3 years ago from Ayrshire, Scotland

      You're most welcome. I find the script writing and the cast make this the classic sitcom.

    • tastiger04 profile image

      tastiger04 3 years ago

      Very funny! I love this show :) Thanks for a good read....voted up and funny

    • World Earth profile image
      Author

      Brian 3 years ago from Ayrshire, Scotland

      Thanks for your comments. It does get funnier every time you watch even though you know what is going to happen.

    • profile image

      Ron H. 3 years ago

      Thanks so much . That line from Roz in the Doghouse Season 2 Episode 12 about Martin's new shoes is also my fovorite. Not since M*A*S*H has there been such a quick witted bunch of writers. Cheers -Ron

    • World Earth profile image
      Author

      Brian 3 years ago from Ayrshire, Scotland

      Thanks Ron. It's one of my favourite.

    • Johnny Parker profile image

      Johnny Parker 2 years ago from Birkenhead, Wirral, North West England

      Brilliant, thanks for that.

    • World Earth profile image
      Author

      Brian 2 years ago from Ayrshire, Scotland

      My pleasure.. I still watch the re-runs every morning on Channel 4.

    • FatBoyThin profile image

      Colin Garrow 23 months ago from Kinneff, Scotland

      I love Frasier! It's such a quirky situation they're in and the characters are all so different and yet strangely the same. The script though, is just fantastic, so funny and incredibly well written. Thanks for the quotes - hilarious.

    • World Earth profile image
      Author

      Brian 23 months ago from Ayrshire, Scotland

      Glad to meet another fan... and Scottish too.

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