ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Frasier: The funniest lines from the sitcom Frasier

Updated on June 5, 2014
Frasier Logo. Copyright of Paramount Network Television and NBC
Frasier Logo. Copyright of Paramount Network Television and NBC

Frasier Synopsis

Frasier, a spin-off from Cheers, was an American sitcom made by Paramount Network Television that ran for 11 seasons from 1993 until 2004 on NBC. It is one of the most successful spin-offs in sitcom history and re-runs are still broadcast in the United States and many other countries around the world.

The Main Characters in Frasier

Character
Role
Actor/Actress
Doctor Frasier Crane
A Psychiatrist who works as a presenter on a phone-in show delivering psychiatric advice
Kelsey Grammar
Doctor Niles Crane
A Psychiatrist who works in private practice
David Hyde Pierce
Martin Crane
A retired policeman who lives with Frasier
John Mahoney
Daphne Moon
A Physiotherapist who looks after Martin and lives in Frasier’s apartment
Jane Leeves
Eddie
A dog (Jack Russell Terrier) who belongs to Martin
Moose
Roz Doyle
The producer of Frasier’s radio show
Peri Gilpin

Funniest Lines from Frasier

I could list the series and episodes each line came from, as could many others, but I prefer to avoid the padding and have listed them in no particular order. I have set the scene where I thought a little more explanation was required before the lines were delivered. Hopefully you will enjoy some or all of them as much as I do.

_____________________________

Niles: (after being turned down for a date) “Well her lips said no, but her eyes said; read my lips”.

__________________________________________________________________


Daphne: “And who might this be?”

Frasier: “That’s Eddie”

Martin: “I call him Eddie Spaghetti”

Daphne: “Why? because he likes pasta?”

Martin: “No, because he’s got worms”

__________________________________________________________________


Frasier watches another one of Niles’ seat dusting routings in the café.

Frasier: “I’d forgotten what a weird little person you are”

__________________________________________________________________

Daphne: “Donny had to fly out to Florida to his grandmother. She’d do anything to come between us”

Martin: “What’d she do this time?”

Daphne: “She died”

__________________________________________________________________

Daphne: “Last night Roz insisted on taking me to a bar called - The Sure Thing”

Niles: “How flattering – They’ve named a bar after her”

__________________________________________________________________

Frasier: “I’d order dad the crab cocktail but I’m afraid the irony would be lost on him”

__________________________________________________________________

Daphne: “Why is it easy to love our families yet so hard to like them?”

Frasier: “Well Daphne, that is the kind of question that makes life so rich, and psychiatrists richer”

__________________________________________________________________

In the coffee shop and Niles has had enough of arguing with Frasier over Christmas.

Niles (to Frasier): “Why do you have to make everything so difficult?”

Frasier: “Niles, I’ve got news for you. Copernicus called and it turns out you’re not the centre of the universe”

__________________________________________________________________

Frasier: “As usual Frasier has to save the day”

Martin: “As usual Martin has to hear about it”

__________________________________________________________________

Later in the coffee shop after Frasier and Niles accidentally set fire to Martin’s chair and drop it off the balcony of his apartment.

Niles: “Hey dad. Taking Eddie for a walk?”

Martin: “Yeah, I was afraid if I left him home Frasier would set him on fire and throw him off the balcony”

__________________________________________________________________

Frasier: “When did she find the time to put that scarf in my briefcase I only had it out of sight when I was in the barber’s chair”

Martin: “Well that would have given her about fifteen seconds”

__________________________________________________________________

Daphne reveals during her interview to be Martin’s carer that she is psychic.

Frasier: “We’ll contact you. If not by phone then through the toaster”

__________________________________________________________________

Niles (and Frasier): “Dad are we strange?”

Martin: “You’re not strange you’re just special”

__________________________________________________________________

Frasier: “So Niles. You’ll never believe what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors”

Niles: “Roz, you’re moving”

__________________________________________________________________

Niles: “Pigeons. I don’t like pigeons. They have no respect for public art”

__________________________________________________________________

Daphne: “What’s left for us in Seattle? Ex wives, ex fiancés. A tangled mess of bitterness and hurt feelings”

Niles: “Yes but an excellent symphony and world class dining”

__________________________________________________________________

Martin: “Boy things have really changed since my day. Back then if a girl got in trouble her family would send her away to relatives in another state, and if anybody asked they just lied and said she had gone to Europe. Then when she came back they’d raise the baby as a sister. Not like today, back then we had morals and values”

__________________________________________________________________

Following the sound of a “gunshot” Frasier opens his bathroom door to find Niles covered in Hot’n’Foamy foam.

Martin: “You know what must have happened? My Hot’n’Foamy must have exploded”

Daphne: “He was a detective you know”

__________________________________________________________________

Frasier: “I asked dad to pass me a bran muffin. He said, what’s the magic word? He wasn’t very amused when I said - Rest Home”

__________________________________________________________________

Frasier phones Roz from a restaurant.

Frasier: “How do you know if you are on a date?”

Roz: “Are you alone?”

Frasier: “Yes”

Roz: “Then you’re not on a date”

__________________________________________________________________

Niles: “What’s that perfume you’re wearing?”

Daphne: “Leave it to you to notice – it’s Obsession”

Niles: “No it isn’t – I’m just curious”

__________________________________________________________________

Martin: “I used to think there was some sort of mix up at the hospital when Frasier was born. Of course when Niles came along, it shot that theory to hell”

__________________________________________________________________

Niles: “They’re such a charming couple. They remind me of Maris and I when we were happy”

Frasier: “Really, I must have been sick that day”

__________________________________________________________________

Frasier: “I just met a girl”

Daphne: “So did she”

__________________________________________________________________

Martin (to Frasier): “At least I had a real job. Half your listening audience hears voices already, the other half talks to themselves. If you don’t show up, who’s gonna notice”

__________________________________________________________________

Niles: “If my life gets any worse I’m phoning hell to ask about their exchange programme”

__________________________________________________________________

Frasier: “Sorry to drop by unannounced. I know how annoying it is to drop by without calling first”

Niles: “Don’t worry. I used to do it all the time”

Frasier: “That’s how I know”

__________________________________________________________________

Roz (to Frasier): “There’s nothing wrong with pampering yourself on your vacation, after all you do work three hours a day”

__________________________________________________________________

Niles: “Maris is unable to have pets. She hates anything that loves her unconditionally”

__________________________________________________________________

Finally my own favourite

Martin is showing Frasier his new trainers.

Martin: “They light up when I walk away”

Frasier: “Doesn’t everyone”


___________________________________________________________________

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

@ 2013 Brian McKechnie (aka WorldEarth)

Who is your favourite Frasier character?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • World Earth profile imageAUTHOR

      Brian OldWolf 

      3 years ago from Old Wolf Cottage

      Glad to meet another fan... and Scottish too.

    • FatBoyThin profile image

      Colin Garrow 

      3 years ago from Kinneff, Scotland

      I love Frasier! It's such a quirky situation they're in and the characters are all so different and yet strangely the same. The script though, is just fantastic, so funny and incredibly well written. Thanks for the quotes - hilarious.

    • World Earth profile imageAUTHOR

      Brian OldWolf 

      4 years ago from Old Wolf Cottage

      My pleasure.. I still watch the re-runs every morning on Channel 4.

    • Johnny Parker profile image

      Johnny Parker 

      4 years ago from Birkenhead, Wirral, North West England

      Brilliant, thanks for that.

    • World Earth profile imageAUTHOR

      Brian OldWolf 

      4 years ago from Old Wolf Cottage

      Thanks Ron. It's one of my favourite.

    • profile image

      Ron H. 

      4 years ago

      Thanks so much . That line from Roz in the Doghouse Season 2 Episode 12 about Martin's new shoes is also my fovorite. Not since M*A*S*H has there been such a quick witted bunch of writers. Cheers -Ron

    • World Earth profile imageAUTHOR

      Brian OldWolf 

      4 years ago from Old Wolf Cottage

      Thanks for your comments. It does get funnier every time you watch even though you know what is going to happen.

    • tastiger04 profile image

      tastiger04 

      4 years ago

      Very funny! I love this show :) Thanks for a good read....voted up and funny

    • World Earth profile imageAUTHOR

      Brian OldWolf 

      5 years ago from Old Wolf Cottage

      You're most welcome. I find the script writing and the cast make this the classic sitcom.

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 

      5 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      hilarious lines ! I don't watch Frasier often but with these lines, I am going to download the comedy variety show and watch them for sure. Thanks !

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)